nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, April 24, 2013

    12 shows that i remember seeing at the universal amphitheater 

    weezer at the universal

    lisa lisa & cult jam, expose – 1987
    randy newman – 1990
    beastie boys, cypress hill, rollins band- 1992
    weezer, teenage fanclub, that dog – 1995
    marilyn manson – 2001
    kid rock, tenacious d – 2002
    beastie boys – 2004
    barack obama, goo goo dolls, ne-yo – 2007
    kathy griffin – 2009
    mariah carey – 2010
    weezer does pinkerton – 2010
    no doubt – 2012

    rest in peace universal / gibson, i will miss you so very much

  2. Thursday, January 24, 2013
  3. Thursday, July 5, 2012

    my nutritionist had a small bash at her home for the 4th 

    whipped cream

    and almost to taunt me she whips out

    super fancy whipped cream.

    but not just any super fancy whipped cream.

    super fancy alcohol infused whipped cream

    and then shoots it into her mouth.

    as if she would let me get away with such shenanegans.

    but before all that went down, i got to meet someone who i never really thought

    id ever meet ever.

    X T X !!!!!

    she was all twittering me and i was tweeting back

    but i didnt think she was being for serious.

    and then all of a sudden at the foot of the balcony there she was

    and to be honest not at all what i expected (i thought she was black – like mariah)

    instead shes asian (like lisa liu)

    and we hugged and said hi but then the fireworks were gonna go

    so we peaced out. super fast but super nice. yay!!


    she says it was 12 years that we’ve known each other via the interweb

    but i think it was longer than that.

    i think it was not 2000, but like 1994ish

    back in the days where AOL charged you by the hour

    and people had 14.4 and 28.8 modems that were slow as the dmv

    you aged waiting for stuff to load.

    i would click a button and make a sandwich.

    i made a lot of sandwiches.

    anyways XTX is real people. and awesome. horray!!

  4. Friday, June 29, 2012

    a terrible cold tried to sneak inside my mouth last night 

    studio 9

    it tickled the back of the throat and tried to make itself comfortable

    and i was all dude, really?

    for some reason a Vernors ginger ale made its way in my Canada Dry 12-pack case

    and sat getting flat on my nightstand and i guzzled it at 4:30am, and drank water

    and smoked a cigar, and hacked in the bathroom and listened to GG Allin

    and basically showed the cold why it would not be comfortable in my person

    but it hung in there.

    so i drank some four day old Smart Water thatd been sitting there without a cap on it

    it had been rolling around in the trunk of the car for the last few months.

    smelled slightly of gasoline and funyuns

    then i pulled my own finger

    then i listened to billy joel, the new everclear, and old mariah carey.

    all while reading the entire paper.

    and now im cured.

    tgi yawn

  5. Tuesday, February 8, 2011

    The first Ask Tony on busblog 2.0 

    mariah carey on my old pc desktop

    Mike asks:

    Dear Tony, Valentine’s day is Monday, what’s the proper etiquette for going out on a date? Flowers? Chocolate? How upscale of a restaurant do I need to book? And should I be afraid of the little black dress???

    Excellent questions, glad you asked.

    The best thing about Valentine’s Day is it’s a completely made up holiday. I know, I know, you’re saying “aren’t they all?”

    haters stitchBut this one is particularly made up because seriously if we can get someone to like us, never mind love us, that should be cause for celebration on it’s own. And if you’re relatively new to the relationship there are celebrations almost every day.

    Anyways I dont know squat about etiquette, I only pretend to know what women want. And what I can imagine that they want is flowers, chocolate, good food, stimulating conversation, a relatively new and talked-about restaurant, and a great excuse to rock a hot dress and show the world that shes not spending the night inside wearing pajamas.

    Thus our jobs as men are basically done as long as we show up on time sans flip flops.

    Other thing we have to remember is babes today love to be the center of attention. Blame Myspace. Good news is, as always, we win. So do this:

    When you get to her place hand her her flowers (and not chocolates, a half dozen mini cupcakes in a pretty bag), then step back and let her see you check her out.

