nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, August 20, 2014

    how CNN could make a gazillion dollars without even really trying 


    it seems to me that no one really understands the constitution

    or even the bill of rights.

    if I ran CNN i would TAKE MY TIME and produce a 50-part series

    about the history and the nitty gritty about the laws that govern us.

    spending extra time on those that most often get misunderstood.

    if Neil Degrasse Tyson can have a hit tv show explaining the science of the universe

    then CNN can have an award winning series about the constitution and the amendments

    produced in such a way to lay out what everything means.

    so that if you watched it all you’d never think that there could be a “free speech zone”.


  2. Tuesday, August 19, 2014
  3. Saturday, July 19, 2014
  4. Sunday, June 15, 2014

    lindsey graham throws bricks at runaway truck tires 


    and wants us to start throwing them again at Iraq.

    why? well because for the first time ever there’s unrest in the middle east and Graham feels left out.

    “Iraq and Syria are going to be the staging ground for the next 9/11 if we don’t do something about it,” the senator from South Carolina squealed during CNN’s morning show today.

    i really wish some reporters would ask him where the staging grounds for the first 9/11 were.

  5. Monday, June 2, 2014
  6. Wednesday, May 28, 2014
  7. Friday, April 4, 2014

    top twenty people who should replace letterman 

    shut up crime

    1. howard stern

    2. bruce springsteen

    3. conan o’brien

    4. barack obama

    5. miley cyrus

    6. alec baldwin

    7. bill murray

    8. bill clinton

    9. ice cube

    10. ellen

    11. madonna

    12. spike jonze

    13. russell brand

    14. snoop dogg

    15. sarah silverman

    16. mick jagger

    17. johnny rotten

    18. prince

    19. will ferrell

    20. steve martin

  8. Wednesday, April 2, 2014

    the rain is coming down and its nice because its rare 


    its also cold and windy and not at all like april in LA its more like december but whatevs

    it’ll be over by sunrise.

    it’s 1:22am and this pretty girl was worrying about life the universe and everything

    10150002_10152302045543057_390509881_ncosmos was on and she was all, wow if the universe is really that big then we are seriously worthless.

    if we are a speck of dust on a speck of dust surrounded by millions of other specks

    in world of specks, then who cares?

    the rain hadn’t come down yet but it was fixin to.

    i said theres a few things we can do with this information: we can let it bum us out

    or we can say wow out of all of those specks, we’re the only ones

    with pants.

    we’re the only ones with taco bell.

    which means, we might be the only one that God really does pay attention to.

    i said, i bet there are thousands of planets that God really digs for one reason or another

    like maybe one is really pretty or one is really smart

    but computers were really just starting to take off in the 80s and boom ten years later so many people had the internet

    thats almost as smart as pants.


    theres a leak by my fridge and when it rains i have to make sure the bucket it under the leak.

    i have a little flashlight back there just for nights like these where ive gotta adjust the bucket

    because its near the fridge it means its also near the freezer

    so i came back with two bowls of ice cream.

    and a can of whipped cream.

    fuckers on planet zip aint made no whipped cream outta a can, i said.

    and we turned off cosmos for the night.

  9. Thursday, March 20, 2014
  10. Tuesday, February 4, 2014

    flea explains why he was playing guitar hero at the super bowl 


    Dear everybody,

    When we were asked by the NFL and Bruno to play our song Give It Away at the Super Bowl, it was made clear to us that the vocals would be live, but the bass, drums, and guitar would be pre-recorded. I understand the NFL’s stance on this, given they only have a few minutes to set up the stage, there a zillion things that could go wrong and ruin the sound for the folks watching in the stadium and the t.v. viewers. There was not any room for argument on this, the NFL does not want to risk their show being botched by bad sound, period.

    The Red Hot Chili Peppers stance on any sort of miming has been that we will absolutely not do it. The last time we did it (or tried to) was in the late 80′s, we were thrown off of ‘The Top Of the Pops’ television program in the U.K. during rehearsals because we refused to mime properly, I played bass with my shoe, John played guitar atop Anthony’s shoulders, and we basically had a wrestling match onstage, making a mockery of the idea that it was a real live performance.

    We mimed on one or two weird MTV shows before that and it always was a drag. We take our music playing seriously, it is a sacred thing for us, and anyone who has ever seen us in concert (like the night before the Super Bowl at the Barclays Center), knows that we play from our heart, we improvise spontaneously, take musical risks, and sweat blood at every show. We have been on the road for 31 years doing it.

    So, when this Super Bowl gig concept came up, there was a lot of confusion amongst us as whether or not we should do it, but we eventually decided, it was a surreal-like, once in a life time crazy thing to do and we would just have fun and do it. We had given this a lot of thought before agreeing to do it, and besides many a long conversation amongst ourselves, I spoke with many musician friends for whom I have the utmost respect, and they all said they would do it if asked, that it was a wild trippy thing to do, what the hell.

    Plus, we the RHCP all love football too and that played a big part in our decision. We decided that, with Anthony singing live, that we could still bring the spirit and freedom of what we do into the performance, and of course we played every note in the recording specially for the gig. I met and spoke with Bruno, who was a beautiful dude, a real talented musician, and we worked out something that seemed like it would be fun.

    bruno-mars-red-hot-chili-peppers-super-bowlWe recorded a track for the day, just banged one out from our hearts that was very like in spirit to the versions we have been playing live the last few years with our beloved Josh on guitar.

    For the actual performance, Josh, Chad, and I were playing along with the pre recorded track so there was no need to plug in our guitars, so we did not. Could we have plugged them in and avoided bumming people out who have expressed disappointment that the instrumental track was pre recorded? Of course easily we could have and this would be a non-issue. We thought it better to not pretend. It seemed like the realest thing to do in the circumstance. It was like making a music video in front of a gazillion people, except with live vocals, and only one chance to rock it. Our only thought was to bring the spirit of who we are to the people.

    I am grateful to the NFL for having us. And I am grateful to Bruno, who is a super talented young man for inviting us to be a part of his gig. I would do it all the same way again.

    We, as a band, aspire to grow as musicians and songwriters, and to continue to play our guts out live onstage for anyone who wants to get their brains blown out.