nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, March 24, 2014

    30 years ago today the most epic high school detention went down 

    shermer high

    Saturday, March 24, 1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois. 60062.

    Dear Mr. Vernon… We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was that we did wrong, what we did was wrong.

    But we think you’re crazy to make us write this essay telling you who we think we are, what do you care?

    You see us as you want to see us… in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions.

    You see us as a brain, an athelete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal. Correct?

    That’s the way we saw each other at seven o’clock this morning.

    We were brainwashed…

    the breakfast club

  2. Sunday, March 16, 2014
  3. Sunday, March 9, 2014

    saw the grand budapest hotel yesterday with bree 

    grand budapest hotel

    we hadnt chatted in a while and yesterday i really wanted to see the new wes anderson bad

    before anyone spoiled it. it was super warm out but i didnt care, i needed to see this film.

    was pooped from driving all night so when i saw there was a 4:20 showing at the cinerama dome i was all ha

    bill murrayso i texted bree with just two words

    4:20 arclight.

    her response was simple and the way all of them should be

    ahhhh i gotta jump in the shower. post hike.

    picked her up at 4, the place was only about 80 filled even though theres only 2 places in LA showing it

    and 2 in NYC. i believe it will be going wide next weekend. we noticed will ferral at the concession stand.

    i adore wes anderson movies. but this one, im not so sure.

    i loved the acting the look the music the artistry and magic.

    but it almost seemed like a parody of itself in retrospect. the symmetry and style.

    the moustaches the kids the bill murray.

    maybe it’s impossible to successfully followup on Moonrise Kingdom?

    maybe it’s hard to make great movie (Rushmore) after great movie (Fantastic Mr Fox) after great movie (The Royal Tennenbaums)

    you think maybe there needs to be more blood or drama or at stake but then you realize all of those things are in there but for some reason it’s not enough. not even close.

    in school they taught us that all great stories follow a basic principle: introduce lovable characters, fuck with their lives, and then show how they cope.

    12 years a slave, gravity, even Toy Story 3 all understood this and did it, and Wes does too but it turns into feels here.

    when i left i felt weird for not loving it. even the audience forced itself to applaud at the ending.

    today i see i was not alone in my meh feeling

    “I’m even forgetting it as I’m remembering it, as if it had been no more than a dream.” – the spectator uk

    “Europe is just this nutty place where a lot of crazy mixed-up stuff happened and look at this darling model ski lift! That’s Wes Anderson: He can’t see the forest for the twee.” – ny post

    Even those of us who genuinely look forward to the cinematic adventure that is each and every Wes Anderson film can be disappointed. – kirk honeycutt

  4. Friday, March 7, 2014

    australia gave us so many great movies 

    star struck

    this one was one of my favorite 80s films

    i havent seen it in quite a while and im nervous that it wont hold up.

    so i probably wont ever see it again because the memory of it in my mind is so sweet and nice.

    also the little boy’s name was Angus. so perfect.

  5. Tuesday, January 14, 2014

    hey tony, what were your favorite movies this year? 

    1. Ginger Cat vs The Paper Army
    2. Spring Breakers
    3. The Butler
    4. Frances Ha
    5. Pacific Rim
    6. Captain Phillips
    7. We’re The Millers
    8. The Wolf of Wall Street
    9. Oz: The Great & Powerful
    10. Warm Bodies
    spring-breakers-poster0411. Her
    12. This Is The End
    13. The Croods
    14. Monsters University
    15. American Hustle
    16. The Book Thief
    17. Iron Man 3
    18. 12 Years A Slave
    19. The World’s End
    20. Olympus Has Fallen
    21. Catching Fire
    22. CBGB
    23. Star Trek
    24. Great Gatsby
    25. Frozen
    26. Gravity
    27. Blue Jasmine
    28. Thor: Dark World
    29. Despicable Me 2
    30. The Spectacular Now
    31. The Lone Ranger
    32. Man of Steel

