busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, December 19, 2017

    it doesnt feel like christmas this winter in LA 

    it’s hot, it’s windy, it’s dusty

    somethings going on weird and it’s made me sick twice in the same month.

    today my boss sent me home cuz i was coughing and snorting and looking half dead.

    so i worked a little at home and passed out on the couch thanks to the benadryl.

    amber was home but then hiked to griffith as i snoozed

    then she ubered to her company party as i researched for next week.

    all while having Mindhunter on in the background, and now Somewhere.

    is this what its all about Prince asks me from the tub

    is this how you turn the corner, Michael meows from the sink.

    the back door makes some noise and then amber arrives, cold cheeks, smiles, cookies tucked in her bag

    heels clicking

    scarf.

    “i like this movie,” she says.

    stockings

    hair.

    “but i forget what it’s called.”

  2. Sunday, December 17, 2017

    kurt cobain liked lists, so here are my favorite films by year 

    1925 Seven Chances
    1926 The General
    1927 Metropolis
    1928 Steamboat Bill, Jr.
    1929 The Taming of the Shrew
    1930 The Blue Angel
    1931 M
    1932 Freaks
    1933 Duck Soup
    1934 It Happened One Night
    1935 A Night at the Opera
    1936 Modern Times
    1937 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
    1938 Room Service
    1939 The Wizard of Oz
    1940 His Girl Friday
    1941 Citizen Kane
    1942 Casablanca
    1943 Stormy Weather
    1944 Double Indemnity
    1945 Spellbound
    1946 It’s a Wonderful Life
    1947 Miracle on 34th Street
    1948 Oliver Twist
    1949 The Third Man
    1950 Sunset Boulevard
    1951 The African Queen
    1952 Singin’ In The Rain
    1953 Roman Holiday
    1954 Rear Window
    1955 To Catch a Thief
    1956 The Ten Commandments
    1957 Throne of Blood
    1958 Vertigo
    1959 Some Like It Hot
    1960 The Apartment
    1961 Breakfast at Tiffany’s
    1962 The Miracle Worker
    1963 The Birds
    1964 Marriage Italian Style
    1965 The Sound of Music
    1966 The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
    1967 Belle de Jour
    1968 2001: A Space Odyssey
    1969 Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
    1970 Two Mules for Sister Sara
    1971 A Clockwork Orange
    1972 The Godfather
    1973 Enter The Dragon
    1974 Young Frankenstein
    1975 Dog Day Afternoon
    1976 The Bad News Bears
    1977 Star Wars
    1978 Animal House
    1979 The Jerk
    1980 The Blues Brothers
    1981 Stripes
    1982 Fast Times at Ridgemont High
    1983 Scarface
    1984 This is Spinal Tap
    1985 The Breakfast Club
    1986 Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
    1987 Evil Dead II
    1988 Coming To America
    1989 Do the Right Thing
    1990 Goodfellas
    1991 Cape Fear
    1992 The Player
    1993 Jurrasic Park
    1994 Pulp Fiction
    1995 Empire Records
    1996 Happy Gilmore
    1997 Gummo
    1998 The Truman Show
    1999 Being John Malkovich
    2000 Bring It On
    2001 Moulin Rouge!
    2002 8 Mile
    2003 Old School
    2004 Kill Bill: Volume 2
    2005 The 40 Year-Old Virgin
    2006 Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
    2007 Superbad
    2008 The Dark Knight
    2009 Fantastic Mr. Fox
    2010 Scott Pilgrim vs The World
    2011 The Artist
    2012 Moonrise Kingdom
    2013 Spring Breakers
    2014 The Lego Movie
    2015 Mad Max: Fury Road
    2016 Rogue One
    2017 The Last Jedi
  3. Saturday, December 16, 2017

    saw star wars the last jedi at the 1030 screening 

    i hate being spoiled. i have no idea why people love to ruin movies for others.

    and yet they do which is why i go to movies the night they come out – if not sooner.

    everyone at work were all jacked for the show, which got me into it so i got my tickets a few days ago

    almost to see if i could

    and thankfully every theatre in town was showing it all day and all night

    so we got some on the left side about halfway up at the AMC Burbank 16 and i gotta say, what a great theater.

    it was a big room, stadium seats, and the sound was great.

