nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, August 17, 2015

    finally saw Dr. Strangelove last night 

    dr. strangelove

    im a huge kubrick fan, but im a weirdo so of course i hadnt seen this 1964 classic yet.

    i have this strange quirk where if i really like something i wont watch or read all of it so i can save a little something for a rainy day.

    recently i realized i live in LA. it never rains here. so i may as well get to seeing all the things i know id like and get it over with.

    sundays are a good day for that because i try not to book anything on those days and just leave it to bible reading and sitting on my fat ass.

    so yesterday after reading the book of Daniel, in which Shadrach, Meshack and Abenedigo danced in King Nebuckennezer’s firey furnace, i noticed that Dr. Stragelove was on Amazon Prime so i turned on my xBox and watched it like the founders intended.

    i thought it was ok. not spectacular. kubrick hadnt discovered his symmetry but def had the humor down. it was interesting thinking about the battles in Full Metal Jacket compared to the battles here. but moreso he nailed the officer class in this one. dont ask me why i know.

    peter sellers was incredible, but i didnt even know george c scott was in this. and how great was he.

    but the best was the russian scare. we used to be terrified of them. and bombs. and world destruction.

    im so glad we arent ruled by our fear of phantoms any more.

  2. Sunday, August 16, 2015

    todays bukowski and madonnas birthdays, theyre 24 

    bukowski, madonnahad a good hot weekend. it was hot. like hottern itd been all year.

    slept over the covers with the windows open and the fan twirling and the cats purring and the moon looking down saying it dont look that hot from up heres

    and the earth saying who the hell asked you anyways

    friday ali said what are you up to tonight i said imma see a one woman show. she said no way. i said i know i never do that.

    she said i wanna come. i said fine meet me at my place and we’ll take a lyft over there. she said not an uber?

    i said, its good to keep the competition going.

    the show was The Mermaid who learned how to Fly. kyla garcia. she was incredible. did like 20 different characters. two of them were in love with her. so basically she made out with herself twice.

    once even as a lady.

    it took me a little while to get into it because i dont go to plays. and it was hot. and you have to suspend your belief and just let go. but once you do, it gets fantastic.

    so at first i didnt like her irish narrator fairy lady but as the play went on i kept hoping for her to come back, and when she did i was so happy. also of interest was the narrator was sorta falling apart physically as the play went on. bad back. it was funny. kyla was very surprising.

    after that ali and i went to malo and ate tacos and drank margueritas. im not crazy about that place but its close and they had an outside so we cooled off.

    saturday i ubered a little. hit my goal and then went to the academy to see Straight Outta Compton. it needs to be stated that since that record dropped back when i was in college, NWA and that record have been super important to me.

    so to see it for free in the best theater in LA was incredible.

    ice cube and the fans

    full house. and almost everyone stayed afterwards to hear Ice Cube, his son, the director, a producer, and the dudes who played Dr. Dre and Eazy talk about it.

    ive never seen that many people stay.

    or cheer so many times at the end.

    i give the movie a B+ but i give ice cube an A+ for staying after the talk and taking pictures with everyone who asked. which were hundreds. he didnt care. he soaked it in.

    and the movie won the weekend. making something like $60 million. smash hit of the summer. a movie about black gangsta rappers whose music is not played on the radio. and yet one of the rappers turns into a movie star another tuns into a billionaire and a third dies of AIDS. so freaky.

    xbi texted me when i was still in the theatre. they wanted a favor i said no. they said order an uber and we can help you out.

    tanya and freedai said i didnt need any help. i was happy. i was in great spirits and i wasnt gonna do squat on sunday. they said dont be a dope, order an uber.

    and when i did a toyota avalon appeared with this great reggae singer as a driver

    and two swedish girls in the back

    and the whole trip i thought, theyre gonna kill me, arent they?

    this is how it ends?


    reggae in swedish probably means good bye i thought but no

    id been to sweden and i knew that hej då meant good bye

    or did it mean hello?

    the girls were just laughing at me.

    they kept calling me Chicago.

    hey Chicago, why dont you change your clothes and meet us at the Chateau

    i said how do you say nothing ever good happens to chicagoans

    late at night at the chateau

    in swedish

  3. Tuesday, August 4, 2015

    who goes there 

    baloonim gonna try something this week while driving the uber. an experiment of sorts. im not going to say anything about my real life. im gonna be quiet.

    i feel like i talk too much. some people hate it when drivers talk to much, especially about themselves.

    i had a beautiful asian young woman in my uber last week. she said how great the ride was, but still i blew it.

    at the end i asked her how you say Goodbye in Taiwanese.

    she told me and i was all what?

    she told me again and i remembered i cant speak any foreign language.

    not even if you tell me the word twice.

    im an idiot.

    last night i took this old businessman from beverly hills to his hotel in the val.

    we had to go through coldwater canyon which is twisty turny. i dont like it cuz theres always some jackhole tailgating me.

    we were doing well until we started talking about meryl streep

    i told him i heard an interview with her where she said as soon as she turned 40 all the roles she was getting were for witches

    eventually she took one

    (“Into The Woods”)

    but still, shes meryl freaking streep.

    suddenly this affable man was like

    people shouldnt complain. if you dont like something do something about it. stop whining.

    i was all, whoa.

    he said, if i dont make a sale i dont blame anyone but myself.

    it seemed to have struck a nerve.

    i hope i dont get 1 star from how that ended.

