nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, October 17, 2013
  2. Wednesday, October 16, 2013

    left nyc as the sun was setting 


    flew across the country and because al gore is amazeballs i got to see the dodgers beat the cards

    from my seat in the plane

    then got to watch the congress stop acting like pouty little crybaby idiots

    then got to watch the pouty little whiners on fox news complain that the president spiked the football

    because he omg said lets not legislate by crisis anymore.

    hannityduring my job interview the other day they asked me what news shows i watch on tv

    and because i didnt wanna sound like sarah palin i resisted saying ALL OF THEM even though that is the correct answer

    but my favorite thing to do is to watch Fox when the GOP bungles and watch MSNBC when the Dems f up

    i like bob shaeffer on cbs on sundays followed by stephanopolis because george will cracks me up

    fox n friends on the weekday mornings makes me laugh because theyre cartoon characters, right?

    muppets. animatrons.

    people forget that when i was in college so was sean hannity.

    and i was one of the few who argued that he should have a daily show on kcsb

    because even though it was the era of grunge we pretended that we were an alternative radio station

    my argument was whats more punk rock and alternative than this crazy conservative kid ranting about clinton?

    instead they played it safe and didnt give him a show, and yay we got a few more hours of reggae that no one listened to.


    the correct answer is i tivo the daily show, rachael maddow, bill maher and cbs2 because paul magers and pat harvey relax me

    and theres no finer weather caster than jackie johnson and jim hill is my homeboy.

    pretty much the best local LA lineup since fritz n fred colleen and john beard in the 80s.

    but because all of that was spinning in my head all i said instead was

    The McLaughlin Group.


  3. bring your own lampshade, somewhere theres a party 

    will be open

    well i had my big fancy interview yesterday with the big fancy company and the big fancy people.

    because i never want to let down my mom, instead of keeping it real by wearing an AC/DC shirt and flip flops, i had my khakis cleaned and pressed at the chinese laundry lady down the street along with a dress shirt.

    even though my feet were complaining about all the awesome NYC walking i was doing i switched from normal shoes to hard dress shoes at the mcdonalds across the street. so i looked like a common day sell out.

    met the nice people, we walked through the big building, sat in a nice office and did the interview. somewhere along the way i sang for them.

    nycswinging party by the replacements, to be specific. as covered by 16-year-old ingénue Lorde.

    Bring your own lampshade, somewhere there’s a party
    Here it’s never ending, can’t remember when it started
    Pass around the lampshade, there’ll be plenty enough room in jail

    If being wrong’s a crime, I’m serving forever
    If being strong is what you want, then I need help here with this feather
    If being afraid is a crime, we hang side by side
    At the swingin’ party down the line

    i’ll admit it’s weird to fly across the country for a job you dont know much about.

    for people who are interested in you but who don’t truly know your resume. and who still don’t know how much they wanna pay you.

    for a job that will make you pick up and move to a brand new city that is pretty different from the one you’ve been living in for quite a while.

    but i guess im not the most normal person nor do i live the most normal life. #thankGod

    however somewhere near the end of the interview we all learned that they were looking for someone who actually had experience doing something that i have no experience with.

    im no dummy (usually), im a fairly good communicator, and sales is near and dear to my heart which is good because sales is life. but one reason i have done pretty well in the last couple jobs ive had is because i was perfect for those jobs and i had a bit of experience before i was called up to the big leagues.

    this is definitely a big league gig and if i were to succeed i would have to become the rookie of the year. which isn’t impossible, but it’s a risk im not sure any of us wants to take. which is a bit sad because they are fantastic people and it seems like a kickass project.

    but if theres one thing i hate hate hate hate it’s when people are in jobs they have no business being in. especially after they realize that they suck at it. by staying they are hurting other people’s dreams, and theyre only there out of selfishness laziness and the fear of moving on.

    i never want to be that sort of asswipe.

    the way i look at it i have about 20 more years to rock. which isnt that long. time flies. so during that time i want to use all of the priceless experience ive garnered that led up to whereever we’re at today and then kick it up to the next level. that way when i peace out i can look back at this long strange trip and say f yeah that was killer.

    and i didnt ruin anything for anyone else. and i helped good people along the way. and i grew as a person. and when st. peter lists all the cruddy things i did he takes a deep breath and says But and lists off all the amazing things i did.

    and little cherubs drop from the sky, the gates open, and in the faint distance i hope to hear jimi say, welcome to the swinging party.

    so sorry LA, i guess you’ve gotta put up with me for a little while longer.

