nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, November 9, 2014

    dont worry, i know im the luckiest man alive 


    i may not say it a lot, but i know. and dont think im not grateful. i give thanks every night.

    last night i got paid money to tweet about possibly the coolest awards presentation in all of hollywood

    the governors awards are when the academy gov board honors three people who have meant a Lot to film

    and one person whose humanitarian efforts over a lifetime has meant an awful lot to humankind.

    because it’s star-studded, but not televised, and mostly press-free, many consider it the soul of the Oscar season.

    filmmakers are free to mingle and socialize with other legends, theres good food, good music,

    and the absolute best of the best go home with the most iconic trophy in the world


    Last night we honored Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award recipient Harry Belafonte, Honorary Award recipient Hayao Miyazaki, Honorary Award recipient Jean-Claude Carrière and Honorary Award recipient Maureen O’Hara.

    i admit i didn’t know all that much about any of them but after some short videos (starring Martin Scorsese, Steven Spielberg, Nicole Kidman, John Lasseter, and Luke Skywalker’s mom, among others), I was all wow.

    For example who knew that We Are The World was the brainchild of Belafonte?


    i had a great seat except for this guy


    JK actually we were sitting on a riser in the back of the Ray Dolby Ballroom adjacent to the Dolby Theater at Hollywood and Highland

    My boss Josh sat between my co-worker Danielle and I. She ran the liveblog and he and I worked Twitter. So fun!


    there was free booze everywhere but i resisted until the night was over

    Tilda Swinton, CBI, and Edward Norton

    i didnt wanna get too tipsy and say omg Tilda omg Edward, loved you in Birdman


    super inspiring night because it taught me that there is a bigger gear we could be motoring in

    and there’s a lot of cool people working in that world.


    im very lucky to work with and around people who know what the hell they’re doing.


    it’s also nice to have so many beverage options when it’s time to call it a night


    for a full rundown of what went down last night, check out the summary by my coworker nate over on Oscars.org

  2. Monday, October 6, 2014

    sometimes you need to find a man riding an ostrichcycle 


    share some slices of pizza with a dude named Bloopy


    check out an Americana kids band fronted by your former roommate


    then watch some semi nude youngins balance in a magical park


    and then hang out with your good friend amy jo


    but i will warn you, you might want to obey Douglas Adams’s rule of always having a towel


    because you might end up near a pool filled with your friends and their kids on a triple digit day

    pool scene

    i will miss you, first October weekend!

  3. Sunday, January 19, 2014

    aaron asks, “How does the MLB HOF go about fixing the BBWAA?” 


    the only curses i believe exist in this world are in baseball.

    i think that because the red sox traded babe ruth for the rights to a play,

    they were jinxed from the world series for decades


    i believe that when the cubs wouldnt let that dude bring his goat inside wrigley field,

    that they’ve been cursed ever since


    and i believe that when two and a half baseball commissioners refused to let pete rose

    baseballs finest hitter, enter the hall of fame,

    the hall became will cursed and will remain so until this is corrected.

    sorry,  mike piazza.


    therefore it’s not the major league baseball hall of fame that has to fix the baseball writers of america

    its that the mlb hof needs to stop being hypocritical about who they let in and who they dont.

    it is their terrible lead that is inspiring silly acts by the writers.


    i have a suggestion: if the feats that took place counted on the field, then they should count off the field.

    so if a guy miraculously racks up over 4,000 hits, and then retires and does dumb things while he’s no longer a player

    and if all of those hits still count in the record book, then thats what should be rewarded and celebrated

    and he, the man who did it, should also be rewarded and celebrated.


    likewise if someone, even someone you dont like, hits more home runs than anyone.

    regardless of if he worked out deals with the league office or didnt work out deals with the league office.

    if those home runs counted in the games then it should count in the hall.


    or else get used to the curse and the foulness and the incomplete feeling that your so called special thing has

    and know this is your fault, hall of fame, and you who dont deserve them

    and not the other way around.

  4. Wednesday, November 6, 2013

    looks like another perfect day, i love LA 


    was 82 degrees today in your favorite SoCal town so I drove down Hollywood Blvd to see what was happening


    Found Nick’s house key, so that was nice


    Saw some sweet street art, which is normal.


    Anyone who was off today, and had a pool on their roof was totally enjoying the sunshine


    And thanks to last night’s winds, the sky was clear and beautiful, so I went for a little hike


    If I was ever to film The Burning Bush scene from the 10 Commandments, I’d use this fella here


    Because I had only ate one bagel all day it was hard to get up the hard hill, but I made it and saw this panicked note


    It said that this mansion built that staircase to the right so that people would stop hiking right next to his crib


    As you approach you can see that there is a fence that just got built that soon will stop we hikers


    We will have to go down into the canyon to then walk up all those stairs, which is fine. People love stairs in LA. In the woods.


