has this been easy? no.

tons of uncertainty. financial pressures. emotional intensities. and now there are fleas in the house no matter what we do.

we bombed the place. we gave the cats meds. we even took them to a pet hotel the other day so the flea bomb dust could settle. when i brought the girl cat in from the car to the apartment she pissed herself in her cage. soaking herself. how that much pee was in one little cat is amazing.

then they slept for an entire day.

jeanine just called. drunk. i dont know what to do about her. she has had a very tough life. very tough. then a year ago her new husband died. it sent her down a terrible spiral. so many of us went out to Las Vegas to visit her and give her everything we could. our good friend barney even went out there and spent a week with her and finally drove her 8 hours to go to rehab.

but here she is drinking again. you can see why if you ever visit her. the apartment is like a memorial to her dearly departed. his stuff is everywhere. memories are literally wall-to-wall. she says she hates vegas, so i say move. she says she will never get rent as cheap as she has it there.

i disagree. sure rent in vegas is cheaper than it is in LA, but anything is cheaper than it is in LA. yesterday my man Roy was telling me about properties in Joshua Tree that a friend of his has that are empty because they are meant to be Air BnBs. I told her that she should consider JT where she could work, do jewelry and maybe even work at a restaurant and cook — shes probably the best cook ever.

but instead she drinks. and drinks.

what can i do? i can pray i guess. i will pray.

many many years ago jeanine and i went to hawaii

maui to be precise.

we had no money. we were fresh out of college. i had lost my job working at Sears!

little did i know but i would soon be hired by Philips/Magnavox to train all the electronic salespeople – including Sears – how to sell our fine line of personal electronics and televisions.

but we had this vacation planned so we went off and did it and it was fascinating because neither of us had been to maui before and we were in love and love tames the wild beast or something

even back then, when i go on vacation i dont wanna do shit, but jeanine was so full of life, she was all, LETS DRIVE UP THAT VOLCANO AND WATCH THE SUN RISE

i was like fuck that!


i was like, girl i grew up in the midwest, you dont think ive seen a cow before?

and we got up early, drove up mount halakalahalaha saw the damn cows, cows saw us

we kept driving. it was cold, then windy, and then the sun came up and i took this picture.

when i first met her she kept all that beautiful hair in front of her face.

she was hiding.

we went on 3 very bad dates. and i gave up. then one day it rained and i asked her to come over and teach me to play the guitar. and when she did, she lit up from the inside and no longer was she hidden.

cheesy as it sounds, i saw her heart. and it was beautiful. much like that picture.

a lot has come and gone since we climbed up that hawaiian volcano.

but one thing remains is her beautiful heart.

today i talked to her on the phone to offer my condolences because her husband had tragically died.

and as we talked about certain things she fluttered from being sad to being very sad.

but every now and then we said something that was funny.

i have no idea how to help people during times like what jeanine has just experienced

or some of the tragedies she has had to endure during her life.

life is not fair. at all. and sometimes it’s least fair to the sweetest people you ever met.

you just have to hope that at the end of this darkness

just around the bend

theres a new chapter waiting to unfold.

with shit loads of joy drizzled all around it.

it looks like the girl wont be sleeping on the couch for much longer

balancerspeople say you shouldnt jinx things by talking about things but do those people even understand how jinxing works?

if you can jinx something for the bad, shouldnt you, by the transitive law of geometry, be able to jinx something for the good?

and if so, why isnt everyone all the time jinxing junk for the good?

they’re not. also theyre not jinxing it for the bad either.

the girl will soon be moving to sin city where she will be sleeping on a bed for the first time, regularly, in over a year. i am very proud of her. she has taken on things that i dont think i could have.

i was not the best roommate. i was messy and she cleaned. i was loud, but she slept. i wasnt the most supportive after a while, yet she keeped on moving forward.

theres very very very few people i could have been as patient as i was with, but jeanine has a heart of gold and she knows i have her best interest at heart and everyone knows that its rare to have very close friends who are so close that you could do something like this with.

am i glad she’s moving to vegas? of course. the raiders will be moving there soon and this will cut down on all the hotel expenses i was planning on accruing.

and the way i see it, i get dibs on her couch for at least a few home stands.

but as they say the deal isnt finalized so keep the good thoughts brewing

and if youre any good at positive jinxes, jinx away, for good.

im in chicago and how about this, im about to hang with aj

jeanine ajwhen i was in college aj and i wrote together, rocked out together, we even had a rock and roll radio show together.

