nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, January 17, 2014

    Long day yesterday omg 


    one of the interesting things about the Oscars is Nominations Day which is really Nominations Morning

    all through the night the nice people of Price Waterhouse Coopers and the Academy work together

    in an amazingly secure building where telephones are confiscated, the Internet is turned off

    no tweeting

    and communication with the outside world is forbidden.

    PWC make sure the votes are accurately counted and the Academy feverishly puts together materials for the press


    this happens all night long because at 5am all of the entertainment press are fed breakfast at the Academy HQ

    and then ushered into the Samuel Goldwyn Theatre to get set up for the announcement


    then at exactly 5:38am Academy President Cheryl Boone Isaacs and ridiculously dashing Chris Hemsworth reveal the noms

    for some reason i didnt know Thor was so tall or had such an interesting Aussie accent


    afterwards all the reporters broadcast right there from the theatre to all over the world


    then we rush back to our offices to put together graphics that end up on our site and social media streams


    big shout out to my cohort Vanessa who knocked these out beautifully while the clock ticked in the early AM


    meanwhile another group of staffers, with white gloves, gently stuff the envelopes for the fortunate nominees

    so they can be invited to the Nominees luncheon, the Academy Awards, and the Governors Ball.

    it is a week of tough preparations followed by a day or two of hurry up and dont wait.

    thus at 2pm when i finally left the office i was exhausted and just wanted a taco with a nice girl from canada


    luckily there was one in town who bought me a variety of nosegays and took me on a tour of DTLA


    which concluded with a rooftop reunion with another canadian which is the way every day should end


    truly exhausted i couldnt even make it to my hollywood bachelor pad so i drove to my secret DTLA lair

    and saw a Deadhead spare tire cover on a Land Rover and sang

    dont look back you can never go back.

    got 10 hours sleep, woke up, and blogged to you


  2. Tuesday, January 7, 2014

    sass means no harm: 6/365 


    and yet forces keep trying to hold her back.

    we we eating the other day and it was painfully obvious that the waitress wanted me to order first

    but i kept saying ladies first

    it was almost a comedy routine after the third time.

    there once was a radio station just over the grapevine. maybe it was modesto. who knows.

    for months the guy had bad moon rising playing over and over, no commercials.

    the first time i noticed it i listened for a good hour just to see if something was gonna happen

    but nope, as soon as it was done playing it started playing again

    and i was all, now thats f you money right there.

    as i kept driving that summer night i imagined that the guy

    (cuz what woman would play fogerty for a year straight on her radio station)

    probably just didnt have any friends interested in turning it into a talk station

    and i thought, i wish i was your friend, cuz ive got friends who know a few things.

    sass knows a few things

    and she says them very sweetly.

    people would wanna hear that going 89 miles per hour

    outta merced.

  3. Tuesday, December 24, 2013
  4. Monday, December 16, 2013

    busy weekend: kanye, her, hustle, black santa, sass 


    as you know, usually i like to sit at home and read old classics to the stray cats through my screen door

    something crazy happened and i had stuff to do all weekend long starting with friday

    scott shelley and me

    beautiful shelley, sexy scott, and disneyland todd and i all ended up in anaheim to watch kanye

    with special guest Jesus for the Yeezus show.

    def the weirdest concert ive ever been to, and ive seen some crazy stuff

    but does that mean it was good? hmmm. strangely id rate it a “meh”


    which is oddly what id rate the new Spike Jonze joint “her” starring joaquin phoenix.

    with special guest voice scarlett johannsen

    on paper this should have been my favorite movie of the year

    in the same way Ye shoulda been my favorite concert. but no. the answer is no.

    i may have to see it again because maybe my hopes were up way too high

    and its so weird that everyone is saying it was all that and Spring Breakers was terribul

    but if you asked me which was better id say harmony beat spike this year: upset of 2013.


    last night i saw american hustle, which i thought was gonna be a slam dunk

    everyone was falling all over themselves to love the new david o russell film starring jennifer lawrence

    pretty boy dude man, batman, and the lady who i thought the whole time was the secretary of the office

    weirdly i also thought that ScarJo in her was really Rashida Jones


    things i actually enjoyed this weekend that lived up to expectations:

    hanging with shelley, scott, and todd.

    waking up to a black santa on the front page of the LA Times


    and eating delicious sushi with sass before her at los feliz’s best raw fishery.



