nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, February 21, 2018

    the kids are all right 

    decades ago The Who produced a film called The Kids Are All Right about the British band’s run through the ’60s and ’70s

    but right now there are a group of idealistic teenagers in Florida who have had enough with America’s love/hate affair with guns, particularly assault rifles.

    these teens were victims of school shooter who killed 17 of their fellow students. instead of freaking out (which they are also probably doing), they have used that energy to pressure local, state and federal lawmakers to stop accepting bribes from the NRA and start changing the laws so that mentally disturbed people have a harder time getting their hands on weapons and so a kid in Algebra class doesn’t have to live in fear any more for their life.

    naturally Republicans are fighting the kids, which is bizarre. they are claiming that some of these students are actors being fed lines and aren’t earnestly asking for gun control measures, but are being paid by people like George Soros and other liberals.

    the kids have been amazing. they say this has nothing to do with politics. they say it has nothing to do with Trump. what their goal is simply: they want last week’s school massacre to be the Last One.

    they have a tough road ahead of them because even though they filled three Greyhound busses with protesting students, once they arrived at the Florida State House in Tallahassee, the GOP-led state senate refused to even debate gun control.

    “if Congress or no one else wants to do anything about this, so what, because we are going to do something about this,” one of the students said. and you best believe them.

  2. Wednesday, January 10, 2018

    hi innernet, did you miss me? 

    yeah me neither.

    stopped by my man dave’s pad last night with amber and we were chit chatting for a little. his boys were even more adorable than they are on instagram.

    funniest thing happened though. one of them was laughing at me holding this giant sword. the thing was almost as tall as he is.

    and he was waving it at me laughing.

    then he did the best thing, he started pretending the sword was a rifle.

    i was all, are you shooting me with your sword?

    he laughed harder and shook his head.

    Yes! Pew Pew Pew.

    then the other one goes, now imma shoot you wif my gun!

    and he runs and retrieves this giant Batmobile.

    i say thats not a gun thats a car.

    he says not any more and he clicks a button and two missiles rocket out at me, clipping my arm.

    remind me to get one of those blood packs the next time i visit them to freak them out.

    such sweet kids. so much energy. so many hot wheels.

    as we were leaving they were fighting each other a little. i asked the older one, does your little brother ever win?

    he said, no, he kwhys.

    i said all my ex girlfriends used that technique on me.

    and it works.

  3. Sunday, November 13, 2016

    are we all gonna die? 


    i would make the worst dad.

    is russia gonna invade us?


    is china gonna help them?

    if they were smart.

    is china smart?

    not with all that fucking pollution theyre not.

    is the world going to speed up global warming with a republican president and a republican congress and republican governors pretty much everywhere?

    we would only be so lucky if the icebergs all melted and flooded florida instead of dealing with the nuclear winter we are gonna have once all the bombs are accidentally and then on purposelly fired off at iran and korea and milwaukee and paris.

    is mike pence secretly gay?

    no, he’s just an asshole. gay people have style.

    is rihanna a slut?

    we really cant go around saying that women have the right to do with their bodies what they want and then run around even allowing that word to even exist.

    what word?

    good boy.

  4. Friday, September 9, 2016
  5. Friday, October 31, 2014
  6. Tuesday, July 1, 2014
  7. Wednesday, June 18, 2014
  8. Friday, August 9, 2013

    fine, i’ll have kids 

    and a pool

    and i’ll let them roughhouse and run around it.

    after you watch this once, watch it again keeping your eye on the skateboarder

    (try to ignore his speedo)

  9. Friday, June 7, 2013
  10. Wednesday, March 6, 2013