nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, May 24, 2013

    my mom is starting to really get into Matt Good 

    she just texted me:

    Criminal Minds the other night had the FBI riding in black helicopters.
    Why didn’t they use Matt Good’s song for that scene?
    Maybe because he’s not American?

    technically he, and all of our friends in Canada (and Mexico) are North Americans

    but for some reason i think it’s probs cuz Criminal Minds wasn’t aware of the killer tune

    from the 2007 classic MG album

  2. Thursday, July 26, 2012

    many moons ago i was in vancouver canada north america 

    and i was a guest at the matthew good concert

    he was playing at the nice fancy old school theatre.

    he gave me a photo pass and a backstage pass and it was terrific

    and if memory serves there were two underage girls who shouldnta

    even been allowed in the place but, whoops, canada.

    i was busy taking photos but one of our friends actually fell for the trap

    and the even though he was kissing both of the girls at the same time

    at one point

    one of their brothers was a bartender there and got super mad at him

    and threatened to beat him up in a violent way.

    when i got home to america i did my laundry and noticed the pass

    was stuck to the bottom of my hamper.

    its been there ever since.

    i believe that trip was also the first time i ever tried sushi.

  3. Sunday, February 5, 2012

    im lucky that nothing in here is true 

    matthew good

    cuz if i had to tell the truth id have to admit where i am off kilter
    where im off track.
    and how i got there.
    and how i dont regret any of it.
    love will screw you up way worse than drugs or booze.
    theres no twelve step program for a broken heart. but shouldnt there be?
    theres no pill you can take theres no book you can read
    theres no blog you can put in yr RSS feed to get you fixed
    other than the busblog
    but hollywood would tell you that theres a girl you can kiss
    which is probably why less people go to the movies these days
    cuz nothing on that screen is true neither.

  4. Tuesday, February 8, 2011
  5. Saturday, April 11, 2009

    good friday + matthew good + good manners + it’s all good = 

    true love will find you in the end

    raymi: white chocolate or brown

    when i was 20 i found myself in lausanne, switzerland with a korean girl from iowa city named ae. i said ae i want to buy a swatch here. so we bought swatches. then she said tony i wanna buy some white chocolate and then eat it. so we bought white chocolate in switzerland and i can say honestly that white chocolate may be pretty and unique but it has no soul and theres a reason why brown chocolate is so much more popular.

    Dan: did u see feaver on comments

    Fascinating piece that I totally disagree with as it confuses cowardess, ignorance and laziness with honesty. I agree with his Wilde quote but that doesn’t mean that people cannot be civil about their biases. We allow “masks” in that commentors aren’t required to use their real names but if they still can’t enunciate themeselves without vulgar language and ad hominem attacks they should still be heard because they are “keeping it real”? The Brits seem to have zero problem in Parliment’s Question Time grilling their leaders with no masks in an educated, civil, and on-topic manner. Although that’s an ideal, there are endless forums where anonymous commentors can act like fools (reddit being the funniest) but that doesn’t mean that newspaper forums should go down that path because it hasn’t been proven that that freedom leads to higher truths. Indeed rarely do brilliant insights get surfaced in free-for-all threads because Smart people usually see that mess and wisely step away from it. Either way it’s shocking to see this guy come to this conclusion. I thank you for the link and I look forward to hearing him talk about it more.

    4rilla: Cadbury Egg or Peeps?

    i embrace my sweet tooth but peeps are something i can eat one or two of a year and be perfectly happy to move on. cadbury eggs however dont have a very long shelf life in my home.

    Ashley: why does weezer suck so badly these days?

    this is what happens when your lead singer songwriting genius gets married – he loses his edge. once people are satisfied, rarely do they make creative art any more, especially if they originally started out using their art as a bird call of “here i am, here i am”. sadness, loneliness, horniness are the best motivators for the creation of great rock music which is why the only people who have been able to age creatively and still put out great music are the exceptions of other trueisms too: tom waits, neil young, bob dylan. weezer’s last single “The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived” is one of the best Weezer songs ever but because of the musicality not because of its passion. the deeper well is in the blues, not in prog rock.

