nothing in here is true

  1. Saturday, February 23, 2019

    looking forward to the live action shorts tomorrow 

    Went to the movies tonight as my last chance to see a nominated film before the Oscars. I saw they were screening all the nominated Live Action Shorts, so I went. Mama mia, what an intense experience.

    4 of the 5 nominees are about kids in grave peril and the other is about a sweet old French-Canadian lady on her death bed. So: tearful to say the least.

    The two though that really stood out for me were “Skin” which is about hate crimes based in racism, and “Detainment” where two kids are accused of killing a 2 year old.

    Walking out of the theater I was giving the edge to “Skin” because it was told slightly better, but the performance of 11-year-old Ely Solan in “Detainment” is tremendous and when I got home I watched the trailer just to see him do it again.

    If there was a Juvenile Oscar like they had back in the day, this kid would have walked away with it. Not just because he can bring the waterworks but because the script was based on the interrogation transcripts, so this lad embodied history and spit it out as if it was truly happening to him.

    But, alas, there’s controversy about this film. Turns out the parents of the victim are super pissed that they weren’t consulted, and feel like this 30 minute short humanizes the pair. Apparently there was a petition created once the film got on the short list and once it got nominated people, like me, started paying attention. Now a quarter million people are demanding that the director or the branch or whoever has the power can get it pulled from contention. But what up n coming director wants to work on something and then give up right before crossing the finish line?

    Which is why I bring it to your attention. It’s a totally compelling movie of a super tragic incident and young Ely is such a natural in this role as an child being drilled by cops into slowly telling this grisly tale. Merely for acting sake it’s worth watching.

    Also it’s a weird little lesson in perspective. From this side of the pond it’s one of the best short movies of the year, and from that side it’s, I guess, a skeleton in the closet that very few want exposed and retold.

    So it will be very interesting to see, if it wins, what backlash, if any, will come from the UK onto the director when he brings the statuette home. I’ll also be curious how this affects his career as a director. Will he have to move to America? Change his name? Become an Uber driver?

    All of the UK will be watching that oft-overlooked category extremely closely.

  2. Monday, January 14, 2019

    saw Free Solo 

    in school they taught us the secret to writing a good story

    introduce a totally lovable character, then fuck their lives over and see what happens. if they pull it off, great. if they die, then thats a tragedy. either is fine.

    either is fine.

    so here they make us fall in love with this totally unique person. he happens to be a mountain climber.

    and the thing he loves to do the most is climb without ropes.

    one false move and he dies.

    at the academy you will meet some people who are obsessed with watching movies. one of those people worked on the same floor as me.

    and i noticed that he was going to see this movie again because he loved it

    and he was seeing it in IMAX, because it’s made by National Geographic

    because mountain climbing is beautiful, apparently

    and even though i think this movie would be emotional and beautiful and terrifying no matter where you see it

    im so glad i saw it on imax.

    for 2018 movies theres two movies ive given an A+ to:

    isle of dogs
    and now
    free solo

  3. Friday, January 11, 2019

    ive been watching lots of movies 

    some i had seen before some i hadnt. in just the last seven days ive seen

    the big lebowski
    confessions of a dangerous mind
    devil in a blue dress
    500 days of summer
    and a doc on jerry lewis, who i learned bought his first big house in pacific palisades

  4. Friday, December 28, 2018

    the mule 

    could this be my favorite movie of 2018?

    i was thinking is this an A or an A+ movie? whats so special about it?

    because if it’s just a good movie, fine, but A+? it has to have some zing.

    definitely some good lines, but zing? not really.

    so solid A.

  5. Tuesday, December 18, 2018

    bohemian rhapsody 

    i will watch any bio pic about any band any time. 

    i love music so much and music docs or retellings, especially if they utilize the actual tunes, will have me glued, so i am the wrong person to ask about the Freddy Mercury film because of course i loved it. 

    rami malek was perfect in every way possible. his accent, his moves, the way he arched his back, the way he posed

    i grew up in an extremely homophobic town. if you were a teenage boy you could barely say you liked Journey without being called gay. And yet every long haired rocker had a Judas Priest shirt despite the fact that Rob Halford was never seen without a full leather daddy outfit. 

