busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, February 14, 2017
  2. Friday, February 10, 2017
  3. Saturday, February 4, 2017

    the white house called 

    tony we want you to be the president’s twitter editor

    who dis?

    it’s the white house, we realize there are issues with what the president tweets and we need an editor. 

    true.

    how much would you charge?

    one billion dollars.

    be serious.

    one point five billion dollars.

    why won’t you be reasonable?

    why wont you let a black man become a billionaire?

    that’s not how things work

    yeah no shit.

    we can pay you a fortune, but not a billion.

    pay me whatever that jerk off bannon is getting paid plus one dollar and speaking of the dollar, put Rosa Parks on the dollar bill and i’ll do it.

    tony, i AM stephen bannon

    and my other condition is i am never to talk with you again.

    the latter can be arranged, but we can’t change the dollar bill.

    then i guess you’re shit outta luck.

    we will be in touch with you again.

    text next time why dont ya

    click

  4. Monday, January 30, 2017

    people say theyve never seen anything like this before 

    but it’s not new.

    when bush cheney was in office they lied just as much.

    the difference was they were a little more slick about it.

    they still got caught left and right for lying and creating bullshit distractions like the red orange yellow green alerts, which they never allowed turn green.

    they still were exposed for having a gay male prostitute toss softball questions to the president.

    someone who they gave a day pass to every day for two years.

    they lied about 9/11, they lied about going to war with iraq, they lied about torture and haliburton and the saudis

    they deleted multitudes more emails than hillary

    they sent our economy into a tailspin affecting millions of americans which ended in a recession that was felt around the world.

    and when you tried to debate people online back then, some dozen years ago, it was sorta like trying to do it now: they kicked back Rush Limbaugh lines instead of Sean Hannity lines or Breitbart lines but they didn’t know what they were saying.

    and everything they echoed had something to do with national security as if this country had a reason to run scared

    when all along the phone call was coming from inside the house.

    today trumps spokesperson said the muslim ban er travel ban was a huge success despite the fact that it was imposed on people from countries that have not done us any harm.

    hey look! this puppy hasn’t mauled me. success!

    color me impressed.

  5. Sunday, January 29, 2017

    dear tony, did Uber do the right thing by capping Surge for today’s protests 

    tony,

    people are deleting their uber apps for a variety of reasons.

    today Uber said that they won’t have surges for people going to the airports to protest the Muslim Travel Ban. isn’t that a good thing?

    signed,
    Not Travis

    Uber is hypersensitive about Surge and manipulates it – almost always – for the wrong reasons. This is no exception. Uber introduced Surge as being an incentive to Drivers to go places they weren’t at or go to events that are a royal pain in the ass.

    Most people would say that driving to the airport on a normal day is a pain. Imagine driving there today when protesters are making things extremely slow and arduous?

    If the Surge is capped at a low rate the person losing money on the deal isn’t Uber, it is the Driver. It’s the driver’s car, the driver’s time, the driver’s gas and insurance and headache – not Uber’s. Travis is enjoying a Sunday that will get him more “Booking Fees” than an average Sunday. He doesn’t care about Surge because he only gets 20-25% of that.

    If the Surge is too low, drivers won’t leave their couch. The best way for Uber/Trump to fight these airport protests is to de-incentives Uber drivers from taking passengers to the crowded airports.

    tony, I see your point, but it still seems like an equally viable explanation (to me) was that they were trying to make it easier for people to get there. Uber’s core value (I speculate) is not to help their drivers make money l, but to service their customers (and I apologize, knowing that you’re a driver, too, but their customers SHOULD be their focus). The screwing over of the employees not withstanding, might the corporate bigwigs not have been expecting a baseline of employee responsibility from their drivers and were instead trying to help out the customer?

    It’s interesting how in this case the same action could literally be taken in exact opposite ways.

    – not travis

    I share your belief that Uber cares about the customer. So do we drivers. But again, Surge inspires drivers to get on the road. Which would a customer rather have: no uber cars available or uber cars available at the same price as cabs (which is typically what an uber at surge rates costs)?

    Let’s say right now a driver takes someone from DTLA to LAX. What would inspire him to drive back to DTLA to pick up new passengers other than a generous surge? Nothing. Thus DTLA gets depleted of Uber cars, and the passengers there don’t get served. Surge helps replenish areas with high demand and fewer cars. To manipulate it, in my mind, does a disservice to all parties.

    if you are considering deleting your uber app, sign up with Lyft and get $10 off your first trip

  6. Monday, January 23, 2017
  7. Thursday, January 19, 2017

    I did try and fuck her. 

    She was married. I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look. I’ve gotta use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing her. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything… Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.

  8. Tuesday, January 17, 2017

    when Deuce Bigelow, male gigolo tells you youre doing it wrong 

    im a fortunate son. i have never written a bad tweet, been misunderstood, or said anything dumb.

    but yesterday, on MLK Day, former SNL guy Rob Schneider used his thumbs in a way that made us realize that he’d be nowhere without Adam Sandler.

    Twitter is funny that way. it gives people this false sense of security.

    “it’s only 140 characters, as long as i don’t call someone a nigger or a cunt, what could possibly go wrong?”

    i think the president elect also gives people this weird boost of confidence.

    we see him bumbling and stumbling and stepping into all sorts of landmines, but it never affects him.

    he just keeps slouching towards bethlehem

    in that stupid hat

    with those tiny hands.

    people think, if Trump can get away with murder, maybe we all can.

    maybe the deflector shields are down for everyone.

    no. no. it’s just a big chunk of america who needs to be reminded every 10 years or so

    that the GOP are liars and thieves who only care about one thing: how much cash can they grab while on this planet

    and while they are currently drunk with power, that idiocy is contageous

    thus Rob Schneider figures he could tweet at a man who marched next to Dr. King

    back when Deuce was laying deuces in his diaper.

    this too will pass.

    like a kidney stone.

    on a never ending winter night in Memphis.

  9. Friday, January 6, 2017
  10. Wednesday, January 4, 2017

    are we going to die? yes. is it ok? yes. 

    for here is what happens when you die:

    if you werent a total jerk to people

    you get to fly

    theres pie

    you have the most incredible body ever

    but people know you because of your heart.

    like the shade of color it is

    how strong it pumps

    what some of your interesting veins look like

    if it knows any jokes

    what sort of beer it brews

    how much it really cares about the less fortunate

    and of course, if it believes a woman has the right to decide what happens with her body.

    you’re really good at skateboarding in heaven

    and skiing and surfing

    and the water is always warm

    and your soda never loses its carbonation.

     

    to eat, they make you star in musicals, but you kick ass at singing and dancing

    and you remember all of your lines always.

    afterwards you have to kiss your way out to the alley

    where theres a limo waiting

    made of pizza