nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, October 18, 2016

    Dear Tony, Will you be wearing Cubs colors to Dodger Stadium? 

    Longtime reader Ralphy 999 says: It appears you are taking the Cubs thing serious. That’s OK, but please don’t wear your Cubs hat and shirt out in the parking lot at Chavez. It could get you seriously hurt. Some of the Dodgers fans are meaner than rattlesnakes. Especially those from the barrios. They take it just as serious as you do. As they have shown in the past.

    Dear Ralphy,

    Almost every day I wear my Cubs hat. When I don’t I wear a Cubs shirt. Tonight I might even wear Cubs condoms.

    I appreciate the energy of Dodger fans, but if anyone understands respect it’s my amigos from the barrios.

    Cub fans represent. We may not have tattoos, but we sport the colors. For over a century we have lost so that others may win.

    If fans want to forget that very recent history, I will gladly remind them. If they want to throw down, well, I wouldn’t recommend them squaring off against a former XBI agent, especially during the playoffs.

    But yes, of course I will be wearing my Cubs hat and my Carlos Zambrano jersey. How would anyone be able to positively I.D. me if something unforeseen goes down?

    Speaking of, if someone gets a lucky shot in and that’s it, make sure they play this version of this song at my wake.

  2. Thursday, February 25, 2016

    one of my favorite musicians is Kesha 

    tumblr_o2wwd1NzEH1v233sbo6_500 you might know her as Ke$ha

    recently she changed her name back to Kesha as her real name is Kesha Rose.

    i must say, i wasnt a huge fan of her until i saw her reality show on MTV and then i fell for her in a big way because i loved that her mom co-wrote songs with her

    and her brother was the videoographer.

    but it got me to listen to her songs, which were fun

    and funny

    and poppy

    and contagious.

    also, she can sing.

    you may have seen her name in the news recently because she is trying to get out of her contract with Sony because she has accused her producer, Dr. Luke, of drugging and then raping her.

    while some have given her a hard time for not immediately going to the police and forcing criminal charges,

    victims often don’t contact police because the whole thing is just so emotional theyd rather not deal with it.

    tumblr_o2wwd1NzEH1v233sbo9_500Kesha, who owes Sony 4 more records just wanted to be free of that commitment because clearly having to work for or around someone who youve accused of a heinous crime isnt really the best place to try to be vulnerable

    and creative and happy

    and fun

    and all of the things that made the first two Kesha records smash hits.

    but this month a NY judge said that it would be financially damaging to the giant record company if the court allowed Kesha to terminate her deal.

    obviously that judgement ticked off a lot of fans and fellow artists because regardless of whether or not Kesha’s allegations are true,

    the sad dark history of music is many young female musicians have been abused by men in the business. and the fact that Sony just didn’t settle the matter out of court or deal quietly with the singer,

    tumblr_o2wwd1NzEH1v233sbo5_500who a few years ago went to rehab for an eating disorder, triggered an avalanche of support for Kesha. including from the likes of Lady Gaga, Lorde, Adriana Grande and Taylor Swift.

    Swift this week gave Kesha a quarter million dollars to help her with her legal fees.

    so what’s next for Kesha? some say her career is over now at 25 years old. they say this because they doubt that Sony will push any new record of hers as much as they would have before all this drama.

    if an artist has one or two flops that could be terrible for a pop star,

    but imagine four low-selling records in a row — not even the most talented artists could survive that in the record business.

    it will be interesting to see how Kesha deals with this going forward. will she figure out a way to live up to her contractual obligations while staying away from Dr. Luke?

    Will Sony quietly partner with another label and split the profits [recommended!]

    or will Kesha be someone who we dont see again for a decade when she is released from the giant label and allowed to sing the songs she should have been singing all along with her choice of producers?

    one way to keep up with her current struggle is to follow the hashtag #FreeKesha on Twitter.


  3. Saturday, January 23, 2016

    todays music is trash and i feel bad for the kids 

    there are very few exceptions. this tune from Walk The Moon is one of them.

    stupid name, stupid look, weird mix of The Edge and the Jackson 5 guitar riff

    freaking synth solo near the end of the song

    but ridiculously catchy.

    the official video has over 160 million views, but none of their others come even close to that.

    truly a one hit wonder, who could have easily come out with this and the video in the 80s

    and had just as much success.

    perhaps thats why this works so well: it’s an 80s song

    todays music is doomed.

