thank you to the angels

a vacation, a respite, a time out, a cool down.

i needed to control alt delete my shhhh

Ti esrever dna ti pilf, nwod gniht ym tup

Ti esrever dna ti pilf, nwod gniht ym tup.

my ma asked if we wanted to use her timeshare in palm springs and so many years ago i complained when she a) bought a time share and b) bought on in palm springs

but this was, to quote ferris bueller, so choice

it was an hour and forty minutes from my driveway

it was haunted

there were ducks.

there were clouds above with angels saying we love you tony

you too, amber.

the pools were warm the weather was hot

and after a few days everything cooled down and there was even some drizzle

but vacation drizzle like youd get in maui

just enough to clean off the sidewalks so you could draw new, more intense hopscotch games

amber and i looked each other in the eyes and expressed love for me

then we watched the election, then we turned off the election, then we turned it back on

that went on for several days.

then i turned on the Queens Gambit which may have been the second best decision of the week

or was it the sale priced salmon from the Palm Desert Albertson’s that had been driven out by Santa Monica Seafood?

we went back a few days later for another pound.

ridiculously good.

sometimes you get to draw a bath and just soak in it.

lights off

phone off.

just you and your stupid thoughts.

sometimes theres time and space and you get to let those thoughts have a little bit of a life

but only as long as a bubble at a zoo blown by a child

then its popped.

then more arrive.

then more.

finally one giant one emerges.

where did it come from? how did it get here?

that is not my beautiful thought.

it’s better.

the best thing about taking a bath after swimming is the water doesnt get dirty

you can just sit there for the entirety of the new ariana grande record

you can try to get bored but you’ll fail.

all those idealistic thoughts about the future, the present and the past get rolled up like dough and flattened on the cutting board and shaped like race cars.

amber woke up and saw me floating in the tub and was startled

are you alive? she asked.

way more than yesterday.

i got what i wanted

i wanted to get the hell out of dodge.

i wanted to recharge my batteries.

i wanted a second floor suite with a nice view and a cheap price.

i wanted the air to be so warm that at midnight, topless, you could just lay down on the outside couch and stare at the stars and scribble notes of world domination down in your 19 year old notebook.

and it didnt want it to cost an arm and a leg

and i wanted to dangle my feet in a pool

and i wanted to escape the unhealthy air of LA

and somehow i wanted to avoid the COVID

fortunately i know a guy

technically shes a she and because she remains friends with everyone she works with

we were able to get a great deal and i used the money ive been socking away every two weeks

for the last two years

so i didnt even feel it.

savings, what a concept.

we ate well, we stayed up all night, we had the AC up so high it was cold in the room

a huge novelty for us.

for a while we would sit outside then sit inside then sit back outside when it got too frosty.

i was also doing this thing where i wasnt using my phone or going on social media

the first couple of days were no big deal.

but then some crazy things happened, and also amber didnt like me running around without a phone.

she likes to see where i am and she wants to be able to call me if shes in trouble

or if im in trouble

which is sweet.

but it made the experiment harder.

eventually i got sucked back into social media because it’s amazing and breaks news and teaches me junk.

but i did learn a lot from this week in regard to social and my phone.

  1. i use it way too much and i can get distracted by it
  2. i waste time fighting with people on it
  3. i dont need it as much as i thought
  4. theres more to life
  5. i concentrate better on things when my phone isnt near me
  6. i miss my momma when i dont have a phone
  7. even though Waze is great, i know how to get there
  8. the Benz navigation is bad but it does the trick
  9. so much of social is personal/professional advertising and not enough support
  10. no phone means no pictures. i loved not having my phone. i didnt love taking fewer pics.

the most wonderful surprise came at the AAA office about 3 miles from the hotel

i have had an expired registration for my car since May

i tried to make it happen via the mails but the DMV has been closed and they said i was late

drama.

so i sent them a second check and a letter saying i thought the mayor said you cant charge me more because the DMVs are all closed

and they never wrote me back. they didnt say i was late. but they also didnt send me anything.

i  was in limbo. i was screwed and they wouldnt let me do anything online.

meanwhile the DMV had 4 hour wait times.

i knew AAA could help on some things, but when i popped my head in there they were so nice and so prepared for exactly this type of thing, simply via my ID

$105 later and i had my registration and i was so happy you have no idea.

i did screw up and brought along some work which is always a good idea when you want to be productive

but the next time i go i am going to make sure to bring shorts,

two pairs of socks, two shirts,

a big portable speaker,

and my tooth brush

anything extra is silly.

we had a spiritual breakthrough too, which maybe we can talk about one day.

if theres one thing my mom likes to talk about it’s the weather

she also likes to talk about her timeshare, probably because she knows that its complexities drive me nuts because it makes me feel dumb.

many moons ago she got a timeshare in Palm Springs.

and like a bratty kid i whined PALM SPRINGS SOOOO BORING!

fast forward to three weeks ago and nearly every day i have been scouring the web for a desert getaway.

my favorite resort out just re-opened and it’s charging $800 for a weekend stay.

and even though i am in no way that financially stable to blow $800 on two days of snoozing under a palm tree next to a pool i have no intention of dipping into,

i keep looking at that price to see if i could will it to shrink.

i paid $400 a month to live in a closet in Isla Vista in a huge house next to the beach.

people would say you pay $400 for THIS?

and i would walk them up to our second floor deck and say, no, i pay $400 for that.

and gesture at the pacific whose waves would crash one after another to the sound of

toe

knee

 

toe

 

knee

 

the purpose of life is to live it.

to wring it out at the end of the day,

put it on a hook

 

sleep the sleep of the just

 

and strap it on the next day.