  4. Monday, July 20, 2015

    it was hot and rainy so i saw three movies 

    ant-manAnt-Man, Irrational Man, and Trainwreck

    Ant-Man was a surprisingly funny Marvel super hero film that stars Paul Rudd as an unlikely leader among ants.

    Crazy premise co-starring Michael Douglas and Evangeline Lily of Lost.

    I liked it more than the typical Marvel movies because this one had a sense of humor along with it’s typical shoot em up action.

    Irrational Man was sort of a disappointment because it is Woody Allen’s latest starring Joaquin Phoenix, my girlfriend Emma Stone and my other girlfriend Parker Posey. sooooo much talent on the screen and yet Woody mailed this one in. so sad.

    in a way it’s a reverse murder mystery which is sorta interesting on paper but we play the game between the lines.

    It would have been more interesting if Joaquin’s character had a little depth, if he changed a little, and if Emma Stone’s character would have been a little less predictable. Parker, weirdly, had a lot more to work with.

    Also the music was lacking. I think I heard the same little jazz riff five times. I thought you loved jazz, Woody.

    Trainwreck was the best of the three. Amy Schumer wrote and starred in this film that was directed by Judd Apatow. Perfect combination. Co-stars Lebron James, Bill Hader and a long list of former SNL regulars.

    Very funny, very raunchy. But the climatic scene had many of us thinking the same thing Bill Hader’s character says “you dont have to do this.”

    Why Apatow and Schumer thought it was necessary to put such a tired Act 3 in a movie that broke down so many stereotypes is confusing and disappointing.

    But whatever, it was a movie starring a female who isn’t defined by falling in love with a successful, basically perfect man.

    Oh wait.

  5. Monday, July 13, 2015

    amy is terrific. 

    Amy Winehouse Movie Posteri love movies. especially music documentaries.

    this year we have already seen one kurt cobain doc and another on the way.

    kurt is probably my all time favorite dead rock star and even though montage of heck was good, “amy” is great.

    one of the big differences is amy winehouse was being photographed and videotaped constantly through her whole ascent to superstardom

    which is ironic because it is clear that she had zero interest in being famous.

    kurt could pretend that fame wasnt of primary interest to him, but he did want it, he flirted with it and eventually signed with a huge label and made music videos and did all the things to be famous.

    amy was different. she sang jazz. how you gonna be famous singing jazz? even punk rockers have their day now and then but jazz singers – in the 21st century? ha!

    but there she was. in the spotlight. in love. always in love. and then in trouble. so much trouble.

    i loved this movie because it made us fall for her in ways i never did when she was alive.

    id seen her at sxsw and was not impressed. i watched her on tv now and then and was interested in her persona and her struggle. but i never really understood her story nor her music until last night at the academy screening of her new biopic.

    this was a talented girl who, like many geniuses, had zero awareness to real life.

    one of the funniest moments was when she was being filmed during a grammy ceremony and she heard the list of nominees and the title of their albums was shocked that justin timberlake’s was called “what goes around comes around”.

    amy winehouse really knew that little about pop music? and she had that much disdain? despite being in the center of it?

    it reminded me of Weezer’s “El Scorcho” where Rivers sings “I asked you to go to the Green Day concert / You said you never heard of them / (how cool is that?) / How cool is that? So I went to your room and read your diary.”

    Amy is the video diary of the rise and fall of the best jazz singer of the new century.

    and how love and fame and drugs and booze and the inability of parents and friends and even a record label cant stop imminent destruction.

    it’s so weird to me that this story gets repeated so often in rock music and nothing can be done.

    theres no guru? theres no rehab facility that works? theres no system? we just have to resign ourselves to the fact that the hangers on want to make money so they will keep pushing the stars onto the stage until they literally die?

    i cried, sass cried, everyone cried. then they clapped at the end, then they clapped again. painfully good movie that hopefully influences some people.

  6. Wednesday, June 24, 2015

    the more we become educated the harder it is to be a dumbass 


    but some are trying super hard 

    last night i watched the 1947 Academy Award winning movie “Gentlemen’s Agreement”.

    the title comes from an unspoken rule in some communities in the Eastern part of the USA

    back in the day

    where one homeowner promised his other homeowners that if he ever sold his house

    he wouldn’t sell it to a Jew.

    this film was made not long after Americans went to war to defeat the Nazis

    and yet returned home to a nation that wasn’t killing our Hebrew friends,

    but they were still discriminating against them in various ways including

    having places like country clubs and fine hotels being Restricted

    meaning Jews were not welcome.


    what’s interesting is if Jews weren’t allowed, then for sure Blacks weren’t accepted either

    other than to clean up, shine shoes, and dance, of course

    even though nearly 100 years before WWII, Abe Lincoln freed the slaves

    because every man was  “equal” to every other man.

    on paper.


    which is to say nothing of women.

    who to this day, are still not equal to men, in several ways.

    too many to list here.


    what fascinates me about all of this is when i drive new Americans around LA

    they tell me that they love the USA so much.

