i have the smartest and best friends

as you may know i am in a moral dilemma.

but my friends don’t seem to think I am.

this guy right here is basically saying if i went to court over the fact i wasn’t paid, i would earn not just the $2,500 owed to me

plus $40,000+ in late pay.

a pair of lawyers who messaged me in DMs told me they’d represent me pro bono,

is this how obama felt when someone acted a fool and dared him to use weapons?

are connections weapons?

is the law?

i dont mind confrontations but i dont really seek them out after i got outta the xbi

i just want a peaceful, mellow, loving life where i can be creative for art sake

why am i being tested?

a different job i wanted wrote me tonight and said im not gonna get it

i have mixed feelings about that too.

incredible brand. one of my favorites.

BUT

i feel they’re making some glaring mistakes and i was going to have to bite my tongue because that is not the job i was being hired for.

as per the job i was applying for, i also think they were making some mistakes.

this brand is an industry- and cultural leader but they treat social media like

everybody else.

some brands should never be basic bitches.

they should be trailblazers every chance they can.

i was so excited to talk with them two weeks ago im sure i blabbed the poor woman’s ear off

she prob thought i was on coke.

and who knows maybe i asked for too much money.

is $75k to be the online face of your thing too much money?

but this thing theyre selling is like mining gold.

the last detail they should worry about is budget for staff, as long as the staff is really working.

anyways heres something another friend told me about my situation above, re: not getting paid

this is not about you being mean or vengeful or not turning the other cheek; this is about someone, with whom you had a professional, and presumably legal, agreement with, breaking that agreement and stealing from you by refusing to pay you for your work. That is illegal and he should suffer the consequences of breaking the law. Good luck!

her punctuation alone is amazing.

and of course her advice is spot on.

still, i dont want to send drones over the border.

but i also dont want this behavior to persist.

i wish i knew how to meditate.

this is why i need a smart girlfriend.

i slept all day because i was up all night

doing the project i was up all night and i havent been able to revert to a normal schedule which is not good because theres a long legged girl in my bed right now at 257am who wants me in there but im wide awake wishing there was a ball game on.

a friend of mine who works at this fancy place said she would put my resume on the right persons desk. she suggests i go on unemployment.

but i was a contractor at the end.

she said, youre over 40 and black. thats two protected classes.

i said did you not hear me i stepped down to do this project. i knew the risk i was taking. i wanted to do this thing. all my life i tell people to ask for what they want and dont freak out when they get it. i got it. why should i break any rules?

she said, you have nothing to lose, they might approve it

i said, i dont want to be on unemployment. i wanna do cool shit. life is short. i was on unemployment for way too long before i got picked up by the academy. it was never fun for me. i could never relax. i was always feeling depressed. a loser. i know the economy was bad, but i felt totally useless. the fact that i got The Best job out of that is great, but getting there was arduous. never again good friend. #bars

then she said disability then. and she texted me a link to all the things you can file for disability for. theres a disability for everything she typed.

i said, do you know the cubs won the world series? they won it after a rain delay in game 7 on the road in extra innings. and im not saying that the good people of cleveland arent deserving, but i have Always tried to be an honest, hardworking, genuine person. someone you could trust. they say look at someones friends to see who they are. all my friends are trustworthy. why would i want to be the friend who is on fake disability. at the college paper where we became friends it was like a competition to see who could write the better story poem song news article rock opera. not who could be the dirtiest liar. why use our energies on such a small game? if im gonna tell a lie i want to do it in a novel that sells for a ton more than a damn disability check.

she said, you should also stop blogging and stay off social media.

i said WE ARE TALKING ON FACEBOOK MESSENGER RIGHT NOW!

she said do you know how many rich guys i know and hang out and work with and work for. how do you think they got what they got?

i typed, right now im looking at my living room tv. under it are some old dvds an old broken desktop computer. a weird lamp. a broken Roku, a PS2. some autographed balls from people i know. i can look at all of those things and know i earned the money fair and square to buy them. i didnt cheat anyone. i didnt lie. i did the work earned the money bought the crap.

i could never enjoy looking at a tv that i had to lie to buy. i dont know how these politicians who take money from wicked sources actually walk into their mcmansions and sleep right. it would give me nightmares. in free solo that climber got an mri and it showed that he has no fear in his head. these dudes must have no conscious in there. mine is enlarged. and im glad. midwest represent.