    Still need to see: Lone Survivor, Walter Mitty, Nymphomaniac, August: Osage County, Prisoners, Dallas Buyers Club, Bad Grampa, 42, Inside Llewyn Davis, Out of the Furnace, Blue is the Warmest Color, The Conjuring, All Is Lost, Mandela, Nebraska, Fruitvale Station

  6. Sunday, January 12, 2014

    i’m occasionally reminded of the time I called Javier Bardem “Frenchy” 

    cricketer-wallpaperrich asks “If you were to create an Oscar category that you would be a shoo-in to win, what would it be?”

    oh that’s easy “Worst Film Critic”.

    i love movies. love love love them.

    but im a weirdo. i dont like to know who is gonna be in the film, i dont like to know who directed it. and for damn sure i dont wanna know any of the plot.

    im not that interested in the names of the actors or where theyre from.

    and im in the weird minority of people who Demand a good ending or i’m going to feel disappointed in the whole deal.

    when i was running LAist i had zero time to do anything that kept me away from my computer. i was obsessed. it was super fun but it burned me out mentally and rarely did i have a moment where i wasn’t thinking of ways to make that blog better.

    in the weeks leading up to my departure at LAist so i could move to the LAT i found myself doing things i had missed. one of them was watch a damn film. my local theatre had No Country For Old Men in it so i went and wrote this review about how i liked the film but because its ending was flawed it was not a GREAT movie.

    i liked controversial headlines, and especially in pre-Facebook days of SEO the headline “Why No Country For Old Men Isn’t A Great Film” got us a lot of readers – and thus debate.

    one of the things i should have remembered from political debates on blogs is dont make silly mistakes on small details or the discussions will inadvertently swerve away from your important points and get bogged down in ridiculous detours.

    even though id seen Javier Bardem in other movies, i didnt know his full story and i called him Frenchy. sorta mimicking what a guy like Mike Royko (or better, his alter ego Slats Grobnik) would  say in the back of the theatre.

    that went over the heads of the sensitive souls who A-Dored the film and they wrote me off immediately.

    probably for good reason.

    anyways i hate giving away the plot or any of the normal things that most film critics easily divulge in their writings. thus most of my reviews are cryptic, uninformed, and intentionally broad. i pay way more attention to the story arc, the growth of the characters, and if the audience clapped at the end than i probably should.

    good thing i got this pretty face or id starve.

  7. Monday, January 6, 2014

    when i was interviewing for jobs people would look at my resume 

    hitchand they would say wow wow WOW

    then they would ask, so if you had that much success, why did all of those places let you go?

    and i said, part of me honestly doesnt know.

    and another part of me thinks that success looks easy from the peanut gallery, especially how i do it.

    i dont run around screaming at people, i dont have tons of useless meetings or bizarre goals.

    i keep it simple: lets aim for a number that no one thinks we can hit, and then lets hit it calmly.

    but still some of the interviewers were all, yeah ok, but Really why did those places let you go.

    only now do i know the story of Hitchcock’s Psyscho, which makes all the sense in the world to me now.

    by 1960, Hitch was 60 years old and had a library of classic, moneymaking, killer films under his belt.

    you’d think any studio would say, anything you want to do, we’ll do no problem.

    he even had a very popular TV series because ppl were starting to fall in love with TV.

    so when he presented Psycho to Paramount they said no. he said what? they said no freaking way, no.

    so he was all, fine i’ll make it, i’ll bankroll it, it’ll all be me, you can distribute it.

    and even then they were all show us what youre up to, let us see the dailies, etc and hitch was all


    so when the movie was finished paramount hated it and would only screen it in two movie theatres.

    so hitch told the stars Do Not Do Any Press: I will do it all. and because he was super famous it worked.

    he did weird press stunts, he had cardboard cutouts of his fat body infront of movie theatres

    and he created an air of mystery about the movie that wetted peoples appetites and enticed them to see the film.

    his $800,000 investment turned into a $60 million box office smash that was so popular they re-released it in 1965.

    showing us all that it doesn’t matter who you are, there will always be people who should know better who dont.

    there will always be some people who think they know more about the one thing that you are really the master at.

    and its our job to keep doing our thing in the face of disrespect, ignorance, and straight up craziness.

    sometimes the lord hardens the hearts of others.

    maybe it’s so that you can have a platform to say, oh yeah? watch this.

