busblog

if i had done that

ramie is a beautiful woman who loves mcdonalds nearly as much as i do. tonight i was all i hear they have a new thing going on over there. she said what, i said i dont know thats why i wanna go and find out.

i thought i heard they had this thing where you could get two small things for $2 and it turned out to be true.

you could get small fries, a chicken sandwich, a mcdouble, or three mozzarella sticks.

mozzarella sticks?!?!

indeed. so i was all fuckit i want like those, some fries, a mcchicken and some mcnuggets

the sticks were fine, but petite. sorta not worth it even for a buck. maybe if you have a kid.

and the weird thing is they dont have any options to get any larger size. like id pay $5 to get 20 of them. brotha needs 20. they also have to figure out how to make them stringier. the marinara sauce was fine, but any time im sitting down at a mcdonalds – which is rare – and i ordered something dippable, i’ll ask for hot mustard.

hot mustard is something no other mcdonalds has. they should exploit that.

they should introduce a new character

something sexy, and yellow, and spicy and delicious that adds a punch whatever it’s spread on.

angry drunk marge simpson?

which is probably the cutest thing ever.

right back at ya miss chile

my number one quality i want in a woman is someone who also loves mcdonalds

this guy left the weed store and stood in front of me as we waited for the stop light to change

as he stood there i could smell the familiar aroma. but this was extremely strong.

the light changed and we walked past the hospital, past the ronald mcdonald house

past the chinese restaurant which just happened to have its grease can open for the kids

and it turned out dude was headed where i was headed, mcdonalds

and in the mcdonalds were two LAPD officers waiting for their food

and the dude ordered. and then i ordered. and then i looked at the cops.

and they looked at the dude and i was all, they must smell what i smell.

and maybe they did, but they didnt do anything.

they just got their lunch, walked out to the parking lot

and drove out into the streets of silver lake

to fight crime.

i am in the best mood tonight.
who knows why.
on paper it shouldnt be this way.
i had a pretty sad and intense phone call with a lovely lady last night.
a little bit heartbreaking if i can be honest with you.
and then for the last few days ive been without a car.
in LA.
which is omg.
good thing this is the busblog.
now the car is faster than ever.
now the mc rib is back
for a limited time.
after the car was picked up a mc rib found its way in me.
it was the craziest thing.
i was gonna go there Anyway.
and at exactly the same time that i saw it in the featured spot
the voice on the squawk box said welcome to mcdonalds
would you like to try a mcrib today?
I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO TRY A MCRIB TODAY!
when i got to window number one she was all that’ll be $5.09.
and i said I love McRibs.
and she said, I love McRibs too.
shoulda married her right then.
shoulda totally officer and gentlemanned her
picked her up in my arms, her in her uniform.
my car still in the drive thru backing up hella traffic.
mcribs on her lap.
her arms around me.
me carrying her out of the kitchen and into the dining room
of our future.
but no.
instead i just took my bag of food
drove into a nearby parking space.
applied a generous amount of hand sanitizer to my dirty paws
and squeezed out the ketchup onto the small stack of napkins
ate some fries
and then bit into the first mcrib of the season.
diabetes cures all wounds.

and i especially like that they really seem to do whatever they can to please me.

but they dont need to work their people on thanksgiving.

i can handle it.

yes i will miss not having a mcrib at lunch

yes i will miss not having two tacos at midnight.

but i will survive.

please let your people enjoy their little holiday where we celebrate

being thankful

lets really be thankful, the way americans should be thankful

which, i hate to break it to you, and i am fast food’s numero uno fan-o,

but the best way to be thankful on thanksgiving is not at mcdonalds

or jack in the box.

its in front of a tv, drinking bad american lite beer

in our underwear

and passing out of boredom.

its not just a normal thursday.

its take a break driver eight day.

i have the strangest stomach. it can predict the future.

but for it to work properly it needs to be fed with a steady diet of fast food.

