imagine not being trusted for anything

imagine people scared of you – of YOU – even though you were the one who was victimized a long time ago

and forced to come over here and work for free

and who built this city and country

and, sure has an attitude sometimes BUT EVERYONE WOULDA

and along the way you created rock, jazz, blues and hip hop

taught everyone how to dance

even how to dance backwards, spin on your head,

and line dance

dominated every sport

imagine people didnt trust you because you were stronger, quicker, faster

and dare this blog say

smarter at times.

is there a better church than a southern gospel church

does creativity come out of you like a broken water main

and style, imagine every time you do something that look gets copied not just in suburban malls, but all over the world.

and yet people fear you, mistreat you, flinch whenever the sunlight shines in your eyes, and tell you to shut the fuck up whenever wisdom comes from your mouth

when all you are trying to do is share the majesty that is inside of you

with everyone.

freedom is the one thing descendants of slaves hold more dear than anything

for good reason.

and yet at every turn that freedom is challenged.

i wonder why.

what do you want, who do you wanna be,

how do you want to contribute to this beautiful world

how do you want to reflect the glory of God

how can you honor your mother

where will your name be written when all is said

do you want to be loved so badly you will sell out

would amber want to be your friend

have you forgotten the ideals you had when you were 10

are you following the path of Basics

or The Exceptionals

are you inspiring others to be better

do you make others better

are you a cancer or the cure

dear tony, what do you do about haters?

this is an interesting question because if you had asked me this 10, 20, or 30 years ago i would have had a different answer each time.

at this stage of my life, i say pity them and pray for them because as i look back at those who would have fit in that bucket, most of them, a vast majority were hating

because they were jealous.

which is crazy because the things that they were jealous about certainly weren’t my material wealth or runway model good looks or style

they were jealous about things that they could have had in their lives if they didnt have a gigantic stick up their ass.

indeed i think most of the haters were sad/mad/jealz because they saw me as an extremely happy person who appeared to enjoy ridiculously good “luck”. and while it is true that i have been genuinely happy for most of my life, it wasn’t luck that did it.  it was values

including the Golden Rule.

i think one is happiest when one is helping others and trying to lift others to the place where they want to be.

when i look back at my biggest accomplishments, it’s not great because i made a million bucks or hooked up with Laker Girls, it’s because i helped good people get to where they were probably gonna get anyway but i was able to help them there quicker.

and while we did it we had a great time and made some cool art or music or news.

a lot of sad people are only in it for themselves. they might think that theyre being a good bf/gf, employee or friend, but really their motive is all about them. therefore when Satan creeps around trying to figure out what to whisper in their ear to bum their day, he says things about them “youre fat, youre poor, youre dumb, you keep making the same mistakes, youre sloppy, youre dopey, you’re not creative, you are not even using what you learned in school, everyone hates you” and it works on them because they value Self.

if Satan tried that baloney around someone who sincerely spends their time in a Supporter role none of that matters. who cares if you’re fat if you’re making others less hungry too. who cares if youre poor if you know that money is a fakeout and you give what you have to others, who cares if they call you dumb if you know the secret to turning someones frown upside down, who cares what they say if you know that smile is on your face for the right reason.

haters are out there just like rain drops and rush hour traffic. it’s part of the environment and once you live a life of service as opposed to a quest for Self Aggrandizement you will discover your true place in this spiritual slam dance

and it’s right in the center

where it’s safest

and most beautiful.

my man greg sent me this old Lick flier

ive always had good friends

ive always had fast cars

ive always had a secret weapon

and ive always read the bible.

heres a trick if someone is bothering you or stalking you or acting crazy.

the crazier the better.

just like how a bullfighter fights a bull

if the bull is super feisty and wild and bucking around and is all omg i cant wait to kill you, paulie

you just wave that red curtain at him

and watch him run for it.

if someone, even a stranger, even a demonicly infused wildman on the subway

is taking up your personal space and saying the worst things with stanky breath and evil intent, heres what you can do and i do it every now and then and im telling you it works.

it works better if you have a pen, like a pocket sized Sharpie is ideal, theyre also good for signing 8×10 glossies when fans run at you at the airport,

but this will repel salesmen and gang members, suit wearing men and women asking if youd like to take a personality test, or some drunken slob at the bar who’s cornered you next to the jukebox

just reach in your pocket, pull out your pen

and if you want, write it on the palm of your hand, but i prefer a cocktail napkin

or a free postcard

or a business card of a stranger

but the hand isn’t bad

just write

john 3:16

and look them in the eye and smile.