  8. Monday, December 16, 2013

    busy weekend: kanye, her, hustle, black santa, sass 


    as you know, usually i like to sit at home and read old classics to the stray cats through my screen door

    something crazy happened and i had stuff to do all weekend long starting with friday

    scott shelley and me

    beautiful shelley, sexy scott, and disneyland todd and i all ended up in anaheim to watch kanye

    with special guest Jesus for the Yeezus show.

    def the weirdest concert ive ever been to, and ive seen some crazy stuff

    but does that mean it was good? hmmm. strangely id rate it a “meh”


    which is oddly what id rate the new Spike Jonze joint “her” starring joaquin phoenix.

    with special guest voice scarlett johannsen

    on paper this should have been my favorite movie of the year

    in the same way Ye shoulda been my favorite concert. but no. the answer is no.

    i may have to see it again because maybe my hopes were up way too high

    and its so weird that everyone is saying it was all that and Spring Breakers was terribul

    but if you asked me which was better id say harmony beat spike this year: upset of 2013.


    last night i saw american hustle, which i thought was gonna be a slam dunk

    everyone was falling all over themselves to love the new david o russell film starring jennifer lawrence

    pretty boy dude man, batman, and the lady who i thought the whole time was the secretary of the office

    weirdly i also thought that ScarJo in her was really Rashida Jones


    things i actually enjoyed this weekend that lived up to expectations:

    hanging with shelley, scott, and todd.

    waking up to a black santa on the front page of the LA Times


    and eating delicious sushi with sass before her at los feliz’s best raw fishery.



  9. Saturday, December 7, 2013

    saw saving mr banks today at the best movie theatre in the world 


    and afterwards tom hanks emma thompson colin farrel, the screen writer, the director

    and Richard Sherman, the 85 year old genius

    who co wrote the songs 50 years ago for mary poppins was there

    and they all got interviewed in front of us to talk about the movie by the LATs john horn

    it was my first time in the theatre which may be the best perk of the new job: free movies in the perfect place

    imagine the cleanest, most comfortable movie house where the screen the sound and the mood is ideal.

    no food or drinks allowed. no photos or autographs. youre there to see it.

    people clapped. and laughed. it was sweet.

    because its hollywood people clapped during the credits because they probs knew those peeps

    or maybe theyre sitting next to them.

    saw my man steve elzer and his son there.

    the movie made me wish that woody allen would write a movie for emma to rock.

    anything she says sounds amazing.

    parkings free too.

    so with all those stars there, why would you need the guy who co wrote the songs?

    because he was one of the  few people still alive who worked super closely with walt disney

    plus just look at the songs he co wrote with his brother over the years


    you’re sixteen:

    chitty chitty bang bang:

    it’s a small world after all:

  10. Sunday, December 1, 2013

    today is woody allens birthday, hes 24 

    woody allen

    some people have problems with woody. i dont. he’s had a few marriages, but havent we all.

    his most recent marriage, the most controversial one, is now in its 17th year.

    and if youve ever seen the doc “Wild Man Blues”, it’s pretty obvious that she calls the shots, not the famous director.

    1086_R307F25_2001speaking of movies, heres my list of my 12 favorite Woody Allen films:

    Annie Hall


    Play It Again, Sam

    Radio Days


    Hannah & Her Sisters

    Broadway Danny Rose


    Take The Money And Run

    Everything You Wanted to Know about Sex

    The Purple Rose of Cairo

    Husband & Wives

    Very few people, let alone movie directors, get to do whatever they want, whenever they want, in their style, public be damned, and continue to reel off a quality product.

    That is so inspiring to me.