as the who said, it’s hard

every day is a struggle.

every day mortality looks you in the face and laughs.

the clock begins ticking as soon as you enter this crazy maze, but Life in The Era of Rona is weird and gets weirder every day.

people get mad, people fuck up, people do dumb things, people fight and lash out at Death and now the skies are blood red or brown or black.

like my heart.

i asked for a vacation and i got a vacation. i told my boss i wanted a few days off and she said take the whole week. i cashed out my 401k not long ago and now i want to go on a western road trip and sleep by the pool.

at first i wanted to go to Palm Springs but the smoke is so bad here and its floating over there. soon it will kill all the birds and the bees and the grass and the trees.

so Santa Barbara? Mexico? Arizona? Vegas? who knows, who cares. we are all gonna die and if we survive everyones gonna vote for the wrong man and russia is gonna take over and imma have to do the Kremlin’s twitter so we may as well party now while we can.

Alexa: where is it safe to drive to?

Nowhere, Tony, nowhere.

then thats where we’re going.

Travel is the dream


even if I’m only gone 10 days, when I come home I appreciate being back

I appreciate my buddy Chris getting the xbi mobile detailed and washed.

I appreciate my neighbor watching the crib and taking the mail and newspapers in

And I appreciate the perfect weather waiting for me on my return.


I don’t appreciate the house sitter showing up on the first day, urinating, and not flushing.

I do not appreciate the spider who built an intricate web next to my threshold during my absence.

I do not appreciate the dishes remaining dirty and the fridge creating several science experiments.

I do appreciate my bed being amazing and my tv remaining entertaining

And the universe providing some rock star parking so I didn’t have to schlep my bags down Hollywood

it’s very easy to hate people when traveling


I pretty much love everyone.
All the time.
Can’t help it.
One reason I enjoy journalism is I like hearing people’s stories and writing down what they say.
And then taking photos of them and their surroundings.
But air traveling is different.
Driving too.
I want them to go away.
I don’t want them in “my space”.
All their communications are wrong and I correct them in my head.
To me they’re using their time wrong.
They have the wrong devices.
They’ve overpopulated.
I even judge their luggage.
Good book says bro don’t judge or you don’t get to go to the after party.
(Open bar at the after party)
Good book changes everything.
For me.
Suddenly I see angels in the outfield.
I see alive people.
No one irritates me.
They’re all just mischievous cherubs peeing into clouds.
Little kids who are about to scream on the flight tonight
will tomorrow use those lungs and energy
to be the new guardians of grunge.
And to them I say rock little babies
fucking rock.

xbi sent a pie over today

they said their sensors had reported that earlier this week
i had suffered from post mega millions depression
and my levels and emotions were way down.

and say what you want about the absolute lack of privacy
but i was all, was that what the hell that was?

worked from home today on a secret project and
wanted to blog but had zero time as in zero – barely had time to eat.
but during those weeks when the lottery kept climbing and climbing
i had plenty of time to day dream about what id do with $100, $200, $300 million dollars

for a while i couldnt think of a damn thing.
after all of this bible reading, i was being taught that money was a small game
a waste of time, a con, a ruse, a red herring, a suckers gambit, a fraud a phony
a lie

but then the weird ass sliver of a chance that i could win $640 million appeared
and suddenly i knew exactly what i would do with the money

i would remodel motels. every room would be different.
but theyd all be spotless, quirky, and $100 a night.
with free wifi, amazing beds, and a 1pm check out.
the pools would be warm, and the hot tubs would be tepid.
every property would have a bar.
also unique and tacky and delicious.

we live life once and usually roam around a relatively small space.
but during our most memorable times we get to expand our perspective
by traveling.

how nice would it be to stoke vacationers
with a comfy bed, a stiff drink,
and a hot tub that never closes?

i gave the pie to the mailman.

a look back at may 2011

may 1, went to my college reunion. was totally inspired. also was reminded how lucky i was to have gone to ccs at ucsb.

may 1, obama > osama

may 2, tsar gets back together to do an instore appearance in burbank for “Super” in which one of their best tunes was used in the opening credits beautifully.

may 3, these two have known each other ten years now. they old.

may 4, omg facebook LOLs

may 7, “hey tony what does yr bathroom look like?”

may 9, q. “yo tony, plan on writing any more books ever again?” a. hell no. how am i gonna top the others?

may 11, went on a date with a ridiculously beautiful girl who one minute told me she was strangely attracted to me and then the next minute told me to get out of her bed and out of her house immediately because i insulted her by telling her that i never really noticed how beautiful she was because i was attracted to her heart. learned that sometimes you should just tell some girls theyre hot and then shut up.

prince at the troubadour
may 12, saw Prince at the troubadour. sorta hated it. this guy didnt though.

may 12, afterwards saw Le Butcherettes who totally rocked. she also signed my poster.

may 13, odd future danced to “Friday” at the troubadour on friday the 13th

may 14, drank jameson / slept till noon / felt amazing in the morning

may 16, lakers get swept in the playoffs to dallas, went to see Thor, loved it.

