nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, January 11, 2016

    my best friend will never be lou reed 


    and i’ll never produce “Walk on the Wild Side” for him


    i’ll never be the coolest dude in a photo when the other two are from the Stones and the Who

    The Outtakes of David Bowie's Iconic _Heroes_ Album Cover Shoot (6)

    i’ll never always have the perfect expression on my face


    my second wife will not be a super hot somalian super model who stays out of the news


    i’ll never wear clothes that makes my eye patch seem like the obvious perfect accessory


    i’ll never write “Fame” with John Lennon


    i’ll never write “Under Pressure” with Freddie Mercury


    i’ll never look menacingly ice cold in my mug shot with one blue eye and one brown eye


    when i take my baby out on a stroll i’ll never look ridiculously amazing


    but i do hope to shake hands with iggy pop in red square one day

    david bowie gif

    so thank you david bowie for the inspiration!

  2. Thursday, December 31, 2015

    saw Motley Crue play their second to last show ever last night 

    motorhead fan at motley crue

    i first saw them in high school at Chicago’s Aragon Ballroom well before that lucky ticketholder was even born.

    it was the first concert that i ever went to where i saw someone puke from being too drunk

    last night was a different affair. i saw people of all ages. dads brought their kids and the kids were fascinated.

    motley crue fire

    theres something about blasts of fire so big and hot that you can feel it all through the arena.

    the music was Motely Crue’s greatest hits with a couple of covers (Smoking in the Boys Room, Anarchy in the UK)

    it was hoped that there might be a Motorhead cover since they are both Sunset Strip icons

    but this is a show thats been around the world, their farewell show, it was polished, on point, and locked.

    not really any room for improv.


    Tommy has to drum on a rollercoaster and spin around a few times

    no time to play Ace of Spades.

    i kid, but really two things: a motorhead mention, at least, was appropo

    and Tommy’s drum solo, was incredible

    one of the great things about Crue was they were real rock stars.

    Tommy had a sex tape, Vince had a sex tape, there was drugs, arrests,

    which means only one thing:

    fucking better be a killer drum solo at the rock show


    like the new Star Wars, the second to last Crue show was safe, familiar, and not loud enough.

    the lights were pretty, we were thankful for the dancing girls,

    Mick Mars, who has looked 64, shredded on guitar, and did this Eruption thing that was purely satanic

    and their grand finale was a spectacle of fire and more fire and things burning that made us think

    should that really be on fire too?

    and then fireworks

    take a bow motley crue

    of all the bands that i rocked out to in high school,

    never did i think that it would be Motley Crue who would sell out

    two nights at Staples, 34 years into their career, to say adios.

    but they represented the spirit of the hair metal era righteously

    and are ending it on fire.

    they’re not going away sad

    they’re just going away


  3. Thursday, December 3, 2015

    the night stp won sxsw 

    scott weiland at sxsw

    the last time i went to texas to see the greatest show on earth, south by southwest,

    where over 1,000 bands rock in every nook and cranny of downtown austin over four days

    the year was 2010 and the unlikely quartet of stone temple pilots beat all the other bands.

    they had reunited, were preparing to drop a self titled album,

    and put on an entirely delightful 75-minute show of hits and new tunes

    at the 4,400 seat Austin Music Hall.

    i was shocked.

    just as i am tonight to hear that their singer, scott weiland died tonight.

    i shouldnt have been shocked about either:

    stp has way more hits than theyre given credit for

    and scott weiland has been a wild gentleman for quite a while.

    but still, im sad tonight.

  4. Friday, November 6, 2015

    am i jealous that blake shelton is dating gwen stefani? 

    gwen and blakeno. i mean what am i gonna do with freaking gwen stefani.

    but i want her with someone thats more of her peer. and if not her peer, someone who will take her music to the next level.

    prince, for example.

    why isnt gwen with prince?

    funny thing about prince. recently boy george quipped that he once slept with prince.

    but then he took it back and said he was referring to a prince poster that he had on his wall.

    thats not the funny thing. the funny thing is heres a guy who wears some fantastic clothes, but also some very feminine clothes.

    he also likes to wear heels.

    on his first album he’s wearing lingerie.

    and yet you have never heard of a man say that he ever fooled around with prince.

    in a weird way hes the most feminine straight dude of all time.

    thats who should be with gwen stefani, the princess grace of pop.

    they should be together, prince should buy a castle in california and be the funkiest step dad ever.

    do i have to do everything on this planet?

    blake should go back to driving his pickup truck to the ace hardware and pretend that hes this businessman or some shit.

    he has no business with gwen.