 

but you do need that rest.

 

you do need to recharge.

 

some things are priceless.

 

and other things cost $800

 

plus food.

a lovely person asked me to remove her mentions from this blog

of course i obliged, who wouldn’t? and it was not the first time this has happened.

this old thing is nearly 20 years old. something i have a hard time believing myself.

and the things that you might agree to back in the day or the pictures you may have snapped and sent may not be the ones you want up forever and ever amen.

that does not surprise me.

what surprised me was how often i wrote about her or linked to her blog.

she was very good at blogging and was an inspiration to me, in part because she was just

so damn cool.

even in my greatest moments i havent been that cool.

when people are like that i want to study it.

i want to find the ingredients.

i want to bottle the seven herbs and spices.

are there times when i think i should just get rid of this thing, shut it down, close up shop, erase all of this from the sight of the sun?

yes.

but that’s exactly what the devil would want.

and this is and has always been my joyful noise to the Lord.

sometimes you just have to go to palm springs

and get one of those rooms that has a fireplace next to the tv

and a patio with another fireplace

overlooking one of 122 pools, and 121 hot tubs

you should get there before traffic gets busy

and before it gets too hot out there

and before your gf no longer can get that room there for peanuts

you should

then you should go to trader joes and get her salad mixins

bubbly water, fine cheeses, chocolate

and some mexicokes

you should also probably go to the in n out and get a double double with a chocolate swirl shake

and if someone asks how you gonna pay for all this

you should say shhhhhh shhhhhh

cuz sometimes you just should

sometimes you should just let life be life and death be death and all the things in between just be more in between days, mr smith go east, man

we wont always be here. we wont always be poor. we wont always be rich, we might not always be together

but right now we are

and right now the things are nice and the baby lizards climb the white walls outside skirting this way and that

with the sun peeking out behind fluffy clouds, birds darting from one palm tree to another

and the toughest thing you gotta think about all day is

whats the perfect record to play

hey siri, what should i play?

hey siri, did i pack my razor?

hey siri how long does it take for shorts to dry because i didnt pack my swim trunks

hey siri are there jobs out here cuz this is super nice.

heres how you make me so happy

let me drive into the desert after a close Bears game

with you.

lets stop off at Trader Joes for everything that’ll fit in a mini fridge.

it’s almost 5pm? maybe we can get into a 5pm mass after we check in.

because amber works where she does and its connected to this resort, we only have to pay a fraction of the downright reasonable $400 a night stay in whats called a Starlight Castilla.

it’s called that because it’s everything a regular room gets you, plus you have your own staircase that leads to a private outdoor deck that includes a cool couch and even cooler outdoor fireplace.

inside the room is plush, a second fireplace is next to the tv. french windows, carpet, flat screen tv, tile bathroom with a separate shower and bath tub.

outside there are 41 pools and 41 hot tubs. some bigger than others. each just a little stroll away, so lets say a beautiful young woman with tattoos and a frosty margarita slides into your late night dip, you can escape to a nearby empty hot tub because it’s Sunday, not Sinday, Becky.

there are many magical things about the desert. the heat is calming, the wind plays with the fronds of the palm trees, the sky is unblemished blue and then black at night. the stars come out one after another to say happy birthday.

even the lobby of the La Quina Resort smells otherworldly yet somehow familiar. we heard bad things about the mexican restaurant and since neither of us were interested in $20 drinks, we drove and drove towards Palm Springs proper looking for dinner.

thai? maybe, but we live in Thai Town, Chinese? maybe. italian? sure. and as we were at one of the super long stop lights i turned to amber and said, i could go for anything, even a Red Lobster.

we laughed. she put Red Lobster into Waze and it was a block away. so we went for it. endless shrimp? endless yes!

amber is like me, down for pretty much whatever. especially if it is cheesy and probably not the things you “should” do on you 199th birthday. we ate four different kinds of shrimp (regular was the best), devoured those biscuits, ordered sides of broccoli and mashed potatoes, drank pop like kids and ducked out before they could surprise me with a desert and a song.

amber: but but

me: xbi can’t have his spot blown up like that

amber: but

drove home, the hotel had delivered a nice box of chocolate covered pretzels. the hot tubs were used. the deck was used. the fireplace was turned on and janes addiction’s three days oozed from my wireless speaker. we fell asleep to the grateful dead. gratefully.

in the morning we packed and said hi to Coachella, which was surprisingly open, so amber rolled around in the grass and told me the sad tale of when she was last there.

we drove down the freeway back to LA but were starving and i saw these billboards for a vegas style buffet at a nearby casino.

