nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, April 20, 2016

    sometimes i know whats going on 

    ice cube and axlsometimes i dont know whats happening at all

    last night a pretty girl came over and said lets make crazy love.

    i said omg lets watch this movie about Tower Records first.

    this is what happens when you get super olde, btw

    so she was just happy to be there so she said fine and we turned on the tv and she made popcorn and we watched the movie

    just as i thought, she fell asleep about 20 minutes into it because she was too young to remember when record stores mattered, you know when they were the center of the universe and if you really loved music youd know where they all were in every part of town and which ones were great at used records and which ones were great at singles and which ones were cheap and which ones were perfect for imports

    the tower records story was fascinating. i didnt know anything about it. it pretty much mirrored the trajectory of records in general. the dude started by getting a part of his dads drug store and he bought 45s in frisco and drove them to Sacto and sold them and drove back and bought twice as many and sold twice as many

    then one day he was all fuckit, let me get a big ass location in frisco and make “the biggest record store in the world” and he did and it was a success and every time he built a record store it was pretty much a success. and everything went well until the industry a) stepped away from singles and got greedy and tried to shove albums down everyones throats for $16.99

    and b) didnt pay close enough attention to napster and itunes and the ipod.

    but one magical thing happened: Japan. tower figured out how to make it happen in Japan early on and there are still Tower Records stores there to this day.

    which is something no one would have predicted (none in the US and tons there) which tells me its ok not to know things. its ok to rise and fall. its ok to live life filled with love and wonder.

    and rock n roll may die, but all those great tunes never will.

  2. Monday, April 18, 2016

    i am a half million years old 

    work of artand on this journey i have seen a million beautiful images. these eyes. oh boy. what theyve seen.

    ive gone to museums, rock shows, wonders of the world.

    some of the most amazing women have said hi busblog and stripped down and hugged me.

    ive read amazing books, been taught by some of the brightest teachers.

    and living in california most of my life ive seen more than my fair share of gorgeous landscapes, sunsets, and skateboard tricks.

    most of the time i say, why have you given me this, Lord, why me? who am i?

    and every now and then a little voice will whisper: because you will write it down.

    im reading Acts right now which is one of my favorite books of the bible because shit gets cray in there. some weird magical stuff goes down and people are all wtf! after all of that i went to the movies with a pretty girl who in the middle of the movie asked me to squeeze her bare leg, so i did. it was the best part of the film.

    i get disappointed easily because i have high hopes. especially for movies. especially for movies directed by ppl who rarely make bad movies.

    but perhaps one reason i am so thankful for when i get to see or experience something super good

    is because i sit through so much crud.

    Everybody Wants Some was crud.

    if bro wanted to make a gay movie, he should have. but maybe he thought it would be ok. it’s ok bro.

    that movie i sat through last night was not ok.

  3. Friday, January 29, 2016

    saw the Martian on weds and the Revenant last night 

    revenantthe Martian was pretty good. actually really good and im very happy that i saw it before i saw The Revenant because omg

    Chibo and Inuerudo and Leo

    and mother nature

    and Tom Hardy

    and that rapey bear

    and wow wow wow

    i was totally blown away.

    i had heard mixed reviews so my expectations were low. which is a great place to be. but through lots of it my mouth was wide open

    like wow look how pretty things are and woah whats happening is he gonna die? mama mia.

    but when i got into work today some of the people were like me: give them all the oscars

    and others were like the critics: meh

    and i was like, were you in the same theater as i was? but they were. which shows to go ya: you cant please everyone.

    speaking of, my laptop is on its last legs, so if i dont busblog this weekend dont fret, im alive, im just trying to figure out how to fix that bad boy.

