busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, June 28, 2016

    Matt Welch is stepping down from being Editor in Chief of Reason 

    matt emmanuelle mayorThe man has a wife and two lovely daughters to support. So what will he do next?

    Because the typically transparent Lakewoodian has been unusually tight lipped, one can only assume he already has something in the works.

    Here are the Busblog Speculations:

    1. he will be the Campaign Manager for the Tony Villar for Governor campaign

    2. he will replace Albert Pujols at first base for the Angels (cant do any worse)

    3. he will play rhythm guitar in the Ringo Starr All Starr Band

    4. he will return to UCSB to finish his degree, become sports editor of the Nexus, and bring back the Good Morning Goleta radio show on KCSB.

    5. he will replace the outgoing Skip Bayless and square off against Stephen A. Smith every morning on a new ESPN show called “Loudmouth and Whitey”.

    6. he will return to his beloved Eastern Europe, along with his pal Tony Pierce, where they will roll out a chain of taco joints called Del Playa Taqueria.

    7. he will be a producer on the next Morgan J. Freeman MTV series called Strapped about teen NRA members who love hip hop.

    8. he will go into business helping gentrification-focused real estate flippers install Conversation Pits into Craftsman homes.

    9. he will return to a life of crime, by which I mean letting his hair grow out and panhandling Euros from tourists on the Charles Bridge

    10.  Two words: Tronc VP

  2. Sunday, June 7, 2015

    matt welch has a solid, unhysterical interview with Rand Paul 

    my man matt welch should have his own tv show.

    maybe just call it

    matt.

    on it he can talk to politicians, musicians, and baseball people.

    it should be on msnbc and it should follow Maddow.

    why? because when matt talks with people he isn’t trying to be showbiz and crazy

    and omg.

    he just wants to get to the bottom of things in an intellectual and normal way.

    because of that, his guests dont have to – if they dont wanna – put on all of their weirdo little affectations.

    in this week’s interview with the republican frontrunner, they talk about drugs, snowden, and the NSA

    as if they were simply sending and replying text messages

    in lowercase.

    this is what some of us want, american tv programmers.

    we dont need phony baloney hosts getting all cray.

    maybe some of the simpleminded do, but many of us dont.

    we can find our entertainment elsewhere.

  3. Thursday, July 31, 2014

    todays matt welch’s birthday, he’s 24 

    a couple of years ago he lived in washington dc to measure the drapes of the white house

    and while he was there is hella snowed.

    so he took his camera phone outside, walked around and did a huell howser thing

    and it was terrific.

    now matt is in nyc measuring the carpets and appearing on national cable tv all night.

    he has a beautiful home with two lovely ladies.

    and one day he will be the first libertarian president.

    until then i hope he takes his camera out and walk around some more talking to ppl.

    happy birthday bro! sorry your team is in the american league.

  4. Friday, July 26, 2013

    today is the 16th anniversary of when matt and emmaunelle got hitched in france 

    matt and emmanuelle

    how often do you go to france? especially the center of france? a place that has white chocolate cows with creamy nougat in the middle?

    how often do your friends get married in a castle? dressed like buddy holly wearing a yellow chuck berry jacket?

    to a classy chic french woman like none youve ever met before?

    how often do all your other friends come with you even though none of you has any money to travel to no france

    in the middle of summer, and then take la gare to a town that no one seems to have heard of.

    (fortunately we had a hand drawn map)

    but the thing you realize is money and time are merely dumb excuses not to do things most of the time

    and they disappear into the air when the idea of a week long european party with your amigos is presented to you.

    a trip you’ll never forget ever, a wedding so beautiful that every single part of it was beautiful.

    including this little story about the bride’s family.

    for gazillions of years emmanuelle’s family ran the little cow town of Joncy

    an adorable village that Parisians would escape to when they wanted to “holiday” (aka drink).

    one day the family was voted out of office and they were so sad.

    soon the nazis showed up, for it was the 1940s and thats what nazis did to lots of french towns back then.

