nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, October 1, 2018

    did i tell you that amber and i saw beck? 

    do i tell you anything interesting? do i ever ask

    how was YOUR day?

    if i won the lottery i would do all the right things, but then with the million left over

    i would buy a Chuck E. Cheese and only have the best video games and pinball machines

    id have actually great pizza, so great you’d want it delivered.

    thered be special days where kids from the childrens hospital could go wild in there

    and on friday and saturday nights bands would play there

    but the opener would always be my robot band that would play cool music like this

    indie artists everywhere will write songs for the robot band

    it might be the only time they’ll have an audience.

  2. Tuesday, February 10, 2015

    figured out what im gonna do when i win the lottery 

    my pool

    1. buy this house with that hot tub actually in the damn ocean

    2. buy Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch (a steal at $50 million) which sits on 1,200 acres just north of Santa Barbara

    3. make the coolest orphanage of all time at the Ranch and teach the kids all the great life skills that their peers dont learn in school:

    how to fix a car

    how to handle a knife

    how to pick up a girl

    how to play guitar

    how to dunk

    how to fly a helicopter

    how to cook

    how to dance

    how to fix a leaky sink and a fucked up toilet

    4. i will produce a tv show much like The Bachelor called “Marry a Middle Aged Bald Lottery Winner”

    5. and then i will start renovating small motels and slowly build an empire when no one is looking.

    The Powerball is currently at $485 million and climbing