nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, March 21, 2018

    To the students of Parkland, from Barack and Michelle Obama 

    We wanted to let you know how inspired we have been by the resilience, resolve and solidarity that you have all shown in the wake of unspeakable tragedy.

    Not only have you supported and comforted each other, but you’ve helped awaken the conscience of the nation, and challenged decision-makers to make the safety of our children the country’s top priority.

    Throughout our history, young people like you have led the way in making America better. There may be setbacks; you may sometimes feel like progress is too slow in coming. But we have no doubt you are going to make an enormous difference in the days and years to come, and we will be there for you.

    Barack Obama Michelle Obama

  2. Monday, January 23, 2017
  3. Friday, January 20, 2017
  4. Thursday, January 12, 2017
  5. Thursday, November 10, 2016

    last night, the first night of president elect Pussy Grabber, the people marched 

    day 1they marched in Seattle and Portland and New York City and Chicago

    and Oakland and Frisco and when they took to the streets in LA they took the most important street, the Hollywood Freeway.

    they held signs that said Fuck Trump and Not My President

    but my favorite was one that simply said NO

    because that’s what i said when i heard the first result Tuesday evening.

    No, not like how you feel when you drop your triple scoop ice cream to the ground accidentally when you’re 10 years old

    but how you feel when the richest guy on tv slaps that ice cream from your hand

    and millions of your countrymen and women applaud.

    the cops were no match for the protesters in NY and LA because there were far too many pissed off Americans. this is a president who has no clue and doesn’t want a clue. for every lie from Hillary, Trump lied 20 times. But his supporters don’t care and they’ll tell you they don’t care. seemingly what they care about is Them and only Them. and by Them i mean people who look like Them who didn’t feel that the previous president was them.

    but how was Barack Hussein Obama, a half black half white kid raised by his mom who got a scholarship to Harvard and then worked the mean streets of the South Side of Chicago not them? was he too smart? is that why they relate to Trump? did they feel intimidated by the Community Organizer? or did they feel uptight that America didn’t need a full white guy to fix the place?

    first a black and then a woman? was that the white man’s fear? were they afraid that this would be the beginning of the phasing out of the Bro Culture?

    we don’t know because they lied to the pollsters, they lie to the press, and when asked now why they voted for the man with zero experience, all they say is Because He’s Going to Make America Great Again.

    when George W was reelected this blog turned its header black. i was just as confused then as i am now. back then i wondered how people who saw four years of 9/11 and its pathetic aftermath could reelect an imbecile liar who mishandled pretty much everything that he touched. i was despondent, i was angry, i was confused, and i felt alienated from the country i loved.

    but out of that suffering came Obama.

    the Light.

    they say sometimes you don’t appreciate things until it’s taken away.

    the ironic thing about the millions who voted Trump is in a few years tens of millions will look back and say holy shit Obama was amazing and i took it for granted. i am so sorry.

    yes you are sorry.

  6. Friday, August 12, 2016

    i may not be a huge success but im not a fucking sellout asshole liar 

    head of the DEA

    this is Drug Enforcement Administration chief Chuck Rosenberg.

    just look at him.

    his whole life he has seen people smoke weed.

    he knows people who have smoked weed.

    but one thing we know for sure: he has never ever ever seen someone smoke weed and die.

    he hasn’t even read about it.

    but yesterday he got on the mic and said that, indeed, marijuana should be considered just as dangerous as LSD and heroin.

    heroin, of course, is a drug where if someone takes too much of it they will die.

    but Drug Enforcement Administration chief Chuck Rosenberg doesn’t want to do the right thing today.

    he doesn’t want to say, weed has never killed anyone. it’s easy to stop doing. and it’s easy to regulate.

    it’s as easy to deal with as booze or cigarettes, and in fact we could make a ton of money off sales tax and other sorts of taxes if we wanted.

    but instead of that we want to lock people in jails, and take their shit, and take their money and ruin their lives.

    Drug Enforcement Administration chief Chuck Rosenberg basically said yesterday that the laws surrounding marijuana are more dangerous than the plant itself

    and thats ok with him

    because he’s a fucking tool

    on the take

    just like his predecessor

    and the one before that one.

    this is the biggest thing im disappointed in obama about.

    because he fucking knows too.

