nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, December 3, 2015

    i have a brilliant idea that i know would work 

    puppetid make a bunch of money off it. id finally be able to buy a house.

    i could help my mom retire.

    it would actually help people, particularly young journalists.

    and it might even help someone who was very generous to me a while back.

    only problem is this: it would mean i would take me out of LA.

    i freakin love LA.

    LA is my Lady.

    i like my two jobs. i like my friends. i like my crib. i like my car.

    one of these days imma join a gym and i’ll like my bod.

    i like that i can see the Cubs play every game on MLB.tv on my two giant tvs.

    pretty girls still smile back at me, miraculously, when i smile at them.

    why would i want to upset that apple cart?

    why would i want to begin the beguine?

    why would i want to ruin all the good things ive got going on?

    those are the thoughts that go through my head when i hesitate even scribbling down the proposal.

    on the other hand, i think, how long can this current good thing last?

    uber is doing its best to replace me with cheaper help, even robots.

    plus you and i both know im never gonna join that dumb gym.

    and the world is gonna end soon, no doubt.

    why not make a mark, a big mark, while you can.

    especially if others will benefit in positive ways?

    at work the video team did this interview with sarah silverman the other day.

    she said sometimes the hardest part is just getting up and taking that first step

    after that everything’s super easy.

    let me find my other pizza sock and i’ll tell you how it goes.

  2. Sunday, August 31, 2014

    a pretty girl got a ride to my house last night 


    bedside bed

    she brought pizza because it was a saturday night

    but not just pizza, an entire pizza for me

    and one entire pizza for her.

    i was all, skinny girl you aint gonna eat that whole  damn pie

    and despite being fat as a cow i wasnt gonna eat no whole pieneither

    because its california the pizzas were about 13 inches

    and slightly lopsided with sauce painted on it like it was interior designed

    dollops of cheese blops here

    green leafy things that just casually drifted off a tree

    and ended up there.

    their ovens are 900 degrees and pizza becomes pizza in seconds.

    its slightly unnatural.

    the uber took her 30 minutes from the beach to east hollywood because it was late

    and people were like me, already drunk at 5, and sorta passed out by 8 and awake again

    but drowsy, and after a hot shower, you know what, an entire pizza

    was entirely right.

  3. Saturday, August 31, 2013

    last night i was at a swanky westside party talking about chuck e cheese 

    chuck e cheese

    i told the hosts that earlier in the day i saw that the kiddie pizza parlor place was opening a new location near mccarthur park

    and they were all have you seen the underground chuck e cheese band do that usher song

    incredibly as in we must show you this very second

    we watched it twice it was so good and so funny especially at a party where a moose head overlooked us from above.

    i was like i really hope whoever was able to do that gets hit up one day by a chuck e cheese franchise owner

    like the one in this new venue who might find it profitable to open it up on friday nights to non-kids

    so they can drink beer, eat bad pizza and watch The Rock-afire Explosion.

    after my nap today i did a little research and it looks like theres at least two programmers

    who have no problem putting the robots to the paces of contemporary music like

    Arcade Fire

    Black Eyed Peas


    and even Austin’s own Quiet Company(?!?!?):

    imagine the possibilities

  4. Friday, March 4, 2011