nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, March 13, 2016

    i like players who are exciting 

    pete rosecall me crazy.

    one day the cubs were playing the philadephia phillies and for some reason i was at the game.

    i dont know why but i didnt hate pete rose. if anything i was on the fence about him because he had never hurt the cubs, and he beat the AL in the world series all the time i bet on him.

    later in his career they moved him over to first base and in the first inning, after the cubs had made their last out on a ground out, Pete spiked the ball super hard in the grass and it rolled over to the mound

    and everyone booed like crazy.

    and i thought this is the greatest thing ever.

    because you can get people to react when you get a hit or snare a line drive, or bowl over their catcher or injure their shortstop

    but who knew you rile them up a second after the inning was over?

    this, the game pretty boy Bryce Harper thinks is boring.

    your obsession with hair care products are boring, Bryce, not the national pasttime.

    there was never anything boring about Pete Rose, not when he was in the box, on the bases, or running off the field to a torrent of summertime chicago hate.

    so of course he would autograph a baseball to Donald Trump.

    for the right price he’ll autograph a baseball to you

    and he’ll write anything youd like him to say


    pete baseball

    and run straight to the bank with that goofy smile of his

  2. Friday, January 22, 2016

    heres the thing about me and love 

    ditkathings start off great. in monopoly you get money, a car or a thimble or a hat, and you get to roll.

    with me, i pretty much already love you. why? who knows, why do you get money in Monopoly? cuz you just do!

    but as time goes by if you treat me poorly i will start not loving you. this can spiral.

    but odds are i love you. this can increase if you make food for me, clean my apartment, treat me like a human, or let me put my hand on your thigh as we drive down PCH.

    i’ll also love you if i just drank a bunch of Mexican Coke.

    or if the Cubs just won a close game.

    or if theres something good playing at the Vista.

    or if someone just hands me a bowl of banana creme pudding.

    or if theres something good on the radio.

    or if the Muffs are about to play the Echoplex

    or if the taco from the taco truck doesnt get me sick.

    or if you text me nudes when i least expect it.

    or if you let me put a washer dryer in my apartment after 15 years of having to go to the coin laundry.

    or if you put Pete Rose into the Hall of Fame where he deserves to be.

    or if you dress like a hooker and get me chinese food on my 30th birthday because im freaked that ive entered old age.

    or if your band truly has a dual guitar attack.

    or if you retweet my tweet instead of like it.

    or if you legalize weed and stop the war on drugs.

    or if you win the super bowl for walter payton.

    or if you love the poor and give them good things.

    or if you skateboard over a broken down car thats on fire.

    or if you make a movie that gives me hope and has me singing the theme song in the parking lot.

    but if you dick me over royally i’ll hold it against you forever even if it kills me first.

  3. Saturday, August 23, 2014

    hate is a strong word 


    especially while wearing a Sweetness jersey.

    im very excited for the beginning of the NFL season but i dont hate anyone.

    i hate MLB for keeping Pete Rose out of the baseball Hall of Fame

    i hate that Obama thinks its ok to spy on Americans and lie about it.

    i hate that Uber doesn’t seem to care about its drivers.

    i hate that time flies so quickly and i havent done half the things i wanna do yet.

    i hate how cute my kittens are because it makes it hard to give them away.

    other than that i pretty much love everything.

    like you.

  4. Sunday, January 19, 2014

    aaron asks, “How does the MLB HOF go about fixing the BBWAA?” 


    the only curses i believe exist in this world are in baseball.

    i think that because the red sox traded babe ruth for the rights to a play,

    they were jinxed from the world series for decades


    i believe that when the cubs wouldnt let that dude bring his goat inside wrigley field,

    that they’ve been cursed ever since


    and i believe that when two and a half baseball commissioners refused to let pete rose

    baseballs finest hitter, enter the hall of fame,

    the hall became will cursed and will remain so until this is corrected.

    sorry,  mike piazza.