  4. Tuesday, January 19, 2016

    do you know i love you? i do. 


    i also love movies. and music. and sitting all weekend in my bed doing jack.

    but starting next week imma catch up on all the Oscar nominated films that i havent seen yet.

    heres my gameplan

    tuesday – Room

    wednesday – The Martian

    thursday – The Revenant

    friday – Trumbo

    saturday – The Big Short (in the day)
    saturday – nominated Animated Shorts (at night)

    wish me luck

  5. Sunday, December 20, 2015

    the new star wars movie is just meh and everyone knows it 

    image3 which is so disappointing because they knew everyone was gonna go. they knew the kids needed something to have them believe in magic. they knew everyone is still alive and wondering what this guy JJ can do with blacks and women and other minorities and all this new technology and dudamel and social media and ATMOS and seats that shake and gay marriage and obamacare and bath salts and a chicago cubs team thats image4poised for a dynasty.

    so what did the new star wars give us?

    it’s easier to list what it didnt give us



    a super evil villian

    an super cool story

    plot twists


    a great new soundtrack

    a deep subplot about good v evil or racism or sexism or how no matter what edge of the galaxy we are all from, deep down we’re all the same. but no, they played it safe. they figured we got a whole bunch more of these puppies lets keep the gravy train rolling. lets not upset the apple cart. let’s not create a disturbance in the Force.

    i hate when things are played safely. nothing great comes from mediocracy. plus it’s a terrible example for the kids. the kids need to know that the reason why music sucks today is because it’s so tame and uncreative. that it neither celebrates the mastery of an instrument or any real knowledge of the technology.

    same can be said for The Force Awakens.

    fortunately i only spent $6.50 because The Vista is incredible, and i didn’t have to wait out in the rain or cold like so many other true fans did.

    was there anything i loved? the desire of the audience to cheer at any uplifting moment.

    bless their hearts.


  6. Monday, December 7, 2015

    quentin tarantino is my favorite director 

    the hateful eight

    so of course i went to the academy screening of his new film.

    unfortunately i had so many high expectations and only a few were realized.

    its a three hour movie which is ok in the daytime but this one started at 7:30pm

    and because im an olde man i was very worried id fall asleep in my chair.

    but fortunately that didnt happen because this is a very subtle movie in parts (and not at all in others)

    id give it a solid B because Sam Jackson and JJL give spectacular, nomination worthy, performances

    and the others in the ensemble are very good as well.

    70mm projection, for this, didn’t really sell me on the technology.

    for some reason i thought django was prettier was better to look at.

    afterwards kurt russell, JJL, Sam, QT, the editor, the costume designer and the producer had a panel

    so QT explained how he decided to make this film. he said he watched a lot of TV westerns like Bonanza.

    but it didnt feel like that. it felt like Reservoir Dogs in a cabin. but a little more refined.

    QT deserves a screenwriting nomination as well, but overall, i was slightly disappointed.

    i know, im weird.


  7. Sunday, December 6, 2015

    saw Joy last night 

    jennifer lawrence

    starring jennifer lawrence, robert di nero, and bradley cooper

    the whole time im thinking, “i bet jennifer lawrence would be a cool girlfriend.”

    and then they played this springsteen song

    on the piano.

    just the piano.

    not even the words

    except through your heart.

    and i was all, fuck yeah david o.

  8. Wednesday, November 25, 2015

    i dont think people realize, im very shy 

    the night before

    super true.

    the blogging, the journalisming, the ubering: it’s all ways for me to help me break out of my shell because if i had my way id just move to maui, learn how to mix drinks, and just work at a hotel bar and call it a day.

    why bother with all of this hoo ha?

    but i know that the good lord put me in this place for a reason and it isn’t to take the easy way out and get wrinkly in a tropical paradise and marry a hula girl and be a massive sellout.

    still, it’s a struggle when im at a roulette wheel sipping on my rum n coke and a pretty girl sits a few stools down from me and she smiles. is she a hooker? is she a man? does she have some terrible diseases? does she think i have a wallet full of cash?

    one guy after another sits by her and loses in one way after another and finally after they leave she scootches over to me.

    i like your system she says. shes been watching. of course she has. it’s so simple. bet one chip on black. if you lose, bet two on black. if you lose again bet four on black. if you lose again bet eight on black. eventually it’s gonna be black and when it does, take the winnings and bet one on black again.

