nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, March 21, 2014
  2. Tuesday, January 21, 2014
  3. Sunday, January 19, 2014
  4. Tuesday, December 10, 2013

    barack obama, diplomat 


    this morning i saw this photo of president barack obama at Nelson Mandela’s tribute chit chatting

    with Denmark’s Prime Minister Helle Thorning Schmidt

    and i couldnt stop looking at michelle obama’s scowl


    even after PM Schmidt made her program totally disappear like David Blaine, FLOTUS was not impressed


    meanwhile the president was seemingly only getting more into whatever jokes she was telling cuz he LOLed like mad


    and then the PM of the UK wanted to get in on it and as Michelle frowned, the world leaders took a selfie for FB


    but soon the fun times were over and it looked like the Danish PM was apologizing for something


    And then Michelle seemed to be saying, watch i can make him disappear just like that, girlfriend


    and poof there was a first lady in between Denmark’s Prime Minister Helle Thorning Schmidt and Barry O


    and then he was making sweet-like to his number one BFF in chief.

    and all was well again.

    thanks but no thanks Denmark!

  5. Saturday, November 23, 2013

    mr cub gets the presidential medal of honor 

    ernie banks and obama

    i was so tired last night and not feeling 100% so i didnt go to katies bday party, i stayed home.

    our office is in this old department store thats being renovated and maybe it was the dust that got in my nose?

    maybe it was the gigantic computer screen that i stared at all week?

    maybe it was the change of seasons (aka rain and cold we had the last couple of days)

    who knows but on friday i left work went to the grocery store and while i was on the phone with sass

    i went to the blood pressure machine and it said i was at 177 over 100 or something

    so i figured that katies party would probably be so fun id have a heart attack so i just stayed home

    today i just lazed aboot too and now i feel fantastic which is good because i have to go to this press club awards tomorrow

    my kingdom for two days off in a row. but you should be careful what you ask for.

    im very grateful to be employed again. so grateful i worked a little late last night and today.

    its fun and interesting work so who cares. id work tomorrow too but its against the bible.

    i havent been this happy in a really long time. i think the happiness killed the would be illness.

  6. Monday, November 4, 2013
  7. Monday, October 28, 2013

    procrastinating barack obama answers questions originally meant for other people 

    Barack Obama on his mac Q. How did you get to where you are now in your career?

    A. God, a great wife, a clean suit, perfect timing, and a few excellent speeches.

    Q: Favorite non-WNBA athlete?

    A: Takeru Kobayashi

    Q: What’s the last thing you saw on stage that you really enjoyed?

    A: Tom Waits sang in public for the first time in 5 years last night. I love when he does Tom Traubert’s Blues.

    Q: What’s your favorite sports movie?

    A: 300

    Q: What did you learn from the worst boss you ever had?

    A: When you’re being disrespected at work, that’s the angels telling you there’s something better over yonder.

    Q: What is the guilty pleasure you could go broke buying?

    A: Grillz

    Q: What always surprises you about NYC?

    A: How so many people afford to live there.

    Q: Three things you can’t live without

    A: Mom jeans, chewy chips ahoys, left handed scissors

    Q: If you could shadow any designer for a day, who would it be?

    A: Betsey Johnson

    Q: Would you be a better center fielder for the Nats or point guard for the Wizards?

    A: Hitting a baseball is nearly impossible at the professional level. That’s why we should forgive Pete Rose. I’d put him on the $3 bill if I could.

    Q: How do you handle stressful situations and working under pressure?

    A: The first job I ever had I got paid $3.35 an hour to mop puke (and worse) out of a McDonald’s bathroom. All jobs since then have paid more and were far more fun. Any time I feel stress at work I think this is still more fun than that.

    Q: What was the first Grateful Dead song to really flip your wig?

    A: I’ve always been fascinated by Friend of the Devil. It was playing in the car when i was little and my mom turned it off. Is it wicked? Is it super loving? Who knows? Recently I heard Tom Petty cover it in LA and I thought it was fantastic.

  8. Thursday, August 22, 2013
  9. Sunday, August 4, 2013
  10. Saturday, July 20, 2013

    obama talks about the trayvon martin case way better than i do 

    for all the gigantic mistakes the president has made recently

    any time he rocks the mic he does it so deftly

    so uniquely

    so mysteriously expertly

    that it makes me wonder why he wants to do silly things

    like spy on us

    or put journalists on trial

    or hunt down whistle blowers.

    its almost like its a bipolar branch of government.

    but if theres one thing ive learned from the brief encounters ive had

    with bipolar people

    it’s they sure know how to talk pretty.