nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, July 28, 2016

    i will always love mike tyson 


    if i wasnt such a slacker, id write the Macbeth story about Tyson that I keep thinking about

    warrior who was the greatest warrior until he got confused by women and a King

    but that story just makes me so so sad.

    pictures like this, tho cheer me up.

  2. Sunday, July 20, 2014

    it was a good week 

    Mike Tyson and Muhammad Ali reading the Quran

    was encouraged at the real job

    hit my goals on the  sidehustle

    watched a few good movies

    discovered a couple secret things about LA

    learned a few things about myself

    felt healthy.

    only drank a few cokes.

    but ate far too much candy.

    and didnt exercise. at all.

    yep, a good week.

  3. Thursday, January 24, 2002

    the mailbag is bursting it’s so full, so let’s get to it. 

    Q. What do you think of Mike Tyson?

    A. If some guy with dreadlocks and a British accent was going to beat me at a fight, I would act super crazy too and try to freak him out. Mike is following the game plan perfectly. He’s still my favorite boxer of all time.

    Q. I just met this girl, we’ve been having sex a lot, now she says she always feels like she has to pee but she doesnt have to pee.

    A. Shes got a UTI – urinary tract infection. If you live near Mexico, go to Mexico and get the generic Ciporol that’s probably being sold for $2 a box now that the Anthrax scare is over. Take two pills a day for 5 days. And tell her to take care of the puddy after banging.

    Q. I’ve seen your picture, there’s no way you’re getting all those girls.

    A. I don’t understand it either. It’s starting to freak me out.

    Q. What new records are you listening to?

    A. “Glitter,” no lie. And I taped Yo Yo Ma and Emmanuel Ax opening the new opera hall in Philly and I listen to that all the time.

    Q. Why do you believe in Jesus?

    A. Cuz He writes better than me.

    Q. What was the best moment of your life?

    A. When I won the award for Best Arts & Entertainment Editor for my college paper.

    Q. Why don’t you just change your site to Ashley.com?

    A. Don’t tempt me.

    Q. Why don’t you write the way you used to?

    A. Too much Civ III.

    Q. Why don’t you write for a living?

    A. No one has offered.

    Q. How old are you, really?

    A. Old enough to know what matters.

    Q. What was the best movie of the year?

    A. “Moulin Rouge” “Lord of the Rings” and “Amelie” and “Hedwig” and “Momento”.

    Q. Why do you like Mariah so much?

    A. Cuz she pays attention to me.

    Q. Why do you like Bill Clinton, he thought with this dick.

    A. True, but his dick was usually right.

    Q. Are the Clippers for real?

    A. No, but Clipper Girl is.