    and the nazis said take us to your leader. and the people pointed to the new leader who had recently won the election.

    and the nazis took the new leaders to a nearby barn and set the barn on fire.

    eventually the nazis were defeated and emannuelle’s family was restored to their role of leadership.

    where they sit to this very day.

    the lesson here is, to me, dont freak out when things dont go your way.

    they might be totally going your way in the big picture.

    previous coverage:

    their 15th anniversary

    their ninth anniversary

    their fifth anniversary

     photo credit: the great Jim Lowney

  5. Tuesday, June 25, 2013
  6. Sunday, August 12, 2012

    hey lookit that 

    yr boy matt welch is rockin the sexy playoff beard

    and the angels havent even made the wild card yet.

    i worry about their chances when they cant even score off Seattle.

    at home.

    with the wind blowing out.

  7. Thursday, July 26, 2012

    happy 15th wedding anniversary matt and emmanuelle 

    matt and emmanuelle get married in joncy france

    if theres one things my friends know how to do its throw a damn wedding

    patt os anna shannon me and others at matt and emmanuelle wedding in joncy france

    they prefer foreign lands like france or mexico or prague but somehow we still have fun

    ben and pat witness at matt and emmanuelle wedding in joncy france

    matt and emmanuelle had such a glorious wedding that we didnt even need to eat or drink afterwards because our souls were nourished just being there.  we drank anyways to appease the locals and went to bed not realizing we were sleeping in magical french barns.

    chris ann and ken at matt and emmanuelle wedding in joncy france

    everyone but anna sang afterwards. i think she just wanted to listen.

    oh yeah a castle was involved. forgot how though.

    dancing

    we danced to french pop music under a tent and drank wine straight from the vines

    guitars and violins

    and said “did we really just see them get married at the mayors office and then the church and then walk through the town as our friends played guitar and violin?”

    and because it was 15 years ago we said “well we’ll know in a few days when the film gets developed and hopefully the prints will turn out.”

    this is one of about five of my friends’ weddings that id sure love to tivo one day when thats available.

    previous coverage:

    their ninth anniversary

    their fifth anniversary

  8. Wednesday, July 26, 2006

    could it have been NINE years ago 

    that matt and emmanuelle got married? tons of people were there. it was in the middle of france in a summer vacation town called joncy. white cows walked right down the middle of the street speaking french.

    first me and chris flew into amsterdam and decompressed there for a few days. everyone says that traveling to europe in the summer is so expensive and uncomfortable and crowded and terrible but in the middle of july all the dutch take their vacations and head to greece or the south of france or anaheim so my favorite european town was nearly empty and strange. it was raining a little too.

    didn’t matter. if anything it made it better. even though our marriott had a pizza hut underneath it, it wasn’t what id consider amsterdamian, so i dont recommend it.

    after a few days we took a train to my second favorite european town, paris. paris was cool. by the time we got there though the only restaurant open was one of those chic ones where you eat on the outside in front of the restaurant judging people who walk on the sidewalk. i think all they had left was lobster and shrimp and tasty wine and strawberries and chocolat mousee. after a romantic stroll free of parisians who were also in greece, we retreated to our filthy room with charming view and agreed that even the dirtiest of streets of paris are still much more magical than the best streets of the mission of frisco where we were living at the time, happily.

    only scary part about paris was the fact that no one knew where joncy was.

    it may have had to something to do with my special brand of french.

    eventually we got on the tgv – the french bullet train. once again we found ourselves free of any bothersome europeans. and you may ask yourself, “why is tony so upset about our cousins to the east?”

    i’ll tell you why, because as long as americans have been coming to europe we have been asking for cold cokes. if europeans wanted spit on their waffles, after a while we would just know to include spit on your waffles when you came over here.

    give us cold cokes!

    so we drank wine.

    me and chris were drinking wine everywhere we went even on the train to mont pilleir or whatever the town was that dougie gyro and barney picked us up at, but we were pretty drunk when we showed up and we met up with our friends and tick tock it dont stop.

