nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, June 30, 2014
  2. Monday, June 16, 2014

    got a hundred dollar check in the mail and i wanna buy sushi 


    today was a pretty fun day, the boss made us have a meeting at a restaurant

    where the world cup was playing because he knew some of us would be distracted


    the meeting wasnt till 3pm so i went to the food trucks for fish and saw these funny signs


    kurt cobain called me on my cell he was all, tony when are you gonna write another novella about me

    i said all you had to do was ask buddy


    then he told me to go to the Replacements instagram and i saw that theyre playing in NYC

    and i was all man o man i really should go see that show IN A TENNIS COURT


    learned that churro ice cream sandwiches are a new thing in LA but only in Los Feliz



    learned that Tony Gwynn died at 54 years old this morning. only Padre i cared about.

    sweetest guy. best black MLB hitter since maybe ever. unless you count Barry Bonds

    but why would you count him? didn’t Gwynn get fat and bulky as he got older too?

    anyways as i looked up Gwynns crazy numbers in the record books i saw that he only had 3,100 hits

    about 1,000 less than Pete Rose, my hero.

    Gwynn played 20 years. hit .306 or higher in all of them except his pre-rookie season

    to have caught up to Rose he woulda had to have gotten 50 extra hits every season

    for 20 years.

    what a testament to Charlie Hustle


    they ordered onion rings and all this fried stuff as we watched soccer and drank beers but i didnt eat nothing

    secretly i was sad that of all things Tony Gwynn died because of cancer from chewing tobacco


    people croak from the craziest things


    i’ll probably croak from kissing the wrong girl all night and having my heart assplode

  3. Thursday, May 1, 2014

    i learned something fascinating about orson welles today 


    bro was a super talented young genius who busted out Citizen Kane when he was 25

    wrote, starred and directed what most people think is the greatest american film ever made

    (cough blues brothers)

    when How Green Is My Valley won the Oscar for Best Picture you can hear the audience grumble their collective wth

    so he goes off and makes the Magnificent Ambersons, a 2 1/2 hour epic

    and then runs off and makes another movie only to discover the studio hacked an hour off of it.

    without telling their boy genius what they had done to the followup of his masterpiece.

    it was a great lessson to me because when weird things happen to me i think “dont they know who i am?”

    “dont they appreciate what I just did for them?”

    “didnt I just get water out of rock for them? and make them money? and did it all with a smile?”

    but the story of the Mag Ambs taught me that sometimes people just ruin stuff

    they dont care if youre tony pierce of the world famous busblog

    or some nobody named orson welles.

    shit will get fuct sometimes and you just need to deal and not freak

    because it has nothing to do with you no-how.

    it just is and its stinky and the good lord just wants you to call it a comeback and rock something super awesome next time

    as in right away.

    then i read this love poem old fat Orson wrote to his wife Rita Hayworth and i was all omg awwww

    Dearest Angel Girl,

    I suppose most of us are lonely in this big world, but we must fall tremendously in love to find it out. The cure is the discovery of our need for company — I mean company in the very special sense we’ve come to understand since we happened to each other — you and I. The pleasures of human experience are emptied away without that companionship — now that I’ve known it; without it joy is just as unendurable as sorrow. You are my life — my very life. Never imagine your hope approximates what you are to me. Beautiful, precious little baby — hurry up the sun! — make the days shorter till we meet. I love you, that’s all there is to it.

    Your boy,





  4. Monday, March 31, 2014

    kisses are a better fate than wisdom 


    since feeling is first
    who pays any attention
    to the syntax of things
    will never wholly kiss you;
    wholly to be a fool
    while Spring is in the world

    my blood approves
    and kisses are a better fate
    than wisdom
    lady i swear by all flowers. Don’t cry
    —the best gesture of my brain is less than
    your eyelids’ flutter which says

    we are for each other: then
    laugh, leaning back in my arms
    for life’s not a paragraph

    and death i think is no parenthesis

    – ee cummings


  5. Wednesday, March 12, 2014
  6. Friday, February 14, 2014
  7. Tuesday, January 7, 2014
  8. Wednesday, December 25, 2013

    two thousand and 14 years ago today a little baby had a price on his head 

    little house

    dude wasnt even born yet and the king of the land wanted him murdered.

    the baby’s dad had one job. get a motel room.

    bro didn’t have to impregnate the momma, didnt have to have a good job, big house, nothing

    just had to find a place to deliver this angel unto the world.

    today is the birthday of an actual angel.

    the dictionary says an angel is “a spiritual being believed to act as an attendant, agent, or messenger of God, conventionally represented in human form with wings and a long robe.”

    so minus the wings thats what todays birthday boy was: a living angel sent here to be our agent


    and attendant.

    when i think about Christianity i think about those things.

    even in the old testament humans were made by God to attend to the Earth and all the cool freaky things down here

    and some of the freaky things are the people who wanna get in the way of Good.

    or who i find more interesting: the people who get in the way and don’t even realize it.

    Herod wasn’t the only hater Jesus had in his life.

    in fact it’s easier to count the number of people who were all Team Jesus than those who weren’t buying it.

    even his so called disciples turned their back on him – and worse, their hearts – at some point.

    but Jesus kept on trucking because he knew his role: to be our attendant – and who are we?

    idiots who eat apples because talking snakes tell us to.

    morons who lose our minds over things that look pretty in the right light.

    and lemmings who fall for the same traps that our predecessors did no matter how much we claim we’ve learned.

    thats who Jesus signed up to sacrifice everything for

    for some unknown reason thats never fully explained in the good book

    which means it could only be one thing

    if it’s not logical, it must be for love.

    happy birthday you crazy angel

    thank you for making us in your loving image.

    for no good reason other than to see what else can be done using true angelic love.