almost went to in n out but amber loves salad and the good thing about buffets are their salad bars.

first we stopped off at the dinosaurs from Pee Wees Big Adventure and went into the brontosaurus gift shop and got some gifts.

then at the casino we met a woman with a tiara that said “it’s my birthday!” i approached her and her daughters (?) and said it’s MY birthday! they said, “she’s 90 today!” i said but IM 90 today!

we took a picture. she was so tiny it was awesome and she did not look 90 at all. so full of life. such a good sign. proof that one should hang out more in casinos. i mean in the desert. i mean with loved ones.

and people who understand the value of subtleties

and down to earth strangers.

i think that resort is my new favorite.

xbi was all we gotta get you out of LA for a day

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i was like 1) i dont even work for you any more and 2) knock knock there was a knock on my door

and your bff ali was at the door wearing daisy dukes holding a picnic basket saying

we gotta get you out of LA for a day

and before the sun set i was in a place i aint never been a’fore: mt. st. helens washington

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i mean little big horn, montana.

i was all ali isn’t montana like way far away? i feel like we only drove for an hour an a half.

she was like shhhh just go with it. why you always gotta be so literal.

the long cross country drive made me thirsty so we went into the local establishment

Pappy and Harriet’s Pioneer Town Palace.

because of the holiday and our lack of plans the woman up front told us there would be a two hour wait for a table

but if somehow we could find a barstool we could eat at the bar

that sounded like a fun game so we went to the bar and

wait a durn second

is that

could it be

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no not the rack of ribs just bbq’ing over the open fire

smelling delicious and looking amazing

but

wait

no way

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VICTORIA WILLIAMS? IS THAT YOU PLAYING IN THIS SUPER SWEET COVER BAND?

are my eyes deceiving me?

victoria williams who wrote such songs as This Moment, Love, Shoes, TC, You Are Loved, Big Fish, Lights, Crazy Mary

played none of those as far as i heard, but it was still fantastic,

heres a lil taste of the night, i believe this is Sweet Virginia from some brit poppers:

did i mention it was free?

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EXACTLY WHAT KIND OF MUSIC COMPANY IS THIS?

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afterwards we wanted to go fishing or play a bassoon but no  one was around to help

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but we did meet two flamboyant young gentlemen who loved us so much they bought us a couple of shots

that was nice.

as per mr ken laynes recommendation i ordered the catfish poboy and a side of mac n cheese

young ali ordered the tacos

we each had a mason jar of the Corvette Summer which sounded better than it tasted

but whateves it did the job and before we knew it the jetpacks flew us over to palm springs where we woke up

and ate at the ace hotel diner

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heres a few things you should know about me: i always try to stay as positive as possible

 

i love taking pictures of people

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i hate having pictures taken of me

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and if green eggs and ham are on the menu im gonna order some damn green eggs and ham.

happy memorial day america.

tell your momma you love her.

its 344am

me and lindsay im in palmsprings. theres a gorgeous young tanned girl in my kingsized bed. im tured im drunk. im super tired. i just hurled my dinner. she dint care. i have had both amazing good luck and bad luck while she was here and it seems like she didnt care either way. i dont understand it. seu jorge is playing.

on friday night we met up with all the canadian and alabama and california bloggers who were at the formosa. it was super nice. im sick. i couldnt be as bubly as i wanted to. ive been sick for two months now. wtf. i hadnt been sick in years now its making up for lost time. im blowing my gnose constantly. im puking all the time. im probably pregnant. i had to check that the girl didnt have a penis again this morning.

we drove to palm springs in record time. they had rented out a whole motel complex. a sweet one story building with individuall little suites all surrounding a pool and a hot tub. Silly pplayed. theyre coulter, welch, mcilvane, os, brendan and solomon. they were incredible. all covers. feel like making love, love removal machine, white wedding, etc etc etc. american girl. even though i was illin i stood the whole time in amazement. my friends are the best.

when they were done one of heathers friends make a fake true hollywood story film about them. it was amazingly good.

the wedding ceremony was great too. bill, heathers husband, has a 8-9 yr old son. he plays keyboards really well. he played here comes the bride and then started playing the imperial death march as heather walked down the aisle. the whole wedding was funny like that. heather cried during her vows. it was cute.

after the movie i djed for a few hours while everyone twisted by the pool and the dancefloor. then i loaded up a mellow mix and soaked in the hottub for a good hour. now this hot babe is laying next to me and you cant really spoon a girl after youve hurled. even if youre a blogger. i brushed my teeth a bunch and now im sucking on a cough drop. when you see a guy with a hot girl it doesnt mean theyre doing what you think theyre doing. we talk about so many things. she would totally be my friend if she lived here. she lies and says she likes me back but people from the midwest are very sweet.

in the minifridge there were some slices of cpk that the last people in here noshed on last night, i had a few bites of a bbq chicken slice. and took a few sips of a 7up. i know what its like to be a teenage girl now. its not hot. and this blog is down so this will be the first time i ever post to my blog and have no idea what it looks like. maybe this is how it is for stevie wonder. it was over 100 degrees here today.

jeff whalen showed up in a fake moustache and wore it all night.