busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, July 13, 2017

    it’s been over 30 hours since i’ve had food 

    i did have one banana.

    been drinking this giant tub of water mixed with solution that “cleans you out”.

    which is dumb because everyone knows a bottle of Groovy Grape from GNC does the same damn thing.

    im nervous because i havent dranken all 4 liters of it yet and i hope that doesnt get in the way of the colonoscopy but my shits are liquid and yellowy and clear.

    my mind is all over the place.

    im not hungry, weirdly.

    but i feel like im floating.

    there are many stages to all of this. super bizarre. i should have demanded a morning appointment, but all they had was 1:30pm

    i wonder about the poor. many of them go for a long time without food. that must be the hardest thing in the world.

    this isn’t right.

    my man ben works at the soup kitchen. met his pretty wife there.

    i used to think soup kitchens are dumb, even though i love soup and kitchens and helping people.

    i used to think, why dont they just get a giant bucket of soup and let people scoop it out themselves?

    but i dont think thats the entire point.

    the entire point might be more along the lines of human contact being necessary

    eyes meeting eyes. greetings. hi. i hope you like this. i hope your day is better. i hope you know that all of this is just dust in the wind. that ours is something bigger somewhere else.

    that you are me and we are all together.

    i think thats the entire point.

  2. Tuesday, June 27, 2017
  3. Monday, June 19, 2017

    pretty sure soon big businesses are gonna know your every move 

    your beloved phone rats you out all day

    every day

    all night.

    even if you dont facebook, the GPS tracker is on

    even if you dont twitter, your email is tied to a giant company and

    that company literally let Bush and then Obama

    and now Trump

    totally dig their paws through your data.

    it’s gotta be a Pandoras Box for someone like the current POTUS

    and thats probably why he’s PISSED all the time

    that sort of knowledge can do a number to a stable man

    imagine if youre unhinged.

    today he fired Sean Spencer, the clown prince

    he might replace him with Laura Ingram which would be a laugh riot.

    all i know is this.

    if i was Samsung, and I wanted to take a giant bite out of Apple’s phone sales, i would make a device that wouldn’t rat you out.

    id make an email system that’s totally secure.

    and i wouldn’t use cell towers to do the communique, id use proxy servers and flubbystones.

    people would pay double what theyre paying right now

    because to a certain extent, privacy does mean something to some of us

    and where theres a demand, there’s a price.

  4. Tuesday, June 6, 2017

    ive been to the harvard and yale of the everything 

    four years here, four years there

    taught by the greatest teachers

    studied from the best of all books.

    sometimes you can hear a lecture and it sticks to you

    you can see a picture and its there forever

    you can kiss a girl or drink with her

    or simply hold her hand and all the truth of the universe will radiate inside you

    vibrate your innards

    and reveal all you can handle.

    almost everything i know i have been shown.

    sometimes through visions sometimes through wrongs.

    almost always while i was being silent

    almost always unexpected.

    theres so much good in people because they have gone through some of the same dark and wild woods and met the same dark and wild souls and held the hands of the angels and were spooked by the fear and tempted by the demons

    and tested by the testers

    and judged by the shadows

    and lifted by the winds.

    i have seen and done things that even a grown man would call remarkable

    yet i still feel like im a teen

    who cant believe no one is calling bs on this fake id

    so lucky theyre letting it slide

    so happy to be invited

    but why

  5. Thursday, June 1, 2017

    who amongst us doesnt feel like a total space alien sometimes 

    i was trying to think about when i was 15.

    i was so awkward. weirdest hair in school. shit always got in it.

    as a Cub fan id walk down the hallways and people would say Cubs suck left and right.

    but fuck them.

    in all my classes id get Cs.

    except gym and music

    and art.

    they gave us standardized tests when i was 13 and they said i was gifted

    and put me in some gifted classes instead of homeroom

    but i still got Cs in the classes.

    i knew i was the only black kid in school and i was gonna have problems with girls.

    and i did have problems with girls.

    but i also had a little luck.

    still,

    if i was outside after dark

    laying in the grass on a summers night in illinois

    id look up at the stars and say

    any time you wanna pick up yr boy

    here i am.

    but heres the good news.

    aint nobody picking any one up.

    aint noone going nowhere.

    we are here.

    now.

    working this thing here out

    with one another.

    it’s a puzzle so big that no one can do it alone.

    not even God.

    even He was all, maybe if i made a whole bunch of little scientists

    in my image

    maybe they can all work together

    and do the things and sing the songs and bang the gangs

    and in the end everything will be better.

    better, not because the tall ones or the pretty ones or the rich ones or the ones with perfect hair had the answer

    but because everyone added their weird little perspective

    or weird big secret

    or not weird and not little flavor

    maybe thats why so many of us are here and why so many of us are twisted in unique

    freaky ways

    she said

    and tossed me out of the space ship and into the grass

    then flew away.

    justlikethat.

    which even today

    i call bullshit on.