  5. Sunday, October 25, 2015

    there was this great doc on johnny cash last night 

    sorry for the inconvienence we are trying to save the world

    for a long time johnny cash was the biggest moneymaker for columbia records

    he even had a tv show on abc for like seven years.

    but as time went on he became, lets say, less popular among the populace.

    when you think of johnny cash, you dont really think of the 80s.

    and someone was talking about how they saw him play this 300 seat joint and it wasnt even sold out

    and he thought, that must be really depressing for a guy who used to sell out 10,000 seat arenas.

    and trust me, i know im no johnny cash,

    but this very blog used to get tens of thousands of unique visitors every day

    and tons of comments on every single post.

    so heres what i can tell you about popularity in regards to art.

    i think i do better when i dont think theres an audience at all.

    when im just writing to the void.

    it’s great to shoot something out there and see it ring and come back,

    but the buddhists talk about emptiness, not the sad omg im starving emptiness of your stomach

    but the blank slate chalkboard where anything is possible.

    the guy said that johnny cash probably didnt want to see every face of everyone in the crowd

    well i dont know about you, but most of my favorite rock shows were ones where

    the band was looking right at us

    and we were looking right back.

    hank sr. used to sing the saddest songs

    staring right at one person



    who wouldnt want that

  6. Tuesday, October 20, 2015

    i had SUCH a good day yesterday 

    yum yum donuts

    it all started before donuts, which is what the army taught me.

    remember that crazy line “we get more done before you eat donuts than most people do all day?”

    yeah me neither. but i did have a great airport drive at 7am in hella traffic that got me $89.

    as i drove back to civilization i grabbed some donuts and they were all here have 16 for the price of 12.

    happy early birthday.

    then i had delicious sushi with patrick j patrick for lunch.

    then i was able to help someone at work and that made me feel useful, which i rarely feel

    katie and ali

    after work i remembered that ali had earlier in the day invited me to play the new Guitar Hero game

    and see a special secret show starring the one and only Weezer


    so i called my man chris and asked him if he wanted to come and he said


    so we drove out to the marshlands of playa and parked illegally

    then took a huge mercedes party van into the party

    and met up with katie, ali, and a beautiful young rock critic named Andrea who shared in my Weezer nerdom

    we all drank and the waitstaff offered us tiny burgers and hor d’oeuvres and we watched the opening band from outside

    i noted that the handsome guitarist of Weezer was sitting near us, alone, and i wanted to say hi

    brian bell

    but i was loving the convo that we were all having about rock criticism and badly behaving edm djs

    then the time came to go inside to see Weezer and mama mia was it great to be soooooo close

    and hear three fantastic tunes

    weezer set list -1

    yes three, ok! It was fun. shut up!






    and we were super close because it was in someones garage that fit like 55 people.


    afterwards we took a selfie



  7. Saturday, October 17, 2015
  8. Tuesday, September 22, 2015
  9. Friday, August 21, 2015

    LA is a city on the planet and the NYT is on it! 

    terrible tweetheres the problem with the New York Times, they have this foolish desire to cover Los Angeles.

    actually that desire isn’t terrible unto it self, but what’s dumb is they take new yorkers and move them to LA and have them write about it AS IF THERE ARE NO ACTUAL LOCALS WHO COULD DO IT BETTER.

    case in point, adam nagourney, who is the NYT’s LA bureau chief, who today blocked me on Twitter (?!) because I called him out on his shitty non-story about some new Sunset Strip hotels and his shittier tweet to hype it (above).

    the thesis of his far-too-long piece is OMG THEY SHUT DOWN THE HOUSE OF BLUES WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE ON THE SUNSET STRIP and guess what, guys, THEYRE BUILDING A LUXURY HOTEL !!!!11!1

    anyone who has lived in LA for more than a handful of years knows that the House of Blues was not a go-to club. it was a place you reluctantly went to because Bad Religion or Social D or GWAR was going to play there. Maybe you’d take some out of towners there to see Steel Panther or the Gospel Brunch.

