nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, January 20, 2015
  2. Friday, December 19, 2014
  3. Tuesday, December 16, 2014
  4. Wednesday, November 26, 2014

    figured out what the movie im writing is 

    david lynch

    every week on hbo there will be four 15 minute uber tales shown
    every week it will be four different actors
    every week it will be directed by a different director

    some of the segments will be traditional television: guy picks up a passenger, they hit it off, theres laughs and then they drop them off.

    but some of the segments will be


    what does the uber guy do during a break
    why did he take a break
    why does he stop his break

    a 15 minute drive where no one talks

    robert de niro is the uber driver
    two girls get in the back
    all they do is talk to each other
    de niro doesnt talk
    but we do see his facial expressions now and then
    as he listens to their stories

    the beauty with this format is you never know who they will pick up
    and you never know who’s gonna drive.

    as the weeks go on, some of the same drivers are featured
    will de niro say anything this week?
    hey arent those the same chatty girls as two weeks ago?
    but this time mike tyson is the driver
    or al gore
    or pee wee herman

    maybe pee wee is the driver and some old lady wants to talk about mike brown.
    or some saudi guy wants to talk about how he just smoked weed yesterday for the first time.
    or prince wants to play a 15 minute guitar solo
    because he has a battery operated amp he just bought
    and wants to know how good it sounds in a car

    maybe some great actress wants to show how great she is
    and delivers a 10 minute soliloquy
    and when we finally see the driver
    it’s stephen hawking
    or hologram tupac
    or borat

    who just says
    very niiiice
    and then they run into a bus.

    i think thats what the show is.

  5. Monday, November 24, 2014

    saw mockingjay last night 

    american music awardsit was fine. nothing amazing. a placeholder but a perfectly fine placeholder.

    the biggest applause at the end was when they put Phillip Seymore Hoffman’s name on the screen at the beginning of the credits.

    i must say, it is nice to hop in a car, drive a half hour and see a brand new movie, free, in one of the best movie theaters in the world. perfect sound and picture. nobodys talking. it wasnt even as packed as i thought it would be. maybe because there was no panel afterwards. who knows.

    this is gonna be a short work week. i plan to drive though. not sure if i wanna drive on wednesday. the paper says its going to be super crazy terrible traffic like omg.

    might go see dumb and dumber to on wednesday if thats the case. imagine you get a ride to the airport and the guy is late and the traffic is terrible and then you have to deal with LAX.

    theyd have to give me triple pay to do that.

    and be super nice.

    last night i watched playboy after dark. whoops i mean the american music awards.

    dont get me wrong, im a red blooded straight american man.

    sexy or slutty, which was it? guess it all depends on who you ask. to me it made me a little happy because the women were very pretty and i enjoyed the songs.

    but it made me a lot sad because pop music is usually horrible, but occassionally you can see some hope there. like everythings gonna be ok.

    lorde was good.

    but can she save rock n roll?

  6. Sunday, November 2, 2014
  7. Friday, October 31, 2014
  8. Tuesday, October 28, 2014
  9. Monday, September 15, 2014

    what a crazy wonderful nearly perfect weekend 


    one of the bonuses of living in Hollywood is we get things that we dont deserve like special secret concerts

    this weekend we were treated to three nights of Hollywood Bowl performances celebrating The Simpsons,

    which is pretty much my favorite tv show of all time.

    Conan, Weird Al, the people behind the voices, and even creator Matt Groening was there

    it was fantastic and even had fireworks.

    great rundown of highlights on Franklin Ave!


    my buddy Chris who i watched the original four seasons with in college was there along with the Miller sisters

    who could recite pretty much any line from any of the first 10 seasons.

    i wore my Pin Pal bowling shirt and was so full of excitement and happiness that i literally puked with glee

    during the live performance of The Bartman which lead into the fireworks.

    really? yes. it was hot, i was drunk, i had eaten a sandwich with pickles, and i was overwhelmed.

    now do you believe me that im a sensitive poet?

    or was it the xbi….?


    then yesterday there was the Miss America show. which was so amazing that if i had anything to puke i woulda puked too


    it was a cross between Pop Up videos, and the worst portions of Toddlers and Tiaras.

    no one should have won because there was very little to love about any of them except for how bizarre they were.


    why did i watch it? oh because i love Miss America/Miss Universe but also I was on a super huge high after watching Da Bears

    UPSET the San Francisco 49ers in an amazing comeback on Sunday Night Football.

    there really is something absolutely wrong with me.

    not women, not food, not even a live showing of The Simpsons can get me as emotional as a Chicago Bears football game

    i get superstitious, i wont move, i cant drink, i can barely pee. im screaming at the TV

    im live tweeting like a mad man. and finally im stomping around the house hugging the cats

    and screaming to the church members jogging outside


    i’m still flying high.

    im weird.

  10. Friday, August 29, 2014