nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, February 10, 2015

    figured out what im gonna do when i win the lottery 

    my pool

    1. buy this house with that hot tub actually in the damn ocean

    2. buy Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch (a steal at $50 million) which sits on 1,200 acres just north of Santa Barbara

    3. make the coolest orphanage of all time at the Ranch and teach the kids all the great life skills that their peers dont learn in school:

    how to fix a car

    how to handle a knife

    how to pick up a girl

    how to play guitar

    how to dunk

    how to fly a helicopter

    how to cook

    how to dance

    how to fix a leaky sink and a fucked up toilet

    4. i will produce a tv show much like The Bachelor called “Marry a Middle Aged Bald Lottery Winner”

    5. and then i will start renovating small motels and slowly build an empire when no one is looking.

    The Powerball is currently at $485 million and climbing

  2. Thursday, July 17, 2014

    sometimes i think im the greatest stock trader in the universe 

    michael jackson with a fourtyi’ll do something daring like buy american apparel when theyre as low as sixty nine cents

    and i’ll say to myself, they own the factory, they own the stores, theres no middle man, how on earth could this not be a winner.

    and then the visionary founder will find himself in hot water with the board that he hand picked and they’ll do something loco like boot him out.

    and then he’ll get investors to give him tons of cash to buy more of the company

    and then another group of investors will pump money into it

    and then all of a sudden the stock is double

    and then i’ll sell cuz mama mia any time your investment doubles: sell and buy something else with lots of potential.

    and i’ll look back at what i just did and i’ll think im the greatest stock trader in the universe.

    and then i’ll consider buying IBM because theyre gonna partner with apple on some apps

    and i’ll think im the dumbest stock trader in the universe.

    and then i’ll find a photo of michael jackson drinking a bottle of vodka and i’ll say to myself post this on the world famous blahblog so you’ll never forget

    that sometimes the most talented people can be so weird

    and unless you can moonwalk, youre better off not being so weird.

  3. Tuesday, November 26, 2013

    this should be a movie: the relationship between Brooke Shields and Michael Jackson 

    michael jackson and brooke shields

    i just ran across this quote from the King of Pop:

    Now Brooke Shields, she was one of the loves of my life. We dated a lot. Her pictures were all over my walls and mirrors.

    I was at the Academy Awards with Diana Ross and she just came up to me and said, “Hi, I’m Brooke Shields. Are you going to the after party?” I said, “Yeah,” and I just melted.

    I was about 23 … during Off The Wall. I thought, “Does, she know[that photographs of her are] all over my room?”

    And we went on the dance floor. And man we exchanged numbers and I was up all night, spinning around in my room, just so happy.

    She was classy. We had one encounter when she got real intimate and I chickened out. And I shouldn’t have.

    then there is this:

    I met him when I was 13 [she was probably 15. they met in March 1981].

    There were a handful of child stars at the time – actress Jodie Foster, Michael and myself among them – and we were friends because we shared an understanding of how difficult life was in the public eye.

    When we were together, we were in a safe place.

    We could be ourselves.

    in 1984 there was this from Rockwell:

    Michael is having an affair with Brooke Shields and sees her a lot.

    Every time I talk to him about her he smiles and seems to be very, very happy.

    I keep saying to him ”Do I hear wedding bells, Michael?” and he breaks into a big grin.

    But he dates other women, including a former Miss Universe and Tatum O’Neal.

    He’s also very clsoe to Diana Ross but he isn’t obsessed with her.

    When he died in 2009, Shields spoke to Rolling Stone about their friendship, which included him proposing to her several times

    “I would say, ‘You have me for the rest of your life, you don’t need to marry me, I’m going to go on and do my own life and have my own marriage and my own kids, and you’ll always have me. I think it made him relax. He didn’t want to lose things that meant something to him.”

    Shields says the innocent nature of the pair’s bond persisted as they grew older, and that as he aged, Jackson became “more asexual” to her. “You saw women who were more sexual, who wanted to throw themselves at him and feel like they were going to teach him,” she recalls, “we just found each other, and we didn’t have to deal with our sexuality.” Shields tells RS her conversations with Jackson about her relationships revealed a lot about how Jackson insulated himself from the outside world. “As I grew up and started having boyfriends, I would share with him, and he was like a little kid who talked about the bases — what first base was, what second base was, and it sounded very odd to the outside, I can imagine, but to the inside, to someone who’s never really left his bubble, you can understand how he would be curious.”

    michael jackson and brooke shields

    I bet there is way more to this story. Or at least more that isn’t salacious that would be an interesting movie.

  4. Tuesday, August 20, 2013
  5. Monday, March 7, 2011

    death to the phoney balonies 

    my favorite magazine Black Webmaster wants to interview me for some weird thing theyre up to and ive had enough.

    interviews should be 5 questions long. and they should start at the one thing that is most controversial and most revealing.

    like: who did you sleep with last night.

    or who did you fall asleep thinking about last night.

    or if you could kiss or kill one person today for the survival of the human race who would it be and which would you do?

    no one asks me those questions any more.

    back in the day they sure as hell did. back before the internet was taxed and the phoney baloneys took it all over with their spam and viagra and lameassness.

    ask me real questions. get into my soul. help me help you. just quit being who you think you have to be so you can live one more day.

    heres a little insight: we are not going to live one more day. we are going to die.

    today is the day we get to live, so live it.

    today is the day we can make that change man in the mirror so change it.

    today is the day we get to discover who the person on the other end of the french kiss is so seek it.

    what do i love? i love finding out whats on the other side of that window.

    i love finding out how wrong i am about people.

    i love figuring out if we all are united and if we are divided, does that make for a better tartan pattern to God.

    at a hundred and blah blah years old i want to find out the things that even im afraid to ask.

    and then i want to know why im afraid in the first place when nothing has proven itself to be all that scary.

    start with the real questions and you will enter a real conversation

    yes there may not be a spectacular conclusion where you figure out how to fix the world,

    but the exercise, the dance, will amaze and delight your readers in exactly the way that they were hoping for.

    and you will stop being part of the garbage polluting the intergalactic conversation.

    i fell asleep with a star.