    we were driven to grandma’s house, emmanuelle’s grandma. everyone has castles in this town. the white cows demanded it. grandma’s castle was pretty nice, but her barn was the best so we all slept there. it was hot in joncy and the windows were open and people were playing guitars and singing songs. all of my friends play and sing except me. i drink and smoke and fall asleep. aaaaahhhhh.

    in the morning we walked into town. first we crammed into the mayor’s office. emmanuelle’s dad is the mayor. everyone was smiling and talking french and then the mayor said some things in english and pat whalen was the best man and he was laughing so i kept laughing.

    then we all walked down the main street of joncy a beautiful parade. matt had on this crazy yellow jacket looking like buddy hollys cousin in law some guy was playing a violin, layne was playing the guitar. people were singing.

    made it to the church and that was entirely in french and way better than most services that ive been to.

    probably cuz it wasn’t full of lies.

    after church we went to the pre reception drink off at a nearby school. only a few of us knew it was a drink off so i placed pretty high.

    piled into cars and drove out of joncy to where the mayor lives. his castle was the best one. three stories, big, yet homey. in the backyard were several big tents where we would eat and drink and dance into the wee hours.

    the camps were equally divided between emmanuelles euro friends and matts dirty american pals. the girls were beautiful intellects on both sides but the menfolk from matts side were decidedly scruffy and crude, like moi, especially with the neverending barrels of wine that grew from the trees of the countryside of west joncy.

    layne kissed matts teenage sister. a fight broke out. it was settled with a highly entertaining breakdance battle. ken had to kiss matt. then everyone kissed everyone. then dougie gyro hijacked the wheels of steel and we danced til the dawns early light.

    rode cows to grandmas castle barn, hit the hay, and have yet to wake from that beautiful dream.

    emmanuelle + matt

  9. Thursday, February 5, 2004

    did you know im a father? 

    yep. technically.

    because nothing in my life is normal im the father of a child i have never met, from a woman ive never even touched, fertilized by sperm that was not mine.

    how could this basic impossibility be reality?

    because the contra costa court says so.

    several years ago i was sleeping in the arms of my true love when i heard a thunderous pounding at the front door. this was odd because she and i lived in a gated apartment complex and nobody knocked at our door ever.

    it was 5am.

    at that point i was new to the xbi and i had the 6am – 3 pm shift so i was used to waking up early, but not in that manner.

    i went to the door and it was the sheriff. they were serving me with some documents. i opened the package and scanned the contents and realized that i was being accused of being some 10 year old girl’s father.

    relieved that it wasnt something serious or possible, i crawled back into my bed and assured my truest that everything was gonna be ok.

    when i got home at 3:30pm i read the top page of the documents and saw that they were giving me two things i could do: 1) fill out the medium sized stack of papers or 2) call the number at the top of the page and “settle” the matter.

    being someone interested in the possibility of settling something with a phone call, i dialed the damn number and was flat out lied to by the person on the other end of the phone:

    just call back here every day for the next 30 days, she said, and we’ll know youre not the father.

    little did i know, but because i obeyed the representative from the Department of Children’s Services i was falling for their ploy.

    they knew that if i didnt fill out the paperwork and send it back to them within 30 days i would be deemed the father by “default judgement.”

    they never told me this, of course, over the series of conversations that i would have with them each day after work

    somehow it slipped their minds.

    this is just the begining of an interestingly scary part of my real life.

    a part that is in this months Reason magazine in a good long article written by my buddy mr Matt Welch

    who in his spare time sings and plays guitar in the Corvids

    a cd you need to pick up immediately.

    matt digs up some incredible stats and stories about how millions of men have ended up in the situation that i found myself:

    fucked

    whats interesting is i have taken two dna tests, i do not look like the “tall, dark-skinned” Anthony Pierce that the mother describes the father as being and yet my case still continues. it’s now going into its third year!

    it’s one thing to set a trap and lie to people to get them into that trap.

    it’s another thing to keep them in there once it obvious that you have the wrong man.

