nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, March 8, 2018

    there were awards, and everyone won 

    heres the funny thing about me and this blog. i hate telling stories about the recent past.

    i dont ever want to have to relive what i just did, even if what happened was great, and successful, and beautiful and awe inspiring and weird and blah blah blah

    i just dont wanna rehash it.

    but yes i was able to get amber in and my brother and his girlfriend and theres pictures somewhere

    and all the people won and all the people lost and dresses and tuxes and

    i had sore feet like halfway through it but i persisted and i was exhausted for three days straight

    maybe because im old maybe because 40,000 steps in two days is tiring and maybe because i shoulda worn sneakers.

    and if i am lucky enough to have another all access pass maybe i will spend more time in the diamond lane of the red carpet and a little time in the bleachers and a tad more time at oscar orchestra rehearsals and i will go to the Oscar Concert and i will get a tad more sleep.

    other than that all was perfect and maybe the best was drinking a rum n coke in the hotel bar at midnight with amber stretched out in a corner looking at each other saying

    holy fuck did that really happen.

  2. Saturday, March 3, 2018

    it’s Oscar Saturday, so let’s Ask Tony 

    Oskar asks: what will you be doing this year during the Oscars?

    If you recall, last year I roamed the red carpet, Dolby Theatre and the adjoining Loews Hotel publishing everything cool that I ran into on Snapchat.

    This year I will be doing pretty much the same thing (except with another year of experience under my belt) but on the Academy’s Instagram. Instagram Story to be specific.

    If you aren’t following us already, follow TheAcademy on Instagram and get ready to see all that my All Access pass can provide. I should start the transmission around noonish and end around midnight. God willing.

    What will you see? You will see all the things that you won’t be seeing on TV. So if you want to see it all, tune in to ABC on your TV and have your buddy Tony on your phone or iPad.

    John Smith asks: is it possible to go down to the LA river where they shot the car chase scenes in repo man and grease?

    Yes. But I wouldn’t recommend going down there right now as it has been raining the last few days and that area (just East of DTLA) is flooded and you might screw up your sweet car.

    Tony Kletch asks: Stones or Beatles? 

    I listen to the Stones at least once a week and if a Beatles tune comes on the radio I change it to Ozzy’s Boneyard. With that said, I listen to mostly the Stone’s 70s and 80s era tunes, so maybe my problem is mostly with the British Invasion era 60s stuff. But still, I prefer rock music as compared to pop.

    Mark Johnson asks: Do you support expropriation of land from white farmers to be claimed by the State of South Africa?

    I have the greatest friends. God bless you Mark. I don’t like the expropriation of any thing from any one. HOWEVER I think this is one of those rare moments where you can split the baby. I think instead of taking all the land from the white farmers, only half of it should be taken, and not by the state, but by the native South Afrikans.

    Dougie Gyro asksWill Ohtani be a better hitter or pitcher?

    Hitting MLB pitchers might be the toughest thing in all of sports. However, the Angels want to do this funky 6-man rotation which tells me they aint so confident about his pitching either. I know he’s young. I know he’s Babe Ruth. But I have a feeling they will use him as a SP and DH his first few years but will probably convert him to a long reliever and pinch hitter in years 3-4 when they realize there was only one Babe Ruth and he drank beers with children and ate hot dogs with strippers.

    Michael Katz asks: Is Joe Flacco a elite qb?

    History says nope. And says Jay Cutler should never have been a starter.

    More to come!

  3. Wednesday, January 24, 2018

    tough day yesterday but it went smooth 

    the academy is a fun place to work, mostly because of all the smart people. everyones an expert at something so it’s nice to learn from each other and then share all of that on big days like, yesterday, Oscar Noms announcement day.

    the toughest part for me is waking up at 3am to be at work by 4am.

    it’s tough because even if you can somehow get to bed by 10pm you dont fall asleep till midnight, especially if there are other things on your mind.

    amber was a sweetheart and went to bed early with me and hearing her snooze in my ear has a soothing way of putting me to sleep but that was not the case. i was up till midnight, as usual, no matter what i tried to do.

    the best advice i got was to drink a lot of water, that way your body would naturally wake you up at 3 to take a leak.

    whatevers, i got some sleep, woke up, and headed to the office.