    That dog up there found a long stick and would carry it to his owner and whine but the owner was all whatevs. It was funny.


    Dumb LA looked dumb all day so I took pictures cuz what else you gonna do while you listen to Eminem’s new music?


    Pose with your BFF as a stranger takes a pic maybe? Fine.


    All their poses were uninspired. I was tempted to give them some ideas but I didnt like her Nike shirt.


    But I did love this Houses of the Holy style street art. A lot!


    Hope your Wednesday was beautiful too!

  5. Tuesday, September 24, 2013

    theres a very hairy cat living under my house 


    i know this to be true because i saw it crawling under the house when i opened my door to get the paper

    elmo balloons pinata

    also i know because im allergic to cats and my gnose has been saying wtf tony seriously w t royal f


    this cat has big sad eyes like those paintings of cats and clowns and kids dancing from the 70s


    so i put water in a tuperware bowl and i caught it drinking it and then laying in the dirt like it was the best water ever


    decided if i ever saw it again id name it Dirrty because its the only long haired cat i knew who liked the dirt so


    was in the grocery store and the saran wrap was next to the cat food and i considered buying some but


    i figured i have two new neighbors. one on one side, one on the other, maybe they wanna adopt a cat


    or maybe this is their cat already they just like to let it be free like abe lincoln so i didnt buy none


    then this morning i heard an odd noise. seems the cat durn scared the squirrel up the durn evergreen


    the squirrel was making hey scram cat sounds but that cat dont know the language of squirrels


    and just stared up there with those big dumb eyes. laying in the cool morning dirt.

    fine wine

    not even knowing this is hollywood.

  6. Thursday, May 23, 2013
  7. Sunday, March 10, 2013

    E.T.’s got no time for that 


    took the bus to a party the other night and its interesting how the kids get their messages across these days


    seems like its easier to just make a poster or sticker and slap it on something than to worry about paint and canvas


    these nice people were waiting for the tiny tiki bar to let them in


    these adorable kids were waiting to see the next big thing take the stage at the Echo


    snookie looks cray suddenly


    i wash my hands manically, but for some reason i dont mind open condiments handled by lunatics


    also, im learning spanish. gratzi.


    these people mean no harm. i may give them all my cds.


    this tree has always freaked me out, but i try to deal


    remember when you would just walk past a drunken corner and see mostly full jarritos bottles waiting for you to sip from?


    remember when you could get sandwiches, donuts and smoothies at all hours of the day OR night?


    y does everthing chynge




    every time this wall gets cleaned up elliot smith gets to make out with whitney houston


    love,  your loyal reporter in little armenia

  8. Monday, February 25, 2013
  9. Wednesday, February 20, 2013

    she was all, why dont you fly choppers in the navy 


    i was all nah


    then she said, why dont you visit me in north korea


    i was all, why dont you visit me in maui?


    she said, no offense but im not so sure i trust any place or any person


    i said, lemme tell you what this old man told me about taking life so seriously


    she said we have to take life seriously, we’re superheroes tryin to save the world


    i was all, saving the world’s for hippies


    lets instead help companies figure out safe, clean ways for people to drink water and, you know, feed the hungry


    she was all, great idea, i was filling out a job application but got stuck when they wanted me to write a poem

  10. Thursday, December 20, 2012

    of course, baby, come on 


    im procrastinating christmas. i always do.


    today im going through old pictures and solidifying memories.


    remember that time obama spoke at the park


    then later that night we saw arcade fire at the greek


    everyone loves famous hoops stars, i get it


    but hasnt obama taught us that the most mild mannered brother can bust some major moves


    remember when my apartment was a visual amusement park of endless imagery?


    remember when i used to never take no for an answer?


    remember your first poutine (vancouver)


    remember when all the best blogs were blogspot blogs?


    remember when fun. was the format and we loved them for who they were?


    remember when amy winehouse played sxsw and we were all yawn.


    remember when the dude from silversun pickups barfed out a puppy that one time?


    remember sunset junction?


    remember the first time we kissed and everyone spilled their coffee


    remember laughter?


    remember when karisa used windows


    remember when rocket ruled the world


    remember when amy winehouse was the dangerous new queen of soul


    remember what this building was before it sold weed?


    remember when LAist had a party in Austin?


    remember the night we met miss teen usa south carolina

    and she was speechless?

    of course i read your tweets.