    David: why do some people still think it’s acceptable to wear crocs? if the hottest female you know was rocking them, would it be a dealbreaker?

    one of the hottest females ive known actually left her crocs over at my house and theyre still here at the foot of my bed. theyre clearly not sexy, but for some reason people find them “easier” to work with than sneakers. i can understand this mindset in climates where theres mud, rain, or snow, but here in southern california when it doesnt rain even when its predicted, theres not really any excuse unless youre still in elementary school, and even then its sending the wrong message to the children.

    Mike: it’s not a sin as long as you pull out right?

    it’s only a sin if one of you is married to someone else. the sin is not in the action, but in the broken commitment.

    zona: Five earned runs in 5 innings. Four of them went yard. Do you think my nephew Ted might be tipping his pitches? And does he owe the rest of the boys dinner table dances for bailing his ass out for the win?

    yes and yes. my fear with the Cubs’ aquisition of Rich Harden last season was that your boy was going to feel like he could coast because he was no longer so valueable. with a rotation of carlos zambrano, the suprisingly consistent rich dempsey, and harden, ted is perhaps better suited as the #4 starter. in 12 starts with the cubs last year, harden pitched 71 innings, had 89 strikeouts, only walked 30 batters and had an era of 1.77. arent those the numbers of a #2 starter as opposed to your brethren? i say with less pressure and easier competition, lefty would probably give up less runs and win more games.

    Basart: What’s your take on the LAT front page ad “scandal”?

    my take is i never really understood how hard of a job being a publisher or an editor of a major U.S. newspaper in 2009 was until this week. you’re surrounded with unprecedented and scary options that are guaranteed to upset people no matter which way you go. what was most interesting was the literal calling onto the carpet of management by the workers who had to answer for their actions, and did so. i really dont think i could be in a more fascinating place than in that newsroom right now, and when the stories are written about how this industry navigated through these unforgiving waters, i hope great care is taken in showing all sides, because it is a complicated and emotional and strangely delicate happenstance.

    maeko: What will Miley Cyrus’ next racial insensitivity be? Hmm. I’m dying to know.

    miley is a little hillbilly girl raised by a guy named billy ray. history has shown that child stars in positions like hers rarely turn out whole and healthy. so im willing to give her a break on this one because her future is probably bleak. ps thanks for the shout out!

    adriel: why the hell don’t kids listen to their parents?

    the replacements suggest it could be because children have physical deformities.

    “kids wont follow”
    the replacements

    Kids don’t need that
    Kids don’t want that
    Kids don’t need nothing of the kind

    I need some attention
    From the house of detention

    Kids don’t follow
    What you’re doin
    In my face out my ear

    Kids won’t follow
    What you’re sayin
    We can’t hear

    Can’t stop looting
    Can’t stop smoking
    Kids ain’t wondering
    Can’t stop choking

    Kids won’t stand still
    Kids won’t shut up
    Kids won’t do it
    You talk to ’em now

    Kids don’t follow
    What you’re doin
    In my face and out my ear
    Kids won’t follow
    What you’re saying
    We can’t hear

    Kids won’t follow
    What you’re saying
    In my face out my ear
    Kids don’t follow
    What you’re sayin
    We can’t hear
    What you say
    Not tomorrow
    Not today

    matt: I know it’s not friday anymore, but I still have a question: Is it a bad idea to run off to another city&state with a girl? seems like that might be a possibility for me soon.

    life is short and true love is rare. so if you love someone and you want to move somewhere funner, do it and expect others to resist, but know they could be resisiting out of jealousy, because true freedom is rarer than even love.

    Alyson: I know it’s not Friday but I have a question/need advice: If someone has been making many, many blatant advances on you (me) for a while which have been clearly declined, when/is is ever okay to tell the girlfriend of the person in question if they just won’t take no for an answer?

    once again i defer to the good book and the golden rule. if youre the type of girl who would want to know if your guy is hitting on others, then tell this young lady the way youd like to be told. if youd rather not know that your dude is a douche, then keep it to yourself but tell the suitor that his ways are not at all those of gentleman.