may 17, hours from a two week vacation i contemplate what to do what to do what to do

may 21, i figure out where to go and what to do for vacation

may 23, searched for the spirit in several vortexes with chris

may 24, this was outside our window when we woke up. seriously.

may 26, ate at a ufo diner. no big deal.

may 27, did yoga on a triple vortex with a yogi from da bronx and had my mind blown pretty much

may 28, hiked into a secret diving hole

may 31, ended vacation on a secret mountain. also got pulled over by a copper.

my buddy bob was all Hurry Tone, you gotta see my Bacon Lady

so i was all hell yeah!

but then Etienne was like “i wanna see! I wanna see!”

suddenly my quick trip to Chicago has turned into a jaunt a tad more north to pick up yr girl and taker to the Windy

fortunately reliable housesitters are easy to get and they only ask for a nice Thai meal at Heartbreak Thai as compensation.

be prepared to use the bathroom after an especially fun time at said locale. Which was delicious, but, you know.

so this morn i woke up earl, finished packing, and went to my favorite breakfast spot where i noticed McDonalds was touting all these new dipping sauces but WTH – no Hot Mustard?!?! that was the only sauce i ever used! whatevs look at this crazy thing going on in Culver City:

people love the CC, i dont blame em

Encounter at LAX. is there any airport thingamabob more iconic. sigh.

St. Harry Caray making a cameo in the security line. Holy Cow! Love him.

know who else people love? Tucker Max!

are there that many douchebags who havent yet picked up his book? I see “I Hope the Sell Beer in Hell” errrrywhere. including here in the LAX gift shop.

Right next to the $2 bag of regular sized M&M’s

ok enough blawwwggin in the airport on Air France’s wifi.

caio bellas!

bye vacation

its taken me forever to write this post. not sure why. maybe cuz i dont wanna believe its over.

truest and i spent a magical week in arizona, the last place i thought id be.

i thought id take a train around the country, or we’d go to vegas and get hammered.

but instead i did something i hardly ever do, i listened to her and let her gently guide us into a good place.

a super beautiful amazing place.

im not sure whats come over us, but she was more into pushing and i was more into letting.

she really didnt wanna go to vegas, i really didnt wanna go to lake havasau even though we had a free week coupon there.

but we wanted warm. and i know i know i live in LA, isnt it always warm? strangely no, no it isnt.

its never super cold, but i wanted to have my shirt off at night. i wanted to sweat a little. i wanted to get a little color on my nose.

so we headed to the desert. at first we didnt know where. maybe phoenix and then flagstaff – which were the first two legs of my trip around the world back in ’06.

and then Sedona was right there so we decided to poke our heads in.

when the truest and i lived in frisco we used to hop on the street cars sometimes and just ride them to the end of their lines

just to see where they went. one day we were on this one train that went into a tunnel and when it emerged we found ourselves

in this beautiful land called West Portal. it was so pretty and a hidden little gem so close to the city, but tucked away.

it became our little secret spot and that bonding and sharing of a not-really secret locale was really fun.

in many ways i look at Sedona as that because its so easy to miss it since its not right off a freeway.

also, since it is so close to the Grand Canyon, everyone blows right past it.

not us. we stayed as high up as we could the first two days in a little quaint motel for two days

and then on what we thought was our last day we splurged and chilled at a fancy resort on the third day.

on the fourth day we hiked along a beautiful creek and splashed near waterfalls and moseyed our way out of town.

we had lunch in Flagstaff and tried to think of where we should go next but what could top those amazingly beautiful mountains?

so we turned around and came right back to Sedona.

it was like looking at a beautiful girl who kissed you back when you kissed her.

you wanted to look at her in her eyes for a little bit to make sure she was real.

you wanted to hold her hand to make sure you werent dreaming.

every time we turned a corner in Sedona it was more beautiful than the next one.

even when we were doing yoga on the vortex of Bell Rock and looking upside down through our legs

Sedona was more spectacular than rightsideup.

there is a feeling there that matches up with the serene nature.

and you sense that feeling leave you when you exit the valley and it dissipates exponentially with every mile you’re away.

so freaky.

many people say they dont feel the vortex energy when they sit and mediate and hike around the four magic spots.

i am one of those people. but i could not sleep long and i had the wildest dreams.

and i was filled with energy the whole time i was there.

also, i didnt eat or drink very much. to me, that is part of the freaky vortex energy. its subtle and long lasting.

i think thats the energy the hippies and ufos and native americans speak of.

we spent two days after sedona in scottsdale back at the triple hot tub place to decompress in semi-reality.

the first day was supposed to be the last day, but after spending a morning at the pool i leaned over to the truest and said

do you really wanna go to LA today? saturday? or would you mind spending the rest of the day and night here and

super relaxing.

the room was only $92 and it was spectacular so we ordered more margaritas and enjoyed the 85 degree temps.

all of that is window dressing. we drank and ate and tried to stay up late but our minds and our soul were still vortexing

a combo of possibilities and happy thoughts and mellowness.

we didnt watch tv. we didnt go to the movies. we didnt eat a ton.

i read half of scott weiland’s autobiography but mostly checked out my curvy ex in her lovely swimsuit

and told her how much i love her and always will.