the only thing we didnt do is get it on together. i shoulda told her, look at me, i have my hair, i look great in the cubs shirt that i will later wear in vegas. and i weight 125 lbs. whats not to love?

she loved me but not *that* way. which was a bit sad in a way but it led to great diary entries in my creative studies diaries class and poems and short stories.

one thing led to another and jeanine and i started dating and then we moved in together. we were super in love. maybe in a sick way. we got these friendship bracelets which are painfully visible in this photo and i think i wore mine for a year or two. i think i also had one on my ankle. i was nuts. we were all nuts. all three of us shoulda probably gotten it on right after this picture was taken but we were sweet kids not wearing any makeup, not putting any product in our hair, probably not even wearing underwears.

i love this picture because you can just see all the love we had and have for each other beaming through. it was taken right outside of AJs pad affectionally dubbed “the playpen”. mons pubis or the wonderfuls were about to play. some jungle juice was being prepared in a nearby garbage can. and the neighbors were for sure peeking through their curtains at the parade of beauty and freaky. i think the year was 1990. either that or 91. def one of my all time favorite pictures.

anna keeps sending me pictures as if

annalast night when i was driving a nice nanny home jeanine called so i put her on speaker

she was telling me that she wasnt coming home and i said fine. when it was over she said ok, i love you!

i replied likewise and when we hung up i explained to my passenger who jeanine was and that she was sleeping on my couch temporarily.

oh how sweet that you still tell each other you love each other.

i said yeah.

the lady told me that where she’s from (el salvador), when a relationship is over there is no i love yous any more.

i said, america is sorta the same, but there are exceptions.

it depends, i told her, on how the relationship was and how it ended.

i told her that when jeanine and i were over we had a breakup party and three bands played.

maria the nanny had a hard time comprehending it.

i said, it was a different time. pre 9/11, pre-internet. we were lucky to have cable tv

she said, but bands? i said yeah, rock n roll was still alive.

i said but there are other exes that i dont care to hear from any more, like anna.

then i told her about anna and then handed her my cell phone and opened the text messages.

almost every day this woman sends you pictures of herself.

si, i said.

pretty girl! she said, with a wink and handed it back.

i said looks are deceiving, as is anna, which is why i dont really respond and why i would have a very hard time trusting her again, which is why it’s best to move on.

maria’s accent was thick, but she did understand everything

and as she got out she said, i love you tony

and winked.

theres nothing you cant do in the whole wide world, i promise


have i told you jeanine is sleeping on my couch? yep. actually its her couch. it’s a great couch. i’ll miss it when she goes, but everything changes and goes back again.

this is a photo of jeanine and i in maui. i had just been fired by Sears. as the boss was doing it i said but i’m your best salesman.

he said you are my Second best salesman.

i said, if you think i did something wrong, Pablo does like 5-6 things wrong before he even makes his first sale.

he said, yes but Pablo speaks Spanish and you do not.

i was all wow. you realize i am going to Maui next week.

he said, oh i didn’t know that. do you want me to delay this until you come back?

i said, no… no…. No.

he said, seriously man youre way bigger than selling tvs at Sears.

i said, i know, and youre right, i shouldnt be working here any more.

so Jeanine and I went to Maui and the whole time i was all, youre gonna die when you get back to Isla Vista. youre gonna be homeless in the park oogling co-eds and dancing for a buck with a broom so you can buy a 40 and drink it on the beach.

which didnt sound so bad drinking beers on a boat to Molokini (pictured)

and when i returned i wrote to Magnavox and told them that i hadnt ever seen one of their reps come in to our store in Santa Barbara, could i apply to be the rep.

and they said, not only can you, but we will give you a salary and a company car.

and my first training was with my old boss, my old co-workers, and i learned a few key phrases en Español

for my good buddy Pablo who suddenly wasnt smiling so wide

pretty great birthday, gotta say

chris and jeanine at my birthday dinner

my work friends took me to marie calendars for lunch and that was super swell

they reminded me that i hadn’t stopped working at E! just a few years ago, indeed it was closer to 13 years ago.

mama mia time flies.

they asked me if i had any advice for them since i was sooooo much older than them.

and i pointed at the E! building across the street and i said, since you mention that place, i’d have to say

blog. blog every day. blog online. it doesnt have to be open to the public. but one thing im so happy about is the fact that if i ever want to go back and see what i was doing or thinking or hanging with, it’s all right there in my words and pictures and nobody can take it down. facebook might close shop one day. then where are your memories?

