nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, May 7, 2014

    I haven’t written for LAist in forever 

    But the very sweet Rachel Reynolds invited me to Bruce Springsteen’s producer’s studio (mr bob clearmountain) on Cinco de Mayo

    To see and hear the Mexican guitar slingers Rodrigo y Gabriela

    And I knew I was gonna tell the world about such a perfect night

    So I asked LAist’s editor Emily if she was interested and she said Si

    But of course I got an uber over there bc I knew is be drinking. Your BFF canceled on me at the lastest minute possible which made me very sad.

    Weirdly when I texted the lovely Daria she said oh hell yes so we sped over there, rocked out, drank, and them drank more and ate tacos at Taco Zone

    Then got caught jaywalking and I told the cops that if they only gave me a ticket I would remove the curse I could see hanging over them.

    They said what curse.

    I said you know the one.

    And now I’ve gotta pay like $200 in a month. Which is better than both of us paying.

    So we got in an uber and went home and drank and drank.

    The next day boy was I tired but I wrote the whole review on my bAck on this iPhone and this morning they published it.

    Because it’s life, some sad things happened because not every thing is perfecto and some people are loco. Here’s what you’ve gotta do: burn bridges.

    And then shake the ashes off at the town’s gates.

    Not everyone’s going to respect you. That’s their loss, not yours. Yours is the kingdom of Heaven.

    This morning Daria invited me to the Vegan Beer Fest and I said hell yeah.

  2. Monday, June 25, 2012
  3. Friday, June 8, 2012

    6 years ago this week on 6/6/06 


    i became editor of LAist.
    the little blog that could.
    the cool kids were reading us when i started, but not many more.
    but nowadays everyones at least heard of it
    so the other day when this guy –
    a gentleman who definately tells it like it is –
    said, “LAist is the only LA blog in my Reader”
    its pretty much the best compliment i could receive.
    because sure you can do something good alone,
    and sure you can do something good with paid pros,
    but to do it with a beautiful group of people
    none of whom are being paid
    and together you watch it blossom rapidly into something thats a staple
    for tens of thousands of people a day.
    and to be able to do it in your pajamas?
    and it cowers
    to no one?
    thats something worth celebrating.
    i should have a bbq soon.
    like in olden times.

  4. Saturday, March 19, 2011

    Joey Maloney at SXSW and in the paper 

    Joey Maloney has been one of my favorite photographers of rock since even before he joined LAist.

    i’d see his beautiful LA rock scene pix on Flickr back in the day and i was all i wonder if hed shoot pics for us for free

    yeah right.

    but then one day i got the courage to ask and he was crazy enough to say yes and it was a match made in heaven

    so imagine my surprise when this morning i see his work at my favorite rock festival

    on the pages of my local paper.

    at sxsw

    this is something i sure could get used to!

    Great job Joey!!


  5. Sunday, January 9, 2011

    we should always count our blessings 

    and ive been blessed with gainful employment lo these many years,
    something i do not take for granted.
    heres my desks over the years

    philips magnavox (home office), san francisco

    people support

    E! desk 1

    E! desk 2

    final E! desk



    first desk at the times

    current desk

  6. Monday, December 31, 2007

    My 50 Favorite LAist Headlines of 2007 

    christie at thai in toronto

    yes i cant wait to get back to LA to start my second week at my spanking brand new job. but what a lot of people forget is, i left a pretty awesome job, that i truly loved. one thing i loved the most was writing wacky headlines. here are my faves of ’07 – in no particular order – other than theyre mostly chronological starting with the most recent.