    The other day I was with a babe who looked so good I had to say, do you mind if I check you out for a minute? She might even spin around if you’re lucky. If not, maker.

    Like in art class, check out every curve and every detail from the toe of her shoe up her legs around her shape does she have jewelry through her hair any hair clips to her tiara. Look closer, its there.

    Don’t bring a lot of flowers. No cellophane wrap. No baby’s breath. No filler. How about a half dozen tulips or gerbers tied in twine.

    Foreshadowing is your middle name Mike.

    Make sure you look great too. Not halfass great. Really great. Why? Because if all you do is what I laid out, and you dont mention one disgusting thing at dinner or bring up one other girls name but hers, youre going to have sex right after dessert. Any where you want.

    And if she asks you to put on her little black dress, don’t be afraid. Say only if you rip it off me.

    Then fuzzy handcuff her quick before its too late.

  6. Saturday, January 9, 2010

    the most underrated movie of the Aughts 

    : You Don’t Mess With the Zohan

    mixed raced celebrities ran the table in the ’00s.

    mariah carey (black/irish) sold more records than any woman.

    derek jeter (black/irish) won his 4th and 5th rings, became the yankee captain, got more hits by any shortstop ever, and won four gold gloves. and got to date mariah.

    barack obama (african/american) road Shepard Fairey’s coattails to the top

    tiger woods (“cablinasian”) maintained an unblemished image while making golf watchable

    mariah wins by being in the worst movie of the decade “glitter” and one of the best “you dont mess with the zohan”.

    but i win because i was just checking my gmail and the hottest girl in a few states over pops up on my chat screen and says whatchadoin

    and i say watching the zohan

    she says omg im so hungover and proceeds to tell me that now that school is over she gets drunk and makes out with boys in bars. which is very funny because shes not really that type of girl.

    then she sighed about her lovelife which made me wonder if blogging is bad for hot babes’ love lives.

    then i ate a nature valley crunchy granola bar before heading off to the cinema

  7. Wednesday, January 6, 2010

    i will forever love mariah carey 

    i like my rock stars insane.

    i like my divas divalicious.

    i like my acceptance speeches busblog worthy.

    mariah rarely disappoints.

    here she is accepting her award for Breakthrough Artist in Palm Springs last night for her (excellent) performance in “Precious”.

  8. Tuesday, October 28, 2008

    your answers to ask tony 

    butthole - parks and rec

    in living color

    Will Campbell: Can I be invited to your birthday party next year? I know I’m 45 years older than you and not hip or a chick and hot and stuff, but I promise not to act my age. And buy a couple rounds.

    will youre one of the few who have stuck by the busblog in a loyal way. you never sold me out, you never betrayed my trust, you never said dumb crap, you never wrote stupid nonsense. you were there on my side when i was up, you were there when i was down. i dont know why you didnt think you werent invited to my birthday last week, but even though you think you are the things that you are, you can most definately come to my next bday party. and only buy one round.

    timmay!!!!! i’m changing “ask tony” to “ask hef” and asking you to ask him what other publications he reads … and, for christ’s sake, don’t let him answer all of them!

    timmay i froze up when i met hef. in a major way. yours was a great question. a perfect question. if my mind was working right or if i had the good sense to write down the questions like a pro i woulda asked it, but to be honest i couldnt really believe i was even going to the mansion again, let a lone ask mr hefner a question let alone as many as i wanted. they didnt let everyone who was there ask questions but they asked me and i blew it. there will be video later, but you’ll see, your boy had his chance and fell on his face.

    zona: do you think newspapers have any business endorsing candidates? and if not, will you tell your boss?

    if i ever come off as pretending to know what newspapers should do then you know im full of it. luckilly for you me and the great city of los angeles i was not hired to work on any aspect of the newspaper, so i dont tell them what to do and they dont tell me what to do with the blogs.

    heres what i know about the fourth estate though. fourth estate is supposed to call it like it sees it. many papers including the LAT and the Chicago Trib havent endorsed a candidate for president in decades. i do know that its risky to both buck tradition and tempt people to pigeonhole you once you step out and say “we think this dude is better than that dude”, but the fourth estate is supposed to be courageous.