    Saudis, Kuwaitis, Germans, Jamaicans, Swedes, Chinese…

    they all tell me that this place is really the country it’s advertised as being

    it’s free.

    you can do what you want.

    you can be who you want.

    you can smoke, drink, have sex, have dreams, be alive

    you can spread your wings without fear of having them cut off.

    and of course, everything is a matter of perspective.

    and i wonder when that honeymoon period will wear off

    and they realize that this beautiful country is


    just as backwards as where they fled from.

    and in some ways, worse, because we should know better.

    and we have seen firsthand that when you treat people different than you

    like family

    the results are usually wonderful.


    most fascinating thing about Gentlemen’s Agreement?

    it was greenlit by 20th Century Pictures head honcho Darryl Zanuck who was not allowed to join a prominent Los Angeles country club

    because he was Jewish.

    Hollywood, at that time, was run by Jews, it was believed by some.

    and indeed, many of the studio heads at that time were Jewish.

    but the irony was Zanuck was Protestant.

    when he saw this discrimination first hand, he was inspired to make this movie.

    The film was nominated for 8 Oscars, it won three: Best Picture, Director, and Supporting Actress

    Zanuck himself accepted the Oscar for Best Picture.

  7. Wednesday, June 17, 2015
  8. Friday, May 29, 2015

    saw “I Am Big Bird” tonight 

    big bird


    there were good parts, dont get me wrong.

    and its super interesting that one guy is responsible for pretty much all the things we love about

    Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch.

    and its amazing that that one dude is in his 70s and still doing it all the time even though it’s physically demanding and you have to do it in a suit while looking at a little tv set while you have one hand up in the air.

    and the story delves into some interesting dark moments

    and the guy is super awesome: lively, creative, loving, sensitive, adventurous, and a great dad

    but still, something was missing.

    who knows, maybe i just mean in me.

  9. Thursday, May 21, 2015

    loved the new Mad Max movie 


    wednesdays are one of the days i try not to uber. so i went to the movies.

    everyone was raving about Mad Max: Fury Road, calling it the best action movie in a very long time.

    Rotten Tomatoes gave it an unreal 98% after 230+ reviews.

    it’s very hard to live up to such hype, but i gotta say, it was intense, a visual spectacle, creative, fun, crazy, weird,

    and totally worthy of the 98% rating.

    i can see why people are seeing it multiple times.


  10. Sunday, April 26, 2015

    about a girl 

    kurt and courtney

    cobain: montage of heck
    hbo films
    directed by Brett Morgen

    i went to the movies this afternoon for a few reasons.

    i saw on twitter that someone had retweeted Montage of Heck’s director Brett Morgen who said that he was gonna be at the 12:30p arclight screening and he would be giving away a few posters

    even though the nirvana movie was going to be on hbo in two weeks, who doesn’t want a poster?

    so i postponed my bible reading and got an uber ride to the show.

    hardly anyone was there. its a beautiful sunday. anyone who would be into nirvana would be at brunch or their kids’ little league game. or dead.

    so those very few of us who are unclassified thusly were there and i gotta say the cinerama dome irritates me because the rounded screen really doesnt add much, and distracts often. however the sound was great, so i sat close to the screen and

    cobainthat music.

    that beautiful music.

    theres some new interviews with courtney, krist, kurts mom, his dad, his step mom, and one of his old girlfriends. theres some beautiful home movie footage of the happy little family of courtney kurdt and baby frances bean.

    but at the root of it is the tragic story that we all know too well: child of divorce lashes out against society and his family, gets in a band, sees the light, but terrible stomach pains leads him to heroin and later… suicide.

    one doesnt need to see this in a movie theatre but the sound of it all is wonderful and probably better than the typical home speakers. and it’s nice to see certain things super large: like how courtney is never glamorous, how kurts blue eyes are magical and his notebooks are endless and intuitive and they’re nothing but a screaming S-O-S to the world.

    just like his life it ends abruptly and sort of, wait, is that all there is.

    but yes. 20 some years later. yes.

    thats all there is.

    the film gives us a great look at kurt as a kid, some of his dark tales, and shows us what a rock star lives like when he’s on top of the world with his pregnant wife while they’re both junkies. it’s not one bit like the myth of rock. if anything it’s more like Teen Mom.

    i had two takeaways from the film:

    1. never discount anyone. the troubled young lad you are giving up on and kicking out of your house might be angry because he can see the future and it has a bad bad ending.

    2. nirvana was the last really great rock band in the world, and like the other greats, there will never be another like them.