busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, March 21, 2016

    do you know i love you, i do 

    obama trumpi also love that Obama is having a nice victory lap. he deserves it. no one thought that he could do the things he’s done.

    in fact when he won the first time i thought, they just let him win because they didnt wanna clean up the mess that W left him.

    but he did clean it up. by himself. and he didn’t even make it look tough. the GOP did their best to obstruct him but he just smiled and said pick a card any card.

    and they said we’re not playing this stupid game

    he said why not.

    they said because if you guess the card you look like Cool Obama always picking the right cards and we look like Dumb Old Sticks In The Muds

    he said, cut the pack then.

    they said no. because if we cut the pack then you will do something amazing and we’ll look like Dumb Old Bumps on a Log.

    and President Obama said, we are all in this together. i ALREADY won the presidency. you’ll never be able to impeach me and i’m not gonna quit, so, you know, if you work With me, it will look like we are both doing this magic and you can add it to the reasons people should re-elect you, because you

    actually helped the people who voted for you

    and they thought about it for a minute and said, no, we will not pick a card, we will not cut the deck

    then Obama said, thats ok, i understand, i mean im just a half white half black man from kenya who

    WHAT DID YOU SAY?

    i said im half black and half white

    NO, THAT OTHER THING YOU SAID!

    he said, oh that, well i actually wrote it down on a card, pick one and it’ll be written on it.

    YOU WROTE THAT YOU WERE FROM KENYA ON A CARD?

    you’ll see when you pick it, the president said and they leapt at the deck

    they took a card, it was the Ace of Spades

    they frowned and threw it on the ground

    of course it landed face up and read:

    <3 Hawaii In Da House <3

  2. Friday, December 18, 2015

    if joseph and mary were looking for a place to deliver Jesus 

    new joseph and marywould you let them crash at your place?

    the Good Book has many stories about traveling strangers needing a roof over their head temporarily, but none is more powerful than the Son of God’s origin story.

    not even the motel had somewhere for A PREGNANT LADY TO SLEEP

    who refuses a pregnant lady?

    i need to get in the movie making business and exclusively tell bible stories because the problem with the bible is people think that these are just old fashioned tales that have zero relevance to today,

    but the reason that they connect with me so well is because, to me, the bible shows me that human nature is something that hasn’t changed much over the years.

    we are still nervous about immigrants.

    we are still untrustworthy of strangers.

    our hearts want to be full of love and kindness and generosity but our brains and our culture tells us to fear and destroy and shun.

    what i love about the Bible is God and Jesus and King David and Moses and all the heroes get dissed left and right by humans who would rather melt down gold into the shape of a goat and pray to IT as opposed to give it up to the miracle maker right in front of them.

    that has not changed to this day. so quickly some diss people like Barack Obama who miraculously steered the economy away from the brink of disaster, who got gays and lesbians the right to marry, who killed osama bin laden, who inspired Wall Street to rebound, who got health insurance to millions who wouldn’t have it due to normal things like “pre-existing conditions.

    so the question i need to ask myself is who am i dissing who is performing good deeds around me? who am i foolishly ignoring in favor of something ridiculous. and most importantly, who am i refusing, who very well might be the mother and father of peace?

    history is there for us to learn from and build upon. we cant ignore it. but sadly i think even the smartest of us do.

  3. Sunday, November 22, 2015

    remembering how different things were just a few years ago when Obama ran against Mitt 

