nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, June 1, 2017
  2. Monday, May 15, 2017

    imagine we had a black president who was in love omg with iran 

    and that black president was caught on tape saying the word pussy

    and that black president was all, of course i will show you my taxes, but then didnt

    and he was sooooo black

    and on mothers day he didnt go say hey to his wife up in new york

    instead he played basketball in florida.

    and then one day he invited some bros from iran over

    and he kicked out all the american news people from the room

    and only allowed muslim journalists in.

    and then he told a bunch of secrets to the iranians

    and bowed to them on their way out.

    fox news would want him dead for way more than the bow.

  3. Tuesday, April 18, 2017

    idiot trump and idiot north korean dude are gonna kill us all 

    before the nukes start flying around let me tell you that this has been an amazing ride.

    50 years ive gotten to watch this miracle of life and every day i have been fascinated.

    the irony is the majority of these posts have been about me,

    but really they are about how i feel like i fit in

    or how i dont fit in.

    it’s ok not to fit in, btw, indeed sometimes it’s great.

    we still love the chainsaw even though it doesnt fit into the tool box

    but for certain jobs it’s the best friend a one armed man fighting evil could ever have.

    im grateful that i got to spend my life in the era that i did.

    i got to see video games rise from Pong, i got to see computers rise from huge office machines to tiny “phones”

    and best of all i got to see the Cubs win the World Series with my own two eyes.

    along the way i got to kiss some of the prettiest girls in the whole universe,

    i got to live while there was a black man in the white house

    and i’ve even been lucky enough to be of aid to one or two people,

    which the good book says is the purpose of all of this.

    i love you and sorry this planet had to explode so quickly, for no good reason.

    see you at the Big Arcade in the Sky.



  4. Sunday, April 16, 2017
  5. Friday, March 3, 2017
  6. Tuesday, February 14, 2017
  7. Friday, February 10, 2017
  8. Saturday, February 4, 2017

    the white house called 

    tony we want you to be the president’s twitter editor

    who dis?

    it’s the white house, we realize there are issues with what the president tweets and we need an editor. 


    how much would you charge?

    one billion dollars.

    be serious.

    one point five billion dollars.

    why won’t you be reasonable?

    why wont you let a black man become a billionaire?

    that’s not how things work

    yeah no shit.

    we can pay you a fortune, but not a billion.

    pay me whatever that jerk off bannon is getting paid plus one dollar and speaking of the dollar, put Rosa Parks on the dollar bill and i’ll do it.

    tony, i AM stephen bannon

    and my other condition is i am never to talk with you again.

    the latter can be arranged, but we can’t change the dollar bill.

    then i guess you’re shit outta luck.

    we will be in touch with you again.

    text next time why dont ya


  9. Monday, January 30, 2017

    people say theyve never seen anything like this before 

    but it’s not new.

    when bush cheney was in office they lied just as much.

    the difference was they were a little more slick about it.

    they still got caught left and right for lying and creating bullshit distractions like the red orange yellow green alerts, which they never allowed turn green.

    they still were exposed for having a gay male prostitute toss softball questions to the president.

    someone who they gave a day pass to every day for two years.

    they lied about 9/11, they lied about going to war with iraq, they lied about torture and haliburton and the saudis

    they deleted multitudes more emails than hillary

    they sent our economy into a tailspin affecting millions of americans which ended in a recession that was felt around the world.

    and when you tried to debate people online back then, some dozen years ago, it was sorta like trying to do it now: they kicked back Rush Limbaugh lines instead of Sean Hannity lines or Breitbart lines but they didn’t know what they were saying.

    and everything they echoed had something to do with national security as if this country had a reason to run scared

    when all along the phone call was coming from inside the house.

    today trumps spokesperson said the muslim ban er travel ban was a huge success despite the fact that it was imposed on people from countries that have not done us any harm.

    hey look! this puppy hasn’t mauled me. success!

    color me impressed.

  10. Sunday, January 29, 2017

    dear tony, did Uber do the right thing by capping Surge for today’s protests 


    people are deleting their uber apps for a variety of reasons.

    today Uber said that they won’t have surges for people going to the airports to protest the Muslim Travel Ban. isn’t that a good thing?

    Not Travis

    Uber is hypersensitive about Surge and manipulates it – almost always – for the wrong reasons. This is no exception. Uber introduced Surge as being an incentive to Drivers to go places they weren’t at or go to events that are a royal pain in the ass.

    Most people would say that driving to the airport on a normal day is a pain. Imagine driving there today when protesters are making things extremely slow and arduous?

    If the Surge is capped at a low rate the person losing money on the deal isn’t Uber, it is the Driver. It’s the driver’s car, the driver’s time, the driver’s gas and insurance and headache – not Uber’s. Travis is enjoying a Sunday that will get him more “Booking Fees” than an average Sunday. He doesn’t care about Surge because he only gets 20-25% of that.

    If the Surge is too low, drivers won’t leave their couch. The best way for Uber/Trump to fight these airport protests is to de-incentives Uber drivers from taking passengers to the crowded airports.

    tony, I see your point, but it still seems like an equally viable explanation (to me) was that they were trying to make it easier for people to get there. Uber’s core value (I speculate) is not to help their drivers make money l, but to service their customers (and I apologize, knowing that you’re a driver, too, but their customers SHOULD be their focus). The screwing over of the employees not withstanding, might the corporate bigwigs not have been expecting a baseline of employee responsibility from their drivers and were instead trying to help out the customer?

    It’s interesting how in this case the same action could literally be taken in exact opposite ways.

    – not travis

    I share your belief that Uber cares about the customer. So do we drivers. But again, Surge inspires drivers to get on the road. Which would a customer rather have: no uber cars available or uber cars available at the same price as cabs (which is typically what an uber at surge rates costs)?

    Let’s say right now a driver takes someone from DTLA to LAX. What would inspire him to drive back to DTLA to pick up new passengers other than a generous surge? Nothing. Thus DTLA gets depleted of Uber cars, and the passengers there don’t get served. Surge helps replenish areas with high demand and fewer cars. To manipulate it, in my mind, does a disservice to all parties.

    if you are considering deleting your uber app, sign up with Lyft and get $10 off your first trip