its cold and rainy and depressing in LA right now

mad catterbut you know what cheered me up really nicely last night?

a lovely phone call from your bff jeanine marie bon natale.

her transformation from drunky drunky hard to even talk with alkie

to super clear super focused sweet as can be straight edge angel is a joy to behold.

proof that your life can turn around in a split second once you truly decide that you are not who you are pretending to be

once you choose Good over dumb

once you say i deserve the best.

it’s incredible how quickly it all changed and how real it is.

like i’d bet on it.

id bet that not only will she never drink again but she wont even consider it.

it’s a miracle in the making, this little girl who could drink a bottle of whatever in a matter of hours has now totally turned her back on it all

not because she has to or because someone told her to

but because she sees absolute no value in being at the bottom of a bottle.

it’s adorable and wonderful and gives you hope that not only is there God

but he loves us.

happy anniversary Jeanine

jeanine and me

a zillion years ago a mysterious creature named Jeanine made her way into the offices of the Daily Nexus.

she wore a scowl and a men’s blazer. she looked like Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club and because I’m a sucker for the Unknown i HAD to know who she was and what made her tick.

she hated me immediately because i was loud and cocky and had rough edges for days.

i probably also reeked.

we had a few dates and they were terrible and one day she dropped acid and looked me in the eyes and kissed me and i was all omg omg omg omg

a week or so later was the california collegiate journalism awards.

earlier that year i had been fired and later banned from the Nexus but somehow my three Arts sections had been submitted for judgement so i got in a car with Jeanine and a long haired named Trevor Top and we made our way from IV to Sacramento.

along the way i realized Trevor liked her too. i was very nervous because i felt he was way cooler than me, but i had kissed her, so i had that on him.

many of us piled into just a few rooms we drank nibbled on pizza and hit the hot tub.

there i held her hand to see if she would hold it in return. she did, so i kissed her. then again. it was lovely.

soon i was trying on my dress. the men of the Nexus in those days wore dresses to the awards because we were loud, cocky, and had rough edges for days that were softened with the thrift store frocks.

Jeanine helped me with my look and we walked hand in hand to the banquet room where after a few hours it became obvious that the Nexus, as usual, was going to waltz home with Every award. myself included. which was the first time we had won for Arts.

victory was mine! retribution! i had fought for every idea in those sections. much of was in contradiction to our terrible EIC at the time who had just won Best in State but had to deal with his arch enemy, moi, not only winning my big prize, but best of all i got the girl: jeanine, who couldnt care less about the awards, but was wooed by a man in a dress who was now on top of the world and on top of her on the floor of our room.

a few days later we drove to frisco, then mexico and along the way we fell in love.

the date was march 17th. st. paddys day. our anniversary. 10 BC. and we will love each other forever.

sad to see my mom and chris go home


mom squeezing hollywood

last night my mom chris jeanine and i went to kanpai and had a great time.

it was actually super fun and it was real nice to share with everyone all the good things

like melt in your mouth sushi fish

magically delicious vegetables

and a lobster roll where the lobster tells you exactly what to do to get the most out of it

lobster roll

everyone was happy because jeanine is recovering so well and shes so alive and so great again

we were also in the glow of the oscars which i was so lucky to share with chris and ma

on our drive through LA we saw big houses and talked and talked and talked

it  was so nice.

then i had to drop of chris and we cried inside cuz we still have a magic bond

and shes still so beautiful and sweet

me and the truest

and im still a tshirt wearing dope.

then me and mom had an hour to kill so we went up and down the beach and then it was time for her to fly back to the snow

so she did

and i drove home and ordered a pizza and passed out cuz i was tired.

im so lucky to have so many special people in my life and they got to hang for a little together.

now, back to work

really good weekend, super fun ubering, and then resting

jeaninebut probably the best thing that happened this weekend was getting to visit Jeanine.

she is holed up in a secret xbi training center to work on her exhaustion.

as you know the agency loves to poison us. sometimes they over do it.

the way i combat it is to eat a ton of junk food. the preservatives and chemicals counteract the weirdness that they subversively give us and it all balances out.

poor jeanine though eats well, and when the xbi did what they did to her, over years and years, it eventually wore her out.

a month ago she was taken away and only recently was she able to receive guests and i am very glad to announce that she is doing so well, theres so much more life back in her eyes and heart and spirit. it was an absolute joy to spend an hour with her.

funny thing about her, you can always tell how she is doing from her hair.

saturday her hair was silky smooth and happy and bright and sparkling.

she wanted to tell me all the stories about the other agents she is rehabbing with but i was all, there is no such thing as the xbi

and for sure there is no such thing as agents who arent at 100%.

she was all omg, but these people are sooooo fascinating!

i was like, just tell me about you, what have you learned, what did you go through, how did you like the books i snuck in?

so we talked and talked and someone recognized me and i said hi and they said you know if you wanted to drive jeanine around for a few minutes i’ll look the other way

and quickly we hopped into my car and i said so what do you want to eat?

she said, something healthy

i said you can have anything in the world and you want an apple? how about some taco bell or jack in the box or a burrito from a truck. and she smiled and said, thats your technique, i like healthy good things. in fact im thinking about being a cook here, full time, like forever.

it was so sweet. your girl is totally back. in such a short period of time. it was so good. sooooo good. so thank you for your good thoughts. they worked!

