nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, January 24, 2021

    jesus wants us to trust him 

    today is sunday so here is my sermon

    the bible is SUPER DOOPER CLEAR:

    fuck money

    fuck what other people think

    fuck all yr dumbass worldly possessions

    fuck yr feelings about your enemies and those you find yourself judging

    it’s all bullshit. all of it.

    the bible tells us that the weird little dance the bizarre game of Earth is fucking childsplay

    it’s a fake tea party we’re having with a 3 year old.

    aint no tea in that cup, son!

    Jesus says the real tea is in the kingdom of Heaven.

    Jesus says sell your shit and follow him

    Jesus says love every fucking person: your friends your enemies your neighbors your family everyone


    so when we worry, unless we’re worrying solely about if we are being loving Enough, then we need to stop worrying because worrying is a form of not trusting Him

    and if you wanna be a believer of Him you gotta trust Him

    easy-peasy dopey and sneezy.

    Matthew 6:25 if yr scoring at home:

    “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

    Jesus continues:

    26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

    Worry does nothing good. we think it prepares us but it doesn’t. Who was prepared for COVID otherthanObama?

    a year ago this week i was in church and i looked at my phone to see that Kobe had died.

    how was i supposed to know that hundreds of thousands of other Americans were also going to die in tragic ways in 2020?

    we cannot prepare for squat. i have two Go Bags. neither are of any use, really. especially if The Big One hits when im at Neptunes Net.

    which is why we have to just trust the big guy.

    dance with who brung ya.

    and Worry did not get us here.

    Love did.


  2. Monday, December 24, 2018

    the first Christmas Eve 

    i have a long list of people i want to meet if i am fortunate enough to be invited to Heaven

    cobain, hendrix, elvis, belushi

    but i cant wait to ask Joseph, were you freaking out? you literally had one job and you sorta blew it.

    you knew for a long while that your virgin wife was pregnant with the Son of God and in the eighth or ninth month you decide to journey to little ass Bethlehem to sign the census or pay taxes or something

    even though the Son of God could probably solve whatever weird paperwork problem it would have caused if you had stayed


    in Nazareth, but instead you wander, get to Bethlehem and cannot get a room to rent

    even though your people are from there, dating all the way back to David

    but theres no one around for a nice pregnant lady and her man?

    and you can’t get a hotel motel or holiday inn to squeeze you in?

    that pressure must have been incredible.

    and what do you do when you say to yourself, ok, cool, mary, heres what we’re gonna do, you chill here next to this donkey and im gonna clean out this little shit shack here

    and like animals we’re gonna do this right here under the stars

    like was it that spiritual? or was it survival? was it her idea? was it that holy spirit that whispered in your ear at the beginning of all of this when you were gonna bail on her because you thought she had cheated on you?

    who made it ok to deliver God

    in the poop and piss mud of the stables – and then placed in the manger

    manger, being of course the trough where the food is held so the animals can eat it. and what was the food for animals back then? all the left over grain and guts and god knows what

    and slobber.

    was that cool with you? did you feel like a loser? if i was a hippie would i feel different?

    and it was cold. Israel ain’t Maui. It’s cold in the winter.

    you must have huddled baby Jesus tight when you two and the donkey delivered Him into the world and slept through the night.

    did you sleep? did the wise men wake you? could you sleep? that was Jesus. did you realize what you had there? was it obvious?

    so many questions about what happened on this night, 2,018 years ago.

    zero that have to do with Santa.

  3. Saturday, December 22, 2018

    love and mercy 

    call me a purist but i havent heard one word about Jesus this Christmas

    all these so called Christians, especially those on Twitter who have bios that say:

    Bible, Family, MAGA

    nobody’s talking about Jesus, the reason for the season. once a year there should be a good discussion about him

    all the smartest minds: historians, poets, rabbis, preachers, priests, the pope. how come the only time we hear from the pope is when he is saying something punk rock? why isn’t there a limited series starring the pope and what he has to say about jesus like every three four years?

    am i the only one in this for more than the presents.

    poor amber was stressed because she didnt know what to get me i said socks, pajama pants, and something that you wanna wear about the house because i see you a lot more than i see me.

