long live Fenty + Puma + Radiohead covers + walking on tables + Die Antwoord
it would be tough to date rihanna, not because i’m pretty bad at handling high maintenance ppl,
but because my mom doesnt like her.
which is sad because there arent all that many black super dooper pop super stars in the world
and youd think shed be rooting for her
but the day my little niece around the monopoly table started singing
bitch better have my money
was pretty much the last straw.
riri’s travel wouldnt bother me, i’m self sufficient and sometimes the xbi… well lets just say sometimes the busblog is written by committee.
deep down we understand why rihanna is the way she is. if i was one of the prettiest women in the world and every year or so my records just blew up, and every tom dick and harry was trying to get their dick in me, and i was rocking the courtside seats and just getting prettier and prettier magically and kanye and paul mccartney and lord knows who else wanted to perform with me, and i was getting grammys and co-starring in Battleship
it would either turn me very humble, or the opposite of that.
especially if i looked smoking hot in a rain coat.
could i date her? yes. should she date a blogger? no. would we be a match made in heaven? probs. would i take her to isla vista? no. thats my little special place. would i let rihanna help me build a Motel California on del playa?
which will make things uncomfortable when i marry her
when amber and i went to see eminem and rihanna at the rose bowl.
the pair were a natural pair, each performing on the others’ hits over the years.
both a little more raunchy than people like my dear mother appreciates.
both super dooper and unlikely super stars in their genres. both PR nightmares for their outrageous and controversial statements and styles.
neither having anything to prove the other night other than, yes we can take this money, thank you, to the 60,000 fans, many of whom paid over $100 to fill the pasadena football stadium.
the show was just one of a handful that eminem will perform this year. he hates leaving his house. but on thursday (and from what i hear on friday) eminem was intense, focused, and at times enthusiastic as he ran across the long stage spitting out rhymes quickly and confidently.
rihanna was lazy and stoned and only at times sexy.
those songs tho.
a full band including a horn section and a dj backed the solo artists who first appeared together for a few numbers and then rihanna took over for a good 45 minutes. eminem followed her for about an hour, then they both ran through some numbers together, there were fireworks and then Eminem wished California a good night.
after a pause Rihanna returned to the stage for Diamonds and seriously the amount of hits these two have had over the last dozen years is remarkable when they’re being presented to you live with dancers and giant LED screens.
rihanna only had one costume change the whole night and for some reason was wearing a Krokus concert tshirt. why that mediocre hair metal band from the 80s? because rihanna is lazy and stoned and all the time sexy.
the fact she even has a career is mindblowing, but she does and her songs are forever stitched into our lives because she is one of the most beautiful women in the world with a a knack for singing the right songs in her own style in such a way that it quickly becomes universal.
eminem is a rap phenomenon. a genius. and ridiculously talented in every single way a hip hop star could ever be. at 89 years old, he looks fantastic.
he scowled through most of the show but what only could be considered happiness leaked out every so often, and why not, he’s at the top of his game and finally reaping some of the rewards on the lucrative touring circuit.
afterwards amber asked if we could go to jack in the box and i said yes yes a thousand times yes.
but i wish i was able to rap it.
she sings beautifully, she dresses creatively, she speaks her mind
and when the photographer says hey riri why dont you take off your pants and arch your back, she does exactly that
have you ever heard a photog say your gurl from Barbados doesn’t give it her all?
now shes gonna play the Rose Bowl with Eminem. 100,000 people. $150 a ticket.
thats like 15 million to split between the camps.
finally Rihanna can pay for some pants.
personally i love her. and i am prepared to marry her.
sadly she is with my arch enemy, Drake.
the canadian is better than Chris Brown, but seriously why does she pick the worst ones.
i know every girl in the world loves Drizzy but clearly thats because of some crazy spell he paid for in the woods somewhere.
it will all wear off soon and shes gonna need a man twice her age who has enough pants for both of us.
first of all, when Breezy becomes a memory none of us who hates him will suddenly start loving him.
he will always be known as the jackass who beat the crap out of his girlfriend on the way to the Grammys and didn’t have to go to jail for it.
he will always be known as the asswipe who keeps getting invited to the Grammys because television is a whore for ratings
he will always be known as the marginally talented prick who clearly has a million mental issues and a ginormous chip on his shoulder for no good reason and pouted through his entire career posting bs on his twitter and then deleting it because he’s a coward and never learned how to stand by his word.
pretty boys for the most part are all exactly the same: they think they deserve anything and everything, they have no respect for good fortune or other people, and when “bad” things happen to them they blame everyone other than themselves.
why Jay-Z didn’t pummel this creep is beyond me.
if Rihanna was Suge Knight’s artist this dude would have been a memory a long time ago.
dateline: west hollywood, california, 90069
in a city where there are countless queens, wednesday an official unofficial one was crowned:
Rihanna, the barbados born singer best known for, ummmm, turning the other cheek(?) was honored by WeHo’s Mayor Pro Tempore Abbe Land
for what? who knows? for being fierce? for being sexy? for being 24?
for forgiving her brutal and idiotic boyfriend?
who cares, shes pretty: which is half of the goal in hollywood,
and 9/10 the goal in west hollywood.
so yay, riri.
there was a time when all i wore was Vision Street Wear
there was a time when it was the coolest ever.
you could get it at Venice Beach.
even the rip off tshirt place had fake versions of it
the same way they sell fake Coach bags and fake Rolexes
imagine that, fake skateboard tshirts.
jlo got mad this weekend that i was blogging about her
so she said
pretend that my name is rihanna
i was all cats outta the bag baby
and she gave me that look. that PR look.
so i was all, ok ri ri
and we went back to playing Uno
and sipping on mimosas.
later i went hiking with her bff, the yoga teacher.
like me, j,
i mean ri
is not the type that gets jealous
just dont do anything a real blog would retweet
she said sweetly.
even though i nearly choked on my mini muffin
but now i do.
i want to be steve soboroff.
who is steve soberoff? hell if i know. but he gets to sit courtside with my girl riri
at the hottest game of the year: the clippers lakers Battle of LA.
and he gets to take a picture with her.
i know steve is jacob’s daddy but that gets you courtside with the Caribbean Queen?
imma have to investigate this in more detail for as much as i like jack
i think id rather sit next to miss umbrella ella ella