let the hollow points commence to pop pop pop

next month is the 20th anniversary of The Chronic.

even though i felt i had been there forever, 20 years ago i was still new to the xbi

so they sent me to new orleans for some, uh, training.

jeanine and i were super in love so i brought her, against their wishes

but whatevs, everything worked out. and today jeanine reminisced on facebook

I’m finally getting caught up on my LA Weekly reading, re: “The Making of the Chronic” article. Somewhere there exists a VHS tape of me n’ Tony on a Spring Break vay-cay, in the one and only town of Gretna, LA, on our way to the French Quarter, listening to Dr. Dre’s just-released album. During the course of eight days,we had Popeye’s Chicken, tried Hurricanes and muffalettas for the first time, went to that restaurant where they filmed the Folger’s Coffee commercial, ate beignets at Cafe Du Monde, and in the midst of many downright tropical rainstorms, found a killer guitar shop that had a super awesome Herb Ellis ES-165 Gibson, vintage sunburst (I think) that I actually got to play for a while, a la Joe Pass style. Throughout, we agreed that The Chronic was a totally freakin’ awesome album.

today she told me the nicest thing:

we’ve known each other longer than we havent known each other

humble brag: a few years ago Geoff Boucher took me to meet Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine. apparently they had decided that they were going to get into the headphones business. beats by dre or something crazy. they wanted geoff to listen to them. so he brought me.

i got to meet everyone, i listened to the headphones. i handed them over to geoff

and then i took this picture:

proof that real life is often stonier than the green stuff.

sometimes moreso in retrospect.

lil wayne is my spirit guide

he has turned the american justice system on its badunkadunk

the threatens the prosecutor to his face on camera in front of the judge

HE DOES NOT EVEN RECALL GOING TO JAIL FOR 8 MONTHS

thats how gangsta he is.

you know that reggae guy Chingy? dudes names not Chingy

its Montgomery.

he has a monocle and an unironic ivory cane with a gold tip.

he pretends to be Chingy.

Lil Wayne is not pretending. Thats why he cant remember anything.

that’s why he psycic.

thats why girls love to dance to him.

thats why Nikki Minaj wants to be the female Weezey.

and thats why this video is going viral right now

because so many people are so phony baloney full of macaroni

that we’ve forgotten what its like to keep it real when the pressures on.

Wayne feels no pressure.

For pressure is not real.

karisa was all lets do something we aint never done

sushi

i was all screw that hippie!

she was like all we ever do is the same thing: eat drink be merry. im bored!

i was like me too, this weathers boring, yr pretty hairs boring, this jay-z and kanyes boring, this fast car’s boring!

she was all why are we yelling!!!!

karisa and i are workaholics. we’re gonna die before we die.

and still at 930pm we looked fantastic. especially me.

all summer ive been playing around with this beard. i dont know what to do.

when i had a secret girlfriend i grew it, now ive got a makebelieve fiance so i grew it.

karisa btw hates that i dont take facebook seriously. hates it. called me names about it.

she was all lie in yr blog if you want, but facebook is for serious.

i said the only thing serious is how seriously imma eat that crazy sushi deal that has

little baby eggs with a quail egg on top.

she said imma drink that sake and beer and sake and beer and sake

and soon we had forgotten whatever idealistic dreams we had

and just went back to the same ole boring same ole merriment

and drove home listening to kelly clarkson

Public Enemy

It Takes A Nation of Millions To Hold Us Back

Def Jam Records

“Black Steel In The Hour Of Chaos”

I got a letter from the government

The other day

I opened and read it

It said they were suckers

They wanted me for their army or whatever

Picture me given a damn I said never

Here is a land that never gave a damn

About a brother like me and myself

Because they never did

I wasn’t wit’ it but just that very minute…

It occured to me

The suckers had authority

Cold sweatin’ as I dwell in my cell

How long has it been?

They got me sittin’ in the state pen

I gotta get out – but that thought was thought before

I contemplated a plan on the cell floor

I’m not a fugitive on the run

But a brother like me begun – to be another one

Public enemy servin’ time – they drew the line y’all

To criticize me some crime – never the less

They could not understand that I’m a Black man

And I could never be a veteran

On the strength, the situation’s unreal

I got a raw deal, so I’m goin’ for the steel

They got me rottin’ in the time that I’m servin’

Tellin’ you what happened the same time they’re throwin’

4 of us packed in a cell like slaves – oh well

The same motherfucker got us livin’ is his hell

You have to realize – what its a form of slavery

Organized under a swarm of devils

Straight up – word’em up on the level

The reasons are several, most of them federal

Here is my plan anyway and I say

I got gusto, but only some I can trust – yo

Some do a bid from 1 to 10

And I never did, and plus I never been

I’m on a tier where no tears should ever fall

Cell block and locked – I never clock it y’all

‘Cause time and time again time

They got me servin’ to those and to them

I’m not a citizen

But ever when I catch a C-O

Sleepin’ on the job – my plan is on go-ahead

On the strength, I’ma tell you the deal

I got nothin’ to lose

‘Cause I’m goin’ for the steel

You know I caught a C-O

Fallin’ asleep on death row

I grabbed his gun – then he did what I said so

And everyman’s got served

Along with the time they served

Decency was deserved

To understand my demands

I gave a warnin’ – I wanted the governor, y’all

And plus the warden to know

That I was innocent –

Because I’m militant

Posing a threat, you bet it’s fuckin’ up the government

My plan said I had to get out and break north

Just like with Oliver’s neck

I had to get off – my boys had the feds in check

They couldn’t do nuthin’

We had a force to instigate a prison riot

This is what it takes for peace

So I just took the piece

Black for Black inside time to cut the leash

Freedom to get out – to the ghetto – no sell out

6 C-Os we got we ought to put their head out

But I’ll give ’em a chance, cause I’m civilized

As for the rest of the world, they can’t realize

A cell is hell – I’m a rebel so I rebel

Between bars, got me thinkin’ like an animal

Got a woman C-O to call me a copter

She tried to get away, and I popped her

Twice, right

Now who wanna get nice?

I had 6 C-Os, now it’s 5 to go

And I’m serious – call me delirious

But I’m still a captive

I gotta rap this

Time to break as time grows intense

I got the steel in my right hand

Now I’m lookin’ for the fence

I ventured into the courtyard

Followed by 52 brothers

Bruised, battered, and scarred but hard

Goin’ out with a bang

Ready to bang out

But power from the sky

And from the tower shots rang out

A high number of dose – yes

And some came close

Figure I trigger my steel

Stand and hold my post

This is what I mean – an anti-nigger machine

If I come out alive and then they won’t – come clean

And then I threw up my steel bullets – flew up

Blew up, who shot…

What, who, the bazooka was who

And to my rescue, it was the S1Ws

Secured my getaway, so I just gotaway

The joint broke, from the black smoke

Then they saw it was rougher thatn the average bluffer

‘Cause the steel was black, the attitude exact

Now the chase is on tellin’ you to c’mon

53 brothers on the run, and we are gone

matt welch