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nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, May 18, 2014

    Ate and drank tons at the vegan beer fest 

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    daria peer pressured me into going and sorry but im a midwestern man you cant say vegan and then say beer and think im going

    but my man andy sternberg was involved and all the cool kids on the sunset strip

    and i realized it would probably be the one place the xbi wouldnt be snooping around

    tonys

    and of course, there would be beer.

    bootleg

    lots of beer

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    beers from around the world of all styles waiting to get into my belly.

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    there was also food, white folk, and hats because it was still a tad on the warm side, thus the beer served another function

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    it was held on the weird dirt spot on sunset near the Roxy which has always interested me.

    shouldnt there be a huge rock n roll hotel on that land called Lemmy’s Motel 666 or something?

    and then be secretly luxurious and classy inside while at the same time welcoming to harley riders and loose women

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    there were bands there like Hes My Brother Shes My Sister which were great background music because all u can drink beer

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    id heard of some of these beers and i still dont know what makes them vegan (maybe how they filter it? who cares.)

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    surprise of the day a place called Do Me’s has a vegan Big Mac. at the restaurant its on the secret menu. at the fest it was $12

    its so big you have to split it at a place like the fest but so what, its amazing and yes better than the original.

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    another very nice surprise was running into KPCC science reporter Sanden Totten and his charming girlfriend Kathy

    Sanden, bless his heart, brought a box of plastic zip lock baggies so ppl could take their food home

    he was offering them up to everyone and they were all omg omg yes thank you omg

    genius idea and i ended up with two bags filled with foods i gorged on later

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    this dude was working at the Sierra Nevada tent and ran over to show me his tattoo.

    2016, i told him, hang in there just a little longer.

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    we met a lovely pair from Bakersfield. bro is in a ska band and miss bakersfield couldnt have been sweeter

    turns out shes a Gaucho and vinyl collector. she picked up this LP in between beers.

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    kept forgetting there were bands. i think Ozzy came out for a few songs and spit a bunch of vegan jello into the crowd.

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    its impossible to take a bad pic of mark’s beautiful gf esther but i did. andy did a great job of being the living example of a good diet

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    and i ate vegan tacos made of sunflower seeds and chicken wings made of spicy ass cauliflower

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    lessons learned: vegan food may be alien and weird and “natural” and “good for you”, but it should be treated like any other foods.

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    a wise brand will emblazon their logo on Zip Lock bags at next year’s vegan beer fest

    because the vegan leftovers were better than regular left overs because they dont deteriorate into greasy lump balls.

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    no matter where you go, there will be Gauchos, probably drinking.

    crowded

    and finally: there is value in the VIP ticket. it was shadier, and you were able to drink an hour earlier.

    you wouldnt think that either of those things are big deals until youre sweating into your vegan twinkees

    and when you realize theres only a half hour left to drink.

    so yes, getting there early and maybe bringing a parasol isnt a bad idea.

    free chips

    one day the vegan beer festival will be at the Rose Bowl or at UCLAs practice field

    or at Grand Park or somewhere thats not an abandoned dirt lot on the strip and you sit on bales of hay.

    and we’ll say remember what life was like before Exxon handed out to-go baggies?

    it was delicious and hot and sunny and nice and even the hangover wasnt so bad.