Monday, January 11, 2016
Friday, May 17, 2013
Gilda got married and went away. None of us saw her anymore. There was one good thing: Laraine had a party one night, a great party at her house. And I ended up being the disk jockey. She just had forty-fives, and not that many, so you really had to work the music end of it. There was a collection of like the funniest people in the world at this party. Somehow Sam Kinison sticks in my brain. The whole Monty Python group was there, most of us from the show, a lot of other funny people, and Gilda. Gilda showed up and she’d already had cancer and gone into remission and then had it again, I guess. Anyway she was slim. We hadn’t seen her in a long time. And she started doing, “I’ve got to go,” and she was just going to leave, and I was like, “Going to leave?” It felt like she was going to really leave forever.
So we started carrying her around, in a way that we could only do with her. We carried her up and down the stairs, around the house, repeatedly, for a long time, until I was exhausted. Then Danny did it for a while. Then I did it again. We just kept carrying her; we did it in teams. We kept carrying her around, but like upside down, every which way—over your shoulder and under your arm, carrying her like luggage. And that went on for more than an hour—maybe an hour and a half—just carrying her around and saying, “She’s leaving! This could be it! Now come on, this could be the last time we see her. Gilda’s leaving, and remember that she was very sick—hello?”
We worked all aspects of it, but it started with just, “She’s leaving, I don’t know if you’ve said good-bye to her.” And we said good-bye to the same people ten, twenty times, you know.
And because these people were really funny, every person we’d drag her up to would just do like five minutes on her, with Gilda upside down in this sort of tortured position, which she absolutely loved. She was laughing so hard we could have lost her right then and there.
It was just one of the best parties I’ve ever been to in my life. I’ll always remember it. It was the last time I saw her.
Friday, March 22, 2013
he THREW IT ON THE GROUND!
i guess theres a reason the adam sandberg snl video has 50 million views.
but theres also a reason why Nokia is in trouble: even their own CEO isn’t listening to his customer.
even though the interviewer was a bit annoying and agressive (compared to U.S. tv interviewers) listen to what he is saying
“i saw a picture in the newspaper about the Luminia 928. What kind of phone is that?”
“when are you announcing that?”
“i have an iPhone. i don’t want to have an iPhone. i want to have a Nokia phone because i believe in you and i believe in Nokia. but i want to have the Lumina 928.”
any salesman worth his salt realizes the trap being set for him: the customer says he wants to buy something, but it doesn’t exist yet. meanwhile the salesman has something to sell right now.
rule number one of sales is, as we know, The Customer is Always Right.
but rule number two, to me, is SWAT. Sell What’s Available Today.
Stephan Elop must have sold a thing or two to become CEO of Nokia so he knows the obstacle presented to him by this interviewer. he cannot sell him the 928, all he has is a 620.
but Elop prematurely leaps into a classic amateur salesman blunder: PITCHING TOO EARLY WITHOUT QUALIFYING THE CUSTOMER.
when the interviewer says that he saw a picture in the paper for the 928, Elop should ask “what did you see in that photo that made you so in love with our phone that you wanted to ditch the Almighty iPhone?”
and let the guy say wonderful things about your beautiful product. odds are he’s not going to mention the things the 928 has that your piece of crap doesn’t have.
and then say, well, all those things are true, my friend, but like many protypes and concept cars of the future, what you saw isn’t available. but i do have some good news. excellent news if i heard you right. in fact i have something in my pocket right now that will be available in Finland in a matter of days that has all the things you mentioned.
it’s the 620 and it’s better than your iphone.
and then go into that discussion, not the one about how the 620 is so meh in comparison to the 928 that you put it back in your pocket (!?!!)
ABC: always be closing. bro stopped closing on the 620 as soon as it became obvious that the interviewer only wanted to talk about the 928. did you ever see Steve Jobs stop closing about the current line of apple products when everyone wanted to talk about the next generation? of course not.
if for a second you think this finnish tv host knows more about your products than you do, then yes, retreat
but seriously if you can’t get around a very simple consumer objection which any salesman has heard since the beginning of time (“why shouldn’t i WAIT for the next thing coming around the corner”), then you should be in a different line of work.
