nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, July 26, 2013

    first time i ever got drunk was in winona, minnesota 

    princess diana and john travolta

    let the record state that i was not of legal drinking age.

    but winona is a college town and far as i remember the bar didnt even ask for an ID

    probably because it knew that no one had a valid ID so why even bother with the dance.

    one of many reasons why i will always love the midwest.

    i believe i was 19. i barely drank in high school, my friends barely did anything.

    sure i got served a few times at wrigley at 16 or 17 but you cant get drunk off one old style.

    this bar gave you four poker chips for a dollar. each chip got you an 8 ounce beer.

    when i had finished my fourth beer i noticed my buddy todd talking to a girl

    who i swore looked exactly like princess diana.

    when todd went to the head to take a leak i said you look so much like lady di im dying

    she giggled and blushed and i went on to babbling with the stack of napkins

    or my other friends, or the juke box, who knows. i was wasted.

    we all got back to todd’s apartment and he took her into his room and someone poured wine.

    but i excused myself to the bathroom and i laughed as i puked because i was so drunk.

    the puke went everywhere cuz i couldnt stop laughing and all of it was very funny to me.

    after i cleaned up everything i got out of the bathroom and passed out shirtless on the couch

    and didnt wake until the morning

    when i heard todd open his door and kiss his girl good day.

    let the record state she didnt look anything like princess diana

    not one lick.