    LA Times endorsed obama and mccain back in the primaries when neither were leading their party’s races. that took courage. therefore i was glad that they kept doing what they thought was the right thing.

    The WordSlinger: Who is the better poet–Walt Whitman or Emily Dickinson?

    those are two of the most differnet poets you coulda picked. one was totally free the other lived in almost abject isolation. one wrote and wrote and wrote the other took her time and plotted each line with precision. youd think that a free spirit in appearance like me would lean toward the wildman, but emily dickinson is one of my favorites of all time. because life isnt fair, if she was around today, no one would care about her at all. shed probably have a blog though, and i would probably send her dirty gmails to try to maker blush.

    anti: Do any of the Times’ blogs with a twitter have a good CTR rate? oh and what is the rate, and if its not so good, what value do you think a twitter account bring one’s blog?

    Top of the Ticket has about 900 people following them on Twitter. we only really just started using that technology. its hard to say whats a good CTR off 900 since The Ticket will probably get 4 million pageviews this month, so anything off that twitter feed is gonna be a drop in the bucket compared to the huge success that blog is. when people tell you that no one reads the LA Times any more. tell them they dont know one thing about anything, particularly our audience.

    macbond: What does it take to get a date with Danielle K?

    Danielle is a fragile butterfly. shes as pretty as ever. shes as smart as ever. shes as funny as i first met her and shes more worthy than ever. she wants and deserves everything. when she falls for a man she dives in head first. it might freak out the fakers but she will reward the man with courage like no other.

    ask the homeless what it takes to get a date with her. or the rich man. or the pro golfer. ask the surfer or the bar owner or the coffee shop typer. all it takes is the right hair the right eyes the right vibe. the hard part is the second date. but thats the one where you might see heaven.

    Phaedra: sa-weet. But the question everyone wants to know, but isn’t asking – did ya get some at the playboy mansion?

    only one man got some that night at the mansion. and i’ll give you 82 guesses as to who that gentleman was.

    David: will greg oden be as good as they say or did portland get burned? and…a five song playlist to ease sunday morning hangovers?

    odens a bust. you can see it in his eyes. plus hes too big. you have to start off solid to make it as a big man in this league. ask michael olowokandi. ask theo ratcliff. ask kwame. ask joe smiff. thats where i see oden. someone who bounces around the league for a little while. sparkle here sparkle there but no big thang.

    ying yang twins – whisper song
    jesus and mary chain – sometimes always
    sonic youth – incinerate
    velvet underground – sunday morning
    bob marley – three little birds
    hank sr. – long gone lonesome blues
    bob dylan – froggie went a courtin
    katie melua – just like heaven
    pixies – gigantic
    ac/dc – ride on
    tsar – silver shifter
    zwan – honestly
    the replacements – if only you were lonely
    charlie louvin – when i stop dreamin
    ting tings – traffic light
    smashing pumpkins – landslide
    tom waits – innocent when you dream
    matthew good – odette
    arcade fire – no cars go
    flaming lips – evil will prevail
    the police – wrapped around your finger
    matthew sweet – this moment
    nirvana – dumb (unplugged)
    weezer – island in the sun
    mariah carey – shake it off
    foo fighters – tiny dancer
    cat power – living proof
    bruce springsteen – open all night
    ice cube – today was a good day
    madonna – music
    dinosaur jr. – get me
    prince – when 2 r in love
    ben lee – im with the star
    digital underground – kiss you back
    the wonderfuls – la winter rain
    janes addiction – janes says
    cypress hill – hits from the bong
    lynyrd skynyrd – tuesdays gone
    the eagles – peaceful easy feeling
    randy newman – simon smith and his amazing dancing bear
    r.e.m. – seven chinese brothers
    grateful dead – uncle johns band
    led zeppelin – all of my love
    the cars – moving in stereo
    ugly kid joe – mr record man
    pink floyd – dark side (minus the alarm clocks)
    velvet underground – femme fatale

    xtx: can we Freaky Friday each other so I can go to the mansion and you can stay home and have family movie night watching The Hulk?

