dear tony, i am an Uber driver in Las Vegas, how do i get rich?

sheri's brothel

Dear Tony,

I am a beautiful young female Uber driver living here in Las Vegas. I haven’t driven much for them but I am a regular reader of your blog and you probably have some good advice. What would you do if you drove here?

Cubs in 2016!


dear d’arcy,

i have only been here two days and i’ve taken about 5 rides on both Uber and Lyft and talked to all of the drivers and they all tell me the same thing: most of their rides are about $10 or less because even if they get someone at the airport, the Strip is sooooo close, there’s no way they’re going to make any real money unless they do a gazillion rides.

Uber is all about the long ride and if the majority of your trips are from one hotel to the other there’s no honest way that it’s going to do very much for you financially. also there seems to already be a Lot of cars out there.

so i recommend working with the places that are at least an hour away from the strip, namely the Bunny Ranches.

as you well know, prostitution is not legal in Vegas, but it is legal about an hour out. so i would recommend that you go to and get yourself some business cards and drive out to Parhumph or whereever else there are such legal houses of repute and introduce yourself and drop off some cards.


the saddest thing i heard about the Lamar Odom tragedy at that one Bunny Ranch where he nearly died was that he took a cab! does he think he’s made of money? he really shoulda taken an Uber. YOUR Uber.

now i’ve met sad husbands, lonely businessmen and college virgins who, when they visit Vegas, take that long ride out to the middle of nowheres.

if i was a vegas Uber driver id ask every group of guys or solo guys if they were going to partake. some might be to shy to tell me, but thats where the card comes in. id tell them if they did do it they really should text me to see if i could drive them there. AND if they did. AND if they allowed me to wait for them to take them back, i’d give them a little treat (figure out a nice gift, like a funny Vegas mug). and take them out there and bring a book and wait for them to finish and take them back. Boom TWO one-hour rides which is about $100 each way.

i dont know about you, but id be way into making $200 in two and a half hours, AND getting to read a book for a half hour.

is it dangerous? isn’t everything? is it legal? yep. do people take that trip every day and every night? yup. should you go into the place about 15 minutes after the passenger does? yes, say hi, drop off some more cards and say, “your customer Maury, i brought him here. help me bring more people here.” and they will.

who knows, they might even set you up with driving some of the ladies who work there who fly into the airport and need a ride to work.

Uber on!

five years ago matt good played in vegas in a living room

matt good in vegas playing to fans

to about thirty fans who flew and drove in from various parts of north america.

the venue was a mcmansion 20 minutes from the strip.

at the time i was the editor of LAist so i could blog from whereever

so when matt invited me to spend 4-5 days with him in vegas i was all

hell yeah.

fans singing along to matt good

lots of fun out there. so relaxing.

and so unique to hear a musician in a sparse house playing guitar all day and night,

and singing his new jam.

so when the cd finally came out i knew all the songs pretty well including some of the stories around them

because i ask lots of questions.

the final night matt played to all his fans who made it out to sin city and it was spectacular.

max and jason from current were there and shot this

afterwards we got some chipotle.

photos by duane storey

death in vegas

i havent eaten much.

thats about all i am at liberty to discuss in detail.

things are going to stay here.

some amazingly dark things’ll stay here.

not the least including two times when i could have died or at least become seriously injured.

the entire time i was laughing.

one may say i laughed at death.

those are some of things that you probably should never talk about again.

even in a blog where nothing is true.

even in a world where when you die you go to heaven.

whose to say that this isnt paradise: the weather? the traffic? we could be in a place that doesnt have those things. truth is we barely even visit those places and then when we do we complain about this or that or the other.

would we complain in real paradise? would we laugh at life?

all i know is theres flashes of paradise in our worlds a lot.

little miracles of beauty,

some of which we deserve.

like whats the ratio of pants to no pants in your world right now

and how are you dealing with it?

how will you deal with it later?

dont laugh at death from fear

laugh to welcome the party