nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, December 29, 2020

    my favorite movie reviewer on YouTube for 2020 is Chris Stuckmann 

    Here he takes apart the new Wonder Woman movie in a thoughtful, careful, thorough manner.

    i suppose it’s why he has over 1.8 million subscribers.

    1.8 million subscribers is quadruple what the LA Times’ youtube channel currently has.

    the LA Times has a staff of talented, award-winning, super-connected journalists photographers and video experts

    and yet one guy in his spare room,

    wearing a Blockbuster Video t-shirt laps them.


    are they doing everything wrong?

    are they not putting their right people in front of the camera?

    despite all the “young” people they’ve hired in digital, do they still not get it?

    i think the main problem is the Times isn’t really used to paying attention to the audience.

    Few newspapers are used to doing that.

    Also: audiences change what they want.


  2. Friday, December 18, 2020

    heres an uber story you might like 

    tomorrow im gonna do job #19 of my career… driving for Uber and Lyft.

    i could write books about the 5,000 trips i took, the people i met, the stories they told and the things i learned about LA as we drove.

    picked up a dude in DTLA at the old American Apparel factories, we headed west and passed Sam’s Hofbrau House.

    guy asks, ever been in there?

    nope, i said.

    why not?

    ah, strip clubs seem weird to me in your own town, i explained. i mean look at me. i turned to give him a nice glance at my profile. do i look like i need to go to a bar to hang out with hot babes?

    we laughed as we passed by the Pińata District.

    he continued, well that strip club is key to the great movie you might have heard of, Pulp Fiction.

    oh yeah? I said. who doesn’t love Pulp Fiction.

    yeah, he said, rumor has it Quentin was in there one night with some industry types. thinking about using it for one of his films. they got drunk. and when he got home he realized he didn’t have his wallet.

    so he retraced his steps and told his assistant to call Sam’s.

    so the assistant calls and says, hey do any of you remember seeing Quentin there last night?

    whoever is on the other line says, don’t know who you’re talking about but even if i did we don’t divulge our guests. company policy.

    the assistant said, fair enough. well he’s my boss and he thinks he left his wallet there.

    bartender or whoever asks, can you describe the wallet?

    assistant says, it’s very unique. it’s brown and says Bad Mother Fucker on it.

    bartender laughs and says, yes we have it, but you need to ask him where he got it because we all want one just like it.

    whats interesting about uber and lyft is it was such a fascinating side job and every night i learned something about this city, humanity, life, and myself. some nights i would get home, eat, take a leak and think, i just feel like it’s too dangerous to drive out there tonight. and i’d stay home.

    other nights i’d drive until 4am.

    soon im gonna pay off a car i never thought id own, a mercedes, and a lot of it was paid by driving people around.

    but it was dangerous. my mom didn’t want me to do it. she never wanted me to do it. she was all, youre a grown man. you have a job, why are you doing this?

    i said, ma, i love this just as much as being at the oscars. these people are just as interesting. the things i see are as good as any movie. people cry in that backseat, they laugh, they have fights on the phone. they pour their hearts out to me. they tell me stories that when i Google afterward appear nowhere on the web.

    why should i read 100 year old novels when life is unfolding every day and night right here in real time?

    poor woman, ive put her through so much.

    soon im gonna buy her the biggest tv she’s ever seen.


  3. Friday, August 28, 2020

    today Black Panther died 

    he was also Jackie Robinson, James Brown and Thurgood Marshall.

    chadwick boseman sure seemed like the most unassuming movie star of them all.

    quiet, low-key, reserved.

    maybe it was because he had cancer in him for the last four years and maybe he always knew it was going to end in his mid 40s

    or maybe he was just the essence of cool.

    of all the Avengers was there anyone who walked so softly?

    and of all the movies he made, did you ever go into any of them saying, oh yeah this one is going to knock it out of the park?

    and yet they all did.

    his reward? a couple MTV Movie Awards,  an NAACP Image Award


    he got to kiss Lupita

    rest in peace my man.

    2020 sure is a trip.

  4. Saturday, February 8, 2020

    What should and will win the Oscars 2020 

    Who should win: Jojo Rabbit
    Who will win: Once Upon a Time In… Hollywood

    Who should and will win: Joaquin Phoenix, Joker

    Who should and will win: Renée Zellweger, Judy

    Who should win: Anthony Hopkins, The Two Popes
    Who will win: Brad Pitt, Once Upon a Time In… Hollywood

    Who should and will win: Laura Dern, Marriage Story

    Who should win: Sam Mendes, 1917
    Who will win: Bong Joon Ho, Parasite

    Who should win: Klaus
    Who will win: Toy Story 4

    Who should win: Memorable
    Who will win: Hair Love

    Who should win: Jojo Rabbit, Taika Waititi
    Who will win: The Two Popes, Anthony McCarten

    Who should win: It should be a five-way tie.
    Who will win: Marriage Story, Noah Baumbach

    Who should and will win: Roger Deakins, 1917

  5. Wednesday, January 29, 2020

    had a very good day with amber today 

    it was her day off

    but it was not mine. so for a long time in the day i was working on getting this kobe bryant piece up.

    and fine tuning it, and reworking it.

    still when it published there were typos.

    of course.

    then we had to jet across over to the Grove to interview a bunch of people.

    that was not as easy as you think, but when people open up incredible things come out, so you dont need that many to talk to you.

    just enough did.

