busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, December 8, 2020

    humans are complicated, im no different 

    like a lot of people i have low self esteem

    i think it dates back to being a Cub fan at an early age and endured decades of them losing

    some people combat it by doing this or that to their bodies or accumulating a lot of wealth

    clearly i didnt think those were the correct paths

    but even today the weirdest things hurt me deeply.

    say i write you an email, maybe two, and you dont write back. even though i might know how busy you are, i take it very personally.

    very.

    which is weird because i have put myself out there since college writing for newspapers, web sites, social media platforms, you quickly develop a thick skin. and i dont mind if strangers say my wild take on this or that is crazy or they disagree with it. i expect that.

    it’s when people enter into a conversation with me and then they give me the cold shoulder when i reply is when i get sad.

    it’s like, would they do that to tom petty?

    but im a different tp. my brain says, they do that to you because they can. you have not created a persona that makes that not an option.

    but then i think about super cool people who have done super cool things, like springsteen or obama or even jesus.

    those guys get dissed to this day.

    church on Sunday was talking about John the Baptist and how special he was even when he was in utero.

    his reward: beheading.

    so maybe not having a couple emails returned during a dark and busy time isn’t that bad in comparison.

    if anything it gives me more time to write the next American Girl.