    on the raaaaare occasion someone actually good would be there, but for the two dozen or so times that I’ve been there my favorite show was probably when Britney Spears did a 15 minute comeback lipsync secret show there billed as the M+Ms.

    at it’s heart, House of Blues was a corporate chain that eventually got bought by the most corporate of all chains, Live Nation, who is a wolf in sheep’s clothing called Ticketmaster.

    dudeONLY the NYT would try to make us shed a tear over a mediocre club owned by Ticketmaster being razed to build a high rise hotel.

    by the way, none of this has to do with The Doors, who played in LOTS of places in LA a half century ago, and yes one of the venues they rocked was The Whiskey which is a curvy mile away. Big whoop. (also the strip hasnt been “gritty” in decades.)

    If a local journalist would have written about it instead of someone who parachuted  in a couple of years ago, it might have been about how a) no one really loved that club anyways b) how after seeing the renovation of the Riot Hyatt into the Andaz across the street from the HOB and the ongoing success of the Mondrian next door or the Standard two blocks away OF COURSE a ticket corporation like Ticketmaster who actually doesn’t care about music would turn their club into a luxury hotel and c) this is more proof that the Sunset Strip is less about music (that trend has been moving east to Echo Park and DTLA since before poor adam moved west) and more about luxe.

    instead NY Adam interviews a nearby hotelier who claims the sky is now falling (because omg competition) and the Roxy’s Nic Adler who rightfully says this is a non story. BUT WHY WOULD YOU EVER BELIEVE THE SON OF THE MAN WHO HELPED PUT ROCK ON THE MAP ON THE SUNSET STRIP?!

    instead let’s publish another trend piece about LA that people in LA will laugh about because as Curbed LA wrote perfectly earlier this yearNew York Times stories about Los Angeles are amazing because they’re like seeing the city through the eyes of a dorky time traveler from 1992.”

    add one more to the list, boys, but be careful, nyc adam might omg block you from the twitters.



  10. Monday, July 13, 2015

    amy is terrific. 

    Amy Winehouse Movie Posteri love movies. especially music documentaries.

    this year we have already seen one kurt cobain doc and another on the way.

    kurt is probably my all time favorite dead rock star and even though montage of heck was good, “amy” is great.

    one of the big differences is amy winehouse was being photographed and videotaped constantly through her whole ascent to superstardom

    which is ironic because it is clear that she had zero interest in being famous.

    kurt could pretend that fame wasnt of primary interest to him, but he did want it, he flirted with it and eventually signed with a huge label and made music videos and did all the things to be famous.

    amy was different. she sang jazz. how you gonna be famous singing jazz? even punk rockers have their day now and then but jazz singers – in the 21st century? ha!

    but there she was. in the spotlight. in love. always in love. and then in trouble. so much trouble.

    i loved this movie because it made us fall for her in ways i never did when she was alive.

    id seen her at sxsw and was not impressed. i watched her on tv now and then and was interested in her persona and her struggle. but i never really understood her story nor her music until last night at the academy screening of her new biopic.

    this was a talented girl who, like many geniuses, had zero awareness to real life.

    one of the funniest moments was when she was being filmed during a grammy ceremony and she heard the list of nominees and the title of their albums was shocked that justin timberlake’s was called “what goes around comes around”.

    amy winehouse really knew that little about pop music? and she had that much disdain? despite being in the center of it?

    it reminded me of Weezer’s “El Scorcho” where Rivers sings “I asked you to go to the Green Day concert / You said you never heard of them / (how cool is that?) / How cool is that? So I went to your room and read your diary.”

    Amy is the video diary of the rise and fall of the best jazz singer of the new century.

    and how love and fame and drugs and booze and the inability of parents and friends and even a record label cant stop imminent destruction.

    it’s so weird to me that this story gets repeated so often in rock music and nothing can be done.

    theres no guru? theres no rehab facility that works? theres no system? we just have to resign ourselves to the fact that the hangers on want to make money so they will keep pushing the stars onto the stage until they literally die?

    i cried, sass cried, everyone cried. then they clapped at the end, then they clapped again. painfully good movie that hopefully influences some people.