nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, November 2, 2014
  2. Friday, October 31, 2014
  3. Tuesday, October 28, 2014
  4. Monday, September 15, 2014

    what a crazy wonderful nearly perfect weekend 


    one of the bonuses of living in Hollywood is we get things that we dont deserve like special secret concerts

    this weekend we were treated to three nights of Hollywood Bowl performances celebrating The Simpsons,

    which is pretty much my favorite tv show of all time.

    Conan, Weird Al, the people behind the voices, and even creator Matt Groening was there

    it was fantastic and even had fireworks.

    great rundown of highlights on Franklin Ave!


    my buddy Chris who i watched the original four seasons with in college was there along with the Miller sisters

    who could recite pretty much any line from any of the first 10 seasons.

    i wore my Pin Pal bowling shirt and was so full of excitement and happiness that i literally puked with glee

    during the live performance of The Bartman which lead into the fireworks.

    really? yes. it was hot, i was drunk, i had eaten a sandwich with pickles, and i was overwhelmed.

    now do you believe me that im a sensitive poet?

    or was it the xbi….?


    then yesterday there was the Miss America show. which was so amazing that if i had anything to puke i woulda puked too


    it was a cross between Pop Up videos, and the worst portions of Toddlers and Tiaras.

    no one should have won because there was very little to love about any of them except for how bizarre they were.


    why did i watch it? oh because i love Miss America/Miss Universe but also I was on a super huge high after watching Da Bears

    UPSET the San Francisco 49ers in an amazing comeback on Sunday Night Football.

    there really is something absolutely wrong with me.

    not women, not food, not even a live showing of The Simpsons can get me as emotional as a Chicago Bears football game

    i get superstitious, i wont move, i cant drink, i can barely pee. im screaming at the TV

    im live tweeting like a mad man. and finally im stomping around the house hugging the cats

    and screaming to the church members jogging outside


    i’m still flying high.

    im weird.

  5. Friday, August 29, 2014
  6. Monday, August 25, 2014
  7. Wednesday, August 20, 2014

    how CNN could make a gazillion dollars without even really trying 


    it seems to me that no one really understands the constitution

    or even the bill of rights.

    if I ran CNN i would TAKE MY TIME and produce a 50-part series

    about the history and the nitty gritty about the laws that govern us.

    spending extra time on those that most often get misunderstood.

    if Neil Degrasse Tyson can have a hit tv show explaining the science of the universe

    then CNN can have an award winning series about the constitution and the amendments

    produced in such a way to lay out what everything means.

    so that if you watched it all you’d never think that there could be a “free speech zone”.


  8. Tuesday, August 19, 2014
  9. Saturday, July 19, 2014
  10. Sunday, June 15, 2014

    lindsey graham throws bricks at runaway truck tires 


    and wants us to start throwing them again at Iraq.

    why? well because for the first time ever there’s unrest in the middle east and Graham feels left out.

    “Iraq and Syria are going to be the staging ground for the next 9/11 if we don’t do something about it,” the senator from South Carolina squealed during CNN’s morning show today.

    i really wish some reporters would ask him where the staging grounds for the first 9/11 were.