and the bull will rush

and the crazy will flee

and the loud will silence

and you will go free.

are there things in my life i fucking hate? you betcha.

but theres also parts that i fucking love.

after writing a couple of years of dark poetry in college i realized that looking at the negative sad stupid parts of life is easy.

anyone could do it.

worrying about dying, getting fired, getting shot, getting cancer, getting fat,

is also super easy, reactionary, less-than-superior.

not what we were meant to do here.

life is a miracle.

you can believe in God or not, it doesn’t matter. being alive makes no sense.

it’s magic.

for a very short period of time we get to be the embodiment of that magic.

so what are you going to do with that sliver in history?


fuck no.

obsess over the deadends and cockblocking in this giant ass maze called life

or nah?

consider me vice president of nah.

i wish you knew me, she said

i said, oh i know you.

she said if you knew me we wouldnt fight so much.

if you knew me you would have called me this morning on your way to work.

if you knew me youd tell me how your day was when i ask.

if you knew me SHE wouldn’t be in your apartment.

i said, youre so young you wear purple lipstick and

lip STAIN, she corrected

i said youre so young you think theres a difference between lipstick and lipstain

also, i know you.

i know what you want (Everything).


but you cannot have everything and that bothers you.


and what you need to understand is what you should focus on instead of the things that You want are the things that people less fortunate than you


oh god.


i wish you knew me

she mumbled.

it’s been over 30 hours since i’ve had food

i did have one banana.

been drinking this giant tub of water mixed with solution that “cleans you out”.

which is dumb because everyone knows a bottle of Groovy Grape from GNC does the same damn thing.

im nervous because i havent dranken all 4 liters of it yet and i hope that doesnt get in the way of the colonoscopy but my shits are liquid and yellowy and clear.

my mind is all over the place.

im not hungry, weirdly.

but i feel like im floating.

there are many stages to all of this. super bizarre. i should have demanded a morning appointment, but all they had was 1:30pm

i wonder about the poor. many of them go for a long time without food. that must be the hardest thing in the world.

this isn’t right.

my man ben works at the soup kitchen. met his pretty wife there.

i used to think soup kitchens are dumb, even though i love soup and kitchens and helping people.

i used to think, why dont they just get a giant bucket of soup and let people scoop it out themselves?

but i dont think thats the entire point.

the entire point might be more along the lines of human contact being necessary

eyes meeting eyes. greetings. hi. i hope you like this. i hope your day is better. i hope you know that all of this is just dust in the wind. that ours is something bigger somewhere else.

that you are me and we are all together.

i think thats the entire point.

pretty sure soon big businesses are gonna know your every move

your beloved phone rats you out all day

every day

all night.

even if you dont facebook, the GPS tracker is on

even if you dont twitter, your email is tied to a giant company and

that company literally let Bush and then Obama

and now Trump

totally dig their paws through your data.

it’s gotta be a Pandoras Box for someone like the current POTUS

and thats probably why he’s PISSED all the time

that sort of knowledge can do a number to a stable man

imagine if youre unhinged.

today he fired Sean Spencer, the clown prince

he might replace him with Laura Ingram which would be a laugh riot.

all i know is this.

if i was Samsung, and I wanted to take a giant bite out of Apple’s phone sales, i would make a device that wouldn’t rat you out.

id make an email system that’s totally secure.

and i wouldn’t use cell towers to do the communique, id use proxy servers and flubbystones.

people would pay double what theyre paying right now

because to a certain extent, privacy does mean something to some of us

and where theres a demand, there’s a price.

ive been to the harvard and yale of the everything

four years here, four years there

taught by the greatest teachers

studied from the best of all books.

sometimes you can hear a lecture and it sticks to you

you can see a picture and its there forever

you can kiss a girl or drink with her

or simply hold her hand and all the truth of the universe will radiate inside you

vibrate your innards

and reveal all you can handle.

almost everything i know i have been shown.

sometimes through visions sometimes through wrongs.

almost always while i was being silent

almost always unexpected.

theres so much good in people because they have gone through some of the same dark and wild woods and met the same dark and wild souls and held the hands of the angels and were spooked by the fear and tempted by the demons

and tested by the testers

and judged by the shadows

and lifted by the winds.

i have seen and done things that even a grown man would call remarkable

yet i still feel like im a teen

who cant believe no one is calling bs on this fake id

so lucky theyre letting it slide

so happy to be invited

but why