busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Saturday, March 30, 2019

    theres a lot of bad in the world 

    and if you are on social media as much as i am you can start to think that the good in the world is rare

    but its not.

    good is all around us. so is love.

    the trick is you have to keep turning the dial to tune in to it.

    so often im turning the dial and i stop when something is outrageous or shocking or appalling or sad or tragic or evil or maddening. which is ok.

    but ive gotta keep turing it until i get different stations, ones about hope and happiness and selflessness and inspiration.

    i am a sponge. anything good ive done or any successes ive had are because of the people around me who have influenced me and indirectly trained me to be like them. and i bet im not alone.

    i bet lots of people hear or see things on tv or at the park or in the bar or on the bus and adopt those moments into what they consider to be reality.

    i am also a victim of ritual. for a while i was a single man. i got used to a certain pattern and a way of life. if i wanted to go on a date i would but for some reason, either by my own doing or because of bad luck it didn’t amount to much. and since i dont believe in luck, im pretty sure either i sabotaged it or picked women who i always knew wouldn’t work out for me.

    one day amber showed up and i did my best to ruin things. i kept her at arms length. i kept my feelings in a lock box and then i rowed a boat out to the horizon and tossed that box into the sea.

    but then i got a knock on the door and there it was. wet. green. seaweed hanging off it. and amber was holding it saying yo busblog i think this is for you.

    this week we had a little getaway. not too long not too short. we drove three hours and stopped. next day four hours. next day back for three hours. then back home for three hours. we talked. listened to the radio, listened to a book on tape. held hands. never fought. ate lots.

    it was healing and enlightening and so very nice. we took detours. we talked to strangers. we soaked in hot tubs and swimming pools.

    we both know im gonna get a gig soon and we wont be able to both get several days off in a row so this was the perfect time. and im so grateful. so grateful.

    be nice to your feelings. dont put it in a box. and know that just cuz you think only this person or that one will know what to do with it, know there are little surprises in life, and go with it.