    but what i want for christmas, truly, is to hear some good conversations about the son of God who came down to Earth, performed miracles, escaped into the desert, and then got killed in a terrible way only to return from the dead while his closest followers were running for their lives denying his greatness

    to me thats something worthy of the twinkly lights

  4. Friday, December 18, 2015

    if joseph and mary were looking for a place to deliver Jesus 

    new joseph and marywould you let them crash at your place?

    the Good Book has many stories about traveling strangers needing a roof over their head temporarily, but none is more powerful than the Son of God’s origin story.

    not even the motel had somewhere for A PREGNANT LADY TO SLEEP

    who refuses a pregnant lady?

    i need to get in the movie making business and exclusively tell bible stories because the problem with the bible is people think that these are just old fashioned tales that have zero relevance to today,

    but the reason that they connect with me so well is because, to me, the bible shows me that human nature is something that hasn’t changed much over the years.

    we are still nervous about immigrants.

    we are still untrustworthy of strangers.

    our hearts want to be full of love and kindness and generosity but our brains and our culture tells us to fear and destroy and shun.

    what i love about the Bible is God and Jesus and King David and Moses and all the heroes get dissed left and right by humans who would rather melt down gold into the shape of a goat and pray to IT as opposed to give it up to the miracle maker right in front of them.

    that has not changed to this day. so quickly some diss people like Barack Obama who miraculously steered the economy away from the brink of disaster, who got gays and lesbians the right to marry, who killed osama bin laden, who inspired Wall Street to rebound, who got health insurance to millions who wouldn’t have it due to normal things like “pre-existing conditions.

    so the question i need to ask myself is who am i dissing who is performing good deeds around me? who am i foolishly ignoring in favor of something ridiculous. and most importantly, who am i refusing, who very well might be the mother and father of peace?

    history is there for us to learn from and build upon. we cant ignore it. but sadly i think even the smartest of us do.

  5. Sunday, August 23, 2015

    i listened to this song about ten times today 

    “that’s enough”
    by Dorothy Love Coates

    There’s always somebody talkin bout me, really i don’t mind
    They try to block and stop my progress most of the time
    Well the mean things you said don’t make me feel bad
    Cause I can’t miss a friend that I never had

    (I’ve got) I’ve got jesus and that’s enough (that’s enough) that’s enough
    When I’m sick (he’s there) and troubled (he’s there)
    When I call him he will answer my prayers (answer my prayers)
    When I’m burdened (he’s there) with a load (he’s there)
    That’s when Jesus is a comforter (to my soul)
    Well you may scorn me turn your back on me
    God’s got his arms wrapped all around me

    (I’ve got) I’ve got jesus and that’s enough (that’s enough) that’s enough

    You know there’s been so many times that I did’nt have a dime
    And i did’nt tell nobody but the Lord
    He heard my plea and came to see about me cause he’s one thing
    I can afford
    So if you push me down he’ll pick me up
    And he’ll stick by me when the goin’ gets tough

    (I’ve got) I’ve got jesus and that’s enough (that’s enough) that’s enough
    Well he’s the great emancipator and my heart regulator (Jesus is)
    yes he is
    He’ll make my way brighter and my burdens lighter yes he will
    (Jesus will)
    Well you may scorn me turn your back on me
    God’s got his arms wrapped all around me
    And he fights down the devil till he makes him give up
    And thats wnough (that’s enough) that’s enough
    When I’m sick (he’s there)

  6. Friday, April 3, 2015

    today is good friday 

    planets aligned

    this is the day Jesus died on the cross, the planets aligned, the earth quaked

    and then the Son of God ascended into Heaven.

    they say on the third day he rose again, but Sunday is really just two days after Friday so who knows what really happened.

    all I know is Jesus didn’t like dying on the cross, he thought God abandoned him there,

    Romans poked him with sticks and made him drink vinegar from dirty rags

    it was a mess.

    and he did it all for you, me, and everyone.

    for all of our sins. even the horrible ones. the ones we dont even blog about on the nothing in here is true.

    why? why did he do that. he did it because he wants us to move on.

    he knew, even back then, that guilt and misery in the mind and heart, affects the soul.

    and he needs us to have clear consciences so we can climb the next mountain.

    because that is where the good stuff is.

    not the potholes of our youth where we might obsess.

    the past is the past is the past and Jesus paid for those sins. move forward. that is what Good Friday and Easter are about.

    the holiest days in the Christian calendar.

    renewal, rebirth, recharge

    and rock.

  7. Friday, March 28, 2014