nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, August 2, 2016

    i like people who post years old news of famous people’s deaths on facebook as if it just happened 

    sherman helmsly

    i like people who call me Mr. Pierce

    i like when people in the back seat of my Uber look at my Waze and say, “but it is saying to go the wrong way!”

    i like when people realllllly examine the menu at the drive thru as if it is the most important decision of their lives

    i like when people say, “this is not for you to Blog!”

    i like when members of the big church next door ask me what the XBI means

    i also like it when they call me Anthony – even though ive never introduced myself as Anthony to anyone in the world in my entire life

    i like it when people look at my baseball cap and say, “Cubs, eh?” and nothing else

    i like it when people say YOU SERIOUSLY EAT AT MCDONALDS?

    i like it when people misquote the bible

    i like it when people pay attention to the reviews a movie gets on IMdB

    i like it when people say, “my friend is coming to LA, can you tell them what there is to do there?”

    i like it when im about to pick up someone in my Uber and they call me and ask “where are you?”

    i like saying, “i’m at Wrigley Field, mom, duh.”