    Sunset was a dream. not a car anywhere except on Vine where one had just gotten hit-and-run. the victim car was stuck in the road and if it had been any other day i woulda helped but i had to keep on rolling because my job was to do the Instagram Live video and the two set ups for the Insta Story.

    the first was with the accomplished and charming Andy Serkis who has played an Ape, Snoke, Gollum, and King Kong. turns out at 4:20am he is professional and lovely and ready to improv with a sleepy head with a smart phone.

    “just say, ‘hi this is Andy and welcome to the Oscar Noms'” i told him. and in one take we had it.

    one take tony you can call me.

    next up was America’s Sweetheart Tiffany Haddish who pretty much stole the show with her humorous mispronunciations of some of the noms’ names and hilarious quips. when i gave her what i was looking for she embellished it and gave us a little dance.

    the morning went fast as early mornings usually do. and around 11am they let us go home to work from there.

    and soon i was properly napping, wishing there was a daytime entertainment news program praising the academy for their diverse and worthy choices.

  4. Sunday, August 20, 2017
  5. Saturday, March 4, 2017
  6. Saturday, February 25, 2017

    do i love you? yes. 

    did i realize i had almost gone two days without blogging? no.

    am i still working my tush off getting ready for tomorrows Oscars? yes.

    did i just see Emma Stone and she looked back at me and our eyes met?


    did she look 1000x prettier than the last time our eyes met?


    did i strangely watch Superbad last night to prepare for movie’s biggest night?


    do i gotta go now, Louie Louie?


  7. Monday, January 23, 2017
  8. Wednesday, March 16, 2016

    thanksgiving in march 

    canon girlevery now and then its good to count one’s blessings.

    i’ll start.

    i’m healthy as a horse. a not-sick horse. i dont think ive been sick in over a year.

    my back is better after my trip to arizona and the hot tub aerobics i did there that one day.

    the cubs are gonna win the world series. im gonna see bruuuuuuuce with my buddy greg on saturday.

    im going hiking with a pretty girl this weekend. i have a cool car. i have a messy room but no one cares.

    i have a fun job where i learn every day. i get to listen to great music and talk to the smartest people.

    i have a balanced budget. my college girlfriend makes great food for me almost every day.

    it’s 80 degrees here today and for lunch we’re gonna have tacos and booze and then dessert.

    my side job is fun, i meet the coolest people and drive around the greatest town south of isla vista.

    i have three tvs, actual high speed internet, so much candy it’s like it’s halloween.

    and i have the greatest friends in the world who try to make my life even better

    and i super totally appreciate that. a lot!

    wanna see something funny? today is Jerry Lewis’ 90th birthday

    there was a time when the Oscars didn’t run over, in fact in 1959 it went short

    so the producers asked Jerry to stretch for like 5 minutes,

    the results, as you could imagine, were very funny


  9. Tuesday, March 1, 2016

    do you know i love you? i do. 

    red carpetfor all the glamour and elegance, flashing lights and cleavage, working the oscars is for many many many people hard work and we all go through emotions.

    at first i was excited, then i got nervous, the night before my stomach felt like it had a softball in it.

    at first i thought it was bad crew food but it hung in there so i went to, not my favorite thai restaurant,

    but a known lessor.

    i needed a Tom Kah Kha soup that was, perhaps, a little neglected.

    i wanted to fight fire with fire, basically.

    so i ate it and i drank a lot of a water and i prayed. in the morning it felt a little better but i was nervous.

    any time i would even nibble on anything it upset the diminishing beast in my belly so i didnt eat until well after lunch. meanwhile i was eating tums. shoutout to whoever invented tums. #fanluv

    about an hour before showtime the spread they lay out outside the press rooms had arrived and i took a big plate of shrimp and that didn’t destroy me so after a little work i ran back down there and got another plate.

    all clear everywhere and i was so relieved i started eating everything and it was delicious.

    i even had one designer mixed drink around midnight at the ball

    and i spilled a little out for tha brothers

    and the readers of the busblog

  10. Sunday, February 28, 2016