humans are complicated, im no different

like a lot of people i have low self esteem

i think it dates back to being a Cub fan at an early age and endured decades of them losing

some people combat it by doing this or that to their bodies or accumulating a lot of wealth

clearly i didnt think those were the correct paths

but even today the weirdest things hurt me deeply.

say i write you an email, maybe two, and you dont write back. even though i might know how busy you are, i take it very personally.

very.

which is weird because i have put myself out there since college writing for newspapers, web sites, social media platforms, you quickly develop a thick skin. and i dont mind if strangers say my wild take on this or that is crazy or they disagree with it. i expect that.

it’s when people enter into a conversation with me and then they give me the cold shoulder when i reply is when i get sad.

it’s like, would they do that to tom petty?

but im a different tp. my brain says, they do that to you because they can. you have not created a persona that makes that not an option.

but then i think about super cool people who have done super cool things, like springsteen or obama or even jesus.

those guys get dissed to this day.

church on Sunday was talking about John the Baptist and how special he was even when he was in utero.

his reward: beheading.

so maybe not having a couple emails returned during a dark and busy time isn’t that bad in comparison.

if anything it gives me more time to write the next American Girl.

of course id pack the court

with black women.

id put 3 or 4 in there.

everything else is politicized. everything else is bastardized. why not for a little while we have one place that is more diverse than the others and

omg see what happens.

they say dont pack the court because the public doesnt like it.

so the public likes a president who lies 20k times, who doesnt support the troops, who plays footsies with the enemy, who disparages the fbi cia post office football players etc etc etc?

sure seems like at least 50-60 million of our friends and neighbors have no problem with that.

but america would lose its mind if the court looked like america? or worse: a little more black than america looks?

the top 40, the nba, the nfl, gospel choirs, and soul food restaurants look more black than america looks and guess what, people fucking love those things, so why would it be any different for the highest court in the land?

if i was president i would do all the good things that should have been done long ago and watch people lose their minds.

we are here for a short period of time.

tom petty is dead.

tom petty was here, did his thing, fought some good fights, grew as a man, renounced confederate flags (and his use of them on tour) well before it became a thing on msnbc.

and then he died.

he died lovable. he died after not only making the heartbreakers huge, and his own solo career huge

but also making the travelling wilburys an unexpected masterstroke

what will be your unexpected masterstroke

what will be the thing that you do that people will say, yeah it makes sense but i didn’t really see it coming?

mine wont be packing the court.

but it will be something.

there’s two kinds of people in LA: phonies and friends

you cant really blame the phonies because theres these beautiful houses on the hills of hollywood and mansions in beverly hills

not to mention beach pads in malibu

and fancy cars stuck in traffic alongside you.

and the phonies think that if they change who they are they will get the things that they want.

of course they are wrong. dead wrong. mostly wrong.

life is about living Your life, your truth, your path.

and if you get the house on the hill off that then great, you don’t have to change anything once you get it.

what the people in those houses won’t tell you is the turnover rate of those mcmansions are high

not because people be flipping them

but because fakers don’t belong there and the houses spit em right out.

tom petty died twice yesterday and he was no faker.

once he brought the Replacements on tour with him and they even jammed with he and the Heartbreakers from time to time.

the first time I saw Tom Petty was in the mid-80s. the Southern Accents tour.

i was renting a room from an old lady in Inglewood and I walked down to the show at the Forum.

for some reason i had an extra ticket and no one was buying so i placed my ticket down on the ground in the parking lot.

i dont think anyone took it.

next time i saw him was in 1989, also at the Forum, when the Replacements opened.

it was so surreal seeing them play in such a huge place, for them.

i dont remember a thing about Petty’s performance because i was so nuts for the Mats.

im sure i saw him again but the next time I am certain about was in january of 1997.

he played five nights at the legendary Fillmore in Frisco

only reason i know which show i went to was afterwards they were handing out Free posters and it was the night of the green mermaid.

again, no memories of the show other than the poster.

which i have carried around with me from apartment to apartment, lo these 20 years since.

about 10 years ago he played at the Hollywood Bowl and i didn’t have tickets so i brought $100 cash with me but everyone was selling tickets starting at $150

so i went home.

then a few years ago he played several nights at the smaller-than-the-Fillmore Henry Fonda Theater. my buddy Todd had a last minute extra ticket and he asked if i wanted to go, i said hell yeah

and that was the first time i ever took Uber cuz i had to get there fast and i didnt wanna park.

you may have remembered my little blog post about how we sat in the bar and listened through the door for a bunch of it because it sounded soooo good out there in the lobby because Petty had these arena sized amps and it filled the little club so well

probably the best sounding show ive ever been to.

the last time i saw him was just a few weeks ago at the Bowl.

i had heard that he was sick so i didnt sell my tickets.

we went. we laughed. we sang. and we got a little sad when glitches of something not so right appeared through his person.

in fact the whole time i felt like i was watching a time bomb slowly tick tick ticking.

so when they announced on twitter yesterday that he was rushed to the hospital i was all, whattya know, the person who told me was right about his illness.

and then last night he died and even though we were already sad about Vegas, i was doubly sad about Petty

a guy who was never a phony

who was always cool

who never tried to be anyone other than who he was: a chill lover of rock and all that has made up rock.

but i still cant believe he’s gone.

songs i love: tom petty covering the grateful dead “friend of the devil”

Tom Petty

sometimes im glad i dont have kids because you gotta tell them everything and they dont always believe you, which is good, or understand, which can be frustrating.

one thing im pretty sure id have a problem explaining is the great Dead tune “friend of the devil”.

as you know im basically a born again Christian, but i do love naughty things and i am fascinated by the concept of the devil as an actual living thing.

which isnt why i love this song.

i love it because it’s beautiful and sweet and the sort of thing id want to hear as im waking up slowly on a sunday on a summer day.

i was so lucky to have been around so many hippies at college and sweet people who turned me on to the Dead and what they were about. and unlike how i imagine raising kids would be like, they showed me the aesthetics of that scene by their actions, not their words.

which is why i love this song.

dude has at least two wives, maybe three in this song (one who has a lil baby, but it doesnt look like him).

it’s a jam song in the best way. lots of room to breathe. lots of places for the organ and the guitar and the high hat to do its thing

and then theres the harmonies.

some say they love Dylan songs but only when other people cover them. im not one of those people. i like the rind and the crust AND the gooey center of brie cheese.

but i do love a good Dead cover and Petty and the Heartbreakers, i think, are at their best when then dig down into their Dylan & the Dead roots.

so what would i tell my kids? id say forget about the words, who knows what its about, who cares, just feel it man FEEL IT

and if you cant, go clean yr room

you might remember i ran into Deryk from Sun-41 at the tom petty show

AOiiZmC

when was that, last june? wow, time flies.

anyway he looked terrible and i think i said so.

sum

actually i probably didnt say so because one of the things about LA is you dont say things like that

why? well i probably looked pretty terrible

and i wasnt standing next to a tall skinny model who was wearing AA pants

and super tall shoes.

but also, if someone has hit the bottom you dont blawwwwg about it

unless your name is Perez and youre bound for hell.

i was at the bar a lot that night but bro was stationed there.

maybe he was happy just listening to Petty play the small club.

maybe he was happy standing next to his girl and singing a long

and drinking.

to be honest i thought about that a lot that night: why isnt bro watching?

why is he just drinking?

well now we know.