our grub

after work Jeanine and Chris took me to Rush Street in Culver City and we ate all these adult meals. I had salmon with green mashed potatoes. jeanine had sliders and chris had some sustainable pizza. it was all delicious. ive known Chris since i was 21 and Jeanine since i was 23. im more than double that now and they are still such a great part of my life. im very very lucky.

bad beer

chris and i split this $29 bottle of Goose Island Halia which tasted like a terrible mistake that they couldnt sell so they put an outrageous price on it and hipsters were all OMG it must be fantastic. but it was far from fantastic but since Chris and i went to UCSB and had lots of far from fantastic beers there, we drank almost all of it, and i poured some out for the bad people who arent with us.

afterwards Jeanine and I walked across the street to the kirk douglas theatre, where she had bought us front row tickets to see Courtney Love in a pop-opera. I was so close to Courtney i could have touched her. it was a very weird play. im not real sure what it was about but it was enjoyable and only an hour. i recommend it for anyone who loves Ms Love and wants to be super close to her physically while she sings this guy’s weird songs. the lighting was terrific. it’s amazing what they can do with a small stage.

all in all, i cant believe i made it to 137 years old. i cant believe pretty girls want to get naked with me. i cant believe my back still works and my fingers and my nose and my heart and my eyes and my knees. i swear im going to start exercising more as i approach 200 years old. i havent hiked in ages and havent run in god knows how long. i seriously need to join the gym across from my work next week. because this great luck cant last for ever. can it?

jeanine and i saw van halen last night at the hollywood bowl

van halen at the hollywood bowl

dave is a goofball, eddie is a maestro, alex is an animal and young wolfgang totally shreds on bass

they have an arsenal of classic riffs and crowd pleasing hits

millionaires several times over and rightfully so

and yet at the bowl they had the cheesiest graphic display behind the drums ive ever seen.

was it a parody? were they being sarcastic?

was it all a sinister hack by Anonymous?


hollywood bowl sangria

the Bowl played along by busting with some performance art of their own

“who would pay so much money for such a thing? find out in this weeks episode of ‘$28 Sangria!'”

pope shirts, ive got your pope shirts right hereand seriously, van halen sounded terrific and it’s great to see this line up

back at home, looking full of life

but then i met this guy who looked exactly like Barry Bonds selling Pope tshirts

i said i want your shirt

he said i cant sell you this shirt

i asked why

he said because i got this there

i said id pay double

he said i saw him.

i said it reminds me of something id give a catholic raiders fan’s teenage daughter

he said, i saw him.

it was jeanines second trip to the bowl in as many days having just seen duran duran on thursday.

as we walked up the hill towards the entrance of the bowl she was telling me how great the fab five were and how fun it was and what the people were wearing and all the songs she hadnt realized she knew and all the types of people were there and how solid the band sounded

and we got to our seats and the lights dimmed and van halen played about two minutes of Runnin with the Devil and she said,


this is way better.

the cats were all, hey why are there bars on the windows

freedom frames

i was like, those arent bars, those are Freedom Frames.

jeanine is staying with me now for a little while.

the place she was subletting mysteriously had a problem with subleasing once the main tenant reneged on the deal. will jeanine get the balance of her rent back? probably not.

when people are on the spiral down, and know the correct decision is rehab, often those people refuse to take the correct route until things have completely fallen apart.

as long as other people are paying your rent, it’s tough to completely fall apart.

thats one of the lessons i learned the last time jeanine was crashing on my couch.

now almost exactly a year later, she is fully recovered, working, vibrant, alive, coherent, and sparkling new.

it’s a joy to have her back here. the cats feel the same way.

huge shoutout to the Clare foundation, the state federal government for subsidizing programs like theirs, and Bill the founder AA.

went to the new kanpai last night with jeanine and sass

new kanpai

the new kanpai is about two miles away from the old kanpai, but this one is on sepulveda on the way to LAX

sass and sushi

sass is being kicked out of america for being too sexy so we decided to celebrate by eating all the fish

while singing

not super crowded

we didn’t disturb anyone because no one knows the new kanpai even exists yet which was great


it meant we could eat these weird baby sardines on top of shrimp wrapped delightfulness

jeanine and sass

only bad thing about new kanpai is they haven’t paid off the powers that be yet so you cant drink there

but you get 10% off your tab which is good because new kanpai still has old kanpai prices

which is why i usually rob a bank before i go there, but damn is it worth it.


Kanpai Sushi Bar & Grill
8736 S Sepulveda Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90045

just look for the bathroom sign that has a typo