    yes i love ed norton and if i had to freaky friday with anyone itd be you.

    sass: Which side of the bed do you sleep on?

    when i sleep alone i sleep next to the window cuz i love that fresh air and i cant believe that in late october we get to sleep with the windows open.

    when i sleep with a lady i sleep on her side of the bed. i do my best to smother her. some dont like that. too bad. some hate it. they end up leaving before the dawns early light. some love it and theres a nocturnal fight to see who will gain dominance. those are the girls i love best. its a sweaty win win.

  9. Monday, March 27, 2006

    today is the birthday of two of my favorite entertainers 

    hi mariah mariahs left nipple and mariahs right nipple.


    no really today is mariah careys birthday and i dont know how old she is and i dont care, all i know is ive loved her since i first heard her voice and i really loved her when i saw her.

    over the years we’ve had our ups n downs. first she married not just a white guy, but a white record exec. then she did the unspeakable – started hanging around puff daddy.


    through it all i stayed by her side. i did the same with anna when she started dating that boybander. what is it with these fine bitches picking the absolute worst men to spread their legs for?

    jessica simpson with nick, nicole kidman with tom cruise, xtina with jordan, mariah and her cheesy dudes, anna and her unforgiveable ricky martin?

    its almost like they know their pussy is too good for the world so might as well just throw it away cuz really who cares?

    time has been good to mariah. sure shes gained a few pounds but havent we all? sure she went through a period of going crazy, but again, who hasnt?

    does she wear inappropriate clothing? yes, but why would a red blooded man complain about that? is she a bitch and stuck up and cunty? yes, but thats how i like my divas. is she a few six packs short of a case? again yes but the ho can sing and thats all that i look for in my singing sensations.

    mariah can sing, she cant fake giving a shit about your problems, she poses as she walks, she rips off pretty much every r&b and pop-hopper out there, but noone can come close to singing like her for the sole exception of xtina but when it comes from her it sometimes sounds like a white girl trying to be black, which, again, is fine with me cuz that little ho can sing too.

    im glad mariah made a huge comeback this year. im glad everyone bought her shit. im glad she tore it up at the grammys and im glad she cost all of her former record labels money because it proved once and for all that record labels dont know shit and they cant even handle the #1 top selling female artist of all time so its no wonder they cant handle up n coming superstars like Tsar.

    i heart you mariah and i always will i dont care if you grow to 666 lbs, i dont care if every label drops you, just keep wearing those little dresses and singing your ass off because thats all we pay you for. if we wanted someone with manners we’d hang out with our mamas more.

    my other favorite entertainer whose birthday is today is mr quentin tarentino who’s Kill Bill Vol 2 is a classic and made up for him saying the N word in Pulp Fiction but if he ever says that word in my presence i will slap him so hard it’ll unbreak that tucan sam nose of his.

    hes my boy and i love him and i cant wait to see what else is up his twisted sleeve.

    stoned nerd + zulieka + wild bell

  10. Monday, January 7, 2002

    Shocker! write about Anna and Mariah writes in immediately 


    Apparently I was supposed to say something about the fact that Mariah is guest starring on “Ally McBeal” tonight and that I have no excuse not to watch it since there wont be any “Monday Night Football” or no made-for-tv movie about “Monday Night Football.”

    And while I’m at it, I’m supposed to say that “Glitter” is going to be VHS and DVD next friday, January 15, and also that we’ll get to look at her house on MTV’s “Cribs” this Wednesday.

    And if that weren’t enough, she’s on the cover of the british edition of FHM for February.

    So why does she need me to hype her? Couldn’t tell ya.