  4. Tuesday, October 15, 2013

    Ate at McDonald’s again today 








    Then ate some delicious salmon with Scott

    Then drank pumpkin beer with Matt

    Then had a super fun time with many secret ppl while we sorta watched the Dodgers lose.

    Took the train lots. That might be my favorite part of NYC.

    The smells and the trashy things are the least.

    The weather has been great.

    And ALL of the conversations.

    Every time I come here I love it.

    Tomorrow imma eat at momofuku and then fly the momofuku back homofuku.

  5. things i like and dont like about nyc, a film 


    i like that whereever you go theres people. i like people. especially on the streets. especially when theyre going somewhere. especially when theyre dressed all crazy. especially when theyre napping on a park bench as squirells are seriously eating nuts like in the cartoons.


    i like that stuff is for sale everywhere. its capitalism like al gore intended. stuff stuff stuff even though everyone has little places. no bother. they still want stuff and the city has lots of stores and lots of things and they all cost money and somehow people have money. maybe cuz they dont have cars.


    the food is good but a lot of the food is not good. you need Sass to make you a google map or Amy to take you to the right pupusa truck or matt to cook up some duck or the rice pudding lady to make you a huge bowl of rice pudding but eventually you will have really delicious food in your belly and you’ll forget all your cares. as if you had any in the first place. because the bars are open till 4am.


    friends are here. lots of them. some youve never met. some youve known forever. and then there are those who pop into town because all roads lead to nyc at some point for everyone and sometimes those roads are subway stops and sometimes those roads are streets where theyve got 5-6 traffic cops making sure the traffic is flowing. LA could learn a lesson in keeping the flow flowing. maybe the 405 needs traffic cops at the 101 somehow. maybe in space ships. or jet packs.


    the street art is incredible and plentiful and colorful which in a city thats very dirty is a welcome relief. it makes you forget about the rodents and the terrible smells and the fact that theres not a good national league team anywhere nearby. if michaelangelo was around today, no doubt he would be plastering posters of young naked boys on the walls and tagging the ceilings of busses GELO FOOL!


    theres always transportation. be it a cab or an Uber or a subway or a bus or a gypsy cab or a space ship or someones car or a ferry or a tank or a moped theres always a way to get to where you need to go. and people are always going there. its a zig zag ballet. and even if you miss your subway in brooklyn at 1am because youre drunk and you were startled by vermin and it made you think that F train wasnt YOUR f train another F train will come through in just a few. cleaner than the first. or a cab with a half naked rihanna picture will cruise past. or a limo or a sedan with an italian pisan. or you could always hitchhike like in olden times.


    they have not forgotten. they have built it better and sleeker. theyre taking their sweet time, true, but this one aint ever coming down. theres an old bible story about the stairway to heaven. they called it the tower of babel. its where douglas adams got the babblefish idea from. even back then God knew that if people worked as a team they could make a tower that could go straight to heaven like jack and the beanstalk. something tells me this new tower will have everything any building ever wanted plus one very important thing: love. which most super towers dont. a few blocks from the new wtc is a store that sells I <3 NY tshirts and all the money goes to charity because the <3 is blue and it signifies 9/11. that store is always busy and people buy tons of the shirts that are never discounted and even i bought one because how cant you <3 NY when youre at ground zero because thats not aboot <3ing NY its about <3ing <3.

  6. Monday, October 14, 2013
  7. Tuesday, February 19, 2013