    therefore it’s not the major league baseball hall of fame that has to fix the baseball writers of america

    its that the mlb hof needs to stop being hypocritical about who they let in and who they dont.

    it is their terrible lead that is inspiring silly acts by the writers.


    i have a suggestion: if the feats that took place counted on the field, then they should count off the field.

    so if a guy miraculously racks up over 4,000 hits, and then retires and does dumb things while he’s no longer a player

    and if all of those hits still count in the record book, then thats what should be rewarded and celebrated

    and he, the man who did it, should also be rewarded and celebrated.


    likewise if someone, even someone you dont like, hits more home runs than anyone.

    regardless of if he worked out deals with the league office or didnt work out deals with the league office.

    if those home runs counted in the games then it should count in the hall.


    or else get used to the curse and the foulness and the incomplete feeling that your so called special thing has

    and know this is your fault, hall of fame, and you who dont deserve them

    and not the other way around.

  5. Thursday, December 26, 2013

    must be something strange i kissed 

    how are the cure not in the rock and roll hall of fame?

    this song is called Return. it’s off the Cure’s 10th album Wild Mood Swings (1996).

    four singles were released from that album, this wasn’t any of them.

    who is that prolific that they can give you 20 years of music leading up to their 10th album

    and the so called fifth best song is something as joyful and wonderful and sweet and sassy

    as Return?

    if i was the commissioner of baseball i wouldnt start the 2014 season

    until the rock hall honored robert smith for 38 years of beautiful pop tunes

  6. Monday, October 28, 2013

    procrastinating barack obama answers questions originally meant for other people 

    Barack Obama on his mac Q. How did you get to where you are now in your career?

    A. God, a great wife, a clean suit, perfect timing, and a few excellent speeches.

    Q: Favorite non-WNBA athlete?

    A: Takeru Kobayashi

    Q: What’s the last thing you saw on stage that you really enjoyed?

    A: Tom Waits sang in public for the first time in 5 years last night. I love when he does Tom Traubert’s Blues.

    Q: What’s your favorite sports movie?

    A: 300

    Q: What did you learn from the worst boss you ever had?

    A: When you’re being disrespected at work, that’s the angels telling you there’s something better over yonder.

    Q: What is the guilty pleasure you could go broke buying?

    A: Grillz

    Q: What always surprises you about NYC?

    A: How so many people afford to live there.

    Q: Three things you can’t live without

    A: Mom jeans, chewy chips ahoys, left handed scissors

    Q: If you could shadow any designer for a day, who would it be?

    A: Betsey Johnson

    Q: Would you be a better center fielder for the Nats or point guard for the Wizards?

    A: Hitting a baseball is nearly impossible at the professional level. That’s why we should forgive Pete Rose. I’d put him on the $3 bill if I could.

    Q: How do you handle stressful situations and working under pressure?

    A: The first job I ever had I got paid $3.35 an hour to mop puke (and worse) out of a McDonald’s bathroom. All jobs since then have paid more and were far more fun. Any time I feel stress at work I think this is still more fun than that.

    Q: What was the first Grateful Dead song to really flip your wig?

    A: I’ve always been fascinated by Friend of the Devil. It was playing in the car when i was little and my mom turned it off. Is it wicked? Is it super loving? Who knows? Recently I heard Tom Petty cover it in LA and I thought it was fantastic.

