nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, April 4, 2016

    saw elvis costello play at the ace in downtown 

    elvis costelloseen elvis play maybe 8-10 times? but never saw a show at the remodeled united artists theater and mama mia is that place killer

    i originally bought a pair of tickets the day they went on sale, but they were terrible and no one jumped out and said take me take me so i sold them saturday and bought a single ticket in the third row balcony

    took a lyft over. driver was indian. super nice guy but horrible driver. says he lives deep in the inland empire but he always gets one ride that takes him into LA and then hes stuck here.

    so he drives around until he gets to downtown and then hopes some asian guy wants to go to san gabriel, but he can also get unlucky and a tourist wants to go to the beach

    he said he wasnt going to risk his luck and said as soon as he dropped me off he was heading home.

    elvis had a big fake tv behind him. most of the show it was just him solo with one of his dozen guitars. he played on the piano a little too.

    i gotta say, as much as i love him, i always thought that he was a weak instrumentalist but after this show im glad to say i was wrong wrong wrong. he was perfectly good all by himself on guitar or piano and added with his incredible vocal range it was quite a treat.

    wisely he brought opening act Megan and Rebecca Lovell of the Larkin Poe to accompany on a generous amount of numbers. one was on mandolin played like a rhythm guitar the other on a type of lap steel that emitted some haunting leads

    their background singing were lovely and it spiced up the presentation a tad harking back memories of when Prince played with those twins a few years back

    the best moments were when Elvis moved away from the mic and the amplifiers and just sang to the crowd within the perfectly acoustic 90 year old theater

    everyone hushed up as one of the finest songwriters with one of the best voices

    cried out to the full house

    who loved every second of it.

    that starkness, intimateness, that Jungian throwback to the campfire or the cliffside

    it was so raw so natural and the type of thing you can only do with a great song

    elvis played like four encores, many with the girls

    i ran into broome, brendon and kpcc’s alex cohen.

    the couple in front of me couldnt stop talking or moving. i know it was a concert, but come on.

    afterwards i avoided the mob scene of ubers and the one taco stand, walked a few blocks. weather was perfect. like a summer night. found an empty taco truck got two tacos and ate them right there.

    took a lyft home. mexican guy. he complained how someone wiped his hotdog fingers with ketchup all over his seats and how another lady spilled her red bull and lyft wouldnt pay.

    i said, no food or drinks in the ride, g. and he looked at me like i was an a martian.

  2. Wednesday, March 16, 2016

    i used to think i was gonna marry a black girl 

    bingthen i thought i would marry an asian girl

    then a white girl

    then a latina

    now i think i’ll marry whoever is the nicest to me.

    over the last two days ive been driving as much uber as i possibly can because they have this cash bonus if you do 75 trips.

    little do they tell you its impossible to do 75 trips if everyone else in LA is trying to get 75 trips

    so in a twisted way its genius of uber because we’re running around like crazy

    giving people $4 rides in our mercedeses

    on one hand it makes you feel like quitting the whole thing at the end of the week

    and on the other hand you meet all these super cool people who you wouldnta normally met because

    you wouldnta been out at 11pm looking for annnnnnyone to ping you.

    got this smelly chef tonight.

    then got this korean kid who said korea is cool if youre a party animal but not if youre chill

    then got these two beautiful saudi ladies with incredible clothes.

    then got a lady with leather pants who quietly farted and it smelled like burning hair.

    then got this dude who was super cool, and then a lady who wanted to talk about Bowie

    but the best was a young record producer with crazy hair

    it was my longest trip and he told me to relax

    that rock n roll is coming back

    via skye ferra

    tame impala

    and haim.

    and i was all, toss some guitar solos in there

    please and thank you.

  3. Wednesday, March 9, 2016

    who i would replace Brian Johnson with 

    The-Darkness-Justin-HawkinsLong time AC/DC crooner, Brian Johnson, has been told by doctors that if he continues fronting the hard rock group he will go deaf.

    Instead of retiring, now that his brother Malcolm Young is back home due to dementia, and his drummer Phil Rudd can’t leave Australia due to bizarre criminal allegations, lead guitarist/atraction Angus Young seemingly still wants to travel the world blowing the roof off the mother.

    So here’s who I think should be the next singer of my favorite rock group

    10. Glen Danzig – he’s probably a little too heavy for AC/DC but maybe that gruff could add a little edge to the aging group

    9. Justin Hawkins (The Darkness) – this dude was born to front a real rock band. Don’t get me wrong, I think The Darkness is incredible. But because it’s sooooo derivative of 80s hair metal groups, many think they’re a joke. I believe. Justin is one of the few that could hit the high notes and the idea of a triple guitar attack on numbers like “Shoot to Thrill” or “Bad Boy Boogie” is fascinating.