she didnt reply. it was late and either she passed out or was bored.

then she came back on. what did any of that have to do with the cubs and game 7?

i said, oh. they barely won because of karma. we had slightly more than the other guys. i would never want to fuck up the karma for the cubs or my friends by doing shady shit. lets make good magic. lets lead by example. lets be the cool story people tell each other not oh that fool yeah he sucks.

my favorite movies are rock documentaries and either its someone doing something fucked up to the band or the band doing fucked up things to themselves. just be cool.

then she sent me the thumbs up sticker and i went straight to twitter against her advice. sorry.

im learning some things on this path

im talking to people. lots of people. lots of freelancers. and here’s what they tell me one and all

don’t put all your eggs in one basket. 

one of them was telling me about a particular Christmas, they had some money coming to them. each month they did the work, they filed their invoice and they got their money. except on this one Christmas

they would go to the mail box every day and every day it was everything except for that check. and they would do this or that to make sure their payments for their car and their apartment wouldn’t bounce, but that included all this stress. stress they never experienced before when they were working 9 to 5 and the direct deposit would arrive every two weeks like clockwork.

freelancers do not have such luxury. they never know when the checks will come. 

one person told me, after that anxiety filled Christmas where they thought they would never be able to buy gifts and pay bills on time due to this late-coming check, they decided

im never going to find myself in a situation where one check made or broke my Christmas. 

im a hard worker, this person said, working hard is not the problem. weird loyalties are the problem. patience is fine, but multiple checks flowing in to the mailbox is better. 

the lottery is now $1.6 billion

i’ll probably win. that’s cool. because i have a plan.

odds are i’ll only get $800 million of that (because i’m black), which is fine.

i bet i could work out a deal with a bank that if i gave them my $800 mil they’d not only make me a bank vice president (my secret wish), but they’d give me 5% interest on that chunk.

that means if i don’t touch it, ever, i would make $40 million a year, forever.

of that $40 mil i bet i could, if i budget correctly, live off $20 mil, and make 20 people a year millionaires for as long as i live. and *still* have $800 mil in the bank.

so who would i make millionaires? well the first year, fam and ex girlfriends, of course.

the next, public school teachers.

next, social workers. next firemen.

like that.

the busblog approach to money

snoopydonald trumps favorite book, the bible, pretty much lays out how i feel about money

one day Jesus was minding his own business, being rad, when someone asked him about taxes.

i forget if it was about a flat tax or progressive tax or what, but

Jesus was in the business of souls, he wasnt too concerned about how the 1% could hang on to a few more shekels while shaking down the poor

near him was a handful of coins.

he asked the questioner “who’s this?” and flipped him one of the coins.

“That’s Caesar,” the guy told Jesus.

so Jesus said, “give to Caesar what’s Caesar’s and give the Lord what’s the Lord’s.”

which is probably the greatest f u in the good book, but it’s also an excellent way to live.

so much of life on earth can be about the wrong priorities, especially when it comes to money.

and i dont know precisely how it works, but i’ve noticed that the more i share things like who i am, or my crap, or my time, or “my money”, the more others share back.

and isnt that way funner than just hoarding everything, alone, in a freaky selfish way, like a dick?

we’ve all had ups and downs financially. it doesnt matter who you are. even trump had to declare bankruptcy on some of his stuff sometimes.

but we always end up ok.

why? because money doesn’t rule us unless we let it. they keep printing more. theres always interesting ways to get it. and theres tons of fun ways to share it.

we will be ok.

the thing we should worry way way way more about is our soul.

how are we treating it? and if thats too weird of a concept, how about our hearts? what are we doing to them?

trumps favorite book says the good lord will judge us by our heart. is our heart obsessed with doe-ray-me?

or is it way more concerned about taking care of others and learning more about far more abstract things like

love

peace

and the theory that the pitcher should bat eighth in the lineup so that the number nine hitter gets better pitches?

we are on this funky ass globe for a blink of an eye

fuck caesar’s stupid little coins

unless they can be shared with the angels, saints, and the poor, in fascinating ways.

minding my own business trying to get Dodger tickets for Monday

dodgers tickets

so i can boo the crap out of Carlos Quentin

who today was suspended a paltry EIGHT games for charging the mound

so he could perform violence on Zach Greinke.

he succeeded and Greinke’s collarbone was broken and he’s now out eight WEEKS.

but because Quentin is an asshole on top of being a terrible person he has the gall to appeal the “suspension”

which means that when the Dodgers come home from their road trip to play San Dieger at Chavez Ravine on Monday

Public Enemy Number One will be on the field.

rolling stoneswhich means i would like to be in the stands to boo him like i booed Lee Elia way back in the day.

problem is you dont know if he’s gonna play left field or right field,

so how about sitting right behind the visitor’s dugout so as to boo and flip off the dude after every inning?

whats the worst it could set me back: $75? $100? $150?