    there is a nebulous system that some people might feel the urge to raise their fists at,

    but most of the time there are real people within that system who know very obviously that they could do something to right the glaring and obvious wrongs within that system

    and when they do not

    a demon gets his wings.

    the reason piece + TPB, esq. analyzes it + as does cathy seipp + even the instapundit covered it

  10. Saturday, July 27, 2002

    five years ago matt and emmanuelle got married 

    matt and emmanuelle wedding

    tons of people were there. it was in the middle of france in a summer vacation town called joncy. white cows walked right down the middle of the street speaking french.

    first me and chris flew into amsterdam and decompressed there for a few days. everyone says that traveling to europe in the summer is so expensive and uncomfortable and crowded and terrible but in the middle of july all the dutch take their vacations and head to greece or the south of france or anaheim so my favorite european town was nearly empty and strange. it was raining a little too.

    didn’t matter. if anything it made it better. even though our marriott had a pizza hut underneath it, it wasn’t what id consider amsterdamian, so i dont recommend it.

    after a few days we took a train to my second favorite european town, paris. paris was cool. by the time we got there though the only restaurant open was one of those chic ones where you eat on the outside in front of the restaurant judging people who walk on the sidewalk. i think all they had left was lobster and shrimp and tasty wine and strawberries and chocolat mousee. after a romantic stroll free of parisians who were also in greece, we retreated to our filthy room with charming view and agreed that even the dirtiest of streets of paris are still much more magical than the best streets of the mission of frisco where we were living at the time, happily.

    only scary part about paris was the fact that no one knew where joncy was.

    it may have had to something to do with my special brand of french.

    eventually we got on the tgv – the french bullet train. once again we found ourselves free of any bothersome europeans. and you may ask yourself, “why is tony so upset about our cousins to the east?”

    i’ll tell you why, because as long as americans have been coming to europe we have been asking for cold cokes. if europeans wanted spit on their waffles, after a while we would just know to include spit on your waffles when you came over here.

    give us cold cokes!

    so we drank wine.

    me and chris were drinking wine everywhere we went even on the train to mont pilleir or whatever the town was that dougie gyro and barney picked us up at, but we were pretty drunk when we showed up and we met up with our friends and tick tock it dont stop.

    we were driven to grandma’s house, emmanuelle’s grandma. everyone has castles in this town. the white cows demanded it. grandma’s castle was pretty nice, but her barn was the best so we all slept there. it was hot in joncy and the windows were open and people were playing guitars and singing songs. all of my friends play and sing except me. i drink and smoke and fall asleep. aaaaahhhhh.

    in the morning we walked into town. first we crammed into the mayor’s office. emmanuelle’s dad is the mayor. everyone was smiling and talking french and then the mayor said some things in english and pat whalen was the best man and he was laughing so i kept laughing.

    then we all walked down the main street of joncy a beautiful parade. matt had on this crazy yellow jacket looking like buddy hollys cousin in law some guy was playing a violin, layne was playing the guitar. people were singing.

    made it to the church and that was entirely in french and way better than most services that ive been to.

    probably cuz it wasn’t full of lies.

    after church we went to the pre reception drink off at a nearby school. only a few of us knew it was a drink off so i placed pretty high.

    piled into cars and drove out of joncy to where the mayor lives. his castle was the best one. three stories, big, yet homey. in the backyard were several big tents where we would eat and drink and dance into the wee hours.

    the camps were equally divided between emmanuelles euro friends and matts dirty american pals. the girls were beautiful intellects on both sides but the menfolk from matts side were decidedly scruffy and crude, like moi, especially with the neverending barrels of wine that grew from the trees of the countryside of west joncy.

    layne kissed matts teenage sister. a fight broke out. it was settled with a highly entertaining breakdance battle. ken had to kiss matt. then everyone kissed everyone. then dougie gyro hijacked the wheels of steel and we danced til the dawns early light.

    rode cows to grandmas castle barn, hit the hay, and have yet to wake from that beautiful dream.

    tabloid: was there