once upon a time there was a land that proved that men shouldnt have guns any more.
they were killing each other and shooting each other and even slapping each other in the face with guns.
but there was a law that said that they could keep their guns even though it was omg so obvs that they were so stupid with these guns and it caused more danger than safety
so a very wise judge by the name of Sonny I. LaVista said alright you wanna pretend that because this was a law way back in the beginning of this nation that theres no way the law should be changed even though PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING has changed since that law was written
including how powerful and easy to use those guns are,
so i will change the law, slightly.
women have shown that they too fuck up when it comes to guns,
but not at all as horribly as men do.
so only women will be allowed to have guns and if men dont like it too bad.
“but only criminals will have guns then!” someone yelled from the crowd. it was a man, naturally.
first of all, STFU, Judge LaVista said, banging on his desk with a gavel.
then he said, if you are a man and you are caught with a gun, a woman gets to shoot you with as many bullets as are in that gun.
because only women can touch a gun.
also, because you’re all crazy, if you want a gun, it will be a lot like the iPhone, you gotta pass a credit check
and it will have a tracking device on it that will monitor its every move.
“But that’s an invasion of privacy!” someone else yelled from the crowd. another man, who shouldnt be yelling because no one was talking to him and his privacy will be fine because he cannot have a gun.
Judge LaVista rose the gavel up high and brought it down once.
you cant have invasion of privacy on an inanimate object. we are tracking the gun, not the owner. but this will help us figure out, by using the tracking information from a MAN’s phone, if a man has stolen a gun to use it in a crime.
“we don’t like this at all!” a man shouted.
then you should have done something about gun control earlier, the judge said and gaveled and said peace out.
and went home to his wife, who he made sure practiced shooting at the firing range
which was now Ladies Only
and totally different than what it used to be