nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, December 19, 2012

    karisa is unimpressed 

    karisa being the unimpressed gymnast

    she was all, no really what have you done this year, mister?

    no book, no blook, no new crib, no new taxes, no new girlfriend, no new secret blog, no new secret life.

    i said i have a new tv.

    she was all, that isnt a new tv, its someones old tv, and tvs arent accomplishments.

    she was all, you didnt even go to canada in 2012.


    meanwhile she’s basically remodeled her home, ended the war on drugs, and gave inspiration to that dude from Red Bull to jump from the moon to earth that one time.

    (it was a pre-Festivus feat of strength challenge)

    so i promised her that i would do something cool in 2014

    and she said, and if you dont, you have to delete the busblog.

    i was all, deal!

    and then we ate delicious sashimi that was served to us on a huge block of ice which karisa couldnt stop going on about: all her favorite fish were represented: geminis, libras, scorpios, and scallops.

    at one point she began to get a tad tipsy and threatened to get up on her chair to show me something.

    a woman in a fur kimono was very interested in the semi-scene, as was our waiter who later gave us a gift that was ridiculously generous.

    i said why? he said its Christmas.

    so we all hugged and sped off in the bitter cold of night.

  2. Tuesday, November 20, 2012

    whenever beebs is in town i borrow his Fisker 


    and since it was ali’s birthday i was all, yo lemme taker to dinner in it. he was all, sure

    so we had a few hot dishes, a few cold ones, she told me about what fun she had at work

    we talked about how much different her thanksgiving is gonna be compared to mine.

    i learned she doesnt like really big bedrooms

    which is weird because ive never understood houses that have a lot of really small ones,

    then peter turned the lights down, but only to tell everyone the credit card machine was broken

    ali bday

    later he turned them down again to tell everyone it was ali’s birthday

    and he brought out this ice cream that was sooooo good

    it was like a peach sherbet with a hard shell and because he reads the busblog

    he put a nice hostess ding dong on the plate but waved his magic Kanpai wand on it

    and it was ten times more delicious somehow.

    then we sped the fisker through the venice streets

    never once thinking about the bears terrible performance.

  3. Tuesday, November 13, 2012

    quiet time 


    sometimes it’s nice to just be very quiet

    and eat

    and drink

    and read each others work emails

    and answer as the other person

    and not read what the other person wrote

    and just trust

    and eat some more

    and drink

    and smile all the way home

    then blog

  4. Friday, October 12, 2012

    went to see that space shuttle endeavour for yr ass 

    the boss put me on the late shift so since i had the day off (basically) i jetted over to westchester

    gotta say it was pretty weird to park in a residential neighborhood, cross the street, walk two blocks

    and see parked right there the thing that went to pluto and back

    smartest guy in town drove his cherry picker over early and charged people $5 each to ride up it for 3 minutes

    he made $1,000 no problem

    there were other souvenirs you could buy if you wanted to

    most people just wanted to see the famous space ship and feel good about america

    afterwards i had lunch and talked to my mom on the phone and tolder i loved her.

    cuz i do!

  5. Monday, August 13, 2012

    had a great evening with an internet superstar 

    glenda b

    who flew out from nyc
    via chicago
    via sfo
    via lax
    via kanpai
    via an expressway to yr skull

    shes the real deal holyfield

    and its good shes east coast 4 lyfe

    cuz im not so sure this coast could handle her for long

    glenda b adjusted my chakras pretty nicely just by being there

    and being herself.

    people should be themselves more, im learning

  6. Saturday, August 4, 2012
  7. Wednesday, July 11, 2012
  8. Friday, June 15, 2012

    this is not sawara 


    it is albacore, sawara style.

    it tastes like sawara, the magical fish that lives in the remote outskirts of japan

    but it is just plain old beautiful albacore.

    even i, a sawara expert, has a hard time immediately noticing the differences between the two.

    but its the nuances.

    fifty bucks says that you know about the nuances of certain things in your life.

    but especially your heart.

    in your heart you know whats right, whats wrong, what youre doing to succeed

    and what you’re doing to avoid the inevitable.

    my question to you is, why arent you just letting go

    lord knows you want sawara

    ask for it.

    step away from the albacore.

    because after you have experienced the sawara,

    baby theres some desert headed yr way.

  9. Monday, June 4, 2012

    look who has an apple product 

    karisa got an iphonekarisas an independent woman.

    cant tell her what to do.

    dont even try.

    like most of my friends, karisa doesnt like to follow the leader, she likes to be the leader.

    so for years she had anything but an iphone.

    “i dont know why you keep going on and on, my phone can do that too,” shed say.

    and they could. but in a meh way, if you ask me.

    her last phone had a huge screen. good for pictures, but karisa doesnt take a lot of pictures.

    only pics she takes are of me, but the xbi deletes almost all of them.

    so the other night she was all, oh look what i got.

    i couldnt believe it so i took a picture and instagrammed it.

    i still dont believe it.

  10. Monday, February 13, 2012

    i still was a good night 

    the boss’s daughter in law was in town for the grammys cuz she was up for an award or something

    so we were gonna go hiking but something happened so we had brunch instead.

    super nice, extremely smart, and of course beautiful cuz it runs in the family.

    went on a hike anyways with karisa who climbed mt runyun like it aint no thing.

    the view was gorgeous and the dog smell was less bothersome because of the recent drizzle.

    afterwards i napped in my sweaty clothes like a hobo and dreamed of spring training.

    when i woke i got a text message saying ‘i won a grammy but everyones lame, lets eat’

    so i drove over to the wesssside, picked her up, drank wine and sped over to the best sushi in town

    who even at 10:30pm was packed. we finally got a table and peter took hella care of us

    top five meal she says shes ever had, and the fish was particularly fresh.

    as i drove home i saw a weird scene at Vatican, formerly Safari Sams. formerly Tulips

    kids everywhere cars breaking all sorts of rules. people running red lights

    i assumed it was a gun fight, and when i read todays paper, i was sad to see i was right.