    Why were we surprised when he came out, likewise why was Queen of all bands allowed a pass? 

    Because sometimes the music is so good that the champion of the gayest guy in the room can sing it right to your face and all you see are heart emojis. 

    I’m still very curious why I never thought about Freddy’s sexuality while in high school. Could he have been more blatant? Whatever. Loved him then, love him more now. 

    My only gripe about the film was they glossed right over “Under Pressure” like it’s NBD that Queen had an unbelievable collaboration with David Bowie. As if that song wasn’t a huge hit for both of them. For Queen it was just their second #1 tune in the UK, for Bowie it was his third. 

    Originally Bowie came to the studio with Queen to sing background on a song that was never released. So while he was there they jammed and tried another song that failed. Later they met up again in Switzerland and jammed and you can hear via the scatting on “Under Pressure” how they were formulating the dynamic tune. It is epic not in length but in styles. Count how many changes happen in it: a gazillion. It goes from one song to another to another to another and returns to that beautiful Vanilla Ice riff. 

    How do you just toss that into a story about something else? 

    Whatever. Loved it. Give the dude an award because fuck man that could not have been easy to do. 

  6. Friday, December 14, 2018


    Is beauty enough? Fine directing, gorgeous images. But what if the plot is so thin it doesn’t exist?

    This movie reminds me of getting your car cleaned so well that you cant tell if you even have a windshield

    but then you realize you’re driving through endless fields of corn.

  7. Sunday, December 2, 2018

    ashley was right, im never pleased 

    etienne was right, im bossy

    emma was right, her dad should kill me

    the favourite was fine, but

    theres always a but

    heres my big problem with so many movies:

    if you have action, you can’t have romance

    if you have powerful women,

    theres no room for powerful men.

    star wars is great because everyone is great

    except for the star troopers

    so they made them look fantastic.

    the favourite looks fine, is fine, is better than most

    but is that what we should be shooting for? B-plusses?

    when you have such fine performances, costumes, framework

    would it kill you to go that extra mile?

    i have spoken. exeunt.

  8. Saturday, November 24, 2018

    i’m a weirdo, i like to see movies at the movie theater 

    i have three giant tvs in my tiny apartment

    i have surround sound systems and sound bars and sub woofers

    i have a beautiful girlfriend who prances around in exotic outfits.

    but almost every week theres a movie out there that i want to see and i want to see it in the theater with the latest sound

    and in comfortable chairs that i would never be able to afford

    and eat popcorn and drink coke and listen to how the audience reacts and then hear them afterwards say this or that.

    i always learn something when i go to the movies.

    when moviepass dropped their prices down to $10 a month last year i got one for my mom, amber and myself. but because amber has an outrageous schedule, we hardly ever went.

    now that moviepass is dunzo (basically) (even though theyre still charging me for something) i sucked it up and bought the AMC theaters $20 a month pass which is good for any movie even the IMAX and 3D ones.

    so yesterday i went and saw Ralph Breaks The Internet in 3D.

    im seriously thinking about getting a website called shouldiseeitin3D.com because who knows unless you see it.

    i really liked the movie but no you dont need to see it in 3D. if anything it’s distracting because its blurry and it takes away from the really good animation.

    since you can see 3 movies a week on this plan i might go to another movie tomorrow after church and then sneak into Ralph afterwards to rewatch the second half.

    heres the lesson i learned yesterday: tim burton, sara silverman, even johnny depp – weird and creatively wild people. probably wouldn’t pass a drug test. have definitely seen some shit, if not been the ring leader to some shit.

    and yet they have made a fortune off Disney and vice versa.

    why? because every story needs Edge.

    and if you can package that edge in such a way, then it fits perfectly into the Disney formula.

    lesson: you are not too weird to sell out and get rich, and it might not even be a sell out.