    “Uhh, Lately I’ve been listening to alot of Jay-z..” If you’re having bank problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but mitts not one. I got, protestors saying, “our economy blows”, and my wallstreet brothers wanna occupy (Clothes?) if you bitches keep saying, “No change, no votes”, I work for the banks, stupid, what types’a threats are those? The gas pump’s where your whole paycheck goes, Been a long time since you was  havin’ cash flows. So, FUCK my critics, you can kiss my “Gas”-hole, if you don’t like my lyrics, then you can hit the road. Who cares about the polls, this election (may show?), if you wanna vote for mitt? I don’t give a SHIT. So, (Newsmags try to use my ass?), So advertisers give them more cash, for ads. Fuckers, I don’t know what you take me as, but understand the intelligence Obama has! Riches to rags bitches, I ain’t dumb, I got 99 problems but Mitt’s not one! huehuheuhe 99 Problems, but mitt ain’t one! with all your bank problems, I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but mitt ain’t one! Hit me! The year’s 2009, and the White House is mine, but the economy’s in full-motherfucking-decline, My choices at the time were to shit on the poor, or to fellate the banks to get elected once more. Now, I’m not trying to fight, J.P Morgan-Chase got their campaign dollars so I could win the race. So I, sucked their dick and watched the country implode, I heard “Son, do you know how to cheat the Tax code?” Well, I’m young and I’m rich, and my tax rate’s low, don’t I look like a 1%’er? Mitt, you would know! Did I pass your test, or should I get some mo’? “No, just tell us what you sent down to mexico!” Eh, If you think I’m stepping down from office for trafficking weapons in their drug cartels, war, I ain’t steppin’ down from shit, because this president’s legit. “Well, do you mind if we see that birth certificate?” All my records are blocked you conspiracy hack, and I know my rights, so you gon’ need a warrant for that! “Wow, aren’t you sharp as a tack, are you some type of lawyer or something?” Well I’m not a lawyer for nothing! I passed the bar, so I know quite a bit, enough that you don’t stand a fucking chance mitt! “Well lets see how smart you are when the election comes.” I got 99 problems, but this bitch ain’t one! huehuheueh 99 problems, but mitt ain’t one! With all your bank problems, I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but mitt’s not one! Criminal, fraud, repression, deceit, I murder and I plunder through the world elite! We invade countries so we have all they own! “I have a dream!” Well, I have a drone. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  4. Wednesday, August 12, 2015

    yr welcome 

    obama hoops

    racists run around saying dumb crap like

    i want my country back

    which everyone knows just means progress scares you

    and you’re uncomfortable that theres a black president steering the ship

    where everything is going exactly as you feared:

    nicely.

    the u.s. was so low when obama took over that some people thought the republicans werent even trying

    “lets let things get worse before things get better and then we can re-take the white house and everyone will love us again.”

    but the stock market is up, housing is back, unemployment is down,

    bin laden dead, people have health insurance, and the cubs are playing incredibly.

    and people can try to discount all of those achievements and say this or that about them

    but one thing they cannot deny

    under obama we have felt safer.

    we are not hyper paranoid about every little thing.

    we have gotten our country back.

    theres no more ridiculous terror alerts. theres no more

    fear fear fear

    being shoved at us. which no one believed anyway, but still.

    i appreciate that.

    quality of life means something to me, so thank you for not lying all day to me

    so i would buy into your malarkey.

    am i thrilled about the government spying on me?

    no.

    but im enjoying pretty much everything else.

  5. Wednesday, August 5, 2015

    yesterday was the president of the usa’s bday, he’s 24 

    obama

    we probably shouldnt see race in things, i should probably eat better, i should probably go to the gym

    i should probably buy better clothes.

    and i should probably say how happy i am about soul brother number one.

    it is nice to have someone in the white house who

    isnt completely full of shit

    isnt a total fucking knob

    and even if hes spying on us all, every one of us, all the time

    and lying about it

    at least he’s probably looking for actual terrible people

    and cruising right over the typical embarrassing stuff

    like how bad i am at fantasy baseball.

    things i wish he would do more of:

    television speeches

    beer summits

    interviews with howard stern.

    you promised us change.

    anyway, happy birthday!

  6. Tuesday, July 7, 2015
  7. Friday, June 26, 2015

    why am i so happy this morning? 

    gay marriage legalthe supreme court just legalized gay marriage across the land and i’m super stoked?

    why?

    i have no skin in this game.

    i dont even know any gay people

    :)

    jk i know lots of gay people and i’m very happy for all of them.

    but im happier for america and people who pay attention to america because this is exactly what this country is supposed to be about

    AND SO RARELY DO WE ACTUALLY LIVE UP TO OUR POTENTIAL

    today we have.

    the cranky ass cranks on the right on the supreme court have outted themselves as being asswipes

    calling people hippies

    and turning their back on what this country was founded on: the pursuit of happiness, freedom, love, liberty, equality

    not politics, not the bible, not conservative jibber jabber

    and most of all, not big government.