  4. Thursday, January 14, 2016

    the starmen, theyre just like us 


    one of the unexpectedly great parts of working at the times when i did was getting to work with sooo many talented writers and editors.

    one of the coolest was the very laid back dean kuipers, who i knew had previously worked at spin, my favorite magazine, but it wasn’t until tonight that i learned that he worked at Raygun, which for a while was the coolest mag in the world.

    naturally dean had befriended David Bowie back in the day and the pair were working on an avant garde movie(?!?!) when this fascinating exchange happened, dean writes in today’s times:

    On the second day of working together, with no one else in the room, Bowie took a long look at me and said, “Dean, do you think my work is still relevant?”

    My heart broke. He worried that his surreal vision was too obscure, his many personae too fragmented. I reassured him that when your art is one of the root references of the present, you are always relevant.

    “I wonder,” he said, unconvinced.

    so yes, even david bowie, the man we are all remembering fondly, and missing, and fawning over

    had real self doubts about the one thing he had been doing beautifully his whole life.

    im so grateful dean wrote about this today.

  5. Friday, October 16, 2015
  6. Monday, September 21, 2015

    i am the most complicated man 


    i try to avoid the past but half of my thoughts are about the past.

    i try to live in the now but i cant help but try to predict the future.

    when i go to chicago i love love love it but when i come back home i love it even more.

    the kids love me and i love them but if i never have any thatd be fine with me but if i ever had some im sure id be an incredible dad or the worst of all because i would keep it real with them and say things like

    bill murray and carrie fisherlife isnt fair dont ever think it is.

    i wouldnt tell them shit about santa claus id point to the portrait over the fireplace of a black Jesus and id say its that guy’s birthday coming up and we should do stuff for OTHER people instead of asking for a barbie dream house. its not even your birthday! how do you think you should get a bunch of stuff and chop down a tree and leave cookies out for reindeers we live in Hollywood, how many reindeers you see here baby?

    but then id probably buy them the biggest barbie dream house of all and sign it, happy my birthday – jesus.
    my cats missed me. they came running to me when i got home last night. they were all hey man thought you croaked or something.

    xbi texted me while i was on the FlyAway bus asking how the Feel No Pain remedy worked on my arms and hands and i dont wanna tell them that it totally worked but they know.

    lord knows, they know.

    today is bill murrays birthday and i dont know what to do about it. drink without a shirt? walk down Hollywood Blvd. and just congratulate everyone I pass?

    he had the best advice about being rich and famous, he said if thats what you really want to do, just be rich. and then be super generous to everyone without telling them youre rich. no one has to know. he said that would cover most of what you get out of being famous.

    and the best is you avoid the people who just want you cuz yr famous.

    guess bill screwed that part up.

    do you know  something that i love today?

    i love that Ryan Adams covered Taylor Swift’s entire album, 1989, which was pretty terrible, but a band called Father John Misty covered Adams’ cover of Blank Space in the style of Lou Reed.

    THIS is a record I want.

    I’d buy a damn record player just to play it if it only came on vinyl.

    i also love that i have today off so i can do my laundry and read the bible and order thai and maybe take a nap with the window open and the fan blowing

    knowing that Jay Cutler wont lose the game for the Bears next Sunday or probably the Sunday after that

    and the Cubs are peaking at exactly the right time.

    timing, as you know, is everything.

  7. Saturday, September 5, 2015
  8. Sunday, August 23, 2015

    i listened to this song about ten times today 

    “that’s enough”
    by Dorothy Love Coates

    There’s always somebody talkin bout me, really i don’t mind
    They try to block and stop my progress most of the time
    Well the mean things you said don’t make me feel bad
    Cause I can’t miss a friend that I never had

    (I’ve got) I’ve got jesus and that’s enough (that’s enough) that’s enough
    When I’m sick (he’s there) and troubled (he’s there)
    When I call him he will answer my prayers (answer my prayers)
    When I’m burdened (he’s there) with a load (he’s there)
    That’s when Jesus is a comforter (to my soul)
    Well you may scorn me turn your back on me
    God’s got his arms wrapped all around me

    (I’ve got) I’ve got jesus and that’s enough (that’s enough) that’s enough

    You know there’s been so many times that I did’nt have a dime
    And i did’nt tell nobody but the Lord
    He heard my plea and came to see about me cause he’s one thing
    I can afford
    So if you push me down he’ll pick me up
    And he’ll stick by me when the goin’ gets tough

    (I’ve got) I’ve got jesus and that’s enough (that’s enough) that’s enough
    Well he’s the great emancipator and my heart regulator (Jesus is)
    yes he is
    He’ll make my way brighter and my burdens lighter yes he will
    (Jesus will)
    Well you may scorn me turn your back on me
    God’s got his arms wrapped all around me
    And he fights down the devil till he makes him give up
    And thats wnough (that’s enough) that’s enough
    When I’m sick (he’s there)

  9. Wednesday, July 22, 2015
  10. Sunday, May 10, 2015