your girl Danielle is on the dating sites, but still cant find love

from a very long blog post from her blog, keeping it real, danielle does just that:

My job is ridiculously pitiful
and it makes me want to do drugs so bad
just to get through my fucking waking life.
I am so far behind on paying for my pitiful life
that abandoning ship seems like hope.
Imagine that.
I have not found or tasted love in years, literally a great many years.
What once was a youthful girl so full of life
is now a middle aged girl who still acts the same.
It hasnt “gotten” me anywheres.
I am turned on by nothing.
Addicted to doing nothing.
Smoking more cigarettes than I will admit.
Ive lost all interest in my bikes
in my hikes
in the movies
in the music
in the people
in books.
If you saw me youd say Im sexy and fun and you wouldnt
understand any of this writing
cause it belies me
but it is me.

i must say, i have never liked san dieger, and im not at all surprised that the single men down there have not paid much attention to our girl – even those dumbasses know shes out of their league, but still

raspberry sundae asks ‘who did you fall asleep thinking about last night?’

and friends

Are the pretty girls in San Diego almost enough to make up for the Padres betrayal?

Want to come drink away a Sunday afternoon with me again?

lets answer questions one and three first.

last night i fell asleep thinking about my true love, and thought about how she was falling asleep probably thinking of another and who knows who he was thinking about. i fell asleep thinking about how that aspect of human nature mirrors human centipede in more ways than id like to think about.

the answer to question three is of course.

which brings us san diego. canker sore of california.

there are a handful of people who id do anything for. danielle k bezerkley is one of them.

similarly there are few things i enjoy more than taking photos. danielle loves posing. and yet i hate san diego so much i have gone down to visit and take photos of danielle a total of three times in the six years she has lived down there.

sure its pretty and quaint and theres a lot of good there.

but theres a psychic evil that keeps me away. and no way could i ever spend the night there.

id never wake up.

couple of summers ago karisa was there with her brother his wife and their daughter – all solid people super fun to hang with and they were staying in this awesome pad. we drank, there was talk of taking in the cubs game the next day. but after i sobered up, i got in my car in the wee hours and drove home.

something pushes me away from there. mysteriously. forcefully.

san diego used to serve a purpose for me. it’s where id piss on my way to mexico.

but i dont go to mexico any more.

and i doubt i’ll be back in san diego for another few years.

you’d probably find me sooner in bc than sd.

death to the phoney balonies

my favorite magazine Black Webmaster wants to interview me for some weird thing theyre up to and ive had enough.

interviews should be 5 questions long. and they should start at the one thing that is most controversial and most revealing.

like: who did you sleep with last night.

or who did you fall asleep thinking about last night.

or if you could kiss or kill one person today for the survival of the human race who would it be and which would you do?

no one asks me those questions any more.

back in the day they sure as hell did. back before the internet was taxed and the phoney baloneys took it all over with their spam and viagra and lameassness.

ask me real questions. get into my soul. help me help you. just quit being who you think you have to be so you can live one more day.

heres a little insight: we are not going to live one more day. we are going to die.

today is the day we get to live, so live it.

today is the day we can make that change man in the mirror so change it.

today is the day we get to discover who the person on the other end of the french kiss is so seek it.

what do i love? i love finding out whats on the other side of that window.

i love finding out how wrong i am about people.

i love figuring out if we all are united and if we are divided, does that make for a better tartan pattern to God.

at a hundred and blah blah years old i want to find out the things that even im afraid to ask.

and then i want to know why im afraid in the first place when nothing has proven itself to be all that scary.

start with the real questions and you will enter a real conversation

yes there may not be a spectacular conclusion where you figure out how to fix the world,

but the exercise, the dance, will amaze and delight your readers in exactly the way that they were hoping for.

and you will stop being part of the garbage polluting the intergalactic conversation.

i fell asleep with a star.

speechless in san diego

danielle in san diego

i have pretty low expectations when i go to san dieger. it’s not my favorite town.

danielle in san diego

but with football season over and vegas still buzzing all through me, danielle invited me to her lair and i said omg omg photo shoot?

danielle in san diego

and she said si.

danielle in san diego

my favorite word

danielle in san diego

which thankfully is danielles favorite word too

danielle in san diego


oh mama Si ta

along the way i said hey danielle, i really wanna meet yr ole favorite blogger Raspberry, but i lost her phone number

and danielle said, no fear, i have this magical kurdt cobain longsleeve, lets just think of her and say nice things and she’ll appear

and suddenly san diego didnt suck so badly any more.

being unemployed means

having time to read fox news dot com. and the view. and the today show. and regis and kelly.

In honor of the new Jennifer Aniston-Vince Vaughn flick “The Break-Up,” which opens Friday, Universal Pictures and Budweiser have declared June 2 “National Break-Up Day.”

so because brad dumped jen we’ve all gotta break up? hmmmmm. not quite sure im into that one.

i slept on the couch last night because i didnt want to believe that i was getting sleepy at 3am. i also didnt want to sleep all day. its gorgeous here in los angeles and its 10:46am and if i were to drive somewhere like san diego now would be a good time to jump in the shower.

heres the only problem with san diego, as much as i love danielle, i hate san diego. i want it to fall into the ocean. i want then for there to be a vortex and it gets sucked into the vortex. then i want the vortex to implode or get trapped in a mine or a well.

you know who would try to get san diego out of a mine? old people. but old people have very bad backs so they wouldnt be able to get san diego out of the mine or well and it would just die there as the cameras rolled.

and after a while it would begin to smell.

and people would blame tijuana.

i have two options for next week. i could get in a car and start driving. or i could hang out in my house and wake up at noon and go to the cinema every day with a newly unemployed cuban girl.

who has a boyfriend.

however i thought i saw a billboard that said what happens at the grove stays at the grove. because generally i would prefer that.

its 11:30am. they say its gonna be a hot one.

i need a laptop.

or a summer college intern with a laptop.

a very special melting dolls + courtney + zulieka + no healani