  9. Tuesday, October 9, 2018

    have i told you that amber loves lady gaga? it’s true 

    but something has happened and she has fallen out of love with her.

    and it troubles me because amber stood in the front row for like 5 hours at coachella enduring all these other acts so when her girl took the stage she would be right. there.

    so if she could fall outta love with her, what does that mean for me? sure i can play the piano and dance in 8 inch stilettos but i cant really hit those high notes any more.

    turns out bradley cooper and gaga are in a movie. not far from my house. and since amber often finds herself here there and everywhere on her days off, to see her come home at a reasonable hour today, and since i had crossed off everything on my to do list (people actually wrote me back today and said yes, one after another after another), i was all, let me take you to a romantico italian early dinner

    and she said yes too. then we walked over to the vista and saw the movie. what a theater, but remind me to stop buying popcorn, i never eat more than a handful.

    tonight i found the only thing i dont like about my favorite movie theater. i like to hold hands. if youre my girl, im touchy feely. so i will hold your hand through the entire two hour deal. unless you have a tight, short dress, and then i’ll have my hand on your leg like a creepy congressman.

    most theaters have those arm rests that you can pull up and get extra close. not the vista, the best theater in all hollywood. they are locked in. so you have to maneuver in such a way. like what they do to homeless guys who are just trying to sleep on a park bench. i just want to feel my girls thigh – is that asking too much?

    gaga sang her tushy off and bradley did a passable kris kristopherson – that low, rumbling, slurring voice coming out of that fuzzy beard. we didnt realize till the end that he had directed it too and i gotta say, hats off there. but to me, and maybe because ive seen every rock movie, fact and fiction, and this one insisted on all the cliches. its shocking to me that it has a 93% positive rating on rotten tomatoes. but story aside, they both acted well together, shes a damn natural. and he is obviously winning people over.

    high marks to andrew dice clay and dave chappelle. dice can really act, but he was mis-cast here.

    every time it was gaga on screen though, she owned it. very impressive. solid b.

  10. Sunday, October 7, 2018

    aliens invaded america today, it was rad 

    but they were detained at the border, separated from their children, and thrown in cages

    so they flew home. and good morning to you!

    im gonna be having a birthday in a few weeks and whats weird is i dont feel my age AT ALL

    i guess that’s a good thing. no it’s a Great thing. but it’s also weird because i eat a lot of foods i shouldnt. i drink a pop every day and i dont exercise.

    the only thing that makes me feel old is my buddy invited me to this rock festival the other day and some of my favorite bands were playing and we were gonna have full on VIP tix but i said, you know what i cant go with you because it’s far away and im gonna wanna go home after an hour.

    which was the gods honest truth. just the thought of it was exhausting.

    does that have to do with attention span or that i dont get supreme court drunk any more or im not interested in watching half dressed young girls who are the same age as my friends’ kids, or ive seen these bands when they were in other, better bands?

    i think part of it’s that. i feel like ive seen it all. theres very little that impresses me because nowadays everything has to be so perfect for me to enjoy it. the mood has to be right, the temperature, i have to have a good seat, it can’t cost an arm and a leg and it has to be close enough to my house that it’s not a gigantic schlep. fortunately i live in hollywood otherwise i probably wouldnt ever do anything.

    today i was watching Hiking With Kevin and he had Bella Thorne on who is 19 and she says she hardly leaves her house either and has nearly two dozen cats. but i think she stays inside mostly because of paparazi and shes uptight about her acne. who knows. my point is i love her and want to stay inside with her and amber forevers.

    ive been watching old movies. today was the karate kid which ive never seen but knew the important parts. but i needed to watch every scene for the special project. it was way better of a movie than i expected and what i liked the most was elizabeth shue wasnt twig-skinny, she looked like a normal but pretty girl from the 80s. ralph macchio was better than i expected too. and the music was crappier. all in all a+ sorry for the spoilers. blame the alien invasion.