  7. Wednesday, October 9, 2013

    superior customer service is the secret for everything 

    customer service

    we are not all born with great strength, amazing physical capabilities, or even the smartest smarts

    but theres one thing Pete Rose, Amazon, and Zippo all have in common

    they hustle to make sure their customer is pleased.

    customer service should be the easiest part of any company’s job, but it rarely is

    when you think of businesses that treat their customers like the royalty they are

    we can only think of a few: nordstrom, Saturn (RIP), Amazon, Zippo, and a scant few others

    pete rose sliding headfirst into third at wrigley fieldthat shouldn’t be.

    great customer service is usually cheap if not free, the word of mouth stories that follow it are priceless

    and it is one sure fire way to beat the competition because odds are theyre not excelling in it.

    say hello to your customers and mean it.

    listen as if you life depends on it.

    find the way that will delight them, not whats easiest for you.

    do it with a smile on your face and good tidings in your heart.

    and if you cant, quit immediately and work somewhere where you can love the people who support you.

    the busblog loves you and is here (almost) every day with a smile on its face

    and its aimed to please.

    the comments will always be open for any and all.

    except for terrible people.

    terrible people should also quit that job and do something where you love stuff.

    we are here for a very short period of time.

    use it to love, hippies.

  8. Friday, September 27, 2013

    found out some bad news today, and yesterday, and last night 

    dicisions tattoo

    but at least i didnt get a terrible tattoo which was also misspelt.

    this blog has always been staying positive despite whatever goes down.

    a long time ago i got a fortune cookie that said

    its not what happens, its how you handle it

    and ive always tried to live my life from advice delivered by mass produced desserts.

    some of the bad news was my buddy Dave from the KPCC Patt Morrison Show was being shown the door

    so we took him out drinking last night

    and all agreed that the radio station probably didnt need any more forward thinking creative funny

    radio veterans

    who’d produced people like Pete Rose, Dennis Miller, and Bob Forrest.

    some times people just want challenges, i guess.


  9. Sunday, July 31, 2011

    busblog sunday press conference 

    Bill: Now what?

    I’ve been eating junk food and chocolate. Now I’m headed to Vegas for a few days. Maybe I’ll meet a blonde girl from Canada with a tongue pierce.

    Andrea: What’s the best decision you ever made in the moment?

    Starting this blog during a 15 minute break at work 10 years ago.

    Tucsonan: if she asked, would you say yes?

    ive been drinking this whiskey called Red Breast, i was gonna get everyone shots of Jameson but this dude was all, get Red Breast it’ll make Jameson feel like a dirty ho. So i went to the bar and ordered up a bunch and while the bartender was pouring it

    and keep in mind this was a fancy place, no sneakers no cubs hats, the types of joints i dont regularly frequent.

    classy like.

    so i go so is this hootch any good?

    and he looks up and says makes Jameson taste like spent jet trash.

    and id say yes it is way smoother than Jameson, but it has this magical ability to just guide you to a happy place instead of rushing you there.

    and once there my friend you’ll say yes to pretty much anything.

    the Dems should break some out  in Congress.

    Monkey: What do you do when the things that are supposed to be good for you are only presented by the universe in ways that are bad for you? 

    the reason you should send your kids to party schools is the answer to this question.

    lets say youre a college aged kid. someone lets say too young to drink legally. and youve got all these pressures on you, and youre broke, and you have a girlfriend but you realize youre in a party school surrounded by sexually awaking beautiful young cohorts. and almost at every party you discover something new in the categories of sex booze rock.

    and lets say you are also learning from the masters about the masters in art war poetry science and red tape.

    and then lets say something gnarly happens while youre out of your mind, not because youre drunk or anything, but because your heart just got broke for the first time and this is a downer that a good nights sleep after a barfing wont cure.

    in the pit you discover certain truths.

    and in the party they come to life.

    and they usually revolve around one theme

    rock rock n dont ever stop.

    you’ll never learn that in dartmouth.

    Wesley: tony do you listen to the only band that matters?

    one of the Buddhas preached from a whorehouse. he argued that if enlightenment could be attained anywhere, then why waste time in a stuffy temple.

    while i appreciate his idealism, i doubt you’ll ever find me in a place like that, but i think there can be spiritual moments from any band.

    even bands with bad intentions or limited skills.

    this morning im listening to the Smiths, MGMT, Titus Androgmafopdspoiao, Weezer, Gaga, and Pavement.