    Exclusive Interview with The Most Deceptive Sign in LA
    Scoble Wants to Punch the Designer of the Kindle
    UCSB Students Dressed as Clowns Pun’k The CIA
    Mr. Whipple Now Squeezing Charmin with the Angels
    The State of Outdoor Ads in Hollywood Today, aka OMG
    TMZ Takes Blogging to a New Low, Sponsored by AT&T
    Dog the Bounty Hunter Pretty Much Hates “Niggers”
    Lamar Odom Crashes the Boards Benz
    Comcast Hates The Bible & Filesharing & They Lie?
    Did J.K. Rowling Try To Show Her Hogwarts to Kids Yesterday at the Kodak Theatre?
    Ficus? Ficyou! Emergency Meeting to Save Doomed Santa Monica Trees Set For Tonight
    Sorry Craigslisters “Who Don’t Belong in Orange County”, Your Irvine Brothel Got Busted
    Guy Hiking with a Guy with a Sword ends up in Hospital
    Der Scorpions Vill Rock Der Gibson Tonight
    Palm Springs Satanists or just Bored Kids?
    Both Lanes of 101 Closed, Now Opened, But Screwed
    Right Now Van Halen is Getting Even Weirder
    Dead Body On the 605 Closes Freeway
    One Reason Not to Jump Off a Bridge This Weekend
    Stoners Volunteer to Save California by Being Taxed
    Is Bud Selig a Racist or does he Just Hate Baseball?
    Bart Simpson Art Determined to be seen in Hollywood
    What the Funky Winkerbean?
    Fake Osama Hassled in Downtown LA, Real Osama Fine
    The Family that Robs Together gets Popped Together
    Michael Moore’s Gross Deal is Sick
    The President is Daring You to Impeach Him
    Four Delicious Words: Atwater Village Cookie Contest
    World’s Largest Pupusa Determined to be Made in LA
    Miss USA Falls, Gets Booed, and Still Beats Mexico?
    Carl’s sues Jack over Angus
    Hey, You Got Salmonella in My Peanut Butter…
    Thanks in part to her Husband, Hillary Clinton is Assured Much Coveted Reverse-Cowgirl Vote
    Santa Monicans Told to Quit Bitching About Dogs
    Hey You Got Listeria in my Oscar Mayer Louis Rich Chicken Breast Strips with Rib Meat
    Interview with a dude who looked like Johnny Knoxville at the Dodger Game
    “One day this shit isn’t going to be people running. One day people are gonna be prepared for police to come and fuck with them.”
    Size Doesn’t Matter? Tell That to the Porno Burrito
    A Mind is a Terrible thing to Smell
    Mayor Tony – There’s a Snake on Yr Plane
    Yahoo Mail Offers Unlimted Storage for your Spam
    Did Chuck Henry Totally Diss The New Mother Yesterday Who Didn’t Know She Was Pregnant Until Two Days Before The Birth And Also Has A Dead Front Tooth?
    Exta, Extra, Inventor of the Remote Dies – Turn Your TV On and Off 21 Times as a Salute
    Monrovia Mayor Told His Campaign Manager Is A Two-Bagger
    OC Cop Gets Off in Court after Masturbating on Stripper During Questionable Traffic Stop
    Attention Virgins: We Might Have Found Something of Interest For You
    Dear Minorities, Please Give Us Your Umbilical Cord Blood. Love, Kaiser
    Why Dieting is a Fucking Bitch

  7. Friday, December 14, 2007

    today is my last official day running LAist 

    very mixed feelings. mostly sad. yes im excited to go change the world, but LAist was like being able to have the keys to that 66 mustang convertible with one instruction: floor it, fucker.

    and then half way through the race learning about nitrous.

    yes soon i will be part of a team that has the keys to the space shuttle, but you never forget your first girl. LAist was the first time i was able to do something i loved professionally and i was given all the freedom to try whatever i wanted: doing donuts on ice, jumping over semis, participating in the Cannonball Run. it still blows my mind that 4 months into the gig i asked if i could drive around the country and blog and my bosses said, go for it.

    although i am pretty sure that my new boss is going to be just as open minded and trusting in me as my previous bosses, heres one thing that the Gothamist head honchos implemented recently that i love – they opened up our stats for all to see.

    this is the main page of our Site Meter, which is like showing someone your bank statement. its scary for a lot of sites to do this because many sites lie to their advertisers and competitors about their hits. part of Web 2.0 is transparency and it will be interesting to see who tries to take shots at LAist in the future when they have their inevitable dips in hits. interesting because many who might use this transparency against them wont have their stats published publicly and/or wont have other Web 2.0 features like open or unmoderated comments.

    but be careful with stats as they dont tell the whole story. for example, if you look at LAist’s monthly numbers over the last 6 months, it might look like we are on a downswing due to our monster September. truth of the matter was we would have probably hit 1 million in September but on the last day of the month we found ourselves with 2 stories on Digg’s top 20 early in the morning and they stayed there all day giving us like 350k hits in one damn day. yes we earned all of those pageviews, but it was such an improbable accomplishment that it was impossible to repeat during the months following. so in actuality, a better way to look at that trend is to say, yeah LAist has consistently averaged about 1 million pageviews for the last 6 months (even though august was below 900k and september was way above.)

    inside blogging, i know, but for the three of you out there who enjoy it, root around in our stats and have fun.

    the graph above is our stats for the last 30 days. take a good look at how our team was able to crank it up a smidge whenever we wanted, be it a few days before the end of the month, or during the last days of my regime. if LAist was a car, it was a car that responded so willingly to anything the team wanted. so awesome. so perfect. i will miss the team and that gorgeous vehicle.

