busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, May 25, 2017

    theres always two ways to look at things 

    you can listen to the devil who’s right up in your ear hole

    who just goes on and on and on

    with the this thing sucks, this is terrible, its the end of the world.

    or you can try to tune in to the angels

    who whisper so delicately

    and sometimes even sing

    with the omg its so beautiful tony its so nice its just lovely.

    of course my devil knows where to take the conversation

    he says things like youre gonna go to hell, youre gonna ruin everything, youre burning all the bridges.

    and the angels, because theyre polite, wait for him to finish.

    but hes never finished

    and youre gonna grow old alone and you already are old and your knees are starting to ache 

    btw: my knees are fine, satan.

    my everythings are fine.

    the busblog secret of life is the same today as when this thrill ride started in 2001:

    if youre listening to the devil more than the angels you better turn that dial.

    and i get it, the devil has better songs, a funnier voice, and seemingly knows exactly what to say at exactly the worst time.

    but the angels: they actually work with the truth.

    they dont blow smoke up your bung. as if!

    there is no beautiful song than the sound of honesty being delivered right from the heart.

    fleetwood mac talks about sweet little lies

    but fuck the mac.

    three songs in 30 years is nothing to crow about.

    and neither is listening too long to the most boring poem of all:

    you cant

    you cant

    you cant

    you cant.

  2. Tuesday, April 11, 2017

    theyre gonna try to put you in a box 

    ty cobb, the second greatest hitter of all time, used what is called the split hands grip

    because his hands didnt touch each other

    none of the 2,000 current pro baseball players can swing that way today.

    babe ruth, the greatest hitter of all time,

    used a bat thats so heavy that no major league player today

    steroids and all

    can believe that a human could swing it.

    if they had their way ty and babe would be normal

    instead of great.

    when i was a little little kid i would do science experiments with my bicycle.

    i would start on top of a slope and coast down the perfectly asphalted suburban street

    and not pedal

    and see how far i went.

    then id do it again and see if i could beat it.

    what was i testing?

    my magical powers, of course.

    the only person who can put you in a box is Jesus and trust me, you’ll end up there.

    until then, swing your way

    and prepare for miracles.

  3. Monday, March 27, 2017

    my problem is i am usually down for a dare 

    and most things are dares.

    there was a time when i would have been to that trump rally

    especially if i was still at LAist.

    or i would have assigned it to someone.

    i would feel sick to my stomach if i sent someone there and this sneering dude

    popped em with his brass knuckles.

    thats why its better off if you just go yourself.

    show em how it’s done for when it’s their time.

    which is comin.

     

  4. Sunday, March 26, 2017

    sometimes you say fuckit, im eating pancakes in the street 

    expectations are everything

    when you’re a baby you expect your bottom to be dry and your belly to be full.

    if those expectations aren’t met, you cry until things change.

    as we grow, we create unique ways to call bullshit.

    not all of us are imaginative enough to take a tv tray, a fold up chair, pancakes and syrup

    and march out to the street

    and eat those damn pancakes in our night pants

    but ive seen some things.

    i had a girlfriend i loved so much who would call me constantly and just cry and cry.

    theres only so much you can do on the telephone.

    i had a boss at the xbi who would order me to take him up in chopper one

    and just circle LA

    id ask him where he wanted to go and he’d just say

    find evil.

    some nights there was no evil in LA, whattya gonna do.

    so he made some.

    sometimes life is just being there for someone else. someone you dont fully understand but someone who you either have to be around or want to be around.

    but you have no fucking clue whats going on with them.

    i say let them eat their pancakes

    in the damn street.

    topless.

    it’s a free country.

     

  5. Monday, January 30, 2017

    RIP boiling the water 

    i have pretty girls saying they want me. then they cancel on me.

    its like, just dont. im just a man.

    then on Bumble, you think you have someone who is halfway normal: cool job, some decent chats back and forth

    and then the red flags come up.

    she says hey im gonna quit this app, heres my number, call or text.

    i go, great, heres mine too.

    then a few days later she goes hey my text is funky, heres my WhatsApp

    and i think to myself, communication in my life is key. KEY.

    no matter how smoking hot this girl is, no matter how great her job is, i cant text her to tell her i scored great tickets to somewhere or im running late or hey look at this fur bikini, what size are you again?

    instead i either have to WhatsApp her or wait for her text to become unfunky?

    i know maybe 2 million people. 3.5 million if i count trump supporters. you know how many of them have problems with their texting capabilities?

    0.0

    so suddenly i have to allow the one with funky texting issues into my squared circle?

    forget it.

    donald trump wont even let people who have been extreme vetted into the country and ive gotta let some gorgeous long haired asian beauty queen who lives like 15 minutes away into my heart and home

    and she can’t even with her phone?

    what has happened to this country?

    is everything fraud on top of fraud?

    what happened to, “yo, lets do this.”

    “great, what time.”

    “only time is now.”

    “you got that right bb”

    “be there asap.”

    “whens that”

    “10 minutes.”

    “perfect, i’ll boil the water.”

    “say what?”

    “oh you’ll see.”

    and then you fucking do see.

  6. Friday, May 16, 2014