nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, February 2, 2020

    what do i want to do 


    amber came home today and was all, lets walk

    we walked and walked and

    ate and ate and

    drank so much water

    i was like lets take the bus home

    she said lets walk and walk and

    walk and walk

    shes now snoring and snoring im on the couch

    cat’s on his back with his paws up

    half asleep and who isnt

    its 145am super bowl sunday

    might as well.

  2. Wednesday, January 27, 2016

    chris and dave and i saw the lakers last night 

    puigsuper fun

    had to use the jedi mind trick on a security guard which was pretty amazing

    no, we dont need to show you our tickets

    all is fine

    you will let us sit there

    and afterwards you will say have a great night.

    took a Lyft back from the game to the crib.



    im not saying it should be $20

    but it should be closer to $15.


    i tipped the dude $5 but still.

    my beer cost more than that.

    yasiel puig was at the game, rodman, floyd money mayweather.

    everyone wants to see Kobe’s last games, but Kobe was hurt and didnt play. they put a picture of him up on the scoreboard and everyone cheered.

    it was a good game. came down to the last second. Dirk Nowitzski, who should also retire soon, made a last second shot.

    i had the best chicken mcnuggets as we watched the game.

    i know theyre made of boots and diarrhea, but dat hot mustard.

  3. Wednesday, July 17, 2013

    dear tony, why do you think new laker chris kaman asked for a single digit number 

    retired laker jerseys

    instead of the number that he has worn his whole career, 35?


    roland harper

    Dear Roland,

    According to Funky Cold, the former Clipper “deadpanned his newly adorned No. 9 jersey had ‘zero significance’ other than wanting a single-digit number.”

    But I have a feeling that if I was going to join a team who have numbers 32, 33, and 34 hanging from the rafters

    Magic, Kareem and Shaq

    i’d be a little intimidated to put on 35.

    especially since all three of them are still quite vocal in Lakerland.

    indeed taking the number of another former Clipper turned Laker,

    Lamar Odom

    is a far more reasonable goal to shoot for.

  4. Monday, July 15, 2013

    metta world peace, we acknowledge you 

    as much as LA loves hoops and especially the Lakers,

    and as much as Ron Artest, aka Metta World Peace, worked social media

    and appeared on tv shows

    i still dont feel like LA embraced its most soft and fuzzy star.

    and now he’s going back home to the big apple.

    i had the great fortune of meeting Ron for a Lakers Blog video interview

    we all hung out for about an hour and one thing i learned was the Ron Artest you see on TV

    is exactly the same one that he is in real life minus the cameras

    he is childlike, ultra honest, positive, professional and unpredictable.

    another thing i learned: he’s not all that tall. sure he’s taller than you and me

    but ive meet Kareem. that brothas super tall. Ron is probably average NBA height.

    what he does out there is all about heart, hustle, and skillz.

    i cant wait to see how the NYC media embraces him.

  5. Friday, April 19, 2013

    why the Lakers should amnesty Kobe right this second 


    first off they’d save $80 million.

    secondly you can buy a lot of younger players for that sort of money who’s achilles have not been operated on.

    thirdly, kobe can still sign with the Lakers if they amnesty him, they just can’t pay him more than $30 million

    fourthly, kobe might not be worth more than $30 million next season

    fifthly, the Lakers just raised the banner of a Laker who they parted ways with, theres no shame there

    sixthly, if they did it now, it would barely make the news.

  6. Tuesday, April 2, 2013
  7. Saturday, February 23, 2013
  8. Thursday, February 21, 2013

    how a Zen Master concludes a sweet speech about a good man 

    Phil Jackson explaining what Jerry Buss told Kobe during this last contract negotiation several years ago:

    [Dr. Buss said to Kobe:]”If i had a diamond of great value, 4 or 5 karats, would i give up that diamond for 4 diamonds of one karat? No, there is no equal value that we can get for you. A trade could not match what you bring to this team.” He prevailed and we won two more championships.

    There is a quote above my desk. “Unceasing change turns the wheels of life, so reality is not shown in all its many forms, dwell peacefully as change itself liberates all sentient beings, and brings them great joy.”

    The lost of Dr. Buss brings has shown us one of the forms of life, we are here to reach and to receive and to recognize that unceasing change and to express our loss, but also to celebrate a life that was a diamond of great value.

  9. Monday, February 18, 2013

    a letter from the Lakers announcing the death of their owner 

    dr buss with friends

    Dr. Jerry Buss, longtime owner of the Los Angeles Lakers, passed away today at 5:55 am after a long illness. He was 80 years old.

    “We not only have lost our cherished father, but a beloved man of our community and a person respected by the world basketball community,” a statement released on behalf of the Buss family said.

    Dr. Buss had been hospitalized much of the past 18 months in a battle which “showed his amazing strength and will to live. It was our father’s often stated desire and expectation that the Lakers remain in the Buss family. The Lakers have been our lives as well and we will honor his wish and do everything in our power to continue his unparalleled legacy,” the statement concluded.

    He is survived by sons Johnny, Jim, Joey and Jesse and daughters Jeanie Buss and Janie Drexel, all of Southern California; eight grandchildren; former wife JoAnn of Las Vegas; half sister Susan Hall of Phoenix; half brother Micky Brown of Scottsdale; and stepbrother Jim Brown of Star Valley, Wyoming.

    Funeral and memorial service arrangements are pending. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made to the Lakers Youth Foundation or a charity of the donor’s choice.

  10. Tuesday, January 22, 2013

    today is the 7th anniversary of kobe’s 81 points in a game 

    like most of you, im not a fan of #8

    i mean #24

    i think hes spoiled, entitled, selfish, weird

    and a bully.

    i was full on #TeamShaq when he was here and faded away when he left.

    it was always much easier to root for the clippers, even when they werent awesome

    but everyone must admit, what kobe bean bryant did back in the day was amazing.

    and something youd never expect to happen from someone who wasnt a center

    does it surprise me that kobe + dwight + nash + metta + pau can’t beat anyone?

    yes, but not fully.