  6. Thursday, May 25, 2017

    theres always two ways to look at things 

    you can listen to the devil who’s right up in your ear hole

    who just goes on and on and on

    with the this thing sucks, this is terrible, its the end of the world.

    or you can try to tune in to the angels

    who whisper so delicately

    and sometimes even sing

    with the omg its so beautiful tony its so nice its just lovely.

    of course my devil knows where to take the conversation

    he says things like youre gonna go to hell, youre gonna ruin everything, youre burning all the bridges.

    and the angels, because theyre polite, wait for him to finish.

    but hes never finished

    and youre gonna grow old alone and you already are old and your knees are starting to ache 

    btw: my knees are fine, satan.

    my everythings are fine.

    the busblog secret of life is the same today as when this thrill ride started in 2001:

    if youre listening to the devil more than the angels you better turn that dial.

    and i get it, the devil has better songs, a funnier voice, and seemingly knows exactly what to say at exactly the worst time.

    but the angels: they actually work with the truth.

    they dont blow smoke up your bung. as if!

    there is no beautiful song than the sound of honesty being delivered right from the heart.

    fleetwood mac talks about sweet little lies

    but fuck the mac.

    three songs in 30 years is nothing to crow about.

    and neither is listening too long to the most boring poem of all:

    you cant

    you cant

    you cant

    you cant.

  7. Tuesday, April 11, 2017

    theyre gonna try to put you in a box 

    ty cobb, the second greatest hitter of all time, used what is called the split hands grip

    because his hands didnt touch each other

    none of the 2,000 current pro baseball players can swing that way today.

    babe ruth, the greatest hitter of all time,

    used a bat thats so heavy that no major league player today

    steroids and all

    can believe that a human could swing it.

    if they had their way ty and babe would be normal

    instead of great.

    when i was a little little kid i would do science experiments with my bicycle.

    i would start on top of a slope and coast down the perfectly asphalted suburban street

    and not pedal

    and see how far i went.

    then id do it again and see if i could beat it.

    what was i testing?

    my magical powers, of course.

    the only person who can put you in a box is Jesus and trust me, you’ll end up there.

    until then, swing your way

    and prepare for miracles.

  8. Monday, March 27, 2017

    my problem is i am usually down for a dare 

    and most things are dares.

    there was a time when i would have been to that trump rally

    especially if i was still at LAist.

    or i would have assigned it to someone.

    i would feel sick to my stomach if i sent someone there and this sneering dude

    popped em with his brass knuckles.

    thats why its better off if you just go yourself.

    show em how it’s done for when it’s their time.

    which is comin.

     

  9. Sunday, March 26, 2017

    sometimes you say fuckit, im eating pancakes in the street 

    expectations are everything

    when you’re a baby you expect your bottom to be dry and your belly to be full.

    if those expectations aren’t met, you cry until things change.

    as we grow, we create unique ways to call bullshit.

    not all of us are imaginative enough to take a tv tray, a fold up chair, pancakes and syrup

    and march out to the street

    and eat those damn pancakes in our night pants

    but ive seen some things.

    i had a girlfriend i loved so much who would call me constantly and just cry and cry.

    theres only so much you can do on the telephone.

    i had a boss at the xbi who would order me to take him up in chopper one

    and just circle LA

    id ask him where he wanted to go and he’d just say

    find evil.

    some nights there was no evil in LA, whattya gonna do.

    so he made some.

    sometimes life is just being there for someone else. someone you dont fully understand but someone who you either have to be around or want to be around.

    but you have no fucking clue whats going on with them.

    i say let them eat their pancakes

    in the damn street.

    topless.

    it’s a free country.

     

  10. Monday, January 30, 2017

    RIP boiling the water 

    i have pretty girls saying they want me. then they cancel on me.

    its like, just dont. im just a man.

    then on Bumble, you think you have someone who is halfway normal: cool job, some decent chats back and forth

    and then the red flags come up.

    she says hey im gonna quit this app, heres my number, call or text.

    i go, great, heres mine too.

    then a few days later she goes hey my text is funky, heres my WhatsApp

    and i think to myself, communication in my life is key. KEY.

    no matter how smoking hot this girl is, no matter how great her job is, i cant text her to tell her i scored great tickets to somewhere or im running late or hey look at this fur bikini, what size are you again?

    instead i either have to WhatsApp her or wait for her text to become unfunky?

    i know maybe 2 million people. 3.5 million if i count trump supporters. you know how many of them have problems with their texting capabilities?

    0.0

    so suddenly i have to allow the one with funky texting issues into my squared circle?

    forget it.

    donald trump wont even let people who have been extreme vetted into the country and ive gotta let some gorgeous long haired asian beauty queen who lives like 15 minutes away into my heart and home

    and she can’t even with her phone?

    what has happened to this country?

    is everything fraud on top of fraud?

    what happened to, “yo, lets do this.”

    “great, what time.”

    “only time is now.”

    “you got that right bb”

    “be there asap.”

    “whens that”

    “10 minutes.”

    “perfect, i’ll boil the water.”

    “say what?”

    “oh you’ll see.”

    and then you fucking do see.