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nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, March 9, 2016

    who i would replace Brian Johnson with 

    The-Darkness-Justin-HawkinsLong time AC/DC crooner, Brian Johnson, has been told by doctors that if he continues fronting the hard rock group he will go deaf.

    Instead of retiring, now that his brother Malcolm Young is back home due to dementia, and his drummer Phil Rudd can’t leave Australia due to bizarre criminal allegations, lead guitarist/atraction Angus Young seemingly still wants to travel the world blowing the roof off the mother.

    So here’s who I think should be the next singer of my favorite rock group

    10. Glen Danzig – he’s probably a little too heavy for AC/DC but maybe that gruff could add a little edge to the aging group

    9. Justin Hawkins (The Darkness) – this dude was born to front a real rock band. Don’t get me wrong, I think The Darkness is incredible. But because it’s sooooo derivative of 80s hair metal groups, many think they’re a joke. I believe. Justin is one of the few that could hit the high notes and the idea of a triple guitar attack on numbers like “Shoot to Thrill” or “Bad Boy Boogie” is fascinating.

    2014-12-27-AndrewW.K.byJonathanThorpe2013APPROVED8. Bruce Dickinson (Iron Maiden) – there aren’t many singers who could add even more power to AC/DC anthems. Bruce could. And he could fly the damn plane.

    7. Kid Rock – If there is any complaint about the dynamics of AC/DC music it’s that it’s one dimensional. Kid Rock could add a layer of Southern rock and warmth that hasn’t been there since Bon Scott died in 1980. Imagine what he could add with piano on tunes like “Have A Drink On Me” and “The Jack”.  And what about harmonica on “It’s a Long Way to the Top” instead of bagpipe?

    6. Andrew W.K. – The only downside of Andrew W.K. leading AC/DC is he’d be so great at it that kids would think that he wrote all the songs. And his energy might kill Angus.

    5.  Ad Rock & Mike D. – Everyone loved the original mashup of Aerosmith and Run DMC. What if you were treated to a night led by the remaining members of Beastie Boys with the live accompaniment of AC/DC on songs that maybe might include some new freestyle verses.

    4. Kim Gordon – Some say Joan Jett is the perfect female singer/guitarist to front AC/DC but I’d rather have Kim Gordon who would give a spookier take on “She’s Got Balls” and “Inject The Venom”.

    3.  Jack Black – It would be the funniest AC/DC show you’ve ever seen, that’s for sure.

    2.  Jack White – It would be the sexiest AC/DC show you’ve ever seen and the dual lead guitar duals would be legendary.

    1. Zack de la Rocha (Rage Against the Machine) – hopefully they’d play a half hour of Rage tunes as an encore.

    Zack de la Rocha

  2. Sunday, April 28, 2013

    today is Kim Gordon’s birthday, she’s 60 

    tumblr_lywcpjmwbq1qffv5do1_500after my face melted in a hallucinatory bad trip in the bathroom mirror of a del playa apartment when i was 22 i was never afraid to talk with anyone ever again

    because i realized that everything is perspective and context: we all fool ourselves into believing that this is beautiful, that is ugly, she is hot, he is scary, that is dangerous, this is perfect

    but after someone accidentally puts one drop of a liquid chemical into your Natty Ice, what was ugly turns beautiful and whats hot is not.

    after that i never got nervous to approach a “pretty” girl, interview a powerful leader, or stare down a tweaked out gangster

    until i met kim gordon in santa barbara.

    even in 1990, a year before “punk broke”, backstage of ucsb’s Campbell Hall, it was frightingly obvious

    that Grunge had grown up from the midwestern Twin Tone yawp of The Replacements Husker Dü, and Soul Asylum.

    and sprouted horns and filled out to the global beast that would be Nirvana.

    and it wouldn’t have happened if not for Sonic Youth, whose 1990 Geffen debut “Goo” showed the record industry that

    the Bon Jovi 80s were over and rock n roll was back to save yr soul in a way that would make your parents not just tell you to turn that shit down but maybe we should have a family discussion because we’re really worried about you.

    and at the heart of Sonic Youth was Kim Gordon and she was scary as fuck because who else would dare go after LL Cool J who had just released Mama Said Knock You Out

    Kim Gordon“Are you going to liberate us girls from male, white, corporate oppression?” she taunts with the aid of Chuck D playing the role of Flava

    “Let every body know.” he demands.

    But it’s Kim’s “C’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon” that summons the dual guitar squeals from Thurston Moore and Lee Rinaldo that sounds more of a woman who knows what she wants as opposed to the cheerleader you would have seen (and not heard) a few years before in a Warrant video.

    Even though it was painfully obvious that Kool Thing was a street corner diss of Cool James

    (LL released “Walking With A Panther” in ’89 which featured hits like “Goin Back to Cali” – from which “Kool Thing” appropriates the line “I don’t think so”. Panther also featured singles “I’m The Type of Guy”, “Big Ole Butt” and “Jinglin’ Baby” that did fine in hip hop circles and the pop charts, but whose misogyny was hard to support among the Riot Grrrls)

    while chatting with Rinaldi and drummer Steve Shelley I asked, “so is Kool Thing about LL?”

    Shelley said, “that’s Kim’s song, ask her.”

    And I couldn’t even look in her direction, let alone approach her, so I just sipped from my can of Coke and changed the subject.

    She was the edge in a band whose tone was so gnarled that if barbed wire had a theme song it’d have been Sonic Youth.

    They say most scenarios benefit from the woman’s touch. Kim was the woman’s punch.

    Without whom neither Nirvana nor Hole would have spanked thru as quickly and painlessly as they did.

    Which is why I heartily celebrate Kim’s 60th today

    from a safe distance.

    meanwhile if you haven’t seen the doc of the Sonic Youth tour where they brought along Nirvana and Dinosaur Jr., and Babes in Toyland, and Gumball, and The Ramones

    well maybe on Kim Gordon’s 60th birthday maybe it’d be kool thing to do