  6. Monday, May 12, 2008
  7. Tuesday, August 7, 2007

    chickie didnt think that i was gonna do the things 

    in canada that i said i was gonna do

    matthew good in las vegas

    but when i got home and she saw that smile on my face and it didnt wash away

    and when she saw the shaved pubes and the deeper voice and skip to my step she knew that a little piece of her man was still back in the great white north

    plus who the fuck told her i was her man.

    not i said the blind man to his deaf dog.

    so we cut a deal. i would be available to her either from 10:30pm – 11pm or from midnight to 1am. her issue with me is that im never finished working. that i never have time to ravish her young and willing nubile treasures.

    and even though shes whiny, shes right. i am always working. mostly cuz theres always more to do.

    i love the Gene Simmons reality show because hes the same way. if theres work to do, then do it. but unlike Gene i havent banged half the globe so if i giftho is looking me in the mouth i should kiss it or something.

    so i agreed with her that i would be available for what she wants at those appointed hours. for sure. no backing out. pinky swear and all that gay shit.

    the reason that i needed 11pm to midnight open is because i want to start reviewing cds. i want to review them because i have a terrible feeling that im going to be pulled away from LAist before i know it and i wont be able to review records the way i want in front of hundreds of thousands of people.

    i have this feeling because a few of my writers got plucked away last month, some more will probably leave me this month for greener pastures, and eventually the sites or papers or magazines with deep pockets will give me an offer that i cannot refuse and poof there will vanish all of my freedom and creativity and reason to etre.

    and you know how much i love to fuckin etre.

    so from 11pm to midnight every night im going to write a record review and at midnight im gonna hit Publish and it will be on LAist.

    because today is the day that Matt Good’s latest album comes out i decided to start the Midnight CD Review with “Hospital Music“, an album that i was able to listen to last month in vegas with matt himself so this review is going to be a gazillion times different than the next ones because how often do you get to spend a week with the dude who wrote the damn thing

    and then how often do you get to just let that marinate for a few weeks before you go up to canada and get licked by irish girls as the disc is being played in the background? and then how often do you get to let that marinate for a week before you have to review it?

    after a nice long shower, accompanied by a valley girl whose hair is always different and you wonder if you lust her because of her gravity defying c cups or her wacky hair.

    i love the smell of dye in my pillow i told her last night which is why she didnt leave my house all day today.

    and if the cubs lose again its over between us.

  8. Monday, July 9, 2007

    i caught her outside smoking on my back stairs 


    i know you dont like cuddling after sex.

    so wrong.

    no, i swear i read it in one of your books.

    you cant believe those things baby. c’mere.

    dont i put a disclaimer on those things?

    shes asian. i promised myself after the last one that i wouldnt let an asian girl get naked in here again.

    theyre too nice. it makes me mean. life is balance. your house needs balance. i dont mind being the ugly one or the fat one or the black one or even the evil one. but if you have a true angel sitting there, innocent in every way, then what role is there left for me to balance that shit up?

    the dark side, thats right.

    fortunately cigarette girl has an edge but im afraid its a fake edge and if you go a little deepr you will see that she was raised in the same suburbs as i was, pampered and air conditioned through both the decades that she made it through.

    and its not that i dont like to cuddle, i just need some cool air on a warm summer night, and didnt you just get to be as close with me as humanly possible for a good 19 minutes?

    i might bust with a good joke later but you just got the best i had. cut yr losses.

    you know i dont care if you smoke in my house.

    yes, i know.

    she found an ashtray which she will clean out when shes finished.

    and later she will stretch her legs across mine and i will look at how young they look, at how young they are, and i will say to them

    stay right here forever

    outsides only worse.

    but asian girls legs just look at you and whisper back you crazy long time.