mark was in town so he said lets have dinner with jeanine


so i was all, well we’ve gotta go eat sushi then cuz its right by her house.

huge mistake because he was coming from los feliz, and i was coming from the miracle mile

going that way in rush hour was a challenge but i thought about you the whole way so it wasnt bad

and i listened to the cubs game.

and i listened to Mr Little Jeans whose record just came out


sometimes kanpai is good, sometimes it’s terrific, sometimes it’s really terrific.

last night it was super great. everything melted in our mouths we couldnt get enough

they have these coupons on but the catch is you have to spend twice as much as the coupon

so i had to order two rolls to go to hit our number and the total, tax included was $75

so i added an extra $20 tip because peter is the best and i was out of there paying for three of us

for under $100, it was amazing.

i was so exhausted today


and i was coughing and nauseous and at times i felt horrible

but at the same time i worked ok. and now i feel fantastic.

i think i was just so tired. maybe over tired.

now its midnight and im going to bed. but first i wanted to tell you the best news

jeanine, a few weeks ago was all, i wanna work at this one particular jewlery store

and then the other day she goes to craigslist and Theres the store looking for her

for exactly the job she wanted.

today was her first day.

how awesome is that.

so weird how sometimes you can just visualize your future

and then it comes true.

lets all try it.

today is jeanine’s birthday, shes 24

jeanine volcano

jeanine has been one of my closest friends since i first seduced her in isla vista on cordova ave.

a few weeks later she tried to kill herself, but it didnt take, so she, for some reason considers me her guardian angel instead of The Cause of All Misery, which is why she’s wonderful.

like many close friends there are times when we laugh cry and scream at each other. sometimes in the same conversation.

jeanine is going through a lot right now. she has experienced some deaths in her family, she has a very demanding career, and she is doing her best to detox from booze all by herself.

like beyonce, shes an independent woman. unlike queen b, jeanine has no jay-z with benjamins to help smooth the road to success.

yesterday i got a text message that she had a seizure at work and was rushed to the hospital.

about an hour later i got another text from her boss saying “please call me tony” and i panicked because i thought she had died in the hospital.

i was terrified to call because i didnt want to hear that news. i thought about all of the things that i wanted her to do with the next 100 years of her life and one of them being that i wanted her to teach my kids how to be guitar heroes.

fortunately she is still alive. and kicking. and joking. and beautiful. and wonderful. and i am so happy and relieved.

i love her so much and i look forward to dining with her tonight.

happy birthday amazing aquarius!

today is jeanine’s birthday, she’s 24


jeanine and i met famously in the newsroom of the uc santa barbara college paper, the daily nexus.

neither of us knew it was an xbi plot.

the original dates were disasters, but at night the agency would tweak our brain dynamics through radio waves

and secretly poison our delicious fruit punch soda.

and soon, not only were we in love, but we were shacking up

and using landlines.


id bring her on my jobs and say just stay in the car, but when i least expected it, there she was on the roof with me

saying quick before you do that, smile pretty for the birdie

me and jeanine

sadly, turnabout wasnt always fair play.


the xbi was happy with things so they sent us to the secret training facility on the moon

where we experimented with invisible space suits


on the weekends i enjoyed playing NHLPA hockey with the neighbors

and jeanine liked to stand in the way of the screen

attempting to use ESP on me so i’d sing bluegrass songs with her on the banjo.

jeanine aj and me

jeanine is so sweet she won over every man woman and lizard in isla vista.

my mom still has pictures of her up in her house.


but not this one because here she’s on acid.

ken jeanine and bonnie

jeanine has hand made the wedding rings of all of our married friends.

its a cute little way for the xbi to keep an eye on the santa barbara mafia

but it’s also a way for all of us to remember how special todays birthday girl is to us.

happy birthday sweet sweet hollywood guitar goddess


thanks for coming back to LA for us.

let the hollow points commence to pop pop pop

next month is the 20th anniversary of The Chronic.

even though i felt i had been there forever, 20 years ago i was still new to the xbi

so they sent me to new orleans for some, uh, training.

jeanine and i were super in love so i brought her, against their wishes

but whatevs, everything worked out. and today jeanine reminisced on facebook

I’m finally getting caught up on my LA Weekly reading, re: “The Making of the Chronic” article. Somewhere there exists a VHS tape of me n’ Tony on a Spring Break vay-cay, in the one and only town of Gretna, LA, on our way to the French Quarter, listening to Dr. Dre’s just-released album. During the course of eight days,we had Popeye’s Chicken, tried Hurricanes and muffalettas for the first time, went to that restaurant where they filmed the Folger’s Coffee commercial, ate beignets at Cafe Du Monde, and in the midst of many downright tropical rainstorms, found a killer guitar shop that had a super awesome Herb Ellis ES-165 Gibson, vintage sunburst (I think) that I actually got to play for a while, a la Joe Pass style. Throughout, we agreed that The Chronic was a totally freakin’ awesome album.

today she told me the nicest thing:

we’ve known each other longer than we havent known each other

humble brag: a few years ago Geoff Boucher took me to meet Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine. apparently they had decided that they were going to get into the headphones business. beats by dre or something crazy. they wanted geoff to listen to them. so he brought me.

i got to meet everyone, i listened to the headphones. i handed them over to geoff

and then i took this picture:

proof that real life is often stonier than the green stuff.

sometimes moreso in retrospect.