    so yes i am thrilled that restrictive, backwards, anti-american discrimination has lost yet another battle under Obama.

    what a week it has been for the president: he busted with the N-word on a podcast, he passed his trade agreement, and now that he has “evolved” in his feelings about gay marriage – so has the court.

    not bad for a half black lame duck with a republican congress.

    let freedom ring, you beautiful hippies.

    it is so ordered

  8. Thursday, June 11, 2015

    when bad things get better 

    14 year old black girlthis weekend we were all shocked as a little hyper white cop barrel rolled into a community in texas

    where a white woman was having a fight with a black kid after the woman told the kid and other kids to “go back to their Section 8 neighborhoods” and swim in the pools there.

    the cop is seen in the video handcuffing black kids left and right

    and then forcing a 14-year-old black girl in a bikini face down into the grass as she cried to whoever was listening to call her momma.

    the cop has since quit the force. for some reason he will get to keep his benefits and pension.

    and now the news is that he has left town because he’s getting death threats, which is sad, because no one should be killed for having a bad day.

    however no kid leaving a pool party should have a gun pointed at them either.

    especially by someone who is supposed to protect and serve.

    i’m critical of all the presidents of the united states because, simply put, they work for me. they work for you too. and i realize that President Obama is working on trade deals and Isis and a ton of other things

    but as the first half black half white president, how about doing something that only a mixed race president can do: bring the discussion of race front-and-center to the American people.

    im not saying Obama has to have any solutions, but he can be the one that starts a sober, organized chat that could lead to something that could improve race relations in a country that clearly still has a lot of work to be done.

    people talk about presidents and their legacies all the time. Obamacare is great and all, but what have you done for us lately? let’s work on race while we still have a brother in the white house.

  9. Friday, May 22, 2015

    am i sad that the president wears moms jeans and is a sox fan? 

    0522-baseball

    when i was young the xbi taught me how to meditate while i played a ghetto version of Tetris

    i think it was called Bloxx. doesnt matter, it helped me work with patterns and lack of uniformity

    which helped me identify things from the skies in chopper one.

    but it also settled my mind because all of these good and bad thoughts would float up to my conscious.

    it’s one reason i dont like shooting video games: i cant learn when i play.

    anyways the other day i was playing a different video game, a new one that one of my fellow ex-xbi colleagues made.

    he asked me to try it out and i did and it was fantastic.

    as i was playing all of these thoughts flooded my mind:

    what are you doing with your life? where are you going? what are you wearing?

    who do you think you are? why arent you in the agency any more? why dont you quit blogging?

    why havent you tried screenwriting? why havent you moved? when are you going to clean up?

    why are you driving that car? what about your hands? what about your health? what about yr hair?

    which was all understandable because it was just the drill digging deep past the bilge into

    the hard material that keeps us down.

    and then this one bubbled up: are you sad the president is a sox fan that wears mom jeans.

    and i laughed and i died in the game cuz i couldnt stop laughing.

  10. Thursday, May 21, 2015

    remember that time we got invited to the white house 

    obamaand we got all dressed up and you said omg lets bring the kids

    and i was all what kids?

    and you said OUR kids and i was like Them? they’re too little. they wont behave and they wont remember anything.

    and you said how many times are we gonna have this chance again. god sometimes i wonder about you

    and i said fine.

    so we dressed them up and you said that wasnt good enough so you ran to the store

    AND BOUGHT NEW CLOTHES for them

    and came home and gave them Another bath

    and got them dressed and we went there

    and the president was super cool about everything

    and then when it was time to go, little sally was like

    no mommy im not leaving. no i like it here. NOOOOOOO!!!

    and the president was all, yeah i have that effect on some people

    and michelle was like seriously?

    and Bo the dog just casually strolled out of the room and down the hall

    and laid down next to the kitchen.

    and the secret service guy was all, i know yr xbi but we’re gonna have to get her out of here

    and i was all, if you tase her, no one will blame you

    and michelle laughed

    and obama laughed

    but i wasnt kidding.