HOW ABOUT FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS PLUS FEES FACE VALUE.

F O R O N E T I C K E T

for a baseball game in april in los angeles.

that’s more than Rolling Stones tickets!

Dodgers Padres in 2013 is not better than a Rolling Stones show ever.

magic johnson, i realize you come from the world of basketball where it’s perfectly ok to shake down ticketholders

especially those who dare sit near the action.

but thats because your arenas are often 1/2 if not 1/3 the size of baseball parks

and you only play 1/2 as many home games.

baseball is a sport you used to be able to take your whole family to and not have to go back to slangin cane

but im not Breaking Bad. i dont have stacks of crisp bills hiding in a vent in the baby’s room

$400 baseball tickets? Thats that ish I don’t like

one of my summer interns is moving to London

oh god why

so we were thinking of business ideas for her, since shes only 19
and the world is her oyster.

so we decided she should make a U.S. style dental practice

we also decided that “European style” is rarely a good thing.

here were the names we thought of for such a dentistry place.

Duke of Snaggletooth!

Mind The Gap!

Give us a smile, Mum!

Yankee McYankers!

Then we ate pancakes.

this little Canadian girl has so much right

except for the part of Jesus and the moneychangers.

Jesus didn’t care that the moneychangers were influencing the value of the markets

He was upset because temples are for prayer, study, community and enlightenment,

not for the trivial pursuits of mortal finance.

“Render unto Caesar what’s Caesar’s” is what Jesus said when he saw the Roman coin, totally dissing the human concept of money.

And let’s not forget what he said about how hard it is to get the rich into Heaven.

In fact, the New Testament is almost all about ignoring worldly goals and instead focusing on the spiritual.

“Rejoice, and be exceeding glad,” He taught in “the meek shall inherit the Earth” speech because “great is your reward in heaven.”

h/t James Dornan’s facebook wall

sometimes things just get miserable

IRS

and you say oh remember that one time when things were so fun

remember that time in vegas?

remember that other time in vegas?

if you were smart you would have collected all the nicest comments youd received over the years.

or all the flirty emails that filled your in box.

because every now and then someone will say something to do, or do something to you

or look at you funny

or send you a letter that says oh yeah we dont owe you a few hundred dollars

YOU OWE US $7,000!

so if you agree with us, PAY

and if you dont agree with us, thats right, thats not an option.

wheres the box that says i dont owe you squat?

wheres the other box that says matter of fact now you owe me for harshing my mellow?

your snail mail is faulty, internal revenue service,

it didnt come equipped with a $7,000 check

to pay that ridiculous $7,000 bill

xbi sent a pie over today

they said their sensors had reported that earlier this week
i had suffered from post mega millions depression
and my levels and emotions were way down.

and say what you want about the absolute lack of privacy
but i was all, was that what the hell that was?
wow.

worked from home today on a secret project and
wanted to blog but had zero time as in zero – barely had time to eat.
but during those weeks when the lottery kept climbing and climbing
i had plenty of time to day dream about what id do with $100, $200, $300 million dollars

for a while i couldnt think of a damn thing.
after all of this bible reading, i was being taught that money was a small game
a waste of time, a con, a ruse, a red herring, a suckers gambit, a fraud a phony
a lie

but then the weird ass sliver of a chance that i could win $640 million appeared
and suddenly i knew exactly what i would do with the money

i would remodel motels. every room would be different.
but theyd all be spotless, quirky, and $100 a night.
with free wifi, amazing beds, and a 1pm check out.
the pools would be warm, and the hot tubs would be tepid.
every property would have a bar.
also unique and tacky and delicious.

we live life once and usually roam around a relatively small space.
but during our most memorable times we get to expand our perspective
by traveling.

how nice would it be to stoke vacationers
with a comfy bed, a stiff drink,
and a hot tub that never closes?

i gave the pie to the mailman.