“my friend, i’m glad you have an iphone. because when you get this 620 you will love Nokia for improving on what you have been using all these years.”
then drop the phone.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
classic lines at the expense of our president
and the queen of england.
its amazing how weekend update has always been solid all these years
Sunday, January 2, 2011
to which i can finally answer today about a song i watched David Bowie perform on Saturday Night Live
I read your post about remembering David Bowie “singing in a sarcophagus“. I cannot find this video anywhere. No one other than you, me and one other person ever remember seeing this. I wonder if we all saw it “live” but the clip was cut out of syndication and just never shown again.
Anyhow, I even posted a youtube video asking for help in finding this. It actually frightened me as a kid. I am 40 now and just would like to see it again.
You can see Bowie do “The Man Who Sold the World” beginning at the 20 minute mark on the Season 5, episode 7 of SNL. The episode was hosted by Martin Sheen. Sheen was hyping a little art house film called Apocalypse Now.
Good performances by Bill Murray, Jane Curtain, and Lorraine Newman.
Bowie did three songs that night. The first one we have covered, the second tune Bowie performs in a a-line skirt, and the final song appeared to be some green screen trickery predating the Gorillaz by decades.
By the way, every episode of Saturday Night Live is now available on Netflix instant streaming thanks to Obama and generous subscribers like you.
update: SNL finally put it on YouTube
Monday, October 25, 2004
of course ashlee simpson cant sing. but you should be surprised that a girl who spells her name like that cant dance, cuz any strip club in america has an ashlee who knows how to dance.
the problem however isn’t jessicas sister, it’s you.
saturday night live used to be counterculture. it used to be punk rock. but it hasn’t been punk rock in decades and the other night night just put the last nail in your coffin. and good riddance i say. you are the establishment. you should do your lame open, show the cartoon, do weekend update, show the band, and get off the shitter. but you hate us. thats why you keep doing all this bad tv.
i know you hate us because you hired ashlee. thats not love. the highlight of most of the episodes of snl used to be the musical guests.
david bowie singing in a sarcophagus.
i remember the stones being on there, the dead, the replacements.
why don’t you take what happened saturday night as a hint that your show has jumped the shark. that you’re too old that you don’t care any more what is counterculture to america and the best way to realize that is by having jude law host and ashlee simpson “sing”.
one day i will be too old for the busblog and you know what i will do that day? shoot myself. right in the face. or i’ll od on a speedball at the chateau marmont. when jude law or ashlee simpson are guestblogging the busblog you know the terrorists have won, and yet on snl it’s just another show.
snl has always wasted its talent. even when they know they have great minds they ruin it all. tina fey is a friggin genius so why do i need that amy pohler ho sitting next to her on weekend update? one anchor is fine. bill murray did it alone, i believe. as did dennis miller, norm mcdonald, and even colin quinn (!). what are you saying when you replace fallon with pohler to sit next to fey and not be funny?
but back to the musical acts, you only have like 20 shows you have to do a year. just hire good people. stop with this fellatio of mtv.
tom waits was on letterman two weeks ago and killed. the video (scroll down just a little or click here) doesn’t capture the wonder of it all but trust me, even on his worst night tom waits could destroy ashlee fucking simpson.
waits was on snl in the 70s. why not now? not only is he only doing 7-8 shows to support this new record, but hes even better now than he was 25 years ago.
springsteen is rocking the vote everywhere with michael stipe. get them to come on your lame show. have them sing masters of war and then have them do master of puppets.
do i have to think of everything for you or can we just end this misery and you just hire me?
and excuse me but doesn’t britney spears have a new single? if the little whore cant dance, have her sit on a stool and sing her stupid song.
oh thats right she doesn’t sing her songs either.
the only person any good at lipsynching on snl was andy kaufman, and he did it tongue in cheek.
only thing in your cheek snl is the bone of mtv and it’s sad cuz you used to be better than this but you’re not, and its hurting america.