nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, October 18, 2015

    ‘dont treat me rough, treat me really nicely’ 

    a year ago today i saw the incredible lana del rey at the hollywood forever cemetery

    the very cemetery i want to be buried in.

    why? because they have concerts and show movies there, it’s in east hollywood, and it’s super close to where bukowski used to live.


    i got my ticket that night from the beautiful ambersmithblog who had recently broken up with me

    but for some reason wanted to bestow one more bit of generosity my way and did big time

    tickets were going for $200-$300.

    i have had a good streak of dating the most fascinating and lovely women

    and i thought about that as i stood mere feet away from ms del rey as she sang so many

    romantic and dreamy tunes

    one of the top three shows i saw all last year.

  2. Wednesday, May 20, 2015

    remember that time courtney opened for lana 

    and everyone was taking videos and photos from the back rows.

    i tried to tell them all, chill babies, there will be people up front taking photos and videos

    and they said, stop talking to us creepy old man.

    just then someone yelled at courtney

    “i love you!” the little voice said.

    mrs. cobain yelled back, “i love you too!”

    then she said, “i cant hear you I LOVE YOU TOO LITTLE FUCKING KID!”

    this video captures that lovely punk rock exchange

    courtney was the grizzled blast from the past with both something to prove (that she’s still relevant)

    and nothing to prove

    but meanwhile Lana strolled around the big stage like a pretty girl just waking from a dream

    talking to the deers in the forrest in her party dress

    having conversations with imaginary creatures who love her

    famous rock critic katie bain who loves all sorts of music doesnt love lana

    who knows why

    lots of people think shes manufactured and phony and usually im the one calling bs

    but for some reason i totally get lana

    she seems like a young stiffler’s mom.

    she seems like she would be fun at a party

    but would pass out early in the night

    just like me

  3. Monday, May 18, 2015

    lana del rey with courtney opening 


    1. courtney can still wail

    2. lana hates doing encores

    3. courtney shouldnta done that leonard cohen song

    4. these chatty bitches wouldnt shut up during lanas beautiful l cohen cover

    5. courtney does celebrity skin and then miss world to end her show

    6. lana refuses to do young and beautiful, which would be a great end to her show

    7. courtney made fun of everyone with flower crowns

    8. 89% of the crowd had flower crowns

    9. lana sold out the damn hollywood bowl

    10. tickets were double on stub hub

    11. even though i always feel like lana just strolls through her sets, a tad lazily, i will see her play any time she wants in LA

  4. Sunday, October 19, 2014

    Cause you and I, we were born to die 


    life has a way of getting in the last laugh.

    amber and i had a great summer whirlwind whose highpoints involved some of the best rock shows.

    so of course after we split up she, so kindly, gifted me her high priced ticket

    to see Lana Del Rey at the Hollywood Forever cemetery

    because she had to work and couldnt get out of it.


    the lines were long to get into the place because they had to scan your soul to see if you were worthy

    no one was.

    amber woulda been, but not us.

    we were just lucky to be at the famous cemetery squooshed between a gritty stretch of santa monica blvd

    and the  back lot of Paramount Studios, one of the many homes of make believe.


    since no one was passing the test they said screw it and let everyone in and we flooded to see the chartreuse

    who was simultaneously a throwback to martini sipping, cigarette toking broads

    and futuristic femme fatales who know what they want and look great in cocktail dresses

    the crowd were not just fans but uber-fans. they knew every word and sang it with her. even the song that just came out.

    and despite the fact that there were two jib cameras swooping around they had their phones and tablets out recording it all.

    many had paid several hundred dollars to see Ms. Del Rey. she has only performed a handful of performances in LA,

    the last being at Coachella way back in the spring.

    this, however was the very last night of her Summertime Sadness tour

    and despite being held in a graveyard a lucky 13 days from halloweentumblr_ndok8vaG2A1rk2e30o2_500

    there was nothing to cry about, but boy were there tears.

    from the moment she sauntered onto the stage with what appeared to be a vintage grass green dress

    and summery white heels the audience flooded the stage with adoration

    screaming any time she looked her way or


    waved gently.

    several times throughout the show she glided down the stairs of the stage and into the photo pit next to the crowd and took selfies and autographed various graven images

    people fa-reeked out.

    her vocal range is lacking, she doesn’t dance, and she didn’t even sing her Oscar-nominated hit Young and Beautiful

    but she is this generations Barbara Streisand, she can do what she wants.

    like only play an hour-long set

    like smoke, not one, but two cigarettes during the night

    like perform zero encores

    like not introduce the band.

    shes not normal, it’s ok.

    lana del rey live is exactly like her music: dreamy, haunting, romantic to the hilt

    and in the end leaving the audience with the desire for more



    the only thing that made the 30 year old go a little off script was when, during a long instrumental intro to a song,

    a man yelled out


    to which she paused

    and then crack up.

    almost as to say, sweetheart, what do you think i’m doing.


    thank you amber smith blog, so so much.

    the next one’s on me.