    2014-12-27-AndrewW.K.byJonathanThorpe2013APPROVED8. Bruce Dickinson (Iron Maiden) – there aren’t many singers who could add even more power to AC/DC anthems. Bruce could. And he could fly the damn plane.

    7. Kid Rock – If there is any complaint about the dynamics of AC/DC music it’s that it’s one dimensional. Kid Rock could add a layer of Southern rock and warmth that hasn’t been there since Bon Scott died in 1980. Imagine what he could add with piano on tunes like “Have A Drink On Me” and “The Jack”.  And what about harmonica on “It’s a Long Way to the Top” instead of bagpipe?

    6. Andrew W.K. – The only downside of Andrew W.K. leading AC/DC is he’d be so great at it that kids would think that he wrote all the songs. And his energy might kill Angus.

    5.  Ad Rock & Mike D. – Everyone loved the original mashup of Aerosmith and Run DMC. What if you were treated to a night led by the remaining members of Beastie Boys with the live accompaniment of AC/DC on songs that maybe might include some new freestyle verses.

    4. Kim Gordon – Some say Joan Jett is the perfect female singer/guitarist to front AC/DC but I’d rather have Kim Gordon who would give a spookier take on “She’s Got Balls” and “Inject The Venom”.

    3.  Jack Black – It would be the funniest AC/DC show you’ve ever seen, that’s for sure.

    2.  Jack White – It would be the sexiest AC/DC show you’ve ever seen and the dual lead guitar duals would be legendary.

    1. Zack de la Rocha (Rage Against the Machine) – hopefully they’d play a half hour of Rage tunes as an encore.

    Zack de la Rocha

  4. Monday, January 11, 2016

    my best friend will never be lou reed 


    and i’ll never produce “Walk on the Wild Side” for him


    i’ll never be the coolest dude in a photo when the other two are from the Stones and the Who

    The Outtakes of David Bowie's Iconic _Heroes_ Album Cover Shoot (6)

    i’ll never always have the perfect expression on my face


    my second wife will not be a super hot somalian super model who stays out of the news


    i’ll never wear clothes that makes my eye patch seem like the obvious perfect accessory


    i’ll never write “Fame” with John Lennon


    i’ll never write “Under Pressure” with Freddie Mercury


    i’ll never look menacingly ice cold in my mug shot with one blue eye and one brown eye


    when i take my baby out on a stroll i’ll never look ridiculously amazing


    but i do hope to shake hands with iggy pop in red square one day

    david bowie gif

    so thank you david bowie for the inspiration!

  5. Thursday, December 31, 2015

    saw Motley Crue play their second to last show ever last night 

    motorhead fan at motley crue

    i first saw them in high school at Chicago’s Aragon Ballroom well before that lucky ticketholder was even born.

    it was the first concert that i ever went to where i saw someone puke from being too drunk

    last night was a different affair. i saw people of all ages. dads brought their kids and the kids were fascinated.

    motley crue fire

    theres something about blasts of fire so big and hot that you can feel it all through the arena.

    the music was Motely Crue’s greatest hits with a couple of covers (Smoking in the Boys Room, Anarchy in the UK)

    it was hoped that there might be a Motorhead cover since they are both Sunset Strip icons

    but this is a show thats been around the world, their farewell show, it was polished, on point, and locked.

    not really any room for improv.


    Tommy has to drum on a rollercoaster and spin around a few times

    no time to play Ace of Spades.

    i kid, but really two things: a motorhead mention, at least, was appropo

    and Tommy’s drum solo, was incredible

    one of the great things about Crue was they were real rock stars.

    Tommy had a sex tape, Vince had a sex tape, there was drugs, arrests,

    which means only one thing:

    fucking better be a killer drum solo at the rock show


    like the new Star Wars, the second to last Crue show was safe, familiar, and not loud enough.

    the lights were pretty, we were thankful for the dancing girls,

    Mick Mars, who has looked 64, shredded on guitar, and did this Eruption thing that was purely satanic

    and their grand finale was a spectacle of fire and more fire and things burning that made us think

    should that really be on fire too?

    and then fireworks

    take a bow motley crue

    of all the bands that i rocked out to in high school,

    never did i think that it would be Motley Crue who would sell out

    two nights at Staples, 34 years into their career, to say adios.

    but they represented the spirit of the hair metal era righteously

    and are ending it on fire.