    and i learned that the oldest toy store in LA is in the Farmer’s Market,

    and it’s beautifully stocked.

    dude told me Nerf basketball is still very popular at his store.

    then we went to in n out to have a cheap date nite

    then we came home because i had to upload the pics from the Grove and do stuff with the audio,

    and then i transcribed a few from another outing

    then we drove over to CityWalk because i wanted to see Ford versus Ferrari because it was nominated for Best Picture

    and I think Christian Bale was nominated and maybe Matt Damon too,

    who knows but it started at 9:50pm so we went

    learned an interesting thing, at that late hour they don’t charge you for parking.

    saved $5 right there!

    the movie was ok. nothing special. i mean i enjoyed learning a little about Shelby and Lee Iacocoa

    and Les Mans

    but whatever, glad i saw it, Adam Sandler was robbed.

    then i came home and did a bunch more transcribing.

    amber and i had a wonderful time hanging out together, something we rarely get to do it seems

    and it was great.

    i circled the date on the calendar

    and put a star on it

  6. Sunday, December 29, 2019

    saw uncut gems last night 

    it was incredible.

    top three movies i saw in 2019

    the black godfather
    uncut gems

    i dont know why but shazam really got me.

    but all i thought about today was uncut gems.

    it was classic college of creative studies: be truthful, create likable characters, put them through the wringer, see what happens

    amber hated it. half america hates it. but almost all the critics love it.

    as you can see from the high ranking i gave shazam, one would think that i usually side with the audience, that may be true. who knows. i thought parasite was overrated.

    and once upon a time in hollywood.

    weirder crazier shit has gone down in hollywood and there is no need to make any of it up.

    weirder shit goes down on my block.

    i also loved booksmart, longshot, joker and aladdin.

    i went to 40 movies this year. next year i wanna make it 52.

    trying to figure out how to see 1917 tomorrow.


  7. Saturday, November 2, 2019

    i went to a climate strike protest rally yesterday 

    i learned a lot. mostly that we are in good hands. also, those hands wont have a chance to save us if we dont save us first.

    then i learned about this japanese grocery store in DTLA that has really good pre-made sushi for cheap.

    we watched little kids annoy pigeons with their toy helicopters

    we watched a couple of gay guys have a romantic lunch sharing a beer and feeding edamame to each other.

    then we went to the movies and saw a really good biopic about Harriet Tubman

    i wish it was better. something was missing. maybe the cinematography? i cant put my finger on it.

    theres fires burning all around us. proof that sprawl hasn’t completely done its dirty work.

    theres still wilderness, which is nice, but now its charred, for many reasons.

    a couple of recycling places caught fire, hard to believe that just naturally occurred.

    i wonder about God, when he looks down on us, does he cry sometimes?

    like can he just not help to?

    then today around noon, a 15 minute rain shower just happened out of the blue.

    and i was all, me too, angels.

    moi aussi.

  8. Sunday, October 6, 2019

    saw the joker and i nodded off a few times 

    totally fell asleep during ad astra too.

    heres why.

    i have a dream job right now for me.

    and im doing all i can because its like being on Supermarket Sweep

    if you could keep everything, and you knew where everything was,

    and everyone else is just running around putting 2 hams in there and some boxes of cereal.


    i stayed awake for most of Joker but my body was all, oh we get to rest right now? good. zzzz.

    and i’ll see it again because there were lots of it that i liked, the cinematography, the direction

    the score. omg the fucking score. so good.

    and sure Joaquin was great. he’s always great. crazy people make perfect musicians and actors.

    artists probs too, who knows.

    but if i had directed him in this i would have turned the dial down, like a lot.

    a scary loud person is scary, but a scary quiet person

    or better yet, one with dynamics,

    now that can be terrifying.

    let him snap a few times.

    nirvana learned from the pixies who learned it from babies: LOUD quiet LOUD.

    let your character be happy and free and Loud. then break him. quiet.

    quieter still.

    and then a LOUD breakthrough happens. and if it’s an anti hero like Joker

    you can either make him loud loud loud like lots of people do

    or you can make him manic and unpredictable.

    the easiest pitch to fool a batter on is a changeup.

    everything a professional hitter learns on his climb to the big leagues is how to hit the fastball,

    so throw him 5 or six of them

    and then plop that slowball at him and watch him land on his ass.

    a quiet plotting, sinister laugh is better than a booming one

    although to be honest his laughter was really great.

    joaquin is a dream and we should feel lucky to have him,

    which is why i’ll see this again.

    when maybe im used to this gig a lil more.

  9. Wednesday, June 26, 2019
  10. Friday, May 31, 2019

    zero hour nine am 

    there is so much to like about Rocket Man, the sorta musical about Elton John’s life and career

    and very little not to like: perfectly fine acting, singing, visuals

    but something seemed missing.

    maybe because we know how it ends

    maybe because it just seems like the standard old rock and roll story:

    unloved kid succeeds at sex drugs rock. or does he?

    in fictional films theres a lot more at stake, more dynamic highs and lows.

    even at his lowest it seems glamorous and fabulous and luxurious.

    this is exactly my sort of movie: rock bios. and i learned a lot.

    and hats off to Taron Egerton who looked, sounded, and even walked just like Elton.

    one thing that was weird and sort of similar to last year’s Bohemian Rhapsody:

    just like how they omitted the story of the inclusion of David Bowie for the hit “Under Pressure,” there was no mention of John’s good friend Princess Diana.