trust me, id rather eat fruits, nuts, vegetables and wholesome nutrients, but my stomach is a freaky organ (or is it a muscle – who knows).

magnets, how do they work?

anyway a few days back i found myself in a mcdonalds in hamilton, ontario, a place i may return to for lunch or linner later today.

one thing i love to do when traveling to foreign lands is investigate fast food establishments and see how their menus differ from those i am accustomed to.

south of montreal i discovered Burger King poutine and it basically changed my life.

apparently, much like bacon wrapped hot dogs and taco truck tacos, the cheaper the poutine situation, the better the taste.

thus what better than fast food poutine.

for those Americans who havent had the pleasure, poutine is a bed of french fries garnished with a tangy gravy and cheese curds.

who has better fries than McDonalds? no one, duh. thus while the BK poutine was fantastic, the McDonalds poutine was just a smidge better because of the fries.

not sure why but my McDonalds guy in Hamilton went the extra step of putting the poutine in the oven for a quick minute so that the cheese was extra melty much like a piping hot pizza.

each forkful greeted us with a long string of gooey hot cheese. i had to twirl it around my plastic fork like spaghetti.

i was in heaven.

and although my tongue was deeply in love, my tummy reacted poorly almost immediately which meant that there was trouble ahead.

so we high tailed it to the rent-a-car and got out of there

right as the unmarked xbi van entered the parking lot.

as you know i eat mcdonalds all the time. i eat it less now that my nutritionist can track my every move via my iPhone. but i will have cheerleaders make McRuns for me – usually in the middle of the night.

one thing i have noticed is how much more fast food is costing than in the past.

i remember a day when a $2.99 value meal was commonplace. now its rare. and usually only includes a small pop.

today on Digg, i saw a story that gives those of us who enjoy mcnuggets a way to beat the system!

Depending on where you live, your [four] nuggets cost a buck if you get them on the Dollar Menu. That’s a quarter each. Get 10, and you pay around $4, or 40¢ each. Spring for the whole 20-piece banquet, and the price is more than $7, or 35¢ per bird chunk.

If you really want 20 nuggets (and I must remind you that chickens do not actually produce nuggets in nature), just buy five orders off the Dollar Menu and you can save two bucks. Two bucks! Most of us assume that the larger portion options and set meals are available because they offer economy of scale. Clearly, that’s a Kroc.

read the whole deal here, but make sure you run a few miles after you have digested your McGreasy

it was packed because ronald mcdonald hisself was scheduled to make an appearance.

his advancemen, Grimace, and some weird bird looking chick were already there shaking hands with the little tykes.

the kids were confused.

they kept screaming ronald ronald! until someone said, thats not ronald.

then the kids would cry and drop their ice milk cone or little toy.

who expected such free entertainment at noon?

my crying children glee was crushed when some woman handed me a flier telling me that this week was Turn Off Your TV Week.

why do people who hand me this shit always have canvas bags?

canvas bags filled with paper that will get tossed on the ground as quickly as it’s read scanned?

the babe who drove me to the restaurant was leaving but not before i reminded the woman that this country was founded on television.

she said no it was not!

i said look it up in one of your fancy books! i said after al gore invented it, THATS when the italians decided to come to america, to see what shit we had on our tvs.

the woman was clearly shocked that someone wouldnt agree with her fascist agenda.

turn off the tv!

i said, why dont you stop buying gasoline for a week? mankind has lived thousands of years without petrolium fueled automobiles.

she said, i have to take my kids around.

i said bullpucky. get the kids on the bus. let them learn first hand what its like to save the planet. they take the bus to get to school, let them take the bus to the grocery store. when you can only eat what you can carry you end up not buying so much crap i told her and slammed the passenger side door and dug into my french fries.

and took a big suck of chocolate shake.

she said read a book!

i said woman i write a book a year dont tell me what to do. this is america. only the religious right can tell me what to do. and we sped off without signaling properly. cuz we’re punkrock.

laura + mefi is all over this + zulieka in prague