    MGMT will not go down in history, but watching Rivers so contently dancing around to Kids reminds us

    that we were invited to make a joyful noise.

    xTx: Any regrets?

    Although it was great to ask Hugh Hefner questions about Tiger Woods and Jesse James at the mansion,

    and even though I loved interviewing Bruce Willis at the Roosevelt Hotel and asking him if his vodka takes off would he consider expanding to wine, and if he did would he come out with a Yippe Chianti;

    my only regret is not interviewing more inanimate objects.

    BiggMike: who will play Tony P in the Busblog movie?

    If they can’t get Ad Rock or Tom Waits, I’d settle for Drew Barrymore.

    Roseblue: Diamonds, or pearls?

    Wasn’t Blood Diamond a great movie? And whats best, now I never have to buy diamonds :)

    Karisa: any tips for making it through sunday? 

    we’ll ive competed in a few half marathons. and this is how i made it past the first 10 miles, which to me are the hardest because theyre the easiest and it f’s up what the last few do to you.

    i pretend theres an in n out burger at the finish line. a double double with cheese. and theres only one left on the planet

    and if i eat it the aliens wont blow us up, indeed they will keep us around because no other universe was crazy enough to spend all that water to feed all those cows to produce something we’d market as hamburger.

    do it for the kids, karisa.

  10. Friday, July 4, 2008

    100 Greatest American Men of all Time 

    by tony pierce

    1. abraham lincoln, freed the slaves
    2. chuck berry, invented rock and roll
    3. elvis presley, embodied rock and roll
    4. bob dylan, legitimized rock and roll
    5. hugh hefner, embodied the american dream
    6. martin luther king jr., legitimized america
    7. muhammed ali, greatest of all times
    8. benjamin franklin, did it all
    9. jackie robinson, legitamized baseball
    10. michael jordan, set the standard of excellence
    11. charles bukowski, greatest american poet
    12. j.d. salinger
    13. frank sinatra
    14. les paul
    15. jimi hendrix
    16. philo t. farnsworth
    17. henry ford
    18. bill gates
    19. fdr
    20. larry flynt
    21. norman lear
    22. harry caray
    23. bill veeck
    24. willie mays
    25. mark twain
    26. howard stern
    27. hank williams sr.
    28. johnny cash
    29. john coltrane
    30. john f kennedy
    31. louis armstrong
    32. magic johnson
    33. charles mingus
    34. charles r. drew
    35. ted turner
    36. jack daniels
    37. eli whitney
    38. pete rose
    39. edward r. murrow
    40. george hallas
    41. william t. sherman
    42. thomas jefferson
    43. thomas edison
    44. henry aaron
    45. fredrick douglass
    46. the wright bros
    47. steven speilberg
    48. benjamin banneker
    49. timothy leary
    50. jesse owens
    51. matt groening
    52. lenny bruce
    53. richard pryor
    54. sammy davis jr.
    55. evil knievel
    56. ron popeil
    57. tiger woods
    58. spike lee
    59. kurt vonnegut
    60. ernest hemingway
    61. jerry garcia
    62. steve dahl
    63. tom dowd
    64. walter payton
    65. johnny carson
    66. howard cosell
    67. bill murray
    68. n.w.a
    69. bill clinton
    70. babe ruth
    71. miles davis
    72. chris berman
    73. lewis & clark
    74. chick hearn
    75. rick rubin
    76. robert oppenheimer
    77. the sugar hill gang
    78. john belushi
    79. col. harland sanders
    80. charlie parker
    81. thelonious monk
    82. kurt cobain
    83. berry gordy
    84. mike royko
    85. tom waits
    86. quentin tarantino
    87. al davis
    88. pt barnum
    89. duke ellington
    90. andy warhol
    91. buster keaton
    92. doc ellis
    93. mel blanc
    94. hunter s. thompson
    95. branch rickey
    96. steve jobs
    97. ev williams
    98. eddie rickenbacher
    99. william carlos williams
    100. rodney bingheimer