    the movie was fantastic. wayyyyy better than i expected: scary, thrilling, at times funny. some lessons for one and all.

    one of the lessons i learned from just watching it all was

    BE BETTER THAN YOUR HEROES

    im sure this director and Lucas and so many others were in awe of Kubrick’s 2001.

    but for decades they sat there in that awe and made one mediocre space film after another.

    but this guy, this Rian Johnson, he was all, i know this is the Star Wars universe, i know you love Chewie and R2 and the rest

    but im gonna do something a little bit different here.

    in a way its a bit Star Treky which is funny because Trek has found recent success being more like Wars.

    but then he brings out the big guns be them ships or cannons or Walkers or bombers

    and is all,

    say hello to my little friend.

    we all have little friends.

    don’t be afraid to use em.

  4. Monday, December 4, 2017

    sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen 

    today i couldnt sit still. today i couldnt lay down. today i couldnt walk far. today i sneezed and coughed and puked.

    i am the most sensitive poet youve ever seen. i am such a drama queen.

    if you prick me i will never let you forget it.

    i bled today. a vacuum cleaner arrived at my doorstep and i tried to open it with scissors

    and i pulled it all toward me and

    bloooooood

    the cats scattered.

    i coughed and sneezed and bled and wheezed

    yet for some reason the pretty girl in a skin tight captain america shirt

    and booty shorts said, wanna find the f blanket?

    theres this blanket that i wanna write a screenplay about

    we put it down over the comforter on special occasions.

    the movie i wanna make about it will be a short.

    no words, just animation,

    how the f blanket first gets used,

    then the two giggle as they lay it down the next day and next day.

    after a while its there all the time.

    then week after week it falls off the bed, then under the bed.

    one day the boy puts it on the bed and the girl gets a twinkle in her eye

    but he lays one of the cats on it and clips its toenails.

    then falls asleep.

    eventually the blanket goes into the closet.

    and accidentally catches fire, burning down the house.

    only the cats survive.

    all that scatter practice.

  5. Thursday, November 23, 2017

    happy thanksgiving to you and yours 

    for the last several dozen decades i have looked at things that i am thankful for as things pertaining to *me*

    things like job, cars, health, the cubs, are any hot babes loving me, all the things

    but this morning i got a text from my mom and it nearly broke my heart.

    she was happy to have a job but she didn’t want to have to go to work, she wanted to be cooking and watching football and doting on her grand kids.

    but during the Great GOP Recession, just like tons of people, her retirement was wiped out and here she is working for The Man for peanuts on a day she would rather be watching the Macy’s Parade.

    so i am not thankful. i am determined. i need to do something serious so my mom can finally retire.

    and sadly it’s not drive more trips for Uber + Lyft.

    or is it?

    no, it’s not.

    OR IS IT?

    i need to write a script and sell it.

    i gotta learn how to write a script.

    and i know exactly the story i wanna tell: the time Joe got busted in Isla Vista

    music by The Wonderfuls, The Ramones, Rogue Cheddar, Pink Floyd, Mons Pubis, PMS, and Janes Addiction.

    it’ll be called Damn Those Shrooms Strong

  6. Monday, July 24, 2017

    saw a good movie: ‘From The Land Of The Moon’ 

    first the plan was dunkirk but dunkirk was sold out, so we didnt see nothin

    next day amber’s all, lets see ‘From The Land Of The Moon’

    marion cotillard. free at the academy sunday afternoon.

    but for some reason i wanted to see dunkirk even though it was getting mixed reviews.

    problem is im cheap and the ONLY way anyone was recommending seeing dunkirk was in IMax 70MM

    high on cocaine 3D where the chairs move and every 20 minutes ushers douse you with ketchup.

    half hour before the cotillard’s french flick started amber goes,

    lets see if we can get to the academy in time and if we do then great.

    we got there 5 minutes late but still went in.

    sucked me in immediately because shes crazy and who doesnt love crazy french women.

    very french, very romantico in a Bell Jar way if the dude in the Bell Jar was a handsome man from Spain

    super glad i saw it because these are the types of films i used to see with Michele and i miss that.

    also glad because it was good and we should champion good movies.

    not just spectacles.