    they’re not going away sad

    they’re just going away


  6. Thursday, December 3, 2015

    the night stp won sxsw 

    scott weiland at sxsw

    the last time i went to texas to see the greatest show on earth, south by southwest,

    where over 1,000 bands rock in every nook and cranny of downtown austin over four days

    the year was 2010 and the unlikely quartet of stone temple pilots beat all the other bands.

    they had reunited, were preparing to drop a self titled album,

    and put on an entirely delightful 75-minute show of hits and new tunes

    at the 4,400 seat Austin Music Hall.

    i was shocked.

    just as i am tonight to hear that their singer, scott weiland died tonight.

    i shouldnt have been shocked about either:

    stp has way more hits than theyre given credit for

    and scott weiland has been a wild gentleman for quite a while.

    but still, im sad tonight.

  7. Friday, November 6, 2015

    am i jealous that blake shelton is dating gwen stefani? 

    gwen and blakeno. i mean what am i gonna do with freaking gwen stefani.

    but i want her with someone thats more of her peer. and if not her peer, someone who will take her music to the next level.

    prince, for example.

    why isnt gwen with prince?

    funny thing about prince. recently boy george quipped that he once slept with prince.

    but then he took it back and said he was referring to a prince poster that he had on his wall.

    thats not the funny thing. the funny thing is heres a guy who wears some fantastic clothes, but also some very feminine clothes.

    he also likes to wear heels.

    on his first album he’s wearing lingerie.

    and yet you have never heard of a man say that he ever fooled around with prince.

    in a weird way hes the most feminine straight dude of all time.

    thats who should be with gwen stefani, the princess grace of pop.

    they should be together, prince should buy a castle in california and be the funkiest step dad ever.

    do i have to do everything on this planet?

    blake should go back to driving his pickup truck to the ace hardware and pretend that hes this businessman or some shit.

    he has no business with gwen.

  8. Sunday, October 25, 2015

    there was this great doc on johnny cash last night 

    sorry for the inconvienence we are trying to save the world

    for a long time johnny cash was the biggest moneymaker for columbia records

    he even had a tv show on abc for like seven years.

    but as time went on he became, lets say, less popular among the populace.

    when you think of johnny cash, you dont really think of the 80s.

    and someone was talking about how they saw him play this 300 seat joint and it wasnt even sold out

    and he thought, that must be really depressing for a guy who used to sell out 10,000 seat arenas.

    and trust me, i know im no johnny cash,

    but this very blog used to get tens of thousands of unique visitors every day

    and tons of comments on every single post.

    so heres what i can tell you about popularity in regards to art.

    i think i do better when i dont think theres an audience at all.

    when im just writing to the void.

    it’s great to shoot something out there and see it ring and come back,

    but the buddhists talk about emptiness, not the sad omg im starving emptiness of your stomach

    but the blank slate chalkboard where anything is possible.

    the guy said that johnny cash probably didnt want to see every face of everyone in the crowd

    well i dont know about you, but most of my favorite rock shows were ones where

    the band was looking right at us

    and we were looking right back.

    hank sr. used to sing the saddest songs

    staring right at one person



    who wouldnt want that

  9. Tuesday, October 20, 2015

    i had SUCH a good day yesterday 

    yum yum donuts

    it all started before donuts, which is what the army taught me.

    remember that crazy line “we get more done before you eat donuts than most people do all day?”

    yeah me neither. but i did have a great airport drive at 7am in hella traffic that got me $89.

    as i drove back to civilization i grabbed some donuts and they were all here have 16 for the price of 12.

    happy early birthday.

    then i had delicious sushi with patrick j patrick for lunch.

    then i was able to help someone at work and that made me feel useful, which i rarely feel

    katie and ali

    after work i remembered that ali had earlier in the day invited me to play the new Guitar Hero game

    and see a special secret show starring the one and only Weezer


    so i called my man chris and asked him if he wanted to come and he said


    so we drove out to the marshlands of playa and parked illegally

    then took a huge mercedes party van into the party

    and met up with katie, ali, and a beautiful young rock critic named Andrea who shared in my Weezer nerdom

    we all drank and the waitstaff offered us tiny burgers and hor d’oeuvres and we watched the opening band from outside

    i noted that the handsome guitarist of Weezer was sitting near us, alone, and i wanted to say hi

    brian bell

    but i was loving the convo that we were all having about rock criticism and badly behaving edm djs

    then the time came to go inside to see Weezer and mama mia was it great to be soooooo close

    and hear three fantastic tunes

    weezer set list -1

    yes three, ok! It was fun. shut up!






    and we were super close because it was in someones garage that fit like 55 people.


    afterwards we took a selfie



  10. Saturday, October 17, 2015