nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, April 17, 2018

    today i learned Stiff is worth $90? 

    sometimes when i get low i think what have i done so far and i think NOTHING

    such a question is so subjective because what is value? what is the right answer? who cares what youve bought or “earned” or made.

    but tonight i was looking for a Blogger hoodie because i am wearing one right now and i want to wear it a lot because i love it so it would be great to have a backup.

    so i went to ebay and one thing lead to another and there i was searching my name to see what would pop up

    and holy cow there’s Stiff and someone thinks it’s worth a ton of cash.

    i mean, it is the best thing ive ever written, and it is good, and i am proud of it because it’s wild and creative and

    ALL ME

    and i love it.

    but never did i think it would be worth that much.

    the seller has a bunch of images from the book like where i signed it. for some reason i just signed it Long Live Vegas which i totally agree with but it gives me no hint as to who i had sold it to.

    but the best was the thanks.

    it made me laugh because i forgot what i wrote there.

    because Stiff is an extension of some of the weirdest stuff from How to Blog i wanted to be honest about that

    and i also wanted to acknowledge that the rest of it originally came from this, the world famous blah blog, i thanked myself

    “for the use of my own shit”.

    i have had a good life. i have nothing to be ashamed of. i have nothing to fear about whatever comes next. there is no pressure other than to peak ontop of peak

    and to clean out the kitty litter tomorrow because it’s stinky.

    and whatever book i write next i want it to one day get sold for $200.

    thank you Blogger for all that youve given me,

    because sometimes all we need is a bigass canvas in which to rock.

  2. Saturday, April 9, 2005

    i was in hell. i was dead. 

    i had done well as a santa claus and then word got out that i was a writer when i was alive. so i got a new assignment.

    before i knew it i had shrunk to the size of a gnat.

    and then i got shrunk to half that size.

    and then they turned me invisible.

    and then they put me into the ear wax of a college girl.

    and this is what they made me whisper.

    youre no good.

    youre too fat

    youre too ugly

    theres a thousand girls prettier than you

    your boobs are too small

    your zits are too big

    youre not smart enough

    you dont look good in your clothes

    your scars show in your pictures

    your daddy was right

    you fuck weird when you fuck

    nobody likes you

    your friends only like you for your money.

    you need to stop lying about having money.

    you’re such a liar.

    your car is going to die on you any day.

    not even the lesbians want you.

    youre going to be homeless soon.

    you’ll never get married.

    your sisters are so much cooler than you.

    i had to do that all day.

    i didnt want to do it but something inside me was making me do it.

    the devil was making me do it.

    i wanted to cry, but i couldnt.

    p. 71-72 of how to blog

    raymi and fil meet the goods + matt gets a wrench thrown at him