  7. Thursday, July 28, 2016

    why did we let anyone try to convince us that Obama wasn’t great 


    last night the first black president stepped up to the plate
    and did what he normally does
    he looked around, pointed to deep centerfield
    and hit the ball exactly where he pointed
    and ran around the bases casually
    as the whole world cheered.

    yet for nearly eight years we sat there
    and listened to nincompoops and idiots
    bitch and whine that
    Nobama didn’t do this or did that wrong or foolishly.

    people have the shortest memories.

    things were so bad in 2007 that when Obama won his first presidential election
    some speculated that the Republicans didn’t even really try to win
    because they knew that no one could lift us out of the
    shitty stinky fucked up hole
    that eight years of Bush / Cheney sank us into.

    and even though for most of his 8 years he had a do nothing Congress
    who said straight up that they were going to do everything they could
    to make sure he would only be a one-term president
    he ended up being one of the greatest leaders
    an America ever had.
    twenty million people now have health insurance
    millions of gays and lesbians can get married now
    and be in the armed forces without having to pretend
    our national debt has been reduced
    millions of people who were unemployed now have jobs
    the stock and real estate markets are booming.

    and best of all, the Cubs are on their way to becoming a Dynasty.

    if some grumpy old white Republican dude with gray hair and a big belly
    had done this
    they’d be talking about adding him to Mount Rushmore

    never let them convince you
    even for a minute
    that Obama isn’t spectacular.
    they are jealous,
    and they should be
    on so many levels.

  8. Monday, July 4, 2016

    happy birthday, America 

    Happy birthday to my favorite country
    a place where a man born to an African man and a midwestern woman
    can go to Harvard, run for president, become president
    and despite unprecedented Congressional cockblocking and cowardice,
    miraculously pull a nation from a deliberating recession,
    while killing tyrants, ending wars,
    making the nation freer, healthier, and more prosperous
    with style and eloquence.
    As a Cub fan I look the other way when I remember he’s a Sox fan.
    One day I hope his detractors can look the other way
    when they remember
    he’s not like them.
    yours in rock,

  9. Sunday, May 29, 2016


    obama air force

    Rolling Stone: How do you make sense of the Donald Trump phenomenon?

    Louis CK: I’m not gonna tell Americans how to feel — I think you gotta get out of the way of people’s feelings. It’s a self-cleaning system. Whenever anybody says, “The voters are stupid” – well, the voters elected Obama against a war hero and a multimillionaire, which are classic choices for the other side. I have faith in the American people because of that. And if Trump does win, I feel like we will figure it out.

  10. Monday, March 21, 2016

    do you know i love you, i do 

    obama trumpi also love that Obama is having a nice victory lap. he deserves it. no one thought that he could do the things he’s done.

    in fact when he won the first time i thought, they just let him win because they didnt wanna clean up the mess that W left him.

    but he did clean it up. by himself. and he didn’t even make it look tough. the GOP did their best to obstruct him but he just smiled and said pick a card any card.

    and they said we’re not playing this stupid game

    he said why not.

    they said because if you guess the card you look like Cool Obama always picking the right cards and we look like Dumb Old Sticks In The Muds

    he said, cut the pack then.

    they said no. because if we cut the pack then you will do something amazing and we’ll look like Dumb Old Bumps on a Log.

    and President Obama said, we are all in this together. i ALREADY won the presidency. you’ll never be able to impeach me and i’m not gonna quit, so, you know, if you work With me, it will look like we are both doing this magic and you can add it to the reasons people should re-elect you, because you

    actually helped the people who voted for you

    and they thought about it for a minute and said, no, we will not pick a card, we will not cut the deck

    then Obama said, thats ok, i understand, i mean im just a half white half black man from kenya who


    i said im half black and half white


    he said, oh that, well i actually wrote it down on a card, pick one and it’ll be written on it.


    you’ll see when you pick it, the president said and they leapt at the deck

    they took a card, it was the Ace of Spades

    they frowned and threw it on the ground

    of course it landed face up and read:

    <3 Hawaii In Da House <3