  7. Monday, July 10, 2017

    the lights dimmed, we were at the movies: A Ghost Story 

    little known fact: theres very little that can scare me

    EXCEPT GHOST STORIES

    as a born again Christian, I don’t believe in ghosts

    but the stories freak me out.

    suddenly i wondered what the hell am i doing at a movie called Ghost Story?

    what if it’s super scary.

    what if the hot babe sitting next to me loses all respect for me if i shriek?

    how did i end up here?

    it was cool in the theater, which was refreshing. i dont have AC in my APT

    she had a short tight dress on. i put my hand on her leg, smooth from a recent shave

    smoother still thanks to lotion.

    girls are magic.

    the movie was weird.

  8. Monday, June 26, 2017

    such a full weekend omg 

    ubes had a promotion that i thought i could pull off: 15 rides for $80, so i did 5 on Friday after work, which wasn’t so tough because i was able to start at 1:30pm because they gave us a half day

    which meant i had to do 10 on Saturday, which i figured i could do if i started before noon. but who really starts before noon when theres a long legged blonde walking around your bachelor pad?

    got out at noon. and murphys law every ride was long except one. which i was fine with because the long rides are more money and the name of the game is money so fuckit. after about 6 hours i had my 10 rides

    BUT

    i had not accepted some so i had to get my acceptance rate up by doing MORE rides but luckily those were around Hollywood. and i was home before the sun went down and i had all that money (about $115, plus the $80 bonus), so i would say it was a successful Saturday.

    and i learned a valuable lesson: a day of uber x rides, if you can get the multipliers working for you, are just as profitable as the 3-4 Select rides that rarely turn out to be long hauls. and i am soooo much happier when i am busy. the people are always great. they love me and i love them right back. two people asked for my card because they wanna be friends and i was all ooooooh, im a terrible friend, but whatever.

    last night amber and i saw Baby Driver and it was fantastic. ed wright is a genius. and now hes great at car chases too. who knew.

    tomorrow AJ and i are seeing Roger Waters at Staples and it should be a spectacle.

    today though i am getting reviewed at work.

    i never do well in work reviews.

    people who have to see me every day, i think i wear on them. i think im too much.

    i try so hard though.

    i wish people knew.

    and i was so great oscars night.

    cross your fingers.

  9. Thursday, June 15, 2017
  10. Friday, April 14, 2017

    my problem is i want to do everything 

    for example kirsten dunst is one of my favorite actresses and sofia coppola is one of my favorite directors and i love marie antoinette

    but last night for some reason i was fact checking it and trying to determine if she really did say “let them eat cake” or not and the more i learned about the Last Queen of France the more i realized coppola’s movie didn’t really tell us the whole thing.

    for starters, marie was 14 when she got hitched to the Heir Apparent of France

    FOURTEEN!

    you can’t cast 30something kirsten dunst in a movie about a 14 year old.

    also, in the coppola movie we are led to believe that her 15 yr old hubby is gay or something and thats why he doesnt wanna have sex with her.

    but according to the internet, he had some weird disease that prevented him from getting erect. so he probably shied away from activity where he would have to reveal his mighty sword.

    legend has it that her mom summoned her older brother to move to France to coach the young pair about the ways of being in a loving relationship and voila a year later marie was knocked up. everyone praises her brother for setting the two straight. but in truth it was a medicinal cure that allowed the future king to become the man everyone hoped he would be.

    but that medicine also made him very sleepy at night, which is when marie would sneak off and party into dawn – or noon depending on how good the soiree was.

    am i crazy to think that these are facts that would make for a better film? and what about her trial, the one that led her to get her head cut off. the trial where she was falsely accused of having incest? shouldn’t that have been a huge part of the movie? do i have to do everything? do i have to find a 14 year old actress (or a young looking 16 year old) to play the role?

    then what am i supposed to do about the bible? can i really turn it all into Black Mirror episodes? i havent read any of the books about screenwriting yet. how am i supposed to be a screenwriter unless i learn?

    all im gonna be is an uber driver, lets face it. it’s the one thing im actually good at.

    and theres no shame in that, not everyones good at even that. my coworker said her driver dozed off for a brief second at a stop light.

    id never do that. nor have i. its why God created classic Coke.

    but what if i doze off before i fix cinema?

    then what?