    the night beforemeanwhile the rum n cokes keep coming and either the frat boys win big and leave with the girl or they lose and try to woo her anyways but, come on. yr a loser. and just look at her.

    she starts betting along with me. one on black. two on black. four on black, drink.

    she asks me where im from. i tip my cubs hat. she looks confused. i say the c is for canada.

    i think shes from japan, but her english is better than mine. id ask her, but im very shy and i dont wanna be racist. she has sparkly jewelry. i expect her big strong husband to arrive any minute but no one ever comes.

    she says, wanna get out of here?

    i say, whats better than this? free drinks, we’ve hit black like five times in a row, and theres a pretty girl who keeps bumping her knee against mine.

    she apologizes. more drinks come. i tip the waitress for both of ours. she was doing wine, now shes on to cosmos. if i wanted to get drunk id have ordered some shots for us but im still not entirely sure shes not a man.

    after a while she says, if you could do anything right now, what would it be?

    i say, what, it’s like 7pm? vegas. prettiest girl in this whole casino? tony pierce, fresh from canada with like 5-6 drinks in him? well, id see the new seth rogen movie.

    she says what movie is that?

    i say, “the night before.”

    she says the night before what?

    i say, i think its the night before Christmas. i think it’s a Christmas movie for adults.

    and she says, id love to see a Christmas movie for adults.

    and she did for about a half hour, and then she fell asleep on my shoulder.

    was probably a man.

  9. Tuesday, November 17, 2015

    the jingle jangle of a thousand lost souls 

    rev james brown

    last night i had a very pretty young lady over my house. how does this keep happening!?

    first she tried to woo me over to her house by claiming there was a jack in the box nearby. good try!

    but i countered by saying that i wanted to watch my favorite film of all time, The Blues Brothers at my crib.

    she said k, which is french for “i will leave my underwear at home.”

    so i picked her up, we drove over to my house and as we parked an Adam & the Ants tune came on and i told her about the time I met Adam while i was pumping gas in Century City back in the day. when it was over she asked omg how old are you?

    note to self: never tell a beautiful young lady that you met an ’80s star in the ’80s.

    we got to my house and did what a man and woman should do on a windy school night and when that was over i turned on my xBox and purchased the HD version of the blues brothers because – as mickey roarke said in Barfly “it’s just easier this way.”

    i could not sit down. the blues brothers does something to me. it fills me with the spirit. she had never seen the film before and i wondered what she thought when the Rev. Cleophus Brown (played perfectly by James Brown) delivered his sermon:

    And now, people… And now, people… When I woke up this mornin’, I heard a distubin’ sound. I said When I woke up this mornin’, I heard a disturbin’ sound! What I heard was the jingle-jangle of a thousand lost souls! I’m talkin’ ’bout the souls of mortal men and women, departed from this life. Wait a minute! Those lost angry souls roamin’ unseen on the earth, seekin’ to find life they’ll not find, because it’s too late! Tooooo late, yeah! Too late for they’ll never see again the life they choose not to follow. Alright! Alright! Don’t be lost when your time comes! For the day of the Lord cometh as a thief in the night!

    when i turned around she was fast asleep.

    she had a smile on her face, but she was out.

    so i turned off the movie and since the xBox was on i dialed up NBA Jam and made the Beastie Boys play President and Hillary Clinton.

    i have the most fascinating life.

  10. Monday, November 16, 2015

    last night i saw “Spotlight” 

    Spotlight the Movie

    i was underwhelmed.

    it had gotten some good reviews. there were a few good performances.

    mark ruffalo was fantastic.

    the dude from Mad Men made me miss Mad Men.

    other than that there werent that many surprises because we all know what happened.

    i didnt think it was shot with much artistry.

    i may be its only current critic as it’s getting a whopping 98% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes

    id give it a b- or c+

    but the one really good thing about it is it shows how important long form investigative journalism is.

    newspapers continue to struggle, so i would be interested to see if television news rooms will pick up the slack and start delivering the type of scoops that newspapers have given us over the years.

    i hope so