busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, January 17, 2018

    my man ryan was cruising around when he saw the most spectacular crash 

    he was waiting for his Lyft with his beautiful girlfriend when they heard this car just gunning it down the street

    he saw the headlights and the car didn’t slow down at all as it approached the median

    it hit the curb

    and

    just

    caught

    air

    flying over the entire street

    and landing in the second story of the building they were standing near.

    ‘tony i thought i was gonna die!’

    die? why?

    ‘dude every car crash i ever see in tv, the car explodes after a beat. so i grabbed my girl and we booked it about a block away.’

    when the fire dept came and didnt spray the car they walked back to the scene and there was the dude climbing out o the car and hanging by the door.

    “GET BACK INSIDE” my man ryan yelled.

    “FIVE-OH” the kids screamed, alerting the drunk driver that the authorities were arriving.

    dude got out, hung for a minute on his car’s side window, dangled, then finally allowed himself to fall into the flower patch.

    then he ran.

    ryan told me he thought about running after him but his girlfriend said, “no baby. don’t leave me here.”

    so ryan pulled out his Chinese star from his front pocket,

    calculated the wind,

    and right before he let it fly, the police tackled the dude.

    “RYAN!” his girlfriend said, “i thought we had agreed you weren’t going to carry that around any more.”

    he blushed.

    oh yeah. he said, smiling.