  9. Tuesday, November 26, 2013

    this should be a movie: the relationship between Brooke Shields and Michael Jackson 

    michael jackson and brooke shields

    i just ran across this quote from the King of Pop:

    Now Brooke Shields, she was one of the loves of my life. We dated a lot. Her pictures were all over my walls and mirrors.

    I was at the Academy Awards with Diana Ross and she just came up to me and said, “Hi, I’m Brooke Shields. Are you going to the after party?” I said, “Yeah,” and I just melted.

    I was about 23 … during Off The Wall. I thought, “Does, she know[that photographs of her are] all over my room?”

    And we went on the dance floor. And man we exchanged numbers and I was up all night, spinning around in my room, just so happy.

    She was classy. We had one encounter when she got real intimate and I chickened out. And I shouldn’t have.

    then there is this:

    I met him when I was 13 [she was probably 15. they met in March 1981].

    There were a handful of child stars at the time – actress Jodie Foster, Michael and myself among them – and we were friends because we shared an understanding of how difficult life was in the public eye.

    When we were together, we were in a safe place.

    We could be ourselves.

    in 1984 there was this from Rockwell:

    Michael is having an affair with Brooke Shields and sees her a lot.

    Every time I talk to him about her he smiles and seems to be very, very happy.

    I keep saying to him ”Do I hear wedding bells, Michael?” and he breaks into a big grin.

    But he dates other women, including a former Miss Universe and Tatum O’Neal.

    He’s also very clsoe to Diana Ross but he isn’t obsessed with her.

    When he died in 2009, Shields spoke to Rolling Stone about their friendship, which included him proposing to her several times

    “I would say, ‘You have me for the rest of your life, you don’t need to marry me, I’m going to go on and do my own life and have my own marriage and my own kids, and you’ll always have me. I think it made him relax. He didn’t want to lose things that meant something to him.”

    Shields says the innocent nature of the pair’s bond persisted as they grew older, and that as he aged, Jackson became “more asexual” to her. “You saw women who were more sexual, who wanted to throw themselves at him and feel like they were going to teach him,” she recalls, “we just found each other, and we didn’t have to deal with our sexuality.” Shields tells RS her conversations with Jackson about her relationships revealed a lot about how Jackson insulated himself from the outside world. “As I grew up and started having boyfriends, I would share with him, and he was like a little kid who talked about the bases — what first base was, what second base was, and it sounded very odd to the outside, I can imagine, but to the inside, to someone who’s never really left his bubble, you can understand how he would be curious.”

    michael jackson and brooke shields

    I bet there is way more to this story. Or at least more that isn’t salacious that would be an interesting movie.

  10. Friday, November 8, 2013

    dear tony, my boyfriend is so jealous it’s driving me crazy. help! 

    bloggentle reader,

    jealousy is a terrible disease that takes years and years to get over, and even then it might spring up when you least expect it.

    and whats worse is, the more confident you are in your walk, the more jealous the person you love can become.

    they see all the life and vigor and energy radiating from you and they think to themselves, “theres no way this magical creature could really love me. im so wretched, im so horrible. im so ugly. im so… whatever. surely they are so happy because they’re up to no good on the side because no way could i be giving them the joy they are exuding.”

    there are several ways to handle men who are super jeals and untrusting.

    1. dare them to be men, not mice. men are just big boys and we need women sometimes to remind us that we are mightier than we know. one way to do that is to dare us to be better. we love to be dared and challenged and pushed and most of us hate to think that we’re not “manly” – whatever that is. find out who your dude’s male hero is and say “do you think he acts this way when his girlfriend goes out on the town?”

    2. look them straight in the eye and speak to the darkest part of their pupil. and say “whoever is in there telling the man i love all this bullshit needs to knock it off because i cant live my honest life being doubted. i dont deserve it and he doesnt deserve it.” then kiss him on the cheek and turn on the tv.

    3. take a picture of your lips. text it to your man. and in the message write: these are only for you, unless you keep this bs going. then they will never be for you. i am a good girl and you are listening to the doubts in your head instead of the words coming out of these lips. you can only believe one of us. if you choose to believe that nonsense, that is your choice and yours alone. and your choice will break us apart, not anything ive done.

    4. be a scientist. tell your dude that he gets to give you 10 pop quizzes over the next 30 days. at any time you are apart he is allowed to text you with these words: i have a horrible psychological problem that has zero to do with you, please take a picture of where you are and who youre with. reply with as many pictures or videos as it takes to prove your location and audience. after youve sent the images, write i love you, you have 9 more left. this is not to be a long term invasion of privacy. just a random sample of your life that you are free to refer back to if he becomes a whiny whinestein again.

    5. remind him of The Three Legged Stool of Love –  for any relationship to work it needs three things: honest communication, the desire for the relationship to work, and trust. if any of those things are missing the stool falls apart. and if he refuses to trust you, it’s perfectly ok to beat him over the head with the worthless wood on your way out the door.

    good luck! you’ll need it!