nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, December 22, 2011

    took the family to disneyland 

    welcome to disneyland

    year after year i have gone home to Chicago to see my fam over the holidays.

    and every year i complain to them “why are we here in the cold when its warm and sunny in LA”?

    often the excuse was “the kids are too young to travel”.

    but now theyre big enough and so this year they trekked out west and i was all, awesome lets do fun things

    tyler spinning the tea cup

    and for kids, even in this modern world, fun means Disneyland. fine.

    mickey pretzels

    spoiler alert: disneyland is one expensive mofo. a family of five cant even get int that park for under $500

    even if two of the kids are under 9 and one of the adults is a senior citizen.

    parking is $15, strollers are $15 each, and pretzels shaped as Mickey are $7.50.

    real life toy story 3

    because of that, many of the Toy Story toys literally jump out at you in order to get yr attention

    in hopes that you take them home.

    parade family

    but you know what, if you save, embezzle, or work hard, you can get your kids in the park

    and they will have so much fun that they will fall asleep while waiting for the parade to happen.

    kyla balloon

    and they will cover their ears while driving home next to the balloon.

    when you ask them why, they may say “because balloons pop and i dont wanna go deaf.”

    and sure enough, 20 minutes later the balloon pops and erryone gets mad.

    except for uncle tony who laughs at his brilliant niece who really does know it all.

  2. Tuesday, November 15, 2011

    my niece loves magic johnson so much she wears his number 

    magic was 32kylas all right. shes on the basketball team.

    my nephew is on another team.

    because they dont have blogs im forced to rely solely on information trickled out of my moms iphone.

    but apparently kyla is mastering the sky hook,

    a shot even the children understand is unstoppable.

    when i was a lad i was pretty good at mastering the stoppable shots.

    i also fiddled around with the easy-to-steal dribble.

    kids today understand about percentages.

    they grew up with wii.

    they’ll never have carpal tunnel.

    they *will* have jetpacks, robots, and virtual reality.

    i bet they have those things before people put music videos back on tv.

    it’ll take the future of america to put videos back on tv.

    funny what your generation is needed for.

    fortunately mine was created to eat McRibs.

    heres what i want my neice’s generation to give the world besides a return to solid music videomaking:

    1. metric clocks

    2. the end of world hunger

    3. the ridicule and eventual extinction of the phony baloney.