  8. Sunday, August 26, 2007
  9. Tuesday, May 29, 2007

    i had a great holiday weekend and i hope you did too. 

    laist bbq

    i hosted not one but two bbqs and my personal trainer says that a body in motion stays in motion therefore a bbq thats grillin stays grillin

    sunday was our monthly LAist meeting which is usually a dozen or so rounds at a local tavern, but because our staff has been growing like crazy it was decided that we were to get a keg of beer and have it at my house.

    because it was the day before memorial day and we’re all proud patriots, we figured there should be some hotdogs and chicken on a flaming grill so i made an iTunes playlist, i had my maid show up on friday, and on sunday people showed up and it was really really really fun.

    i seriously dont like hosting parties but when its over and i look back, often times im happy i did it. i really like the people who write with me and its nice to be able to give back since they all volunteer their free time to make that site as good as it is.

    this month we could get lucky and break the all time record, but it looks like we might just slip under it by a tad. it all depends, i guess, on how many people at work feel like goofing off today and how many wanna get right to work.

    last night i saw Quiet Company at the Silverlake Lounge. that is Leah’s husband’s band. before the show i got a call from them telling me they were coming into town from Vegas and i was all, awesome, i have all this left over bbq stuffs: chicken, hot dogs, buns, beer. and they were all awesome we’re a starving band on the road.

    so we ate, drank and then they rocked the house.

    good times.

    i wont even talk about whats going on with the cubs. that would be silly.

    one of the nicer things about our monthly meetings is i get to finally meet the new people who have recently signed up to write for us. and the other day i got to meet Malingering, who i seriously thought was a 400 lb woman. ms fader, her friend, said you really dont know what she looks like? and i said nope. and i told her what i expected and malingering came in the house a good 300 lbs lighter than i thought, attractive, and even her sister was cute. they both looked almost exactly like the new miss universe, congratulations, btw.

    but the biggest surprise was something i should have expected – the girl took all these pictures and didnt stop. it was awesome. it was really malingering!

    and because it was malingering, i had to show off my muffin top. photos i will share with you once she posts em.

  10. Friday, May 4, 2007

    an embarrasment of bitches 

    before i tell you about my odd little way of thinking up book titles, let me tell you something that nobody knows.

    there are fifteen posts on laist before you have to hit next page. so when my boss first hired me and we agreed on a goal of twelve a day i noticed that there were fifteen per page so i secretly upped it to fifteen.

    and yes im insane.

    its also weird because i knew that id be writing most of those and i have this thing about group blogs, i dont like to see one person overwhelm the group thing.

    most people dont realize, but most of the most popular blogs in the blogosphere are group blogs.

    and the most popular of them all on the busblog rating scale is boingboing who i can now admit i dont read as much as i should because i am incredibly jealous slash impressed by them that they make me wanna quit.

    now ive had some people come up to me when i was writing poems in college tell me things like that and i never could relate until i first came across bb. it was so clean and articulate but totally straight forward. not at all trying to writebetterthanyou or be cool, they just were. and it all seemed so organic like all of a sudden people would just send them cool things and theyd look it over and find the perfect picture and just do it exactly the way it should be done.

    if AP had a blog about whats in the web.

    they always kept it a blog no matter how big it got – no flash splash pages or crap – and it was always pretty equal as far as what the very few contributers delivered. and you could tell that an artist was behind it because the ads seemed like part of the design.

    so of course i hardly ever read em.

    murphys law of course was when i was asked to be on my first panel, and i sat right next to mark f and two seats down from xeni the night ev told everyone that google had bought blogger, which if you ask me is when the blogosphere was truly legitimized.

    anyways i didnt want people to think that laist was the tony pierce show because believe it or not the whole world isnt as into your pal as you think. plus it wasnt like they were discovering me naturally, they were being sent someone from mitch & murray who enjoyed drinking coffee.

    long story short friday we had 17 posts by 15 different contributers.

    now thats a group.

    i get my titles the old fashioned way

    i drink a little smoke a little and when midnight rolls around i get on the scale

    then i write down my weight and write down the first title that comes to my head

    this week i was so busy that i wasnt able to talk about lost or the sopranos or about how i talked to chris in africa who told me that a goat took a dump on her bag while they were IN a cab.

    of all the things i teased her that would probably happen to her, that was not on my neverending list of jungle-related comedy. the lord always has the last laugh.

    adam + andy + tomdog + dumbass + malingering + ashleigh + lisa + kemp + (c) + jacy + carrie + elise + courtney + aarti + chris