nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, August 29, 2014
  2. Monday, August 25, 2014
  3. Wednesday, August 20, 2014

    how CNN could make a gazillion dollars without even really trying 


    it seems to me that no one really understands the constitution

    or even the bill of rights.

    if I ran CNN i would TAKE MY TIME and produce a 50-part series

    about the history and the nitty gritty about the laws that govern us.

    spending extra time on those that most often get misunderstood.

    if Neil Degrasse Tyson can have a hit tv show explaining the science of the universe

    then CNN can have an award winning series about the constitution and the amendments

    produced in such a way to lay out what everything means.

    so that if you watched it all you’d never think that there could be a “free speech zone”.


  4. Tuesday, August 19, 2014
  5. Saturday, July 19, 2014
  6. Sunday, June 15, 2014

    lindsey graham throws bricks at runaway truck tires 


    and wants us to start throwing them again at Iraq.

    why? well because for the first time ever there’s unrest in the middle east and Graham feels left out.

    “Iraq and Syria are going to be the staging ground for the next 9/11 if we don’t do something about it,” the senator from South Carolina squealed during CNN’s morning show today.

    i really wish some reporters would ask him where the staging grounds for the first 9/11 were.

  7. Monday, June 2, 2014
  8. Wednesday, May 28, 2014
  9. Friday, April 4, 2014

    top twenty people who should replace letterman 

    shut up crime

    1. howard stern

    2. bruce springsteen

    3. conan o’brien

    4. barack obama

    5. miley cyrus

    6. alec baldwin

    7. bill murray

    8. bill clinton

    9. ice cube

    10. ellen

    11. madonna

    12. spike jonze

    13. russell brand

    14. snoop dogg

    15. sarah silverman

    16. mick jagger

    17. johnny rotten

    18. prince

    19. will ferrell

    20. steve martin

  10. Wednesday, April 2, 2014

    the rain is coming down and its nice because its rare 


    its also cold and windy and not at all like april in LA its more like december but whatevs

    it’ll be over by sunrise.

    it’s 1:22am and this pretty girl was worrying about life the universe and everything

    10150002_10152302045543057_390509881_ncosmos was on and she was all, wow if the universe is really that big then we are seriously worthless.

    if we are a speck of dust on a speck of dust surrounded by millions of other specks

    in world of specks, then who cares?

    the rain hadn’t come down yet but it was fixin to.

    i said theres a few things we can do with this information: we can let it bum us out

    or we can say wow out of all of those specks, we’re the only ones

    with pants.

    we’re the only ones with taco bell.

    which means, we might be the only one that God really does pay attention to.

    i said, i bet there are thousands of planets that God really digs for one reason or another

    like maybe one is really pretty or one is really smart

    but computers were really just starting to take off in the 80s and boom ten years later so many people had the internet

    thats almost as smart as pants.


    theres a leak by my fridge and when it rains i have to make sure the bucket it under the leak.

    i have a little flashlight back there just for nights like these where ive gotta adjust the bucket

    because its near the fridge it means its also near the freezer

    so i came back with two bowls of ice cream.

    and a can of whipped cream.

    fuckers on planet zip aint made no whipped cream outta a can, i said.

    and we turned off cosmos for the night.