  5. Friday, November 22, 2013

    sending a shout out to sass who’s run into some bad luck 

    no good

    and the States isn’t being very gentlemanly.

    seems to me that, particularly when it comes to the fairer sex, men shouldnt have that much of a prob being gentlemen

    but alas, some young men were not raised right, or maybe they were but still chose to forget stuffs.

    anyways if we’re lucky sass will be back in LA sooner than later for a little while

    which is nice because im sure her friends out here miss her.

    meanwhile if you’re aboot to fall asleep, include yr girl in ur prayers tonight

    because life is little peaks and valleys and shes in a lil val right now

  6. Saturday, November 2, 2013

    todays sass’s birthday shes 24 


    born in HK. schooled in Toronto. polished in DTLA. married in NYC.

    your dream girl thinks about you day and night, rain or shine, east coast or west


    shes a world traveler but she just wants to land in your arms.

    speaks four languages but says it all with an invisible smile.


    when she was sweet enough to let me crash in her lower east side penthouse i left behind a bukowski thank you

    totally forgetting that shes got a few of his words on her bare skin.

    thats why you should pretty much give her everything.

    happy birthday, albert einsteins mom.


  7. Wednesday, October 9, 2013

    your girlfriend sass is in town for a limited time 

    sassfor some reason she’s been in orange county

    so i said when youre on this side of the curtain lemme know.

    i was in a movie screening in the val where they take your phone for three hours

    and lucky me i got to be one of the twenty that they kept afterwards to ask how we liked the film

    which meant i was phoneless for close to four hours.

    in america!

    scroll through the messages, theres one from mlle zucket and shes all im ten minutes from echo park

    im all perfect, im 20 minutes from there and hit the gas.

    apparently nyc is dramz. sass not only lives in manhattan but better, chinatown.

    and as we start drinking shes all do you know any house sitters and i was like

    i’ll housesit your nyc chinatown what the hell else do i have to do in LA apt

    and she was all great, i’ll housesit yrs.

    and just then a nice couple got up and started dancing

    we were at little joy which i totally love but sometimes the dj is just a tad too loud

    fortunately this dj was just right. great tunes and the right volume.

    no clue what ipa i was drinking but it had a faint hint of fruit in there

    melded perfectly with the burrito i snuck in from the taco truck.

  8. Thursday, February 7, 2013
  9. Friday, November 2, 2012

    today is sass zucket’s birthday, shes 24 

    the thing about canadians are there arent two exactly the same.

    it’s freaky.

    today i woke up at 4am. i stayed in bed till 4:20. then i made some toast while i read the entire paper.

    theres some messed up things going on in the world. some sweet things, but so many messed up things. it makes you wonder, am i messing things up or sweetening it?

    one of the problems with life is the bad aggressive impolite people generally get way more stuff than the mellow peace and love artists

    and if the name of the game is getting all the things you want in life, then there becomes less incentive for the kids of the world to choose the path marked nice.

    for example, say you’re in your 60s and your wife is 60 and you’re both teachers and you know kids look up to you.

    and lets also say you have a hot tub.

    and lets additionally say one young boy finds you interesting, so you invite him TO YOUR HOME

    you get him drunk

    and you and your wife have sex with him.

    including performing sodomy on the 17 year old.

    and lets say you do all of this week after week for months.

    then lets say you get found out and arrested and you plead guilty

    but all you are given is probation. you’re not even forced to be a registered sex offender.

    so again, what does this teach kids about right and wrong,

    when doing one of the wrongest things there is – humping kids –

    is greeted with zero punishment?

    it does make you grateful for people, like sass, who do the right thing,

    and are nice to people

    and adopt stray dogs.

    im glad she didnt get washed away in the storm.

  10. Friday, October 12, 2012